DD's friend is wearing a tux to homecoming, but is not a date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14yo DD (9th grade) is going to homecoming and bringing a friend from another school who she met at overnight camp this summer--they've kept in touch and DD often texts her or facetimes her. DD's bestie is out of town and most of their other friends are going with dates, so there isn't really a 'group' getting together this time. She wasn't going to go until her friend from summer camp suggested they go to each others' dances. We tried to discourage this, since we really want her to integrate with her friends from her own school. She is quiet and without having 1 bestie with her I think she's afraid of getting left out, e.g. she needs a friend to go with. Fine.
We haven't met this friend since she goes to another school far away (maybe 45min? other side of the beltway).
So this weekend we were having dinner and talking about her dress, and I asked if she'd seen her friend's dress. Well, 'friend' is not wearing a dress; she'll be wearing a tux outfit.

DH and I were surprised--my fear is that DD doesn't quite realize what it could potentially mean. To me it means this girl may think they are going as dates, but I'm kind of sure this is the farthest thing from DD's mind. Again, she's quiet, and a little bit young for her age--she prefers hanging with our 7th grade DD and her friends. So, I just went to talk with her about it, to see if this is a date. No, they're just friends. Does DD's friend think they are going as dates? DD said, no mom. I told her to please make sure b/c I'd hate for there to be misunderstandings. I also wondered if its typical for girls to wear a tux, and DD said sure. There are girls who like dresses and dressing up, and those who don't. She doesn't want to talk with the friend about it, so that's all--no more discussion.

Am I wrong on this? I feel like others will misunderstand that DD's friend is a date, and it could make things really hard for her. thank you!!

A) why do you think your kid is stupid, and b) why would a tux mean they're dating?

[Anonymous]

Clothes don't make you gay period.

[Anonymous]

If your dd was going with her friend as part of a larger group, I don’t think there would be any problem. If people think dd and her friend are paired off, that’s where the concern lies. I get where you’re coming from, OP. Once a teenager is suspected of being anything other than ‘straight’, it can become how they are viewed by their classmates and it’s hard to walk back from that. There’s a lot of peer pressure among teenagers now to adopt gender fluid identities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wearing a tux is not a big deal. You are reading way too much into this. It is awesome that girls who hate dresses have other choices now.

But a tux is menswear, so not exactly another option other than a dress. If she is wearing a tux to homecoming she is likely gay or bi. Which is fine, but if your DD isn’t that could be uncomfortable in this scenario

Please get your outdated head out of your a$$. This is not accurate at all. I'm 35. Even in mean girls one of the girls wears a tux and is not gay or bi. Do you also think guys who wear pink are gay? This is such a bizarrely outdated thought process I am struggling to believe you arent a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

This exactly. I’ll just add that the friend should probably just wear a suit bc a tux is too dressy for homecoming. At least mention that to your dd bc she may think homecoming is as dressy as prom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Agree, no straight girls are wearing a tux- and to homecoming at that. If your daughter is straight and shows up to Homecoming with a girl that no one else knows and she’s in a tux, people will now assume your daughter isn’t straight. It’s not homophobic, it’s reality. If your daughter doesn’t care, cool. But she should be aware there are social implications that may follow her.

+1

So let’s assume these girls really are just friends, nothing more. And they just want to go have fun at a dance. Do you think that OP’s daughter should have called off the plans when she learned her friend was going to wear a tux because of the potential implications? Do you think it would be preferable for her to miss the dance entirely and stay home rather than have some other kids think she might be gay? Do you think that LGBTQ kids and straight kids can be friends and just hang out together without other people making assumptions about their romantic preferences?

It depends how her daughter feels about being perceived as gay. If that would bother her, then no she shouldn’t go with this friend. Hanging out and being friends is different than going to a school dance with someone that doesn’t even go to that school. Majority of the tim, when kids bring a date that doesn’t attend that school is when they are actually dating, boy or girl. It generally isn’t fun to attend a school where you only know one person, which is why you typically one see this happening with dating couples. So if OP’s daughter shows up to the dance with a girl that isn’t a known friend, doesn’t go to the school, and is dressed in a tux. People will assume they are dating.

So? Just like people may assume bringing a boy means youre dating you just say youre friends and move on.

Some very very homophobic people on here making these tiny molehills into mountains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wearing a tux is not a big deal. You are reading way too much into this. It is awesome that girls who hate dresses have other choices now.

But a tux is menswear, so not exactly another option other than a dress. If she is wearing a tux to homecoming she is likely gay or bi. Which is fine, but if your DD isn’t that could be uncomfortable in this scenario

Please get your outdated head out of your a$$. This is not accurate at all. I'm 35. Even in mean girls one of the girls wears a tux and is not gay or bi. Do you also think guys who wear pink are gay? This is such a bizarrely outdated thought process I am struggling to believe you arent a troll.

Idk but dcum moms are not exactly known for their progressive views.. a boy wearing a dress/skirt is trans or gay so it's not really surprising this is the consensus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Agree, no straight girls are wearing a tux- and to homecoming at that. If your daughter is straight and shows up to Homecoming with a girl that no one else knows and she’s in a tux, people will now assume your daughter isn’t straight. It’s not homophobic, it’s reality. If your daughter doesn’t care, cool. But she should be aware there are social implications that may follow her.

+1

So let’s assume these girls really are just friends, nothing more. And they just want to go have fun at a dance. Do you think that OP’s daughter should have called off the plans when she learned her friend was going to wear a tux because of the potential implications? Do you think it would be preferable for her to miss the dance entirely and stay home rather than have some other kids think she might be gay? Do you think that LGBTQ kids and straight kids can be friends and just hang out together without other people making assumptions about their romantic preferences?

It depends how her daughter feels about being perceived as gay. If that would bother her, then no she shouldn’t go with this friend. Hanging out and being friends is different than going to a school dance with someone that doesn’t even go to that school. Majority of the tim, when kids bring a date that doesn’t attend that school is when they are actually dating, boy or girl. It generally isn’t fun to attend a school where you only know one person, which is why you typically one see this happening with dating couples. So if OP’s daughter shows up to the dance with a girl that isn’t a known friend, doesn’t go to the school, and is dressed in a tux. People will assume they are dating.

So? Just like people may assume bringing a boy means youre dating you just say youre friends and move on.

Some very very homophobic people on here making these tiny molehills into mountains.

There isn’t nothing homophobic about not wanting to viewed as gay if you aren’t. Maybe her daughter is gay or doesn’t care- and that’s fine, but she should be aware it will be assumed. Then however she wants to proceed, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

I know lots of straight girls who are wearing tuxes and suits for prom, homecoming, etc. It’s quite a trend.

Post a pic with blurred faces of all the hoco girls in their tuxes. I haven’t seen this at all.

I hate to tell you, but some of those girls in the short, tight dresses aren’t straight.

Exactly. My gay daughter looks as stereotypically feminine as you could imagine.

To the PP regarding posting photos of other private people (many of whom are minors), uhm NO. Look at instagram.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Agree, no straight girls are wearing a tux- and to homecoming at that. If your daughter is straight and shows up to Homecoming with a girl that no one else knows and she’s in a tux, people will now assume your daughter isn’t straight. It’s not homophobic, it’s reality. If your daughter doesn’t care, cool. But she should be aware there are social implications that may follow her.

+1

So let’s assume these girls really are just friends, nothing more. And they just want to go have fun at a dance. Do you think that OP’s daughter should have called off the plans when she learned her friend was going to wear a tux because of the potential implications? Do you think it would be preferable for her to miss the dance entirely and stay home rather than have some other kids think she might be gay? Do you think that LGBTQ kids and straight kids can be friends and just hang out together without other people making assumptions about their romantic preferences?

It depends how her daughter feels about being perceived as gay. If that would bother her, then no she shouldn’t go with this friend. Hanging out and being friends is different than going to a school dance with someone that doesn’t even go to that school. Majority of the tim, when kids bring a date that doesn’t attend that school is when they are actually dating, boy or girl. It generally isn’t fun to attend a school where you only know one person, which is why you typically one see this happening with dating couples. So if OP’s daughter shows up to the dance with a girl that isn’t a known friend, doesn’t go to the school, and is dressed in a tux. People will assume they are dating.

So? Just like people may assume bringing a boy means youre dating you just say youre friends and move on.

Some very very homophobic people on here making these tiny molehills into mountains.

There isn’t nothing homophobic about not wanting to viewed as gay if you aren’t. Maybe her daughter is gay or doesn’t care- and that’s fine, but she should be aware it will be assumed. Then however she wants to proceed, ok.

DP. If your kids are consciously avoiding hanging out with or being seen with gay people because they’re afraid others will assume they’re gay, that is indeed homophobia. Textbook. Teach your kids better.

[Anonymous]

Kids who are secure in themselves and at peace with their own orientation—whatever it may be—won’t bat an eye at this. Kids who tease, mock, or are otherwise vocally homophobic at this age might be wrestling deep down with their own preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Agree, no straight girls are wearing a tux- and to homecoming at that. If your daughter is straight and shows up to Homecoming with a girl that no one else knows and she’s in a tux, people will now assume your daughter isn’t straight. It’s not homophobic, it’s reality. If your daughter doesn’t care, cool. But she should be aware there are social implications that may follow her.

+1

So let’s assume these girls really are just friends, nothing more. And they just want to go have fun at a dance. Do you think that OP’s daughter should have called off the plans when she learned her friend was going to wear a tux because of the potential implications? Do you think it would be preferable for her to miss the dance entirely and stay home rather than have some other kids think she might be gay? Do you think that LGBTQ kids and straight kids can be friends and just hang out together without other people making assumptions about their romantic preferences?

It depends how her daughter feels about being perceived as gay. If that would bother her, then no she shouldn’t go with this friend. Hanging out and being friends is different than going to a school dance with someone that doesn’t even go to that school. Majority of the tim, when kids bring a date that doesn’t attend that school is when they are actually dating, boy or girl. It generally isn’t fun to attend a school where you only know one person, which is why you typically one see this happening with dating couples. So if OP’s daughter shows up to the dance with a girl that isn’t a known friend, doesn’t go to the school, and is dressed in a tux. People will assume they are dating.

So? Just like people may assume bringing a boy means youre dating you just say youre friends and move on.

Some very very homophobic people on here making these tiny molehills into mountains.

There isn’t nothing homophobic about not wanting to viewed as gay if you aren’t. Maybe her daughter is gay or doesn’t care- and that’s fine, but she should be aware it will be assumed. Then however she wants to proceed, ok.

High school students are even more judgmental than middle aged moms. It’s important to know that appearances matter and labels (even when unwanted or inaccurate) can stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Agree, no straight girls are wearing a tux- and to homecoming at that. If your daughter is straight and shows up to Homecoming with a girl that no one else knows and she’s in a tux, people will now assume your daughter isn’t straight. It’s not homophobic, it’s reality. If your daughter doesn’t care, cool. But she should be aware there are social implications that may follow her.

+1

So let’s assume these girls really are just friends, nothing more. And they just want to go have fun at a dance. Do you think that OP’s daughter should have called off the plans when she learned her friend was going to wear a tux because of the potential implications? Do you think it would be preferable for her to miss the dance entirely and stay home rather than have some other kids think she might be gay? Do you think that LGBTQ kids and straight kids can be friends and just hang out together without other people making assumptions about their romantic preferences?

It depends how her daughter feels about being perceived as gay. If that would bother her, then no she shouldn’t go with this friend. Hanging out and being friends is different than going to a school dance with someone that doesn’t even go to that school. Majority of the tim, when kids bring a date that doesn’t attend that school is when they are actually dating, boy or girl. It generally isn’t fun to attend a school where you only know one person, which is why you typically one see this happening with dating couples. So if OP’s daughter shows up to the dance with a girl that isn’t a known friend, doesn’t go to the school, and is dressed in a tux. People will assume they are dating.

So? Just like people may assume bringing a boy means youre dating you just say youre friends and move on.

Some very very homophobic people on here making these tiny molehills into mountains.

There isn’t nothing homophobic about not wanting to viewed as gay if you aren’t. Maybe her daughter is gay or doesn’t care- and that’s fine, but she should be aware it will be assumed. Then however she wants to proceed, ok.

DP. If your kids are consciously avoiding hanging out with or being seen with gay people because they’re afraid others will assume they’re gay, that is indeed homophobia. Textbook. Teach your kids better.

OMG this. Holy crap this whole thread is so depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Agree, no straight girls are wearing a tux- and to homecoming at that. If your daughter is straight and shows up to Homecoming with a girl that no one else knows and she’s in a tux, people will now assume your daughter isn’t straight. It’s not homophobic, it’s reality. If your daughter doesn’t care, cool. But she should be aware there are social implications that may follow her.

+1

So let’s assume these girls really are just friends, nothing more. And they just want to go have fun at a dance. Do you think that OP’s daughter should have called off the plans when she learned her friend was going to wear a tux because of the potential implications? Do you think it would be preferable for her to miss the dance entirely and stay home rather than have some other kids think she might be gay? Do you think that LGBTQ kids and straight kids can be friends and just hang out together without other people making assumptions about their romantic preferences?

It depends how her daughter feels about being perceived as gay. If that would bother her, then no she shouldn’t go with this friend. Hanging out and being friends is different than going to a school dance with someone that doesn’t even go to that school. Majority of the tim, when kids bring a date that doesn’t attend that school is when they are actually dating, boy or girl. It generally isn’t fun to attend a school where you only know one person, which is why you typically one see this happening with dating couples. So if OP’s daughter shows up to the dance with a girl that isn’t a known friend, doesn’t go to the school, and is dressed in a tux. People will assume they are dating.

So? Just like people may assume bringing a boy means youre dating you just say youre friends and move on.

Some very very homophobic people on here making these tiny molehills into mountains.

There isn’t nothing homophobic about not wanting to viewed as gay if you aren’t. Maybe her daughter is gay or doesn’t care- and that’s fine, but she should be aware it will be assumed. Then however she wants to proceed, ok.

High school students are even more judgmental than middle aged moms. It’s important to know that appearances matter and labels (even when unwanted or inaccurate) can stick.

Not in my experience, but I guess I’m incredibly fortunate that my kids have really nice friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Agree, no straight girls are wearing a tux- and to homecoming at that. If your daughter is straight and shows up to Homecoming with a girl that no one else knows and she’s in a tux, people will now assume your daughter isn’t straight. It’s not homophobic, it’s reality. If your daughter doesn’t care, cool. But she should be aware there are social implications that may follow her.

+1

So let’s assume these girls really are just friends, nothing more. And they just want to go have fun at a dance. Do you think that OP’s daughter should have called off the plans when she learned her friend was going to wear a tux because of the potential implications? Do you think it would be preferable for her to miss the dance entirely and stay home rather than have some other kids think she might be gay? Do you think that LGBTQ kids and straight kids can be friends and just hang out together without other people making assumptions about their romantic preferences?

It depends how her daughter feels about being perceived as gay. If that would bother her, then no she shouldn’t go with this friend. Hanging out and being friends is different than going to a school dance with someone that doesn’t even go to that school. Majority of the tim, when kids bring a date that doesn’t attend that school is when they are actually dating, boy or girl. It generally isn’t fun to attend a school where you only know one person, which is why you typically one see this happening with dating couples. So if OP’s daughter shows up to the dance with a girl that isn’t a known friend, doesn’t go to the school, and is dressed in a tux. People will assume they are dating.

So? Just like people may assume bringing a boy means youre dating you just say youre friends and move on.

Some very very homophobic people on here making these tiny molehills into mountains.

There isn’t nothing homophobic about not wanting to viewed as gay if you aren’t. Maybe her daughter is gay or doesn’t care- and that’s fine, but she should be aware it will be assumed. Then however she wants to proceed, ok.

Forgiving your Freudian slip here, that is actually homophobic. If it wasn't such a big awful thing to be gay, it wouldn't be a big deal. The way you view it as an insult is absolutely homophobic.