DD's friend is wearing a tux to homecoming, but is not a date?

[Anonymous]

My 14yo DD (9th grade) is going to homecoming and bringing a friend from another school who she met at overnight camp this summer--they've kept in touch and DD often texts her or facetimes her. DD's bestie is out of town and most of their other friends are going with dates, so there isn't really a 'group' getting together this time. She wasn't going to go until her friend from summer camp suggested they go to each others' dances. We tried to discourage this, since we really want her to integrate with her friends from her own school. She is quiet and without having 1 bestie with her I think she's afraid of getting left out, e.g. she needs a friend to go with. Fine.
We haven't met this friend since she goes to another school far away (maybe 45min? other side of the beltway).
So this weekend we were having dinner and talking about her dress, and I asked if she'd seen her friend's dress. Well, 'friend' is not wearing a dress; she'll be wearing a tux outfit.

DH and I were surprised--my fear is that DD doesn't quite realize what it could potentially mean. To me it means this girl may think they are going as dates, but I'm kind of sure this is the farthest thing from DD's mind. Again, she's quiet, and a little bit young for her age--she prefers hanging with our 7th grade DD and her friends. So, I just went to talk with her about it, to see if this is a date. No, they're just friends. Does DD's friend think they are going as dates? DD said, no mom. I told her to please make sure b/c I'd hate for there to be misunderstandings. I also wondered if its typical for girls to wear a tux, and DD said sure. There are girls who like dresses and dressing up, and those who don't. She doesn't want to talk with the friend about it, so that's all--no more discussion.

Am I wrong on this? I feel like others will misunderstand that DD's friend is a date, and it could make things really hard for her. thank you!!

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old daughter is childhood besties with a classmate who hates wearing dresses and always has. They decided not to attend Homecoming, but one day, for Prom or some other event, I am sure my daughter's friend will show up in a tux. And no, she will not mean that as a date signal. And yes, some other classmates have said DD's friend gives out lesbian vibes. DD does not care. Her friend does not care.

I think you just let it all play out.

[Anonymous]

You are wrong.

Kids don't care and I assume your DD isn't bothered so why should you?

[Anonymous]

Wearing a tux is not a big deal. You are reading way too much into this. It is awesome that girls who hate dresses have other choices now.

[Anonymous]

A tux is not an indicator of being someone's date. It is an indicator that the wearer likes to wear a tux.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wearing a tux is not a big deal. You are reading way too much into this. It is awesome that girls who hate dresses have other choices now.

But a tux is menswear, so not exactly another option other than a dress. If she is wearing a tux to homecoming she is likely gay or bi. Which is fine, but if your DD isn’t that could be uncomfortable in this scenario

[Anonymous]

Tucks are hemorrhoid pads. Can’t you just call it a “tuxedo?”

[Anonymous]

OP, your homophobia is showing. You might want to tuck that back in.

[Anonymous]

Stop trying to interfere here. You may be doing more damage than you think with your innocent questions. What if your daughter is queer and doesn’t want to tell you yet? Your innocent questions may be putting that conversation even further off. Let your daughter be and go with her friend. If her friend does think it’s something more and your daughter isn’t into it, then it’s a good lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your homophobia is showing. You might want to tuck that back in.

+1

[Anonymous]

You're really overreacting and over stepping here.

[Anonymous]

Please understand that the tux means nothing to today’s teens. It is absolutely NOT any indication of a date. All it means to them is that the girl doesn’t want to wear a dress. As a parent of two teenagers I say this with certainty.
I hope your daughter and her friend have fun!

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned that the friend will be overdressed; homecoming is more semiformal/suit and tie (or even blazer and chinos) rather than formal/black tie.

But that’s the friend’s choice to make. Just like it’s your daughter's choice who to invite. Your job is to pay for the tickets and figure out how to get the girls there and back.

[Anonymous]

A tux is overdressed for homecoming. More appropriate for prom.

[Anonymous]

It probably doesn't mean anything and if it does that worst case scenario there is that your daughter has an awkward interaction at a high school dance with a friend who wants to date her, which is a totally experience for a teenager.