DD's friend is wearing a tux to homecoming, but is not a date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Agree, no straight girls are wearing a tux- and to homecoming at that. If your daughter is straight and shows up to Homecoming with a girl that no one else knows and she’s in a tux, people will now assume your daughter isn’t straight. It’s not homophobic, it’s reality. If your daughter doesn’t care, cool. But she should be aware there are social implications that may follow her.

+1

So let’s assume these girls really are just friends, nothing more. And they just want to go have fun at a dance. Do you think that OP’s daughter should have called off the plans when she learned her friend was going to wear a tux because of the potential implications? Do you think it would be preferable for her to miss the dance entirely and stay home rather than have some other kids think she might be gay? Do you think that LGBTQ kids and straight kids can be friends and just hang out together without other people making assumptions about their romantic preferences?

It depends how her daughter feels about being perceived as gay. If that would bother her, then no she shouldn’t go with this friend. Hanging out and being friends is different than going to a school dance with someone that doesn’t even go to that school. Majority of the tim, when kids bring a date that doesn’t attend that school is when they are actually dating, boy or girl. It generally isn’t fun to attend a school where you only know one person, which is why you typically one see this happening with dating couples. So if OP’s daughter shows up to the dance with a girl that isn’t a known friend, doesn’t go to the school, and is dressed in a tux. People will assume they are dating.

So? Just like people may assume bringing a boy means youre dating you just say youre friends and move on.

Some very very homophobic people on here making these tiny molehills into mountains.

There isn’t nothing homophobic about not wanting to viewed as gay if you aren’t. Maybe her daughter is gay or doesn’t care- and that’s fine, but she should be aware it will be assumed. Then however she wants to proceed, ok.

DP. If your kids are consciously avoiding hanging out with or being seen with gay people because they’re afraid others will assume they’re gay, that is indeed homophobia. Textbook. Teach your kids better.

Ok. Bringing someone from another school far away to your Hmecoming would signal dating to most. Boy/girl, dress or tux. Better?

[Anonymous]

My daughter wore a suit to her homecoming and her "date" was a friend from camp who attends another school - a girl who wore a dress. They are not dating. They had a great time and she enjoyed introducing her school friends to her camp friend. OP, you are making this WAY more complicated than it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Agree, no straight girls are wearing a tux- and to homecoming at that. If your daughter is straight and shows up to Homecoming with a girl that no one else knows and she’s in a tux, people will now assume your daughter isn’t straight. It’s not homophobic, it’s reality. If your daughter doesn’t care, cool. But she should be aware there are social implications that may follow her.

+1

So let’s assume these girls really are just friends, nothing more. And they just want to go have fun at a dance. Do you think that OP’s daughter should have called off the plans when she learned her friend was going to wear a tux because of the potential implications? Do you think it would be preferable for her to miss the dance entirely and stay home rather than have some other kids think she might be gay? Do you think that LGBTQ kids and straight kids can be friends and just hang out together without other people making assumptions about their romantic preferences?

It depends how her daughter feels about being perceived as gay. If that would bother her, then no she shouldn’t go with this friend. Hanging out and being friends is different than going to a school dance with someone that doesn’t even go to that school. Majority of the tim, when kids bring a date that doesn’t attend that school is when they are actually dating, boy or girl. It generally isn’t fun to attend a school where you only know one person, which is why you typically one see this happening with dating couples. So if OP’s daughter shows up to the dance with a girl that isn’t a known friend, doesn’t go to the school, and is dressed in a tux. People will assume they are dating.

So? Just like people may assume bringing a boy means youre dating you just say youre friends and move on.

Some very very homophobic people on here making these tiny molehills into mountains.

There isn’t nothing homophobic about not wanting to viewed as gay if you aren’t. Maybe her daughter is gay or doesn’t care- and that’s fine, but she should be aware it will be assumed. Then however she wants to proceed, ok.

DP. If your kids are consciously avoiding hanging out with or being seen with gay people because they’re afraid others will assume they’re gay, that is indeed homophobia. Textbook. Teach your kids better.

Ok. Bringing someone from another school far away to your Hmecoming would signal dating to most. Boy/girl, dress or tux. Better?

Theyve already discussed this. From the OP:

I just went to talk with her about it, to see if this is a date. No, they're just friends. Does DD's friend think they are going as dates? DD said, no mom.

No date, just friends. Who cares? Homophobes who would rather cut off their children than have anyone think they might be gay? Hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

I know lots of straight girls who are wearing tuxes and suits for prom, homecoming, etc. It’s quite a trend.

Post a pic with blurred faces of all the hoco girls in their tuxes. I haven’t seen this at all.

I hate to tell you, but some of those girls in the short, tight dresses aren’t straight.

So? You said it’s quite the trend. The question isn’t the orientation of girls in dresses. I guess you have no pics of this so called trend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

I know lots of straight girls who are wearing tuxes and suits for prom, homecoming, etc. It’s quite a trend.

Post a pic with blurred faces of all the hoco girls in their tuxes. I haven’t seen this at all.

I hate to tell you, but some of those girls in the short, tight dresses aren’t straight.

Exactly. My gay daughter looks as stereotypically feminine as you could imagine.

To the PP regarding posting photos of other private people (many of whom are minors), uhm NO. Look at instagram.

You are all so full of shit. Loads of girls gay and straight aren’t wearing tuxes.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess this straight (no pun intended). Last week, in a thread that eventually got locked, many parents of teens insisted there’s no way their kids would reach out to friends on the periphery of their group to see if they want to join. Those kids need to be proactive and figure out their own plans, they said.

So, if a girl does that and finds a friend from another school who wants to go—because let’s face it, walking into a dance alone can be scary for a teen—some of your kids are potentially going to tease/mock/judge them. And that’s totally reasonable to you. Some of all are raising some seriously sh*tty people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess this straight (no pun intended). Last week, in a thread that eventually got locked, many parents of teens insisted there’s no way their kids would reach out to friends on the periphery of their group to see if they want to join. Those kids need to be proactive and figure out their own plans, they said.

So, if a girl does that and finds a friend from another school who wants to go—because let’s face it, walking into a dance alone can be scary for a teen—some of your kids are potentially going to tease/mock/judge them. And that’s totally reasonable to you. Some of all are raising some seriously sh*tty people.

Actually it’s her own mother who has the issue. Try again. The other thread had a mom begging other parents to talk to their kids. This is a mom thwarting her own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess this straight (no pun intended). Last week, in a thread that eventually got locked, many parents of teens insisted there’s no way their kids would reach out to friends on the periphery of their group to see if they want to join. Those kids need to be proactive and figure out their own plans, they said.

So, if a girl does that and finds a friend from another school who wants to go—because let’s face it, walking into a dance alone can be scary for a teen—some of your kids are potentially going to tease/mock/judge them. And that’s totally reasonable to you. Some of all are raising some seriously sh*tty people.

That much is very clear. Sh*tty awful parents raising sh*tty awful kids who will turn into more sh*tty awful adults and possibly parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wearing a tux is not a big deal. You are reading way too much into this. It is awesome that girls who hate dresses have other choices now.

But a tux is menswear, so not exactly another option other than a dress. If she is wearing a tux to homecoming she is likely gay or bi. Which is fine, but if your DD isn’t that could be uncomfortable in this scenario

Please get your outdated head out of your a$$. This is not accurate at all. I'm 35. Even in mean girls one of the girls wears a tux and is not gay or bi. Do you also think guys who wear pink are gay? This is such a bizarrely outdated thought process I am struggling to believe you arent a troll.

Idk but dcum moms are not exactly known for their progressive views.. a boy wearing a dress/skirt is trans or gay so it's not really surprising this is the consensus.

Yes, I've been reading DCUM for 15 years at this point and it always boggles my mind that this liberal area produces such Talibanesque posters. Not just for what kids are supposed to signal by their clothes, but what *grown women* are supposed to wear or not wear. Apparently you're only supposed to wear a bikini if you're in an adult-only resort somewhere tropical (with duly married husband, of course), and you can't wear miniskirts past your 20s and when you're old - you know, 40! - you just have to bury yourself in trash bags because the fun clothes are reserved for the 18-22 set. Before that, they also have to wear trash bags, lest any man ogle their underage bodies. Gender belonging is strictly observed through dress codes, and most everyone has a phobia of anything gender-bending, masked by a "of course there's nothing wrong with it" safety phrase.

Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the feedback. I guess I was hoping for some reassurance that straight girls may be wearing tuxes these days too. She said it’s “tux-like” so I’m imagining it’s pants with a cute tux-like top. We live in a somewhat non-conservative area so I’m hoping kids may not care but then again, they’re 9th graders—and can be mean and self absorbed.

I’m actually kind of glad DD had the reaction did—disbelieving me and thinking it’s all ok. If only she had the confidence outside our house to support that. I just have this fear her friend doesn’t feel the same. They met at Girl Scout overnight camp which is such an awesome group of non-confirming girls. I wish she was confident enough to talk w the other girls at school about this or her friend.
I’ll let it go and hope for the best.

What is the problem w/ going as a lesbian as a friend? Kids aren't stupid. Gay kids can also go as friends.

[Anonymous]

OP is worried her kid may be a closet lesbian. Frankly I would be too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is worried her kid may be a closet lesbian. Frankly I would be too.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is worried her kid may be a closet lesbian. Frankly I would be too.

Again with the homophobic garbage. Stop posting. We get it, you hate the gays. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your homophobia is showing. You might want to tuck that back in.

I don't think that's OP's concern. Sounds like OP is worried the guest sees it as a date when her DD might not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced my DD's fourth HS homecoming dance, and before that my son's four homecoming dances. Girls who are straight are not wearing tuxedos to homecoming.

My opinion is OP's daughter's friend is not straight. OP's daughter is either not straight as well, or she's quite naive. The latter is a good possibility based on other things OP said about her.

It sounds to me like OP is just trying to protect her daughter from any teasing or nasty comments/gossip. As much as posters here want to collect social justice points and believe kids today are so enlightened and won't say cruel things, that isn't the case.

Call me homophobic, I don't care. I'm just pointing out the obvious.

I know lots of straight girls who are wearing tuxes and suits for prom, homecoming, etc. It’s quite a trend.

Post a pic with blurred faces of all the hoco girls in their tuxes. I haven’t seen this at all.

You are conflating two posters. Also demanding pictures of other people’s minor children. You’re weird.
I hate to tell you, but some of those girls in the short, tight dresses aren’t straight.

So? You said it’s quite the trend. The question isn’t the orientation of girls in dresses. I guess you have no pics of this so called trend.