DD(16) is saying make cousin (9) walked in on her in shower

[Anonymous]

I mean. My nine year old nephew accidentally walked in on me when I was coming out of the shower once. He was like , "Oops sorry!" and left. Then I saw him ten minutes later and he was like, "Sorry about that!" And I said "That's ok, I know it was just a mistake!" And I told his mom and she shrugged. (No locks on doors.)

She's not gonna get in legal trouble, for this, if that is your concern.

[Anonymous]

Also as a PP I was actually wondering, do you call to each other while in the shower? I've only called DH when I had to have toilet paper or in similar emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone making such a huge deal out of this? Such an overreaction by the adults in this situation.

I don’t think accidentally seeing a cousin naked while sharing a house is a big deal, but the cousin claiming that OP’s DD purposefully exposed herself is a big accusation. Imagine if the genders were swapped and someone said a teen boy called his 9 y/o girl cousin in to see him naked. I think it’s good for the adults to take a time out and separate for a while so no other accusations (false or true) occur.

Obviously none of us know these people involved. It’s quite possible there is the true story in between he said/she said. Like maybe DD was singing in the shower and cousin thought she called him in there? Or maybe cousin accidentally walked in and got scared of getting in trouble so he made up the story but isn’t actually a perv?

Why was the door not locked though?

I wonder if OP made a big deal of it in the first place so that the cousin felt the need to defend himself and then pointed the finger back at her.

Probably the 16 year old started yelling. I would yell too if I was naked and a kid was there when I got out of the shower. It probably freaked him out enough he felt the need to lie to not get in trouble.

Of course he could have thought he heard her call him. No one will ever know except the kid.

That’s why she needs to be told to lock the door and he needs to be told to knock before opening a door and everyone agrees to move past this.

+1

[Anonymous]

a 9/16 year old having an awkward bathroom movement isn't the issue. It's the lying and the SIL who sounds like she escalates.

Normal adults would split the difference and say 'well that shouldn't have happened. Next time, get an adult if the other bathroom is occupied and you need to use the other one with the toilet chamber if someone is showering.' and 'next time ENSURE that door is locked'. It's not that hard.

If SIL escalates to a nutty point, no wonder BIL is staying out of it or if the 9 year old felt a need to lie OR she thinks YOU escalate so she is getting ahead of what she thinks you will do.

For me: honestly, I wouldn't have the kids together unsupervised or supervised only by grandma. I would had daughter or you record your best recollection of events ASAP if you have not already and consider getting that notarized if SIL escalates to reporting you or some garbage like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone making such a huge deal out of this? Such an overreaction by the adults in this situation.

I don’t think accidentally seeing a cousin naked while sharing a house is a big deal, but the cousin claiming that OP’s DD purposefully exposed herself is a big accusation. Imagine if the genders were swapped and someone said a teen boy called his 9 y/o girl cousin in to see him naked. I think it’s good for the adults to take a time out and separate for a while so no other accusations (false or true) occur.

Obviously none of us know these people involved. It’s quite possible there is the true story in between he said/she said. Like maybe DD was singing in the shower and cousin thought she called him in there? Or maybe cousin accidentally walked in and got scared of getting in trouble so he made up the story but isn’t actually a perv?

Why was the door not locked though?

I wonder if OP made a big deal of it in the first place so that the cousin felt the need to defend himself and then pointed the finger back at her.

Probably the 16 year old started yelling. I would yell too if I was naked and a kid was there when I got out of the shower. It probably freaked him out enough he felt the need to lie to not get in trouble.

Of course he could have thought he heard her call him. No one will ever know except the kid.

She did shout at him. She admitted this.

She thinks his intentions were to spy on her while nude. He was hiding in the smaller room with the toilet right next to the bathroom when she came out of the shower. She said doesn’t know when he entered the bathroom.

From her perspective it wasn’t an incident where he just accidentally walked in on her. Which would be difficult since he’d hear the shower running and know the bathroom was occupied. This bathroom is also upstairs and out of the way compared to the rest of the house. If he had to use the restroom there is a half bathroom downstairs.

So he was lying in wait in the little water closet. For hours? Minutes? Just waiting for the moment she was in the shower to strike? This story is getting more ridiculous.

What's your problem, Colombo?

Ops story is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a 9/16 year old having an awkward bathroom movement isn't the issue. It's the lying and the SIL who sounds like she escalates.

Normal adults would split the difference and say 'well that shouldn't have happened. Next time, get an adult if the other bathroom is occupied and you need to use the other one with the toilet chamber if someone is showering.' and 'next time ENSURE that door is locked'. It's not that hard.

If SIL escalates to a nutty point, no wonder BIL is staying out of it or if the 9 year old felt a need to lie OR she thinks YOU escalate so she is getting ahead of what she thinks you will do.

For me: honestly, I wouldn't have the kids together unsupervised or supervised only by grandma. I would had daughter or you record your best recollection of events ASAP if you have not already and consider getting that notarized if SIL escalates to reporting you or some garbage like that.

What is everyone afraid is going to happen? Escalate to what end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And her cousin is claiming DD exposed herself to him in the bathroom.

This happened at Grandparents house over the weekend. DD says she got out of the shower and her cousin was standing in the small room where the toilet is and peeking at her. She covered herself with her towel and started shouting at him and he ran out.

He’s claiming she called him into the bathroom while she was nude.

Obviously DH & I believe our daughter. There’s zero reason she would purposefully expose herself to her younger cousin.

However my SIL believes her son. BIL seems to be staying out of it.

It’s becoming a major issue in our family and DD is incredibly upset that her aunt thinks she’d expose herself to her cousin.

We are taking a little time out from family and hope that SIL calls down.

DH is a little worried because she has a history of escalating things.

Should we be doing something? I’m pretty upset as well.

Adults are making a big deal out of this and will cause psychological scars by continuing it.

You need to just say "So the hell what?" We used to all go skinnydipping with siblings and cousins, no big deal at all.

At 9 years old, he's understandably curious, but he's a child. She shoulda just snapped him with a wet towel and run him off and laughed it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If SIL says anything you tell her he deliberately entered a bathroom knowing a shower was running. Even if on the very longshot she had called out (as you say the bathroom is on a separate floor), wouldn’t you open the door slightly and call in to ask what they wanted, or at least announce yourself/make noise as you barged in? Now it’s safe to say the cousin relationship - and likely a family one as well - is forever tainted by the accusation. I hope they realize that.

You don’t know this. Don’t make shit up or you are as bad as them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And her cousin is claiming DD exposed herself to him in the bathroom.

This happened at Grandparents house over the weekend. DD says she got out of the shower and her cousin was standing in the small room where the toilet is and peeking at her. She covered herself with her towel and started shouting at him and he ran out.

He’s claiming she called him into the bathroom while she was nude.

Obviously DH & I believe our daughter. There’s zero reason she would purposefully expose herself to her younger cousin.

However my SIL believes her son. BIL seems to be staying out of it.

It’s becoming a major issue in our family and DD is incredibly upset that her aunt thinks she’d expose herself to her cousin.

We are taking a little time out from family and hope that SIL calls down.

DH is a little worried because she has a history of escalating things.

Should we be doing something? I’m pretty upset as well.

Adults are making a big deal out of this and will cause psychological scars by continuing it.

You need to just say "So the hell what?" We used to all go skinnydipping with siblings and cousins, no big deal at all.

At 9 years old, he's understandably curious, but he's a child. She shoulda just snapped him with a wet towel and run him off and laughed it off.

And at 16 years old, she's figuring out her body and could be uncomfortable within her skin. She's a child too. She's allowed to shower in private without some creeper looking at her.

[Anonymous]

This is hilarious, OP. And SO not a big deal. I would just rebuff any attempts at escalation from the other party.

Not knowing any of the participants, I'd tend to believe the teen girl in this situation. There are many 9 year old boys who might want to peek at the female body, if they come from a household where that's not usually on display, but there are very few US teens, girls or boys, who would want to display their body on purpose to younger cousins.

We (parents, teen son and daughter) walk around with no clothes on from the bathroom to the bedrooms, and we've all seen each other naked, but then, we're French, and we don't care at all about that sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And her cousin is claiming DD exposed herself to him in the bathroom.

This happened at Grandparents house over the weekend. DD says she got out of the shower and her cousin was standing in the small room where the toilet is and peeking at her. She covered herself with her towel and started shouting at him and he ran out.

He’s claiming she called him into the bathroom while she was nude.

Obviously DH & I believe our daughter. There’s zero reason she would purposefully expose herself to her younger cousin.

However my SIL believes her son. BIL seems to be staying out of it.

It’s becoming a major issue in our family and DD is incredibly upset that her aunt thinks she’d expose herself to her cousin.

We are taking a little time out from family and hope that SIL calls down.

DH is a little worried because she has a history of escalating things.

Should we be doing something? I’m pretty upset as well.

Adults are making a big deal out of this and will cause psychological scars by continuing it.

You need to just say "So the hell what?" We used to all go skinnydipping with siblings and cousins, no big deal at all.

At 9 years old, he's understandably curious, but he's a child. She shoulda just snapped him with a wet towel and run him off and laughed it off.

And at 16 years old, she's figuring out her body and could be uncomfortable within her skin. She's a child too. She's allowed to shower in private without some creeper looking at her.

She is allowed. But she forgot to lock the door and he accidentally walked in on her. Shit happens. People need to learn to roll with the punches and give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone making such a huge deal out of this? Such an overreaction by the adults in this situation.

I don’t think accidentally seeing a cousin naked while sharing a house is a big deal, but the cousin claiming that OP’s DD purposefully exposed herself is a big accusation. Imagine if the genders were swapped and someone said a teen boy called his 9 y/o girl cousin in to see him naked. I think it’s good for the adults to take a time out and separate for a while so no other accusations (false or true) occur.

Obviously none of us know these people involved. It’s quite possible there is the true story in between he said/she said. Like maybe DD was singing in the shower and cousin thought she called him in there? Or maybe cousin accidentally walked in and got scared of getting in trouble so he made up the story but isn’t actually a perv?

Why was the door not locked though?

I wonder if OP made a big deal of it in the first place so that the cousin felt the need to defend himself and then pointed the finger back at her.

Does your nephew have a history of inappropriate behavior and lying?

Honestly, I find your SIL's reaction extremely bizarre unless she's like a "boy mom" who excuses any and all behavior.

There's not much you can do for now but not let your kids over there unless you or your DH will be there.

I didn’t hear about the incident until after my nephew blamed my daughter. I haven’t actually spoken to him or my SIL/BIL about it at all yet.

So you don't know if they are actually accusing your dd?

Yes I do because DHs brother told him his wife is freaking out. My MIL also said she was upset about it when my nephew told her.

But I have not personally spoken to her.
We aren’t super close and really only chat at family gatherings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious, OP. And SO not a big deal. I would just rebuff any attempts at escalation from the other party.

Not knowing any of the participants, I'd tend to believe the teen girl in this situation. There are many 9 year old boys who might want to peek at the female body, if they come from a household where that's not usually on display, but there are very few US teens, girls or boys, who would want to display their body on purpose to younger cousins.

We (parents, teen son and daughter) walk around with no clothes on from the bathroom to the bedrooms, and we've all seen each other naked, but then, we're French, and we don't care at all about that sort of thing.

This is a very naive statement poster.

I guess as a former prosecutor my perspective is skewed by the experience and education and trainings I’ve had which have informed me of how frighteningly not uncommon incestuous relationships are in families and how 25% of sex offenders are juveniles.

Assuming this whole situation was a mistake or just run of the mill creepiness from either a prepubescent boy curious about boobies or a teen girl with a streak of exhibitionism doesn’t really matter - what matters most is it seems the adults are falling far short of the bar when it comes to navigating and resolving the incident.

If a relationship is desired between the aunts and uncles and cousins, perhaps this is a good one for a sit down with a family counselor.

[Anonymous]

.Does your nephew have a history of inappropriate behavior and lying?

Honestly, I find your SIL's reaction extremely bizarre unless she's like a "boy mom" who excuses any and all behavior.

There's not much you can do for now but not let your kids over there unless you or your DH will be there.

[Anonymous]

For all the people saying to lock the door, not all bathroom doors have locks. Or in my mom's house, t'sold, and no one uses the locks because you would get potentially locked in because the lock might jam. You just exercise common sense and if the door is closed, knock or assume someone is in there. If you leave the bathroom, leave the door open.