DD(16) is saying make cousin (9) walked in on her in shower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be a little bit worried about the 9 year old and what's going on with him.

He's 9. Seriously, that's what's going on with him.

[Anonymous]

As a veteran of zillions of big family vacations at the lake house, I couldn’t even count how often this or something like it happened. It’s normal for young boys to try to sneak a peek- and then get schooled. It’s normal for teen girls to feel really upset- and they should be validated and listened to. On the off chance a cousin has a problem, you don’t want to sweep it under the rug. If Aidan does this repeatedly that’s concerning.

SIL is the problem here. Willing to bet the boy is lying because he doesn’t want to be in trouble with her. What can you do besides make sure DD isn’t alone with him (for her protection against allegations) and let DH deal with it otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the people saying to lock the door, not all bathroom doors have locks. Or in my mom's house, t'sold, and no one uses the locks because you would get potentially locked in because the lock might jam. You just exercise common sense and if the door is closed, knock or assume someone is in there. If you leave the bathroom, leave the door open.

Op said even locking isn't full proof. That is how our #%#% doors are. I lock it and make sure it's good and latched, then my 15lb dog just pushes it open

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be a little bit worried about the 9 year old and what's going on with him.

He's 9. Seriously, that's what's going on with him.

I disagree. It's unusual for a 9yo to claim his teen cousin was trying to flash him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are all of you? Curious (or clueless) nine year old sees your daughter who freaks out and rather than get in trouble the kid says “no, she made me do it”. You should have told her to lock the door, tell him to not go in if someone is in there and have everyone apologize.

Nine year old boys are curious about boobies.

+1. Yes, she’s right to be upset but this sh-t happens. Take her side, tell her that he was being a little sh-t but 9 year old boys aren’t known for their great behavior, and aunt Larla is being dumb about it, so you’re just gojng to move on. Lock the door always gojng forward, and don’t engage with SIl. If she pushes it, I think your best answer is “well, he clearly misheard because no way in hell did she call him in.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teachmy kids you will accidentally see people naked when you are sharing houses, vacationing, etc.

Be polite gently look away don’t freak out and excuse yourself

Both the kids are acting like psychos and so are you.

I’ve been on countless vacations/shared houses/etc. and NEVER saw someone naked.

Well.. hon that’s odd.

It’s not, unless you belong to a family of exhibitionists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are all of you? Curious (or clueless) nine year old sees your daughter who freaks out and rather than get in trouble the kid says “no, she made me do it”. You should have told her to lock the door, tell him to not go in if someone is in there and have everyone apologize.

Nine year old boys are curious about boobies.

+1. Yes, she’s right to be upset but this sh-t happens. Take her side, tell her that he was being a little sh-t but 9 year old boys aren’t known for their great behavior, and aunt Larla is being dumb about it, so you’re just gojng to move on. Lock the door always gojng forward, and don’t engage with SIl. If she pushes it, I think your best answer is “well, he clearly misheard because no way in hell did she call him in.”

Ah yes the boys will be boys defense

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are all of you? Curious (or clueless) nine year old sees your daughter who freaks out and rather than get in trouble the kid says “no, she made me do it”. You should have told her to lock the door, tell him to not go in if someone is in there and have everyone apologize.

Nine year old boys are curious about boobies.

+1. Yes, she’s right to be upset but this sh-t happens. Take her side, tell her that he was being a little sh-t but 9 year old boys aren’t known for their great behavior, and aunt Larla is being dumb about it, so you’re just gojng to move on. Lock the door always gojng forward, and don’t engage with SIl. If she pushes it, I think your best answer is “well, he clearly misheard because no way in hell did she call him in.”

Ah yes the boys will be boys defense

It’s not a defense. I’m not saying that what he did is okay (and honestly it’s more about him being 9 than about him being a boy — I can see a 9 year old girl doing something similar because they are also curious about bodies and also tend to be a little oblivious to their surroundjngs. I just don’t see any use in OP calling for him to be publicly pilloried. I think the most likely thing is that he walked in oblivious to her being in there, then was sort of startled and froze, then when she started screaming and he was going to get in trouble, he made up a dumb lie. Kids that age lie all the time when they think they will get in trouble, and they are usually really dumb/transparent lies. The worst actor here is SIL for believing such a stupid lie—but I don’t know that calling SIL out on this stupidity will be helpful. Saying “well perhaps he misheard her, and in the future he’ll know not to enter a closed bathroom door without knocking.” And moving on seems like the best course. And if this is typical for SIL, I would avoid future shared living arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are all of you? Curious (or clueless) nine year old sees your daughter who freaks out and rather than get in trouble the kid says “no, she made me do it”. You should have told her to lock the door, tell him to not go in if someone is in there and have everyone apologize.

Nine year old boys are curious about boobies.

+1. Yes, she’s right to be upset but this sh-t happens. Take her side, tell her that he was being a little sh-t but 9 year old boys aren’t known for their great behavior, and aunt Larla is being dumb about it, so you’re just gojng to move on. Lock the door always gojng forward, and don’t engage with SIl. If she pushes it, I think your best answer is “well, he clearly misheard because no way in hell did she call him in.”

I really like this approach.

Also, if SIL escalates, stand your ground. She's probably more than a little batty. Moving forward your kids are not allowed alone around her. She'll probably try to avenge this if she gets the chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone making such a huge deal out of this? Such an overreaction by the adults in this situation.

My daughter felt like her space and right to privacy was invaded. She’s only 16.

I am not angry at my nephew and won’t label him. He’s a kid.

But I believe my daughter and my responsibility is to her.

Why didn’t she lock the door? Who takes a shower in someone else’s house with the door open/unlocked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone making such a huge deal out of this? Such an overreaction by the adults in this situation.

My daughter felt like her space and right to privacy was invaded. She’s only 16.

I am not angry at my nephew and won’t label him. He’s a kid.

But I believe my daughter and my responsibility is to her.

Why didn’t she lock the door? Who takes a shower in someone else’s house with the door open/unlocked?

Get out of here with your blame the girl mentality! You weirdo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone making such a huge deal out of this? Such an overreaction by the adults in this situation.

My daughter felt like her space and right to privacy was invaded. She’s only 16.

I am not angry at my nephew and won’t label him. He’s a kid.

But I believe my daughter and my responsibility is to her.

Why didn’t she lock the door? Who takes a shower in someone else’s house with the door open/unlocked?

Get out of here with your blame the girl mentality! You weirdo!

If she has a bathroom to herself at home she probably didn’t even think of it. And if he has a bathroom to himself he might not be used to walking. I remember walking in on my dad once when I was a kid because I was just day dreaming and didn’t even think about anyone else being in the bathroom and I was basically traumatized for life. (Exaggerating but I was pretty damn embarrassed, as was he.)

[Anonymous]

Sorry meant to say not used to knocking — not walking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell your daughter that if the 9 yo is a perv, everyone will eventually figure it out because he'll do it again to someone else. All you can do is keep her safe, so you'll no longer allow for situations where she could be put in that position with him again.

I wouldn’t call him a perv, I’d call him curious. Gross that it’s his cousin and probably not completely normal. You have to wonder about the SIL if she truly believes a 16 year old female cousin would call her 9 year old cousin in to the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Doors are not terribly hard or expensive to fix. Whether it's just a new lock, an extra latch, a new door and rehanging. Seriously- do better- anyone who thinks non-functioning bathroom doors is a normal thing to live with. The BIL families and grandparents can go in thirds on it for peace of mind.

As far as how the SIL would escalate or what that even means- who knows but I don't know what I don't know with weirdos. I would think if she is boundaryless, she might call CPS with some BS Lolita story that the 16 year old was calling to this child to see her naked. No one would believe that but it simply would be a lot to have to deal with.

Honestly between the passive grandparents who couldn't quell this and the passive BILs, no one wants to be involved but the SILs so this is a mess and I'd try to limit my time with them.