If you divorced due to YOUR affair, what do you tell people?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend showed me this tonight and it just brought up all sorts of negative emotions. Posts like OP’s really get my goat. The judgmentalism is dripping off the page when life is way more complicated.

OK, OP would say I “cheated” on my wife last year and asked her for a divorce. So attack me. But my soon-to-be-ex knows our marriage was crumbling. She kept pushing back on what I wanted and it was really annoying. Why do you want to get that Jeep? Aren’t you going to take the kids to see the hot air balloons like you promised? Why do you want to shift some of our investments into commodities and crypto? Do you really need to disappear and work on Sunday afternoon. Do you really need to go overseas for a third conference this year?

It’s ridiculous to be questioned and be denied at home the respect I’ve earned everywhere else. We went to counseling a couple of times but it was useless. So I asked for the divorce and convinced her that it’s really mutual. She didn’t want to be with someone who wants out.

So things were going as well as they could given the circumstances and how emotional my ex can be, and we presented a united front when we told the kids. But I forgot to clean out my most recent photos, and she found pictures of my colleague and I sightseeing before and after our last conference. So she flipped out.

OK, my colleague, really more like an EXCELLENT Lab Assistant, is great. She’s brilliant and captivating, graduated summa cum laude from a top-25 university DESPITE having the pandemic fall in the middle of her time there. But I didn’t SLEEP with her before separating.

Did I like her? Yes. Did I WANT to date her? Yes. Did I find her exciting? Yes. Did I kiss her before separating? Well yes. But how could I know if my feelings are real before blowing up my marriage if I didn’t know there was someone better for me out there? Am I dating my colleague now? Yes.

So yes, I guess OP you would say I “cheated” because I kissed a woman before telling my soon-to-be-ex I want a divorce. But understand my soon-to-be ex. She went and told all her girlfriends in the neighborhood that I’m a “cheater” so none of the guys can hang out with me anymore. She forced me to use this portal to text her because evidently my handle is “emotionally triggering.” She dragged out the divorce agreement when it could have been set in three months, and now it’s been FIFTEEN. I asked her about introducing our boys to my girlfriend, and she wanted me to wait until AFTER the holidays. And then she wanted me to wait SIX MONTHS after THAT until she stayed over when the boys are with me. So I had to go ahead and introduce the boys over Labor Day Weekend so that I could finally have her stay over with all of us in FEBRUARY, nearly TWO YEARS after we started dating.

My ex is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. Well what’s best for the boys is that we’re amicable. Part of being amicable is approving of my girlfriend and telling the boys that so things aren’t WEIRD for them. But she gave me attitude over that even though our marriage was long over and “as their mother” is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. But it’s only “best for the boys” when it’s convenient for her, when in fact the boys are fine and resilient so long as she doesn’t fill their minds with how they’re supposed to feel and poisoning our relationship.

So yeah, I “cheated”. But people other than OP and hardcore DCUMers can understand why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women will probably attack me for saying this but when women cheat in 99% of cases they believe it is not their fault. Women ride on the emotional excuse so well and are outstanding narrators with the crying and fake facial expressions that if you listen to women who cheated you will actually feel sympathy for them thata how well they are able to control the narrative to their benefit.

It's a gift they have. The other day I was working in my office and my 10 years old daughter and 12 years son were in another room and they started arguing. 10 mins later my daughter came in and in an unbelievably convincing way she managed to make me believe that my son was at fault. Lol had I not heard the whole conversation I would have believed her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend showed me this tonight and it just brought up all sorts of negative emotions. Posts like OP’s really get my goat. The judgmentalism is dripping off the page when life is way more complicated.

OK, OP would say I “cheated” on my wife last year and asked her for a divorce. So attack me. But my soon-to-be-ex knows our marriage was crumbling. She kept pushing back on what I wanted and it was really annoying. Why do you want to get that Jeep? Aren’t you going to take the kids to see the hot air balloons like you promised? Why do you want to shift some of our investments into commodities and crypto? Do you really need to disappear and work on Sunday afternoon. Do you really need to go overseas for a third conference this year?

It’s ridiculous to be questioned and be denied at home the respect I’ve earned everywhere else. We went to counseling a couple of times but it was useless. So I asked for the divorce and convinced her that it’s really mutual. She didn’t want to be with someone who wants out.

So things were going as well as they could given the circumstances and how emotional my ex can be, and we presented a united front when we told the kids. But I forgot to clean out my most recent photos, and she found pictures of my colleague and I sightseeing before and after our last conference. So she flipped out.

OK, my colleague, really more like an EXCELLENT Lab Assistant, is great. She’s brilliant and captivating, graduated summa cum laude from a top-25 university DESPITE having the pandemic fall in the middle of her time there. But I didn’t SLEEP with her before separating.

Did I like her? Yes. Did I WANT to date her? Yes. Did I find her exciting? Yes. Did I kiss her before separating? Well yes. But how could I know if my feelings are real before blowing up my marriage if I didn’t know there was someone better for me out there? Am I dating my colleague now? Yes.

So yes, I guess OP you would say I “cheated” because I kissed a woman before telling my soon-to-be-ex I want a divorce. But understand my soon-to-be ex. She went and told all her girlfriends in the neighborhood that I’m a “cheater” so none of the guys can hang out with me anymore. She forced me to use this portal to text her because evidently my handle is “emotionally triggering.” She dragged out the divorce agreement when it could have been set in three months, and now it’s been FIFTEEN. I asked her about introducing our boys to my girlfriend, and she wanted me to wait until AFTER the holidays. And then she wanted me to wait SIX MONTHS after THAT until she stayed over when the boys are with me. So I had to go ahead and introduce the boys over Labor Day Weekend so that I could finally have her stay over with all of us in FEBRUARY, nearly TWO YEARS after we started dating.

My ex is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. Well what’s best for the boys is that we’re amicable. Part of being amicable is approving of my girlfriend and telling the boys that so things aren’t WEIRD for them. But she gave me attitude over that even though our marriage was long over and “as their mother” is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. But it’s only “best for the boys” when it’s convenient for her, when in fact the boys are fine and resilient so long as she doesn’t fill their minds with how they’re supposed to feel and poisoning our relationship.

So yeah, I “cheated”. But people other than OP and hardcore DCUMers can understand why.

Is this satire? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend showed me this tonight and it just brought up all sorts of negative emotions. Posts like OP’s really get my goat. The judgmentalism is dripping off the page when life is way more complicated.

OK, OP would say I “cheated” on my wife last year and asked her for a divorce. So attack me. But my soon-to-be-ex knows our marriage was crumbling. She kept pushing back on what I wanted and it was really annoying. Why do you want to get that Jeep? Aren’t you going to take the kids to see the hot air balloons like you promised? Why do you want to shift some of our investments into commodities and crypto? Do you really need to disappear and work on Sunday afternoon. Do you really need to go overseas for a third conference this year?

It’s ridiculous to be questioned and be denied at home the respect I’ve earned everywhere else. We went to counseling a couple of times but it was useless. So I asked for the divorce and convinced her that it’s really mutual. She didn’t want to be with someone who wants out.

So things were going as well as they could given the circumstances and how emotional my ex can be, and we presented a united front when we told the kids. But I forgot to clean out my most recent photos, and she found pictures of my colleague and I sightseeing before and after our last conference. So she flipped out.

OK, my colleague, really more like an EXCELLENT Lab Assistant, is great. She’s brilliant and captivating, graduated summa cum laude from a top-25 university DESPITE having the pandemic fall in the middle of her time there. But I didn’t SLEEP with her before separating.

Did I like her? Yes. Did I WANT to date her? Yes. Did I find her exciting? Yes. Did I kiss her before separating? Well yes. But how could I know if my feelings are real before blowing up my marriage if I didn’t know there was someone better for me out there? Am I dating my colleague now? Yes.

So yes, I guess OP you would say I “cheated” because I kissed a woman before telling my soon-to-be-ex I want a divorce. But understand my soon-to-be ex. She went and told all her girlfriends in the neighborhood that I’m a “cheater” so none of the guys can hang out with me anymore. She forced me to use this portal to text her because evidently my handle is “emotionally triggering.” She dragged out the divorce agreement when it could have been set in three months, and now it’s been FIFTEEN. I asked her about introducing our boys to my girlfriend, and she wanted me to wait until AFTER the holidays. And then she wanted me to wait SIX MONTHS after THAT until she stayed over when the boys are with me. So I had to go ahead and introduce the boys over Labor Day Weekend so that I could finally have her stay over with all of us in FEBRUARY, nearly TWO YEARS after we started dating.

My ex is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. Well what’s best for the boys is that we’re amicable. Part of being amicable is approving of my girlfriend and telling the boys that so things aren’t WEIRD for them. But she gave me attitude over that even though our marriage was long over and “as their mother” is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. But it’s only “best for the boys” when it’s convenient for her, when in fact the boys are fine and resilient so long as she doesn’t fill their minds with how they’re supposed to feel and poisoning our relationship.

So yeah, I “cheated”. But people other than OP and hardcore DCUMers can understand why.

Is this satire? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?

Yes, it’s satire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women cheaters never tell the truth. They will go as far to elude it was the husband that cheated if necessary.

Also, when they go to the gyn for testing they will say they suspect their spouse--all so they can get tested to show an ap.

Look, cheaters are liars by definition. You expect them to tell you they cheated? Even if they do, they will justify every which way to Sunday and lie and say it was a sexless marriage or the spouse was abusive, etc etc etc.

This. Cheaters are liars by definition. Every day of their life is a lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend showed me this tonight and it just brought up all sorts of negative emotions. Posts like OP’s really get my goat. The judgmentalism is dripping off the page when life is way more complicated.

OK, OP would say I “cheated” on my wife last year and asked her for a divorce. So attack me. But my soon-to-be-ex knows our marriage was crumbling. She kept pushing back on what I wanted and it was really annoying. Why do you want to get that Jeep? Aren’t you going to take the kids to see the hot air balloons like you promised? Why do you want to shift some of our investments into commodities and crypto? Do you really need to disappear and work on Sunday afternoon. Do you really need to go overseas for a third conference this year?

It’s ridiculous to be questioned and be denied at home the respect I’ve earned everywhere else. We went to counseling a couple of times but it was useless. So I asked for the divorce and convinced her that it’s really mutual. She didn’t want to be with someone who wants out.

So things were going as well as they could given the circumstances and how emotional my ex can be, and we presented a united front when we told the kids. But I forgot to clean out my most recent photos, and she found pictures of my colleague and I sightseeing before and after our last conference. So she flipped out.

OK, my colleague, really more like an EXCELLENT Lab Assistant, is great. She’s brilliant and captivating, graduated summa cum laude from a top-25 university DESPITE having the pandemic fall in the middle of her time there. But I didn’t SLEEP with her before separating.

Did I like her? Yes. Did I WANT to date her? Yes. Did I find her exciting? Yes. Did I kiss her before separating? Well yes. But how could I know if my feelings are real before blowing up my marriage if I didn’t know there was someone better for me out there? Am I dating my colleague now? Yes.

So yes, I guess OP you would say I “cheated” because I kissed a woman before telling my soon-to-be-ex I want a divorce. But understand my soon-to-be ex. She went and told all her girlfriends in the neighborhood that I’m a “cheater” so none of the guys can hang out with me anymore. She forced me to use this portal to text her because evidently my handle is “emotionally triggering.” She dragged out the divorce agreement when it could have been set in three months, and now it’s been FIFTEEN. I asked her about introducing our boys to my girlfriend, and she wanted me to wait until AFTER the holidays. And then she wanted me to wait SIX MONTHS after THAT until she stayed over when the boys are with me. So I had to go ahead and introduce the boys over Labor Day Weekend so that I could finally have her stay over with all of us in FEBRUARY, nearly TWO YEARS after we started dating.

My ex is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. Well what’s best for the boys is that we’re amicable. Part of being amicable is approving of my girlfriend and telling the boys that so things aren’t WEIRD for them. But she gave me attitude over that even though our marriage was long over and “as their mother” is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. But it’s only “best for the boys” when it’s convenient for her, when in fact the boys are fine and resilient so long as she doesn’t fill their minds with how they’re supposed to feel and poisoning our relationship.

So yeah, I “cheated”. But people other than OP and hardcore DCUMers can understand why.

Is this satire? Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?

Yes, it’s satire.

Are you the one who wrote it? It seems like satire but there’s so much commitment to the bit.

[Anonymous]

No one ever divorces because of an affair.

There were other dysfunctions in the relationship that led to the affair that are the real reasons for the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one ever divorces because of an affair.

There were other dysfunctions in the relationship that led to the affair that are the real reasons for the divorce.

I disagree. In my case, ex had the affair and later wanted to stay together, but I said no because of the affair. Dysfunction alone doesn’t cause a divorce. But dysfunction + infidelity? The infidelity ends up blowing up the marriage. Not because of lack of date nights or ex isn’t cleaning up after himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one ever divorces because of an affair.

There were other dysfunctions in the relationship that led to the affair that are the real reasons for the divorce.

Wrong lol. Your response is probably from a cheater or AP. People don’t realize sometimes happily marrieds engage in affairs and it’s some demon or pure selfishness the one is wrestling with. Sadly. It would be easier to blame dysfunction of two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever divorces because of an affair.

There were other dysfunctions in the relationship that led to the affair that are the real reasons for the divorce.

I disagree. In my case, ex had the affair and later wanted to stay together, but I said no because of the affair. Dysfunction alone doesn’t cause a divorce. But dysfunction + infidelity? The infidelity ends up blowing up the marriage. Not because of lack of date nights or ex isn’t cleaning up after himself.

ditto. Ex begged, begged, begged for me not to end the relationship after I found out about his affairs. I truly loved him, and what I found out was so shocking different from the person I thought he was. TBH, from the first moment I knew about his infidelity, the relationship was over to me.

Our split wasn't about other problems in the marriage - it was solely about his cheating. Evidently, there weren't problems in the marriage from his side either otherwise he wouldn't have begged to stay in it. The problems were solely within himself.

[Anonymous]

No one ever divorces because of an affair

Adultery, Addiction, Abuse = Divorce
I would say always. Always should

[Anonymous]

^ hahahaha
of course they do!

[Anonymous]

People are asking you why you got divorced?!? The correct response to that is no response.

[Anonymous]

I tell people I was hittin' it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are asking you why you got divorced?!? The correct response to that is no response.

Pretty sure if you want to date again, prospective partners are going to want to have some explanation of why the last marriage did not last. It's not a question one can avoid with everyone.

I'd be very curious what my ex told his subsequent wife. I ended our marriage due to his multiple infidelities, drinking and unprescribed pill use, deception and undiagnosed mental illness. I retained full custody. Hard to understand how to spin all that to the new partner, but he did it somehow and I was actually very happy about it because it meant I could fully wash my hands of him.