Reply to If you divorced due to YOUR affair, what do you tell people?

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Reply to "If you divorced due to YOUR affair, what do you tell people?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My girlfriend showed me this tonight and it just brought up all sorts of negative emotions. Posts like OP’s really get my goat. The judgmentalism is dripping off the page when life is way more complicated.

OK, OP would say I “cheated” on my wife last year and asked her for a divorce. So attack me. But my soon-to-be-ex knows our marriage was crumbling. She kept pushing back on what I wanted and it was really annoying. Why do you want to get that Jeep? Aren’t you going to take the kids to see the hot air balloons like you promised? Why do you want to shift some of our investments into commodities and crypto? Do you really need to disappear and work on Sunday afternoon. Do you really need to go overseas for a third conference this year?

It’s ridiculous to be questioned and be denied at home the respect I’ve earned everywhere else. We went to counseling a couple of times but it was useless. So I asked for the divorce and convinced her that it’s really mutual. She didn’t want to be with someone who wants out.

So things were going as well as they could given the circumstances and how emotional my ex can be, and we presented a united front when we told the kids. But I forgot to clean out my most recent photos, and she found pictures of my colleague and I sightseeing before and after our last conference. So she flipped out.

OK, my colleague, really more like an EXCELLENT Lab Assistant, is great. She’s brilliant and captivating, graduated summa cum laude from a top-25 university DESPITE having the pandemic fall in the middle of her time there. But I didn’t SLEEP with her before separating.

Did I like her? Yes. Did I WANT to date her? Yes. Did I find her exciting? Yes.  Did I kiss her before separating? Well yes. But how could I know if my feelings are real before blowing up my marriage if I didn’t know there was someone better for me out there? Am I dating my colleague now? Yes.

So yes, I guess OP you would say I “cheated” because I kissed a woman before telling my soon-to-be-ex I want a divorce. But understand my soon-to-be ex. She went and told all her girlfriends in the neighborhood that I’m a “cheater” so none of the guys can hang out with me anymore. She forced me to use this portal to text her because evidently my handle is “emotionally triggering.”  She dragged out the divorce agreement when it could have been set in three months, and now it’s been FIFTEEN. I asked her about introducing our boys to my girlfriend, and she wanted me to wait until AFTER the holidays. And then she wanted me to wait SIX MONTHS after THAT until she stayed over when the boys are with me. So I had to go ahead and introduce the boys over Labor Day Weekend so that I could finally have her stay over with all of us in FEBRUARY, nearly TWO YEARS after we started dating.

My ex is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. Well what’s best for the boys is that we’re amicable. Part of being amicable is approving of my girlfriend and telling the boys that so things aren’t WEIRD for them. But she gave me attitude over that even though our marriage was long over and “as their mother” is supposed to be all about what’s best for the boys. But it’s only “best for the boys” when it’s convenient for her, when in fact the boys are fine and resilient so long as she doesn’t fill their minds with how they’re supposed to feel and poisoning our relationship.

So yeah, I “cheated”. But people other than OP and hardcore DCUMers can understand why.

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