Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out

[Anonymous]

We make dinner arrangements for our teens (takeout, pizza, leave something to reheat etc) if we plan ahead to be gone for dinner. However, if we are unexpectedly home late or similar, they can all fend for themselves when needed.

I would really focus on teaching her to throw together a few simple meals- whatever her favorites are (more likely to be successful in getting her interested). My kids have their own problems with maturity in other areas- so not criticizing at all- but IME most kids can make simple meals by age 12 or so. If they want to….and that may be the challenge.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think Im on the same page with you all. There is no doubt we feel we are responsible to provide her all her meals. That is not a question. If she works and we are home my husband or I cook a meal for her, or we cook later and wait to eat with her.
Since we were out on Friday, as I said, my next question to her would've been "What do you want". She hates where we went before we checked out.
So, it obviously hit me the wrong way with how she said it but she probably was hungry & tired. I'm just tired too, worn down and quite honestly feel unappreciated for anything. Last night, it was decided after 30 years of owning a b&m business my husband feels like we need to close.
I thought it was different that she would not make herself anything from pour some cereal to make a pancake, sandwich, anything.
But, like it's been said it's my fault.
As far as my son maybe he's right when he says all the parents bring home carryout, this is just the norm.
I think I've said everything, and I've never posted anywhere in my life so it's good to hear the varying opinions yet similar. Most I agree with. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, my husband and I went to a local restaurant last night. Our 17-year-old daughter called us as we were leaving, after her day at work. She asked what we ate and if we could bring her something. We told her the kitchen had just closed. She told me "You mean I worked a double and I'm coming home to no dinner" We have gone out to eat a lot with all 3 of our children through the years and have also brought carryout most times home for them when they didn't go. We decided that needs to change. Today, I asked my 24-year-old son what he thought he stated his opinion which agreed with her. He told me all the parents he knows bring carryout home for their kids when they go out. Are we living in a cloud? Do most parents do that? I thought we were being extra kind when we do that, but it is expected. A little insight would be great. BTW - we are late 50's, early 60's and are not in touch with alot of parents of teens.

Team daughter.

A 24 yo can fend for himself. Even if living at home.

But declining to feed a 17 yo who <checks notes> worked a double <pause for effect>. Yeah, you should have made an effort to provide her a meal.

Why can't the meal provided be leftovers in the fridge? Or ingredients she can use to make her own dinner?

They can be. It sounds like there is a communication deficit in this family.

It isn’t like the kid laid around all day and refused to go with them to a restaurant.

She worked a double shift. She is 17 not 27.

Feed her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, my husband and I went to a local restaurant last night. Our 17-year-old daughter called us as we were leaving, after her day at work. She asked what we ate and if we could bring her something. We told her the kitchen had just closed. She told me "You mean I worked a double and I'm coming home to no dinner" We have gone out to eat a lot with all 3 of our children through the years and have also brought carryout most times home for them when they didn't go. We decided that needs to change. Today, I asked my 24-year-old son what he thought he stated his opinion which agreed with her. He told me all the parents he knows bring carryout home for their kids when they go out. Are we living in a cloud? Do most parents do that? I thought we were being extra kind when we do that, but it is expected. A little insight would be great. BTW - we are late 50's, early 60's and are not in touch with alot of parents of teens.

Team daughter.

A 24 yo can fend for himself. Even if living at home.

But declining to feed a 17 yo who <checks notes> worked a double <pause for effect>. Yeah, you should have made an effort to provide her a meal.

Why can't the meal provided be leftovers in the fridge? Or ingredients she can use to make her own dinner?

+1 as a parent of teens I (obviously) feel obligated to provide ample food but at this age, I definitely expect them to figure something out on their own if we are unavailable to cook. Assuming a reasonably well stocked kitchen and pantry.

[Anonymous]

The daughter and son can make a peanut butter sandwich or pick up their own food on their way home after working their double shifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, my husband and I went to a local restaurant last night. Our 17-year-old daughter called us as we were leaving, after her day at work. She asked what we ate and if we could bring her something. We told her the kitchen had just closed. She told me "You mean I worked a double and I'm coming home to no dinner" We have gone out to eat a lot with all 3 of our children through the years and have also brought carryout most times home for them when they didn't go. We decided that needs to change. Today, I asked my 24-year-old son what he thought he stated his opinion which agreed with her. He told me all the parents he knows bring carryout home for their kids when they go out. Are we living in a cloud? Do most parents do that? I thought we were being extra kind when we do that, but it is expected. A little insight would be great. BTW - we are late 50's, early 60's and are not in touch with alot of parents of teens.

Team daughter.

A 24 yo can fend for himself. Even if living at home.

But declining to feed a 17 yo who <checks notes> worked a double <pause for effect>. Yeah, you should have made an effort to provide her a meal.

Why can't the meal provided be leftovers in the fridge? Or ingredients she can use to make her own dinner?

DP. There really is no reason. However this 17 year old just came off a double shift. I’d think you’d want to bring her something. At least I would. In my family when someone has a tough day, we try to do nice things for them and support them to make things easier for them.

[Anonymous]

Does she like any frozen foods?? In this situation my teens are happy to bake a frozen pizza, or chicken tenders in the air fryer, or throw one of those frozen Bertolli pasta bags in a skillet. Or we often have Trader Joe’s frozen stuff- they love a lot of their frozen entrees. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think Im on the same page with you all. There is no doubt we feel we are responsible to provide her all her meals. That is not a question. If she works and we are home my husband or I cook a meal for her, or we cook later and wait to eat with her.
Since we were out on Friday, as I said, my next question to her would've been "What do you want". She hates where we went before we checked out.
So, it obviously hit me the wrong way with how she said it but she probably was hungry & tired. I'm just tired too, worn down and quite honestly feel unappreciated for anything. Last night, it was decided after 30 years of owning a b&m business my husband feels like we need to close.
I thought it was different that she would not make herself anything from pour some cereal to make a pancake, sandwich, anything.
But, like it's been said it's my fault.
As far as my son maybe he's right when he says all the parents bring home carryout, this is just the norm.
I think I've said everything, and I've never posted anywhere in my life so it's good to hear the varying opinions yet similar. Most I agree with. Thank you

No, he's factually wrong, and we told you that. But you were wrong too, in the short term for not making sure she had something she would like to eat after a double shift; and in the long term for not pushing her to adapt leftovers and cook basic items.

Basically in your story everyone is at fault in some way!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be real.
If you are serious, your kids are spoiled. If I’m not going to be home for dinner, my kids plan and prepare a meal for themselves (and leave some for me). They have done this since age 13.

This. I would tell your kid they can make themselves a sandwich in 2-3 minutes so hang up the phone and get to it.

[Anonymous]

If you have no food at home then yes you should. Otherwise that’s pretty wild and I’d get that in check. I see a lot of really entitled teenagers who seem to expect a lot. I will say that my kids if they are out all day doing something productive might ask me to get them food or ask me to make me something at home but in a nice polite way that doesn’t involve a guilt trip if I say no. A lot of the kids of my mom’s friends act like they deserve it and push their parents in what I think is a rude way (for take out or Ubers) and I am shocked by how so many give in. I am very generous with my kids but I think I’d be a lot less if they acted like that. These same kids - this spills into their friendships too - same kids who want rides from my daughter but never have any gas money, or want her to go pick them up like she’s their Uber. It’s really just poor parenting.

[Anonymous]

Mom friends…not mom’s friends (my mom’s friends are elderly 😂)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Under 18 you are responsible for their dinner. If not take out the sufficient food in the house for them to easily make dinner.

They’re responsible for making sure there’s food in the house, not preparing the meal. I assume the 17 year old has 2 hands.

[Anonymous]

We let them order food if they choose when we go out to dinner without them. They usually prefer to do that over heating leftovers or making their own dinner, but not always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello,
Thank you for the responses. It's good to hear and and think about. I guess I should have wrote a little more. First, before I was able to ask her what she wanted from somewhere else,( even if it was fastfood,) thats when she said that. Also, one of the main reasons we didnt text her to find out what she wants was because she hates the food from this particular place. Never wants anything from there, which is fine.
We have an abundance of food in our house, but she doesnt like to make anything for herself. Which Ive asked her if we could cook some easy meals together so she would know how.
She won't really eat leftovers, but quick little meals is what we always have in the pantry or fridge.
I have communicated to both kids that we won't be able to always bring carryout out for them, especially if we ask them to go and they just want to stay home on their phones. Thought this could encourage a little family time.
I just thought it was a little rude and sometimes I don't know anymore

Usually when people don’t eat leftovers, it’s because they’re not the cook. You need to involve her in the cooking. She’ll change her tune right quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, my husband and I went to a local restaurant last night. Our 17-year-old daughter called us as we were leaving, after her day at work. She asked what we ate and if we could bring her something. We told her the kitchen had just closed. She told me "You mean I worked a double and I'm coming home to no dinner" We have gone out to eat a lot with all 3 of our children through the years and have also brought carryout most times home for them when they didn't go. We decided that needs to change. Today, I asked my 24-year-old son what he thought he stated his opinion which agreed with her. He told me all the parents he knows bring carryout home for their kids when they go out. Are we living in a cloud? Do most parents do that? I thought we were being extra kind when we do that, but it is expected. A little insight would be great. BTW - we are late 50's, early 60's and are not in touch with alot of parents of teens.

Team daughter.

A 24 yo can fend for himself. Even if living at home.

But declining to feed a 17 yo who <checks notes> worked a double <pause for effect>. Yeah, you should have made an effort to provide her a meal.

I don’t know if this style of writing is meant to be cute or witty or what, but it’s not. You just come off as an ass.