How to tell these parents I can’t help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your problem, OP, is not that you can’t do it, but that you don’t feel like doing it (but you don’t want to cone right out and tell them that because you don’t want them to think you’re a jerk).

Just be honest and then don’t expect any favors, ever, from these people going forward. I wouldn’t be surprised of they just completely write you off, but it’s your choice.

Because she can’t commit to babysitting for an unknown amount of time every morning for an unknown number of weeks while she’s trying to get herself and her own child ready for the day? Asking for a day or two is a reasonable ask from “the village” but that’s not what’s happening here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your problem, OP, is not that you can’t do it, but that you don’t feel like doing it (but you don’t want to cone right out and tell them that because you don’t want them to think you’re a jerk).

Just be honest and then don’t expect any favors, ever, from these people going forward. I wouldn’t be surprised of they just completely write you off, but it’s your choice.

Because she can’t commit to babysitting for an unknown amount of time every morning for an unknown number of weeks while she’s trying to get herself and her own child ready for the day? Asking for a day or two is a reasonable ask from “the village” but that’s not what’s happening here.

Exactly. This is indefinitely. Until they can get enough bus drivers, and who knows when that will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So could the kids get dropped off at your house and walk together to school? I’d do it if the situation is temporary. Sounds like they’re trying to hire more bus drivers.

I’d hate to say flat out no and all of a sudden find that my kid wasn’t being invited to birthday parties and such.

Yeah I don’t get this one. You live a few blocks away so you walk, right? Can’t you all walk together? I’m confused.

She is selfish and only likes friendship to run one way - to her benefit alone. I would drop this person and their kid from any social activities.

You don't want to be part of the village? Fine, enjoy banishment.

Wow, hit a nerve??

Are you going to kid-sit in the mornings and afternoon for who knows how long? I also WFH and I am always amazed how people just assumed I have all the time in the world to do things for them.

+1 This drives me nuts. I am actually working, people. Our schedule is tight just like yours in the morning even though I WFH. Not gonna watch your kids and take work calls at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all your answers. I’ll keep it very short and sweet. “I’m afraid that won’t work for me.”

Anonymous wrote:Express sympathy and give a hard no, it won’t work. You can throw in something about mornings being too crazy if you want. Do not leave the door open for negotiation or emergencies. They clearly intend to use you for buffer time before the bell because otherwise they would just drop their kids off themselves.

This is exactly what I think they are expecting. The kids who bus are often at their stops a half hour before the bell.

Clearly, the school should be able to accept children earlier if the buses aren't running. What is the school doing to help alleviate this challenge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your problem, OP, is not that you can’t do it, but that you don’t feel like doing it (but you don’t want to cone right out and tell them that because you don’t want them to think you’re a jerk).

Just be honest and then don’t expect any favors, ever, from these people going forward. I wouldn’t be surprised of they just completely write you off, but it’s your choice.

Are you socially a buffoon in real life too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So could the kids get dropped off at your house and walk together to school? I’d do it if the situation is temporary. Sounds like they’re trying to hire more bus drivers.

I’d hate to say flat out no and all of a sudden find that my kid wasn’t being invited to birthday parties and such.

Yeah I don’t get this one. You live a few blocks away so you walk, right? Can’t you all walk together? I’m confused.

She is selfish and only likes friendship to run one way - to her benefit alone. I would drop this person and their kid from any social activities.

You don't want to be part of the village? Fine, enjoy banishment.

So why don't you offer to drive everyone and pick up OP's kid on the way?

Because that pp only wants people to do for her. Or else she's cruel to their children. What a piece of work.

Seriously, wow. You need to get a grip. You seem unhinged.

OP says nothing about wanting anything from anyone. She just doesn't want to be at the mercy of being in charge of a gaggle of kids morning and afternoon when she has a job.

So you’re saying it would be okay to impose on her/ask her for a favor if she was a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your problem, OP, is not that you can’t do it, but that you don’t feel like doing it (but you don’t want to cone right out and tell them that because you don’t want them to think you’re a jerk).

Just be honest and then don’t expect any favors, ever, from these people going forward. I wouldn’t be surprised of they just completely write you off, but it’s your choice.

Are you socially a buffoon in real life too?

Maybe. But I don’t mince words. If I don’t feel like helping you out I’ll tell you so, not pretend that I really want to but I jUsT cAn’T!! In other words, I act like a grown up and own my choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(Open with sympathy and how much the school sucks)

So, I actually work from home and I have a very short window of time that I'm able to run out and drop DS (if you want, insert something about having lots of meetings or a micromanaging boss). I usually barely manage to drop him off before the bell. If I had to add another child, I'm not confident I could get them there on time. I really wish I could help!

That is WAY too wordy and you don't owe anyone a reason why your answer is no. Plus, if you give one that gives people encouragement to problem solve. Just say no.

PP. I get that, but if I wanted to maintain good social relationships with these people, I'd give some kind of reason, even if a less wordy one.

One of my closest friends is very clear about boundaries and it has been a master lesson for me watching and hearing her say “I’m sorry, that doesn’t work for me” over the years. It seemed a little abrupt the first few times I heard it, but she is kind and doesn’t make a big deal out of it, and maintains excellent social relationships with people she regularly says no to - including me!

Just say no OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your problem, OP, is not that you can’t do it, but that you don’t feel like doing it (but you don’t want to cone right out and tell them that because you don’t want them to think you’re a jerk).

Just be honest and then don’t expect any favors, ever, from these people going forward. I wouldn’t be surprised of they just completely write you off, but it’s your choice.

Because she can’t commit to babysitting for an unknown amount of time every morning for an unknown number of weeks while she’s trying to get herself and her own child ready for the day? Asking for a day or two is a reasonable ask from “the village” but that’s not what’s happening here.

Letting a kid who is fully ready for school hang out in your living room for a few minutes and then tag along with you and your own kid on the journey you were going to take anyway is hardly babysitting. These kids go to school, we’re not talking about infants and toddlers here. Ya’ll are so dramatic.

If the kids act like brats OP can (extremely justifiably) tell the parents that she won’t be taking them anymore because of the kids’ behavior, not because it is just SO HARD to literally do no extra work other than opening her freaking door in the morning.

[Anonymous]

I'd offer up a Tuesday (or whatever). "I can help Tuesday morning and Wednesday afternoon of next week. I don't have a lot of flexibility otherwise. Heck, even those days I don't have much flexibility."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your problem, OP, is not that you can’t do it, but that you don’t feel like doing it (but you don’t want to cone right out and tell them that because you don’t want them to think you’re a jerk).

Just be honest and then don’t expect any favors, ever, from these people going forward. I wouldn’t be surprised of they just completely write you off, but it’s your choice.

Because she can’t commit to babysitting for an unknown amount of time every morning for an unknown number of weeks while she’s trying to get herself and her own child ready for the day? Asking for a day or two is a reasonable ask from “the village” but that’s not what’s happening here.

Letting a kid who is fully ready for school hang out in your living room for a few minutes and then tag along with you and your own kid on the journey you were going to take anyway is hardly babysitting. These kids go to school, we’re not talking about infants and toddlers here. Ya’ll are so dramatic.

If the kids act like brats OP can (extremely justifiably) tell the parents that she won’t be taking them anymore because of the kids’ behavior, not because it is just SO HARD to literally do no extra work other than opening her freaking door in the morning.

Yeah this would be age dependent for me. I also WFH and walk my kids to school. The older the kids, the less I’d care about them tagging along. I would say no to watching kindergarteners— but 4th graders? Why not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fun fact: it's okay to say no without giving a reason. That's a totally legitimate thing to do.

"Sorry, I can't."
but whyyyyyyyy? I'll payyyyyy you?
"I'm sorry, I can't."

You can just say NO without explanation if you don’t mind appearing unfriendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Sorry that doesn't work with my schedule".

No explanation of why-leaves room for them to think they can bargain/negotiate. Slightly nicer that a flat out "no, I can't do that" but you can always fall back on this if they don't get the hint.

This, they aren't offering to pay you or carpool and take turns... no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your problem, OP, is not that you can’t do it, but that you don’t feel like doing it (but you don’t want to cone right out and tell them that because you don’t want them to think you’re a jerk).

Just be honest and then don’t expect any favors, ever, from these people going forward. I wouldn’t be surprised of they just completely write you off, but it’s your choice.

Because she can’t commit to babysitting for an unknown amount of time every morning for an unknown number of weeks while she’s trying to get herself and her own child ready for the day? Asking for a day or two is a reasonable ask from “the village” but that’s not what’s happening here.

Letting a kid who is fully ready for school hang out in your living room for a few minutes and then tag along with you and your own kid on the journey you were going to take anyway is hardly babysitting. These kids go to school, we’re not talking about infants and toddlers here. Ya’ll are so dramatic.

If the kids act like brats OP can (extremely justifiably) tell the parents that she won’t be taking them anymore because of the kids’ behavior, not because it is just SO HARD to literally do no extra work other than opening her freaking door in the morning.

Yes, it is babysitting and a bit ask as its hugly disruptive. Drop off your own kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m on the you should do it but since you aren’t going to, you just say “I’m sorry, I can’t do it.” And if they ask why, or press, you just keep repeating it. Any reason given invites them attempting to solve the obstacle.