How to tell these parents I can’t help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have been lots of threads like this recently and I’m disgusted by how there’s always a few people who accuse OPs of not doing enough for their “village” of acquaintances/kid’s friends when she doesn’t want to assume an unpaid daily or near daily task. They give off JD Vance vibes, acting as if women exist only to serve others.

I work from home and struggle to be on time. For most of these threads, I would decline the task. I would, however, be willing to do the morning drop off in this situation IF the kids are older, will sit quietly in my sitting room, and be quick in putting on their shoes, etc so the transition time is minimal. But I certainly don’t think you owe anyone or deserve any shame for saying no.

Why would they be in your house and taking off their shoes?
This hasn’t been my experience with driving carpools or walking other people’s kids to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been lots of threads like this recently and I’m disgusted by how there’s always a few people who accuse OPs of not doing enough for their “village” of acquaintances/kid’s friends when she doesn’t want to assume an unpaid daily or near daily task. They give off JD Vance vibes, acting as if women exist only to serve others.

I work from home and struggle to be on time. For most of these threads, I would decline the task. I would, however, be willing to do the morning drop off in this situation IF the kids are older, will sit quietly in my sitting room, and be quick in putting on their shoes, etc so the transition time is minimal. But I certainly don’t think you owe anyone or deserve any shame for saying no.

Why would they be in your house and taking off their shoes?
This hasn’t been my experience with driving carpools or walking other people’s kids to school.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but is OP just supposed to leave them outside on the front stoop when it's raining or cold outside? You know those parents will be dropping the kids off several minutes before they actually leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been lots of threads like this recently and I’m disgusted by how there’s always a few people who accuse OPs of not doing enough for their “village” of acquaintances/kid’s friends when she doesn’t want to assume an unpaid daily or near daily task. They give off JD Vance vibes, acting as if women exist only to serve others.

I work from home and struggle to be on time. For most of these threads, I would decline the task. I would, however, be willing to do the morning drop off in this situation IF the kids are older, will sit quietly in my sitting room, and be quick in putting on their shoes, etc so the transition time is minimal. But I certainly don’t think you owe anyone or deserve any shame for saying no.

Why would they be in your house and taking off their shoes?
This hasn’t been my experience with driving carpools or walking other people’s kids to school.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but is OP just supposed to leave them outside on the front stoop when it's raining or cold outside? You know those parents will be dropping the kids off several minutes before they actually leave.

I guess. If the parents are okay with leaving their kids outside in the snow, then I don’t see why OP should have a problem with it.
My personal experience is that parents will hang out with their kids until OP comes outside and is ready to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been lots of threads like this recently and I’m disgusted by how there’s always a few people who accuse OPs of not doing enough for their “village” of acquaintances/kid’s friends when she doesn’t want to assume an unpaid daily or near daily task. They give off JD Vance vibes, acting as if women exist only to serve others.

I work from home and struggle to be on time. For most of these threads, I would decline the task. I would, however, be willing to do the morning drop off in this situation IF the kids are older, will sit quietly in my sitting room, and be quick in putting on their shoes, etc so the transition time is minimal. But I certainly don’t think you owe anyone or deserve any shame for saying no.

Why would they be in your house and taking off their shoes?
This hasn’t been my experience with driving carpools or walking other people’s kids to school.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but is OP just supposed to leave them outside on the front stoop when it's raining or cold outside? You know those parents will be dropping the kids off several minutes before they actually leave.

Sure. If the parents feel that their kids are okay to be outside unsupervised for a few minutes (elementary school is a wide range of ages), then it’s fine for OP to leave them outside for a few minutes. If they don’t, then they can stay and wait with their kids in the car until OP is ready to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been lots of threads like this recently and I’m disgusted by how there’s always a few people who accuse OPs of not doing enough for their “village” of acquaintances/kid’s friends when she doesn’t want to assume an unpaid daily or near daily task. They give off JD Vance vibes, acting as if women exist only to serve others.

I work from home and struggle to be on time. For most of these threads, I would decline the task. I would, however, be willing to do the morning drop off in this situation IF the kids are older, will sit quietly in my sitting room, and be quick in putting on their shoes, etc so the transition time is minimal. But I certainly don’t think you owe anyone or deserve any shame for saying no.

Why would they be in your house and taking off their shoes?
This hasn’t been my experience with driving carpools or walking other people’s kids to school.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but is OP just supposed to leave them outside on the front stoop when it's raining or cold outside? You know those parents will be dropping the kids off several minutes before they actually leave.

I guess. If the parents are okay with leaving their kids outside in the snow, then I don’t see why OP should have a problem with it.
My personal experience is that parents will hang out with their kids until OP comes outside and is ready to go.

In that case, why not just take the kids to the damn school yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been lots of threads like this recently and I’m disgusted by how there’s always a few people who accuse OPs of not doing enough for their “village” of acquaintances/kid’s friends when she doesn’t want to assume an unpaid daily or near daily task. They give off JD Vance vibes, acting as if women exist only to serve others.

I work from home and struggle to be on time. For most of these threads, I would decline the task. I would, however, be willing to do the morning drop off in this situation IF the kids are older, will sit quietly in my sitting room, and be quick in putting on their shoes, etc so the transition time is minimal. But I certainly don’t think you owe anyone or deserve any shame for saying no.

Why would they be in your house and taking off their shoes?
This hasn’t been my experience with driving carpools or walking other people’s kids to school.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but is OP just supposed to leave them outside on the front stoop when it's raining or cold outside? You know those parents will be dropping the kids off several minutes before they actually leave.

I guess. If the parents are okay with leaving their kids outside in the snow, then I don’t see why OP should have a problem with it.
My personal experience is that parents will hang out with their kids until OP comes outside and is ready to go.

In that case, why not just take the kids to the damn school yourself!

I would guess that either they don’t want to wait in a long drop off line or they want their kid to socialize more and become better friends with OP’s kid.

Those are the reasons I carpool or walk other kids to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There have been lots of threads like this recently and I’m disgusted by how there’s always a few people who accuse OPs of not doing enough for their “village” of acquaintances/kid’s friends when she doesn’t want to assume an unpaid daily or near daily task. They give off JD Vance vibes, acting as if women exist only to serve others.

I work from home and struggle to be on time. For most of these threads, I would decline the task. I would, however, be willing to do the morning drop off in this situation IF the kids are older, will sit quietly in my sitting room, and be quick in putting on their shoes, etc so the transition time is minimal. But I certainly don’t think you owe anyone or deserve any shame for saying no.

Why would they be in your house and taking off their shoes?
This hasn’t been my experience with driving carpools or walking other people’s kids to school.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but is OP just supposed to leave them outside on the front stoop when it's raining or cold outside? You know those parents will be dropping the kids off several minutes before they actually leave.

I have been in a lot of carpools and walked many kids to school over the years, and I have never heard of parents bringing other kids into their home before they leave.
You meet up at the time you are leaving the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised everyone is so opposed to helping out. I’m an immigrant but this a good lesson for me to try and avoid asking my neighbors for help.

It depends on what you ask. Once or twice this might not be a burden but to expect this for weeks is too much. So the take away shouldn't be I will never ask for favors but don't overburden people with big asks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so funny. It’s half ppl saying “say no OP.” And half people saying “if you say no, maybe ppl won’t help you when you need it.”

Then the “say no OP” people are all “screw you for telling me ppl won’t help me if I don’t help them!!!!” Huh? So you guys always say no, but EXPECT people to help you out when you need it? And you’re the ones calling ppl who volunteer to help “pigs?”

No, the village is give and take.

In order to have give and take someone has to be the first to give.

Fine, but the giving and taking will not be remotely equal. OP would be doing this TWICE A DAY EVERY DAY while the bus is on its weekly off rotations. There is no way those other parents would ever be able to respond in a commensurate way.

I don’t know. They could be doctors and end up caring for a hospitalized family member of the OP. They could be her child’s soccer coach or Girl Scout troop leader. Maybe OP has a sister in AA and one of them ends up being her sponsor. Maybe they live near the middle school and can reciprocate in the same way next year. Who knows?
People interact in their communities in a variety of ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so funny. It’s half ppl saying “say no OP.” And half people saying “if you say no, maybe ppl won’t help you when you need it.”

Then the “say no OP” people are all “screw you for telling me ppl won’t help me if I don’t help them!!!!” Huh? So you guys always say no, but EXPECT people to help you out when you need it? And you’re the ones calling ppl who volunteer to help “pigs?”

No, the village is give and take.

In order to have give and take someone has to be the first to give.

Fine, but the giving and taking will not be remotely equal. OP would be doing this TWICE A DAY EVERY DAY while the bus is on its weekly off rotations. There is no way those other parents would ever be able to respond in a commensurate way.

I don’t know. They could be doctors and end up caring for a hospitalized family member of the OP. They could be her child’s soccer coach or Girl Scout troop leader. Maybe OP has a sister in AA and one of them ends up being her sponsor. Maybe they live near the middle school and can reciprocate in the same way next year. Who knows?
People interact in their communities in a variety of ways.

The difference is that all of those people choose to do those activities because they are financially remunerative or otherwise enjoyable. OP doesn’t want to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so funny. It’s half ppl saying “say no OP.” And half people saying “if you say no, maybe ppl won’t help you when you need it.”

Then the “say no OP” people are all “screw you for telling me ppl won’t help me if I don’t help them!!!!” Huh? So you guys always say no, but EXPECT people to help you out when you need it? And you’re the ones calling ppl who volunteer to help “pigs?”

No, the village is give and take.

In order to have give and take someone has to be the first to give.

Fine, but the giving and taking will not be remotely equal. OP would be doing this TWICE A DAY EVERY DAY while the bus is on its weekly off rotations. There is no way those other parents would ever be able to respond in a commensurate way.

I don’t know. They could be doctors and end up caring for a hospitalized family member of the OP. They could be her child’s soccer coach or Girl Scout troop leader. Maybe OP has a sister in AA and one of them ends up being her sponsor. Maybe they live near the middle school and can reciprocate in the same way next year. Who knows?
People interact in their communities in a variety of ways.

The difference is that all of those people choose to do those activities because they are financially remunerative or otherwise enjoyable. OP doesn’t want to do it.

I guess my point was that all of those people would be in a position to go above and beyond to help OP out and could otherwise reciprocate. Or they can stick to the bare minimum and not help.
(Although I’m really not sure why living next to the middle school would be more financially remunerative or enjoyable than living next to the elementary school).