How to tell these parents I can’t help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So could the kids get dropped off at your house and walk together to school? I’d do it if the situation is temporary. Sounds like they’re trying to hire more bus drivers.

I’d hate to say flat out no and all of a sudden find that my kid wasn’t being invited to birthday parties and such.

Yeah I don’t get this one. You live a few blocks away so you walk, right? Can’t you all walk together? I’m confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(Open with sympathy and how much the school sucks)

So, I actually work from home and I have a very short window of time that I'm able to run out and drop DS (if you want, insert something about having lots of meetings or a micromanaging boss). I usually barely manage to drop him off before the bell. If I had to add another child, I'm not confident I could get them there on time. I really wish I could help!

That is WAY too wordy and you don't owe anyone a reason why your answer is no. Plus, if you give one that gives people encouragement to problem solve. Just say no.

PP. I get that, but if I wanted to maintain good social relationships with these people, I'd give some kind of reason, even if a less wordy one.

No, if you want to maintain a relationship then you should help your friends when they need help. You want the benefits of a friendship without the commitment/follow through.

What benefits is the op getting? How about the op doesn't want hostility from these parents because she said no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So could the kids get dropped off at your house and walk together to school? I’d do it if the situation is temporary. Sounds like they’re trying to hire more bus drivers.

I’d hate to say flat out no and all of a sudden find that my kid wasn’t being invited to birthday parties and such.

Yeah I don’t get this one. You live a few blocks away so you walk, right? Can’t you all walk together? I’m confused.

I think the issue is these parents will drop them off at their convenience and then OP is responsible for looking after the kids and waiting until everyone shows up, while she's dealing with her own morning routine and possibly has already logged into work. And then same thing in the afternoon when she waits for the kids to be picked up.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t really make any sense if OP lives close to school. If they’re dropping off at her house then why can’t they drop off at school? The only answer is that they want to drop off way earlier than the start of school, which makes sense because they are used to bus pick up times.
How old are these kids? If they’re old enough to walk alone, wouldn’t mind as much.

[Anonymous]

“So sorry but I can’t- just too much on my plate right now. My schedule has been crazy. Really hope this bus thing gets resolved soon!”

or similar. Don’t give too much info.

That said, I don’t really see the big deal about helping. Even if you agreed to do just AM or PM (not both). It takes a village. And you might need help sometime too.

But anyway- just keep the reply friendly, short and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(Open with sympathy and how much the school sucks)

So, I actually work from home and I have a very short window of time that I'm able to run out and drop DS (if you want, insert something about having lots of meetings or a micromanaging boss). I usually barely manage to drop him off before the bell. If I had to add another child, I'm not confident I could get them there on time. I really wish I could help!

That is WAY too wordy and you don't owe anyone a reason why your answer is no. Plus, if you give one that gives people encouragement to problem solve. Just say no.

PP. I get that, but if I wanted to maintain good social relationships with these people, I'd give some kind of reason, even if a less wordy one.

Still disagree. If they get bent out of shape at a boundary then that is their issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So could the kids get dropped off at your house and walk together to school? I’d do it if the situation is temporary. Sounds like they’re trying to hire more bus drivers.

I’d hate to say flat out no and all of a sudden find that my kid wasn’t being invited to birthday parties and such.

Yeah I don’t get this one. You live a few blocks away so you walk, right? Can’t you all walk together? I’m confused.

I think the issue is these parents will drop them off at their convenience and then OP is responsible for looking after the kids and waiting until everyone shows up, while she's dealing with her own morning routine and possibly has already logged into work. And then same thing in the afternoon when she waits for the kids to be picked up.

Yep I can see this. If parents arrived promptly at 7:40AM and 3:10PM (whatever exact time I arrive and leave anyway) then fine. But you know it won’t work that way and will end up waiting around for someone late, being forced to chat with someone who is early, or forced to chat at pickup when you don’t have time etc. If there was a polite way to word all of THAT, I’d be fine with walking them with us. I don’t know what that would be….”yes but we are on a VERY tight schedule and need to leave exactly at 7:40 and I need you here waiting by the time we return at 3:10. And sorry but I can’t spare time to chat- work obligations that I am barley managing as it is. I’d that works I can do it” But would they actually respect that? Who knows .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So could the kids get dropped off at your house and walk together to school? I’d do it if the situation is temporary. Sounds like they’re trying to hire more bus drivers.

I’d hate to say flat out no and all of a sudden find that my kid wasn’t being invited to birthday parties and such.

Yeah I don’t get this one. You live a few blocks away so you walk, right? Can’t you all walk together? I’m confused.

I think the issue is these parents will drop them off at their convenience and then OP is responsible for looking after the kids and waiting until everyone shows up, while she's dealing with her own morning routine and possibly has already logged into work. And then same thing in the afternoon when she waits for the kids to be picked up.

Yep I can see this. If parents arrived promptly at 7:40AM and 3:10PM (whatever exact time I arrive and leave anyway) then fine. But you know it won’t work that way and will end up waiting around for someone late, being forced to chat with someone who is early, or forced to chat at pickup when you don’t have time etc. If there was a polite way to word all of THAT, I’d be fine with walking them with us. I don’t know what that would be….”yes but we are on a VERY tight schedule and need to leave exactly at 7:40 and I need you here waiting by the time we return at 3:10. And sorry but I can’t spare time to chat- work obligations that I am barley managing as it is. I’d that works I can do it” But would they actually respect that? Who knows .

Edited to add: and how long will it be before “could I drop Larlo off a little early tomorrow? I have an early meeting” or vice versa in the afternoon….

[Anonymous]

So sorry this is happening. Unfortunately, I'm no help because I have a very tight work schedule, especially in the mornings, with little flexibility.

Frankly, I would want to help, but I also can see how this could turn into OP kid-sitting until it's time to walk kids to school, or get picked up at the end of the day.

OP, can you verify with the school what the duration is?

[Anonymous]

There is a national bus driver shortage. If you said yes, this could go on for a long time.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be surprised if those kids walk to the school buses. So parents aren't dealing with them much at all in the mornings.

[Anonymous]

The school system needs to fix their bus problem. Clearly they are not paying their drivers enough, otherwise, they would not have an issue with staffing. If parents volunteer to drive kids, you're undermining the bus drivers's struggle for better wages.

[Anonymous]

I’d suggest to both that they can park in front of our house and walk from there, but you are on a tight schedule & can’t commit to walking any other kids (maybe say you are often on a work call during the walk & can’t handle other children while distracted). Maybe also suggest that the 2 of them team up together: 1 walks both kids in the AM and the other walks both kids in the PM (leaving you and your kid out of the arrangement).

[Anonymous]

I would commit to mornings only. The kids will get dropped off and walk together to school. If a kid is late for drop off then it’s obvious because the door is locked. Afternoons open up a can of work of late parents and socialization that I don’t want. It truly takes a village and you would not be going out of your way. I have had emergencies where I had to rely on friends on neighbors. I would pay it forward

[Anonymous]

I agree the key is to not give a reason but just give a firm but empathetic "no."

The reason is that not only do you not owe anyone a reason but also some people are VERY pushy and if you provide reasons for declining something for them they will try to help "solve" the obstacle so that you can help them. Like if you tell them you don't have time they will literally come back and ask what your schedule is and try to "fix it" so that you can do them this favor.

Of course not everyone is like this but enough people are that I just assume everyone will be this way and have learned to say "no" without providing excuses.