Told my DH to lose weight, it’s affecting everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Sorry typing on phone and autocorrect. "being authentic"

Authentic like Trump: tactless blather thinly masking conceited indignation and entitlement

Yeah, I guess that tracks.

[Anonymous]

YTA. Maybe he needs to lose 100 lbs and dump his AH wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She’ll walk off with half their assets and find a hotter guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She’ll walk off with half their assets and find a hotter guy.

She'll be able to pick up an STD easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

He sounds depressed, honestly.

Wouldn't you be if the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally keeps putting you down?

Sometimes people need to hear the truth and not be coddled. Short term pain for sure but better in the long run, IMO.

Yep, what we all look for in a spouse. Someone to kick us when we're down.

I hear women on hear constantly complaining about men leading them on, being the "nice guy" and not having the backbone to speak up. OP spoke up. It's not kicking a man when he's down to tell the truth. It's being honest and not letting him believe that everything is ok. My ex wife did this exact thing. I gained weight, she lost interest, didn't say a peep to me until she wanted a divorce. Would have been much better for us if she said, "yo, fatso. lose some weight, get healthy, be driven, or I'm leaving." That would have jolted me out of my blissful ignorance for sure. Exaggerating for affect, but some nicer variation of that would have worked and possibly saved my marriage. So you say, "kicking him while he's down", I say, "being authenticate" OP you got balls. Bravo.

She'd find something else to hate you for if you lost weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She probably won't care. So win/win.

She’s gonna care when she realizes how alimony law has evolved over the past couple decades. (Hint: DW will need to go back to work herself after a period of retraining / transition).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She’ll walk off with half their assets and find a hotter guy.

She'll be able to pick up an STD easy.

So will he.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She probably won't care. So win/win.

She’s gonna care when she realizes how alimony law has evolved over the past couple decades. (Hint: DW will need to go back to work herself after a period of retraining / transition).

Where did OP say she doesn’t work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

DH here: fwiw, i don’t think tough love of this nature is bad. It’s not that hard for men to lose weight and whatever short term challenges it may cause will be well worth it when he gets this fixed. I wish my DW had done this for me when I became overweight vs. my having to figure out how bad it had gotten and address years later. Denial is a powerful thing. So long as you are messaging your love for him too, it’s ok IMO to tell him to get his physical act together. More men should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She probably won't care. So win/win.

She’s gonna care when she realizes how alimony law has evolved over the past couple decades. (Hint: DW will need to go back to work herself after a period of retraining / transition).

Where did OP say she doesn’t work?

I think it’s clear that she doesn’t. What with all of his long hours. She probably quit as soon as residency ended and the money started rolling in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She probably won't care. So win/win.

She’s gonna care when she realizes how alimony law has evolved over the past couple decades. (Hint: DW will need to go back to work herself after a period of retraining / transition).

Where did OP say she doesn’t work?

Where does it say she does?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

DH here: fwiw, i don’t think tough love of this nature is bad. It’s not that hard for men to lose weight and whatever short term challenges it may cause will be well worth it when he gets this fixed. I wish my DW had done this for me when I became overweight vs. my having to figure out how bad it had gotten and address years later. Denial is a powerful thing. So long as you are messaging your love for him too, it’s ok IMO to tell him to get his physical act together. More men should.

Completely agree. I was an overweight DH about five years ago. My wife sat me down and bluntly said "you need to lose some weight, it is making you less attractive and you need to stop sacrificing your health for your career." I appreciated the the honesty and attacked the weight issue as a problem to be solved, which I did.

Also, OP's husband is a physician, and should be capable of having an honest conversation about being fat.

Also

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She’ll walk off with half their assets and find a hotter guy.

Good. Sounds like everyone would be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

DH here: fwiw, i don’t think tough love of this nature is bad. It’s not that hard for men to lose weight and whatever short term challenges it may cause will be well worth it when he gets this fixed. I wish my DW had done this for me when I became overweight vs. my having to figure out how bad it had gotten and address years later. Denial is a powerful thing. So long as you are messaging your love for him too, it’s ok IMO to tell him to get his physical act together. More men should.

I don’t see anywhere that she is messaging love for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She probably won't care. So win/win.

She’s gonna care when she realizes how alimony law has evolved over the past couple decades. (Hint: DW will need to go back to work herself after a period of retraining / transition).

Where did OP say she doesn’t work?

I think it’s clear that she doesn’t. What with all of his long hours. She probably quit as soon as residency ended and the money started rolling in.

Ah, so you don’t know and you’re just spinning stories. Why is that?