Svelte teen girls -- being the ugly duckling in a school of swans

[Anonymous]

Why did you pick this school specifically?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually don’t think it’s the actual sport itself that keeps kids lean as it’s mostly diet that determines things. The benefit of a sport is that they are active AND busy. Lots of people mindlessly snack and if she has no EC she’s doing that daily most likely. Even if she did a busy EC that was non athletic it would probably help. But something out of school would also work? There are lots of rec teams. Dance studios etc.

These kids are all lean bc they have pushy parents who get them involved in activities and they have the money to do that.

+1

Keeping busy definitely prevents a lot of the mindless snacking.

Also, OP, genes…..yes rich people in the US tend to be thinner. And taller. Genetically. That advantage is amplified by increased healthy diet and exercise, yes- but genes play a large role.

TBH with you, this school sounds like a very unhealthy environment for your DD for a lot of reasons. This is probably only the tip of the iceberg. Why keep her in a school where she is so out of place and is going to have a big battle on her hands socially?? Maybe it will make her stronger- but it is just as likely to create mental health issues.

I’d rather my kid be at a school surrounded by kids focused on health and exercise than a school where drugs and violence are the norm where she might get raped in the bathroom. Not even comparable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you pick this school specifically?

Not sure who the PPs are that get a wide range of private schools to choose from. We applied to 5. This is the one we got in. It wasn't our first choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually don’t think it’s the actual sport itself that keeps kids lean as it’s mostly diet that determines things. The benefit of a sport is that they are active AND busy. Lots of people mindlessly snack and if she has no EC she’s doing that daily most likely. Even if she did a busy EC that was non athletic it would probably help. But something out of school would also work? There are lots of rec teams. Dance studios etc.

These kids are all lean bc they have pushy parents who get them involved in activities and they have the money to do that.

+1

Keeping busy definitely prevents a lot of the mindless snacking.

Also, OP, genes…..yes rich people in the US tend to be thinner. And taller. Genetically. That advantage is amplified by increased healthy diet and exercise, yes- but genes play a large role.

TBH with you, this school sounds like a very unhealthy environment for your DD for a lot of reasons. This is probably only the tip of the iceberg. Why keep her in a school where she is so out of place and is going to have a big battle on her hands socially?? Maybe it will make her stronger- but it is just as likely to create mental health issues.

I’d rather my kid be at a school surrounded by kids focused on health and exercise than a school where drugs and violence are the norm where she might get raped in the bathroom. Not even comparable.

Is this OP? There’s some serious hyperbole there. I’m starting to wonder if you placed her in the private school hoping some of that svelte-ness would rub off on her.

[Anonymous]

Is this DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people are recommending sports. Those are great for many reasons, but won't necessarily lead to weight loss. Weight loss happens much more quickly with reducing calories-- exercise leads to health benefits, but not really weight loss. And if your dd will be among the worst kids on the team, it's likely to exacerbate the problem rather than help. I'd look for rec teams outside of school or county sports skills classes or something like that.

Is it feasible for her to sign up for some activities that are not sports related? Ideally, at school or with kids from the school so she can build her group, but if that doesn't work, then look for other ones in your neighborhood. Academic clubs come to mind (debate, or something else that will let her build strength in something that is different than what these other kids excel at). Also, more nurturing-type non athletic clubs at her new school (public service clubs and the like) where her athletic ability won't be noticed and she can find common ground with kids through other means.

This. A sport is not going to necessarily make her thin. In fact, some sports can make you bulk up more (which is not a bad thing but won’t lead to the body type she wants.) It would be more beneficial to maybe get her into some kind of exercise class like yoga or something she enjoys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the entire thread but back in the 70's, 80's and 90's all kids in public schools were normal weights. Even kids in poorer areas of Maryland were normal weight. In my classes we probably had 1 student who might have been 10 or 15 pounds heavier but there was not the morbid obesity of today.

Students and families maintained their weight by eating 3 healthy meals a day. We did not have snacks between meals.

Girls did sports but not at the level of today.

Sooo many girls I went to high school with in the 90s had eating disorders (including myself). Childhood obesity is a huge problem, don’t get me wrong, but can we stop romanticizing this time where adolescent girls were supposedly effortlessly thin. Whether it was constant dieting, bulimia, anorexia, cigarettes … girls have been harming themselves to stay thin for a long, long time.

Ha, yes. I was in high school in the late 80s and can remember many girls just bringing a can of Slimfast (remember that?) to lunch and that was their breakfast and lunch. Then as the ads said, they would go home and have a "sensible" dinner. Many of the diet products that were meant for adult women were being consumed by teenagers, often at their mothers' approval. Or forcing yourself to throw up or cigarettes. Because what could be worse than being overweight? Chad wouldn't ask you to the prom, you know.

[Anonymous]

Most teens seem thin so if your child is even a slightly overweight, she may be the odd one out.

My kids all have no fat and they eat tons of junk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A BMI of 25 is not overweight. Do not bring this up with her. If anything those other girls will put on weight as their bodies change.

It is for a a 14 yr old. Their scale is not the same as an adults. It goes by percentile compared to other girls her same age and height. If her BMI is 25, she is likely above 85th percentile for BMI of 14 yr old girls at her height, which is the definition of overweight for children/teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the entire thread but back in the 70's, 80's and 90's all kids in public schools were normal weights. Even kids in poorer areas of Maryland were normal weight. In my classes we probably had 1 student who might have been 10 or 15 pounds heavier but there was not the morbid obesity of today.

Students and families maintained their weight by eating 3 healthy meals a day. We did not have snacks between meals.

Girls did sports but not at the level of today.

Sooo many girls I went to high school with in the 90s had eating disorders (including myself). Childhood obesity is a huge problem, don’t get me wrong, but can we stop romanticizing this time where adolescent girls were supposedly effortlessly thin. Whether it was constant dieting, bulimia, anorexia, cigarettes … girls have been harming themselves to stay thin for a long, long time.

Ha, yes. I was in high school in the late 80s and can remember many girls just bringing a can of Slimfast (remember that?) to lunch and that was their breakfast and lunch. Then as the ads said, they would go home and have a "sensible" dinner. Many of the diet products that were meant for adult women were being consumed by teenagers, often at their mothers' approval. Or forcing yourself to throw up or cigarettes. Because what could be worse than being overweight? Chad wouldn't ask you to the prom, you know.

PP here and yes! Between Slimfast and Jenny Craig, I was constantly dieting as a young teen. And I eventually started bingeing (and purging) because I was freaking starving (but also deeply ashamed about it.) These posts recommending policing portion sizes make me a little twitchy.

[Anonymous]

You're tilting against windmills. Either she finds the internal strength to be herself and NGaF or she's going to feel this constantly and be miserable.

Losing weight might help, but this is just the visible thing that makes her an outsider. It's going to be extremely difficult to overcome that. I'm not saying it can't be done, but she's going to need a shit ton of self-confidence, which is hard for a 14- or 15-year-old girl.

I would seriously ask whether the private school education/curriculum is really worth this. Give it a go, but I wouldn't be afraid to throw in the towel and try something else if her mental health suffers for very long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually don’t think it’s the actual sport itself that keeps kids lean as it’s mostly diet that determines things. The benefit of a sport is that they are active AND busy. Lots of people mindlessly snack and if she has no EC she’s doing that daily most likely. Even if she did a busy EC that was non athletic it would probably help. But something out of school would also work? There are lots of rec teams. Dance studios etc.

These kids are all lean bc they have pushy parents who get them involved in activities and they have the money to do that.

+1

Keeping busy definitely prevents a lot of the mindless snacking.

Also, OP, genes…..yes rich people in the US tend to be thinner. And taller. Genetically. That advantage is amplified by increased healthy diet and exercise, yes- but genes play a large role.

TBH with you, this school sounds like a very unhealthy environment for your DD for a lot of reasons. This is probably only the tip of the iceberg. Why keep her in a school where she is so out of place and is going to have a big battle on her hands socially?? Maybe it will make her stronger- but it is just as likely to create mental health issues.

I’d rather my kid be at a school surrounded by kids focused on health and exercise than a school where drugs and violence are the norm where she might get raped in the bathroom. Not even comparable.

Bless your heart that you think private school kids don't do drugs and sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually don’t think it’s the actual sport itself that keeps kids lean as it’s mostly diet that determines things. The benefit of a sport is that they are active AND busy. Lots of people mindlessly snack and if she has no EC she’s doing that daily most likely. Even if she did a busy EC that was non athletic it would probably help. But something out of school would also work? There are lots of rec teams. Dance studios etc.

These kids are all lean bc they have pushy parents who get them involved in activities and they have the money to do that.

Agree with this. And most teens want to eat carbs. Even if not “junk” they aren’t reaching for carrot sticks for a snack. They are making a quesadilla, grilled cheese, BP&J, leftover mashed potatoes, etc. when hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just started at a small private school in 9th grade, and our DD is clearly having some issues adjusting and fitting in. We are on financial aid, so we already are different in that we are outliers in that we drive old cars and both parents work full time -- I actually have the more demanding job so DH is often the one picking up or going to school functions, and he's usually the only Dad for all those things.

But one issue I know is weighing on my DD, judging from her new interest in diet and "healthy eating", is that she is on the high end of the size scale. Honestly, our ped has been somewhat worried about here since her BMI hit 25, but we are wary since we have a family history of eating disorders (grandparents) and it seemed to have originated with the pandemic so we are hoping will wane as she grows.

Her entire school is full of thin and athletic girls, many do a demanding travel sport or even two a season -- a few girls seem to be flying for tennis tournaments every other week. Our DD was doing rec soccer until her team dissolved, and now she doesn't really have any interest in sports and says she won't make the cut for her schools team in any sport since the other students all did travel sports when they were younger.

I'm at a loss of what to do. We try and lead a healthy lifestyle, eating home cooked meals most days, packing a good home made lunch, go on family walks after dinner. I'm a healthy weight and take a yoga class on the weekend, but my DH is definitely put on the pounds in middle age (I think he is sneaking treats at work, since he eats okay at home and even goes to the gym a few days a week). Is her problem stemming from the bad modeling by my DH, should I put him on the irons to lose weight (or even go on GLP1 or something)?

Anyone have any insight into how all these svelte classmates ALL seem to keep slim? I honestly am surprised there is so little varaition; they were all sizes at our public middle school, even within the "wealthier" families. Any tips on how to get DD more active under these scenarios and push her to truly healthy eating (right now she eats too often, even if food is healthy, and is always wanting a snack).

Genetics, controlling almond moms (or dads, I guess), eating disorders, ADHD drugs, or some combo.

What’s an almond mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most teens seem thin so if your child is even a slightly overweight, she may be the odd one out.

My kids all have no fat and they eat tons of junk.

My DD finds it completely unfair that her friends' parents let them eat all the junk food they want and are thin. She's not thin and we definitely limit junk food (basically, one dessert a day, which is still a lot.) The responses to this post will be evenly split with parents saying an overweight kid shouldn't get a dessert a day... and parents saying that by restricting food we are headed toward an eating disorder. It's a struggle EVERY DAY.