Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have more kids if my DH did not stop at 2.

In fact, if we did not have children, I would not stay with him. Him taking care of the kids and being a good dad is what drives my attraction. He is not a good husband but a good dad.

You are mentally ill

Your children know he’s not a good husband

They will need major therapy

why? nothing wrong with what this person said. you seem like YOU are mentally ill.

Just another idiot that got their psychology PhD from tiktok

[Anonymous]

Wow to PP, can see why your kids will not have kids! Bon voyage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see so many discussions about whether it’s worth having kids or not. I’m about to be an empty nester, and I’m also friends with some much younger people who are on the verge of having children. And I feel like when people talk about the pros and cons of children they always talk about the inconveniences and joys of the younger years.

But the reality is that those years go by quickly. And then you’re left being the parent to an adult—who you hope doesn’t hate you and you have a good relationship with. But god knows I know plenty of people who don’t have amazing relationships as adults with their parents.

I look at some of these younger people and I never say it but sometimes I really want to ask them to think if it’s worth it. Those early hard years. And then those magical good years in between when they think you’re the best in the world. But then the teenage years when there’s so much stress about their futures and you’re just an idiot half the time.

But then also beyond that. Being an almost 50 year old with 80 year old parents. Do I bring my mom joy? Half the time she’s mad at me for something or she pissed me off.

I don’t regret having my child. I love them. But I had absolutely NO idea what I was getting into. I could not think beyond those initial childhood years. But those years are nothing compared to all of the rest of the years you are a parent and managing and hoping to have a good relationship with an adult child. Sometimes I wonder—would I have done it if I’d known. But I know there was really no way to know. I’m not sure.

Yeah I get what you are saying. No one tells you anything growing up! You would think at least 1 person would be like..."look, once you have kids your life is over" . You are going to expereince hardships emotionally, mentally that you would have never imagined. And no MOTHER tells you the reality either! My mom had 3 kids and by the time I had my firsy child at age 32, I never heard a word uttered about the realities of motherhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see so many discussions about whether it’s worth having kids or not. I’m about to be an empty nester, and I’m also friends with some much younger people who are on the verge of having children. And I feel like when people talk about the pros and cons of children they always talk about the inconveniences and joys of the younger years.

But the reality is that those years go by quickly. And then you’re left being the parent to an adult—who you hope doesn’t hate you and you have a good relationship with. But god knows I know plenty of people who don’t have amazing relationships as adults with their parents.

I look at some of these younger people and I never say it but sometimes I really want to ask them to think if it’s worth it. Those early hard years. And then those magical good years in between when they think you’re the best in the world. But then the teenage years when there’s so much stress about their futures and you’re just an idiot half the time.

But then also beyond that. Being an almost 50 year old with 80 year old parents. Do I bring my mom joy? Half the time she’s mad at me for something or she pissed me off.

I don’t regret having my child. I love them. But I had absolutely NO idea what I was getting into. I could not think beyond those initial childhood years. But those years are nothing compared to all of the rest of the years you are a parent and managing and hoping to have a good relationship with an adult child. Sometimes I wonder—would I have done it if I’d known. But I know there was really no way to know. I’m not sure.

Yeah I get what you are saying. No one tells you anything growing up! You would think at least 1 person would be like..."look, once you have kids your life is over" . You are going to expereince hardships emotionally, mentally that you would have never imagined. And no MOTHER tells you the reality either! My mom had 3 kids and by the time I had my firsy child at age 32, I never heard a word uttered about the realities of motherhood.

I think this is sarcasm but PP, can you confirm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. The thing is that if you’re responding before you have adult children, you don’t actually know where I’m coming from…just like I don’t know what it will be like having a 30 or 40 year old child.

I just saw a post on here by a parent with a newborn who is mad at their mom or MIL for doing things like giving their kid a pacifier and they want to know if all parents just become annoying once they become grandparents. They’ve totally forgotten how their mom/mil was once where they are.

NP here. Sure, but this is like saying you won’t know if your marriage actually worked out until you divorce or one of you dies. So therefore people shouldn’t get married. There’s no way to know how any human relationship will pan out over decades.

OP. You’re right. I just remember when I was pregnant and all the things I thought about and I just never thought about being a parent to an adult child. It was so far in the future. But there’s so much MORE of that parenting for most people (unless you unfortunately pass away when you’re young) and we never really talk about that when we talk about having kids. It makes sense. Nobody likes to think about getting old. And it’s hard for people to accurately imagine their futures.

I don't know-- I feel like I did think about being a parent to am adult before I had kids. And a teen and a tween and a kid and a toddler and a baby. The whole thing. I do not think I just though about having a baby and stopped there. I thought about the whole experience and decided I was up for it. And I think taking a long view also made the hard early years easier (I knew they were temporary) and while my kid isn't out if the house yet I am trying to do things now to set us up for a good relationship when that happens. I also try to remember that when she seems ungrateful or difficult, that's not really a referendum on our relationship. It's a moment in time.

I just think the key is to never give up on them. It's hard to think if any other human experience as profound as raising a person from a tiny infant into adulthood. It is not easy and it's not always fun but it feels completely worth it to me.

[Anonymous]

For most people their children are their lives. They give them purpose. Why are you on a parenting forum rambling about the positives of not having children? Someone has way too much time.

[Anonymous]

Maybe my parents are just blowing smoke, but I genuinely think they really do cherish the relationship they have with me now as an adult. At least on my end, they are some of the most important people in my life. Yeah, I went through a rebellious teen stage and I was more distant in my early 20s when I was busy building an independent life, but I’ve always loved them and, while the relationship has changed over the years, I really think they’ve actually enjoyed watching me grow into the person I am today and developing their relationship with me.

As for my kids, they are young, so I don’t know how I’ll feel on my deathbed, but, so far, they are the best part of my life. And yeah, I like my job and love my husband, and my friends are amazing, but I don’t think any of that is comparable to being a parent.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is hard. No one tells you about the bad days or how hard having a child with mental illness will be. Watching them get bullied. Watching them get hurt. Having them be awful (yet normal) teens. Realizing your worries will only grow as they age. Who will they marry? will their kids be ok, and so on.

I love my kids very much but it is very very hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I had a strong biological urge and I wanted the full range of human experiences so I chose to have kids. It’s overwhelming. My career is over, I don’t even know who I am anymore, money is tight, and I really don’t enjoy being a mother. In fact, I hate it a lot of the time. I liked when my first was a baby but that’s about it. And now my relationship with DH has suffered so much that even when they leave home it’ll just be carnage in their wake. I love my children, but it’d be nice if being a parent was a part-time thing.

Ha ha yes! The last line pretty much sums it up. . .it would be great (or at least not so awful) if it weren't so all consuming, draining and relentless, especially for mothers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree. If I had known I wouldn’t have had kids.

Same. But I always knew I didn’t want children, my XDH wanted them, so we had one.

I am forever grateful that we only had one and everything was miserable during that period. I found nothing redeeming about babies and young children.

I love having an adult child now more than anything. But it was a slog getting to this point.

[Anonymous]

I have 3. I wasn't religious when they are born, but I am more so now.

Having kids makes so much more sense if you view it through that lens. Without that lens, the birth rate will continue to decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see so many discussions about whether it’s worth having kids or not. I’m about to be an empty nester, and I’m also friends with some much younger people who are on the verge of having children. And I feel like when people talk about the pros and cons of children they always talk about the inconveniences and joys of the younger years.

But the reality is that those years go by quickly. And then you’re left being the parent to an adult—who you hope doesn’t hate you and you have a good relationship with. But god knows I know plenty of people who don’t have amazing relationships as adults with their parents.

I look at some of these younger people and I never say it but sometimes I really want to ask them to think if it’s worth it. Those early hard years. And then those magical good years in between when they think you’re the best in the world. But then the teenage years when there’s so much stress about their futures and you’re just an idiot half the time.

But then also beyond that. Being an almost 50 year old with 80 year old parents. Do I bring my mom joy? Half the time she’s mad at me for something or she pissed me off.

I don’t regret having my child. I love them. But I had absolutely NO idea what I was getting into. I could not think beyond those initial childhood years. But those years are nothing compared to all of the rest of the years you are a parent and managing and hoping to have a good relationship with an adult child. Sometimes I wonder—would I have done it if I’d known. But I know there was really no way to know. I’m not sure.

Yeah I get what you are saying. No one tells you anything growing up! You would think at least 1 person would be like..."look, once you have kids your life is over" . You are going to expereince hardships emotionally, mentally that you would have never imagined. And no MOTHER tells you the reality either! My mom had 3 kids and by the time I had my firsy child at age 32, I never heard a word uttered about the realities of motherhood.

I think this is sarcasm but PP, can you confirm?

Why do you think it’s sarcasm?
I pretty much feel this way. Breastfeeding is beautiful/amazing experience…um, no. Having kids is absolutely romanticized. No one told me the realities of parenting. I actually didn’t mind babies/kids, but my teens are difficult for me to handle.

[Anonymous]

Op thanks for speaking up. I'm amazed at how many people don't realize it really is a choice. We decided no kids a long time ago and haven't looked back. I saw/see many unhappy parents and it's not something I'm interested in. I won't even get into how they want YOU as unhappy as they are most of the time. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

My parents are in their 70’s and it seems like their adult kids and grandkids are the main joy of their lives. However they were boomers and did parenting the easy way in the 80’s.

I have teens now and it feels like a long slog (and I miss the cute toddler years).

[Anonymous]

I can’t relate to your post, and frankly I don’t have any friends that I am close to who could either. Just not our experience or outlook at all. I think yours is a very minority view.