Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

[Anonymous]

This is what OP is saying -

DO NOT DO ANYTHING IN LIFE IN CASE IT TURNS OUT BADLY DECADES FROM NOW. ALL THE JOY YOU'VE FELT SO FAR IN YOUR ENDEAVORS IS FLEETING AND THEREFORE NOT WORTH IT.


OP, you're looking at stupid in the rear-view mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what OP is saying -

DO NOT DO ANYTHING IN LIFE IN CASE IT TURNS OUT BADLY DECADES FROM NOW. ALL THE JOY YOU'VE FELT SO FAR IN YOUR ENDEAVORS IS FLEETING AND THEREFORE NOT WORTH IT.


OP, you're looking at stupid in the rear-view mirror.

No. What I’m saying is that we don’t talk very much or honestly as a society about what parenting is like once you get past the childhood stage. And that your relationship with your child doesn’t end. And for I think a lot of people, it doesn’t bring them nearly as much joy as that childhood stage.

[Anonymous]

I see the opposite working in medicine with elderly people and their kids. Tons of people love their relationships with their parents as they age. Who was the first person Simone biles called when she dropped out? Her mom. If it’s a healthy relationship it’s one of the most treasured ones in a person’s life.

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband and his brothers were ungrateful uncommunicative college students. Today they chat regularly with their mom, both about her grandkids and about various adult topics of interest to her and whichever son she’s talking to (they have different interests!), give her advice on things they know more about than she does and vice versa… She and DH were both in the same city for work a while back and they had lunch together because they both happened to be free. All of which is to say that just because your son is not terribly rewarding to parent right now, that may not be the case forever. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with my adult children — so far they’ve only gotten more fun every year. They’re neat people. I like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what OP is saying -

DO NOT DO ANYTHING IN LIFE IN CASE IT TURNS OUT BADLY DECADES FROM NOW. ALL THE JOY YOU'VE FELT SO FAR IN YOUR ENDEAVORS IS FLEETING AND THEREFORE NOT WORTH IT.


OP, you're looking at stupid in the rear-view mirror.

No. What I’m saying is that we don’t talk very much or honestly as a society about what parenting is like once you get past the childhood stage. And that your relationship with your child doesn’t end. And for I think a lot of people, it doesn’t bring them nearly as much joy as that childhood stage.

So you’re upset because your only child is rebelling when entering college and it’s not as fulfilling as when they were a toddler and loved you unconditionally?

I get that some people have a hard time thinking about the future, but this is a you problem. When my kids were toddlers, I imagined them leaving for college nearly every day. Your child is not a part of you, they are their own autonomous individuals and will make decisions accordingly.

I’m not sure why you think that your own failure envision and plan for the future means that “having kids is overrated”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if there was full disclosure, there would be far fewer children. Both my children are special needs and it has been a long slog. It has been more onerous than joyful. I wish I could have found more joy in it.

I agree, but I don't think full disclosure would be possible here, just as it's not possible for marriage. By the time you understand what you've gotten into, you've already done it. The die is cast.

[Anonymous]

it also ruins your physical health, sometimes your mental health, ages you, sucks up all your cash and then yes they resent and dislike you and write about it on dcum. I adore mine and i'm glad i had them but i wish i'd known the truth instead of the bs everyone feeds you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have more kids if my DH did not stop at 2.

In fact, if we did not have children, I would not stay with him. Him taking care of the kids and being a good dad is what drives my attraction. He is not a good husband but a good dad.

You are mentally ill

Your children know he’s not a good husband

They will need major therapy

why? nothing wrong with what this person said. you seem like YOU are mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see so many discussions about whether it’s worth having kids or not. I’m about to be an empty nester, and I’m also friends with some much younger people who are on the verge of having children. And I feel like when people talk about the pros and cons of children they always talk about the inconveniences and joys of the younger years.

But the reality is that those years go by quickly. And then you’re left being the parent to an adult—who you hope doesn’t hate you and you have a good relationship with. But god knows I know plenty of people who don’t have amazing relationships as adults with their parents.

I look at some of these younger people and I never say it but sometimes I really want to ask them to think if it’s worth it. Those early hard years. And then those magical good years in between when they think you’re the best in the world. But then the teenage years when there’s so much stress about their futures and you’re just an idiot half the time.

But then also beyond that. Being an almost 50 year old with 80 year old parents. Do I bring my mom joy? Half the time she’s mad at me for something or she pissed me off.

I don’t regret having my child. I love them. But I had absolutely NO idea what I was getting into. I could not think beyond those initial childhood years. But those years are nothing compared to all of the rest of the years you are a parent and managing and hoping to have a good relationship with an adult child. Sometimes I wonder—would I have done it if I’d known. But I know there was really no way to know. I’m not sure.

Truth!!! And then if you add unforeseen, uncontrollable bad things that happen to children (mine were a sexual assault at a private school and a sports injury that doesn't allow for most sports anymore) - it is so friggin' hard and those words don't even describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it also ruins your physical health, sometimes your mental health, ages you, sucks up all your cash and then yes they resent and dislike you and write about it on dcum. I adore mine and i'm glad i had them but i wish i'd known the truth instead of the bs everyone feeds you.

Luckily you don’t age if you don’t have children!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what OP is saying -

DO NOT DO ANYTHING IN LIFE IN CASE IT TURNS OUT BADLY DECADES FROM NOW. ALL THE JOY YOU'VE FELT SO FAR IN YOUR ENDEAVORS IS FLEETING AND THEREFORE NOT WORTH IT.


OP, you're looking at stupid in the rear-view mirror.

No. What I’m saying is that we don’t talk very much or honestly as a society about what parenting is like once you get past the childhood stage. And that your relationship with your child doesn’t end. And for I think a lot of people, it doesn’t bring them nearly as much joy as that childhood stage.

There are lots of coversations, books, movies, etc about adult children's relationships with their parents.

But you're the type of self-centered arse who never interests themselves in what others go through, unless you're going through it too. So now you've arrived at that stage, lo and behold, you decide that the entire world has been missing a conversation about this!

Complete and utter rubbish, OP.

I bet that when you're a grandparent, suddenly the world will need to debate grandparents' rights!!!

Moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever. I have a terrible relationship with my crappy mom that required lots of therapy to get over, but my own two daughters are my favorite people in the world and I love hanging out with them. So glad I didn’t do all this self absorbed navel gazing that kept me from creating these two awesome people. Just get on with it, or don’t, damn. I’m tired of hearing about your thought process either way

I feel the same way. My mom was criminally abusive and we’ve been estranged for 10 years.

I’m still glad to have been born and to be alive. And no matter what happens I’m so happy to have my children. It’s been hard but I don’t want to imagine a world without them.

I mean, life is hard no matter what you do. But also, I’m a good problem solver and feel confident I’ll be able to muddle through whatever ends up happening. Still thankful to have been born.

Yes. I think people like OP who do lots of second guessing and navel gazing simply aren’t resilient and would struggle with any life choice not going exactly their way. People who are confident in their own resilience are much less fragile

[Anonymous]

Lol OP thought that she would be thanked for her parenting at all stages, just like she did for her parents I am sure.

OP, you are not very bright. Hoping for your child's sake you aren't a narcissist. Your child is spoiling the nest. A great way to never have your child never appreciate you is to focus on how parenthood hasn't been all bons bons and champagne for you. Grow up

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have a good relationship with your own parents? I do, and am trying to build the same with my kids. For us, it's been 100% worth the IVF, mental and physical health impacts, financial sacrifice, and challenges to careers and marriage.

[Anonymous]

I wish someone had told me that it was ok to not have kids. I wasn't really thinking straight.
We are ok though. My kids are very easy. I have a village to raise them.
They have 10+ aunts and uncles all without kids, and several sets of grandparents without grand-kids. I see my kids only when they are in school and have to be home with me.
My own parents are abroad. We get along fine, but don't need to see them every year. Just got back from seeing them and they are doing very well.
Once my kids are grown, they can come and go as they wish. I told them I was going to retire abroad to get out of their hair. Told them to consider having kids though.
All in all, I have raised my two kids maybe total ten years when I count days. I was raised free-range with independence from parents being utmost importance.
I can't let my kids loose here, but sending them with family is the new version of it I guess.