Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I strongly dislike parenting and motherhood and feel like an outlier.
I miss my hobbies, lazy weekends, no limitations career wise, carefree luxury travel and my former stomach and boobs.
But I also admit that it would be strange to not have a family and only grow old with my husband. I think life would get boring and I would feel like I’m missing something.
In my opinion the childfree life is superior until about 45 and then sh*t starts to get real. I have noticed this in childless couples. There’s also the problem that it gets more difficult to drink alcohol as you age and it would be weird to have so much free time and not be able to drink often.
I’ve also noticed that childfree women at work are very into their career and I can tell it’s one of the most important things to them. Which is fine but after having kids it’s definitely lower on my list and their obsession with work seems rather immature.
Ha this one makes me laugh because I don't agree with the first statement -- while there are things about motherhood I really dislike I actually really like being a mom and am glad I did it.
But otherwise I totally agree with everything here both good and bad. Even the thing about alcohol.
You just hit middle age and whether you have kids or not there's this feeling of "now what" but if you have kids at least you have something to answer that with. Kids can give your life a little shape. Freedom is awesome but there is a point at which being able to do whatever you want starts to feel meaningless. I think that's kind of why we had kids in the first place -- we were starting to feel bored with having the freedom to do whatever we wanted with our time and we wanted a bigger challenged and to enter the next phase of life.
OP here. But then your kids get older and they don’t need you or even necessarily like you. But you still love them. And it all still feels pretty meaningless. And you are like now what?
I’m at a snapshot in time. And maybe my feelings will change. I’m not sure my mom is glad she had me. She loves me but I constantly hear how disappointed she is in various ways. I don’t think I add very much to her life. I also have a child who is kind of on the spectrum…another little surprise life throws…so their love doesn’t necessarily look like what I thought love would look like and probably never will. It got worse as they got older. They were more outwardly loving when they were little.
I don’t know. I’m not really trying to convince anyone of anything…just reflecting on my own choices. Should have chosen a better title. I think I was still so young, even at 30, which sounds dumb because 30 year olds should be more mature…but I don’t think I could see then the pain I’d caused my own mother through the years or the way how she had hurt me had messed me up. And I just mean in the sort of typical dysfunctional family kinds of ways. Nothing crazy. I was so focused on just having a healthy baby and then all the little milestones. Then you turn around and they are leaving and it’s sort of like why did I do all of this? Also makes you aware of how old you are and how time has passed and you can’t go back. It’s all pretty trite stereotypical stuff, I guess.
But that’s what happens when you have an older child. It’s a good thing! They should be older and independent and not “need you” as much.
I’m not saying this to be mean but I think you could benefit from therapy. Just someone to talk through these feelings.
OP. Why is it a good thing for ME? I know it’s good for them. I mean not the being not so nice to me part—but hopefully that gets better. The spectrum stuff doesn’t help.
I guess it means I did a good job and unselfishly I agree with you. But that’s about them. Like I can say yay me for raising a kid who got into a good college and is going away. And I feel that. Of course I want their happiness. And I recognize that if they struggled with that it would be bad. I’m not saying like…wahhh it’s all about me. But the part that IS about me IS about me. And that part really sucks!
Basically as a kid the time you spend with your parents is all the beginning of your life until you start your “real” life. But half of my adult life has been being a parent. Then becoming independent and leaving is an end and there is no replacement unless you’re one of those people who harp on their kids to give them grandchildren (which is pretty unlikely for me and I would never pressure my kid that way).
I guess that’s part of my point. I’m supposed to be glad they’re leaving me? And pulling away? I’m glad they are not struggling with that because I love them. But again….not something I really started thinking about until a few years ago. And even then it was very theoretical until recently when I’m like damn…I’m going to have to get a dog.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}