Who Is Most Out Of Bounds Here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have told DD you think her body is so wrong that any reference to food must be taken nuclear.
It probably is a perfectly normal curvy body but this is how bulimia starts.
Good job, Dad!
What other hints have Mom and Dad been making? Try this, it's a slimming cut? Do you really want that?

Nice try AP.. your day is coming soon too.

Yeah. I developed an eating disorder. Lived experience.

Continue the work, you're not there yet but congrats on moving in the right direction.

In the meantime, i'd refrain from thinking you can give advice on these matters.

[Anonymous]

[code]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Dh didn’t care to tell the truth until Dave hinted at his daughter being overweight. So cheating on your wife is fine until he feels insulted. Something is seriously wrong with that man, sorry.

This. Your husband and Dave are trash individuals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of message does it send to your dd that hinting that she’s a bit heavy is such an insult that her dad is going to go nuclear over it?

That is not being a protective papa bear, that is a recipe for an eating disorder.

If even the suggestion that she might be a bit overweight causes dad to fly off the handle, what does it tell the dd about how important her weight is to her father? This is not the win some of you are suggesting it is.

Agree. Both mean are ahiles who view women as commodities.

[Anonymous]

The only person that blows up a marriage is the cheater.

Dave can go f*** himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have told DD you think her body is so wrong that any reference to food must be taken nuclear.
It probably is a perfectly normal curvy body but this is how bulimia starts.
Good job, Dad!
What other hints have Mom and Dad been making? Try this, it's a slimming cut? Do you really want that?

Nice try AP.. your day is coming soon too.

Yeah. I developed an eating disorder. Lived experience.

Continue the work, you're not there yet but congrats on moving in the right direction.

In the meantime, i'd refrain from thinking you can give advice on these matters.

Why is my post so hard to bear?
Others have mentioned eating disorders.
Do you really want that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Dh didn’t care to tell the truth until Dave hinted at his daughter being overweight. So cheating on your wife is fine until he feels insulted. Something is seriously wrong with that man, sorry.

He cared but he did say anything. Dave changed the rules when he said the inside thought publicly and DH thought oh okay we are just laying everything on the table. Let’s go.

Agreed. You don't insult peoples children. Especially a "friends" child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave is a horrible person, no doubt about it.

BUT I also despise friends who are ok with covering for their friends when things are good (DH knew about the affair and was ok with not saying a word) but when things go south then all of a sudden they grow a conscience and publically air dirty laundry.

I had an ex who would always bring up stuff I confided in him about when we were fighting. He acted so understanding when we were sharing and being intimate but always used it against me later during an argument.

When you do shitty things the reveal of those shitty things is out of your hands.

How about this. Stop doing shitty things.

When you have morals in the first place, you tell your friend Dave to come clean to his wife at the initial revelation of the information. You don't sit complicit for years until it suits you to go ballistic very publically. There are no heroes in this story. They are both shit people.

[Anonymous]

Everybody in this story is crazy and petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of message does it send to your dd that hinting that she’s a bit heavy is such an insult that her dad is going to go nuclear over it?

That is not being a protective papa bear, that is a recipe for an eating disorder.

If even the suggestion that she might be a bit overweight causes dad to fly off the handle, what does it tell the dd about how important her weight is to her father? This is not the win some of you are suggesting it is.

It’s not that weight is such a huge deal. The friend was making a dig at DD, and in a public forum, and in the context of celebrating DD’s accomplishments. It’s not about weight, it’s about trying to diminish DD and doing so publicly.

u

+1. The real question is why does your DH have a friendship with a guy who demeans women? Your DH's secret-keeping shows that he was fine with demeaning women, and even his "defense" of your daughter smacks of sexism (just concerned about her weight, and completely careless about the public damage to the wife).

[Anonymous]

Dave is obviously an a-hole in all respects, but Husband is guilty of staying friends with this jerk for way too long and then going nuclear when it’s his family in the crosshairs. Pretty gross all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave is a horrible person, no doubt about it.

BUT I also despise friends who are ok with covering for their friends when things are good (DH knew about the affair and was ok with not saying a word) but when things go south then all of a sudden they grow a conscience and publically air dirty laundry.

I had an ex who would always bring up stuff I confided in him about when we were fighting. He acted so understanding when we were sharing and being intimate but always used it against me later during an argument.

When you do shitty things the reveal of those shitty things is out of your hands.

How about this. Stop doing shitty things.

When you have morals in the first place, you tell your friend Dave to come clean to his wife at the initial revelation of the information. You don't sit complicit for years until it suits you to go ballistic very publically. There are no heroes in this story. They are both shit people.

Nobody has the responsibility to police all their friends.

If you say a shitty thing privately you might get a shitty response privately, you do it publicly the response is public live with the consequences of YOUR actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of message does it send to your dd that hinting that she’s a bit heavy is such an insult that her dad is going to go nuclear over it?

That is not being a protective papa bear, that is a recipe for an eating disorder.

If even the suggestion that she might be a bit overweight causes dad to fly off the handle, what does it tell the dd about how important her weight is to her father? This is not the win some of you are suggesting it is.

It’s not that weight is such a huge deal. The friend was making a dig at DD, and in a public forum, and in the context of celebrating DD’s accomplishments. It’s not about weight, it’s about trying to diminish DD and doing so publicly.

u

+1. The real question is why does your DH have a friendship with a guy who demeans women? Your DH's secret-keeping shows that he was fine with demeaning women, and even his "defense" of your daughter smacks of sexism (just concerned about her weight, and completely careless about the public damage to the wife).

He just ended that relationship, good job DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have told DD you think her body is so wrong that any reference to food must be taken nuclear.
It probably is a perfectly normal curvy body but this is how bulimia starts.
Good job, Dad!
What other hints have Mom and Dad been making? Try this, it's a slimming cut? Do you really want that?

Nice try AP.. your day is coming soon too.

Yeah. I developed an eating disorder. Lived experience.

Continue the work, you're not there yet but congrats on moving in the right direction.

In the meantime, i'd refrain from thinking you can give advice on these matters.

Why is my post so hard to bear?
Others have mentioned eating disorders.
Do you really want that?

Read it to your therapist.

You’re trying to blame a dad’s actions on an eating disorder instead of Dave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dave’s remark was outrageous, but your DH was even more out of bounds. He should have called Dave out for being an inappropriate pig, ideally offline, not blown up his marriage. Serious over escalation.

Dave said something rude and untrue.

DH said the truth.

Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be publicly broadcast.