Who Is Most Out Of Bounds Here?

[Anonymous]

NP. Hahahahahahaha!!!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

Call my daughter fat on Facebook and you should expect a debilitating disproportionate response. Also, if you don’t cheat, you can’t be called out for cheating.

Well is she fat?

Doesn't matter if she is I will blow you up, if she is not I will blow you up.

You are not my friend and I don't care about you or your family at this point.

If you don't care about your family and you make destructive decisions that terribly affect them why would you hold me to a higher standard.

Bye Felicia.

I have so many questions for people like you. I really wonder how you manage to act in social, professional, and emotional situations. I mean, I guess I know, I'm just so glad I'm not surrounded by people like you. Better go get a fresh Mama Bear sticker for your minivan, you wouldn't want the old one to fade.

I'm not the PP, and I'm someone who is VERY measured in all the situations you describe. At work I actually am like, the person people call to deal with difficult people because I have a seemingly never ending well of self control and patience. It is my specialty, taming other emotionally volatile people.

But I have to say if someone called my daughter fat on the internet I too believe I would have a debilitating disproportionate response, regardless of her weight. Girls these days (of every size) need NO help worrying about their bodies. And this type of comment from someone you know can ring in your ears for the rest of your life. I would absolutely lose my sh*t.

Kids deserve parents who will go to the mattresses for them, no one ever fought for me growing up (guess how I got to be so good at dealing with emotionally volatile people?), I'm not going to let my kids down.

How does making the comment more memorable by making a big deal help the kid? OP's parent let their own kid down.

I don't know what to tell you. There are clearly two types of people here. The people for whom such an insult to their kid would cause them to see red and lash out before they could even think properly about it and the people who act like those people are crazy.

I would rather be the former. To an extent of course. Here we have a relationship that has clearly had drama in the past and a dad defending his daughter. I would rather see my parent fight for me than try to sweep it under the rug. To each their own.

And you can't think of a single way to do that other than how it was done? Really?

Of course I can! But people aren't perfect. Especially when taunted like this. I just don't know what you all want people to say? Like no in fact Dave's family would not be at the forefront of my mind after he did something super jerky to me. It doesn't mean I have no empathy for them or whatever but like what responsibility do any of us have to the families of terrible people? I feel awful for the relatives of school shooters but don't think we're not allowed to talk about it because it hurts their feelings. That is of course a MUCH more extreme example but is that what you're saying? That Dave is entitled to go around treating people like garbage and keeping all his secrets secret because he has a family? Everyone has a family!

Again the question is 'who is most out of bounds'. My answer: Dave.

Don't ever call yourself empathetic again.

People use empathy to imprison others. I’m very empathetic and struggle standing up for myself because I don’t like making other people feel bad. But that’s unhealthy for me, I’m actively trying to be a little less like that for my own mental health. I think this is insidious thinking that is bad for young girls especially to hear.

Making people feel bad how?

I have daughters and I have no problem teaching them that their job is not to make other people, especially men, happy.

But not being mean to people, i.e. not trying to blow up their life or saying unkind things, shouldn't be something you struggle with because that's how everyone should treat each other. And if someone doesn't treat you like that the answer isn't to fight fire with fire. You can, but then your hands also aren't clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be clearer, our responsibilities to those families with horrible relatives are to not attack them or hold them responsible for the actions of their relative. But we are not responsible for the feelings they have when they see/are made aware of the behavior of the terrible relative.

That’s on the terrible person.

So if your husband cheated on you, you would be fine finding out via Facebook at the same time as your friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clearer, our responsibilities to those families with horrible relatives are to not attack them or hold them responsible for the actions of their relative. But we are not responsible for the feelings they have when they see/are made aware of the behavior of the terrible relative.

That’s on the terrible person.

So if your husband cheated on you, you would be fine finding out via Facebook at the same time as your friends?

You are missing the point.

Nobody is fine finding out in front of people, on FB, in private, in the future.

It’s never good.

That’s Dave’s fault.

[Anonymous]

Initially Dave was out of bounds for leaving such a mean comment, but now your husband is also out of bounds for attempting to wreck his best friend’s marriage.

How old are you all?
I am only asking because this behavior is very very immature in nature.

[Anonymous]

Your DH was obviously more wrong. Why would he write that publicly?

Dave is an ass for his comment. You should have deleted and just thought of him as a dick.

Not to be mean but if the daughter is overweight and people post, most people often would think similarly. That’s why most people don’t post pics of chubby kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clearer, our responsibilities to those families with horrible relatives are to not attack them or hold them responsible for the actions of their relative. But we are not responsible for the feelings they have when they see/are made aware of the behavior of the terrible relative.

That’s on the terrible person.

So if your husband cheated on you, you would be fine finding out via Facebook at the same time as your friends?

You are missing the point.

Nobody is fine finding out in front of people, on FB, in private, in the future.

It’s never good.

That’s Dave’s fault.

You are missing the point. Of course the affair and the fallout from it are Dave’s fault but it’s OP’s husband’s fault that other people know. Dave’s wife could have found out another way and they could have chosen not to tell people. But OP’s husband took that choice away from Dave’s wife.

[Anonymous]

NP.

I am team OP’s husband.

Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Sounds like this was a long time coming.

[Anonymous]

If my dad had done this for me, I would have called him a hero. Take the AH down! Picking on a minor for her appearance on FB is a lot worse than pointing out the immoral behavior of another adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH was obviously more wrong. Why would he write that publicly?

Dave is an ass for his comment. You should have deleted and just thought of him as a dick.

Not to be mean but if the daughter is overweight and people post, most people often would think similarly. That’s why most people don’t post pics of chubby kids.

Make no mistake about it; you are a true c.u.n.t.

[Anonymous]

Dave publicly mocked the daughter's weight. F-him and his wife for trying to blame anyone but her cheating husband. Her family was ruined because her husband ruined it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

Dave blew up his own marriage.

[Anonymous]

In my world, DH would cut off a friend who cheated on his wife, and we don't have social media.

Adults picked on me when I was a kid all the time. My parents ignored it. I don't feel like they didn't stand up for me; they showed me that those people were meaningless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my dad had done this for me, I would have called him a hero. Take the AH down! Picking on a minor for her appearance on FB is a lot worse than pointing out the immoral behavior of another adult.

Not when the immoral behavior has innocent victims. You would mortified by your douchetastic dad's behavior. Knowing he was ashamed of your body in that way. Don't pretend otherwise. Dave is fair game, his wife and kids are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

Dave blew up his own marriage.

He did, but Dave's wife didn't deserve to have it brought to her attention that way. You know this, but you're just digging in to keep this lame thread going.