Who Is Most Out Of Bounds Here?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So one guy insults family and fair game is to humiliate the other family?

Who raised you people?

People who don't humiliate other people's kids ...to ad insult, in a very public manner!

And frankly, when you go that low to publicly humiliating someone's kid, all bets are off.

Publicly humiliating the child of the person who knows that you had an affair no less. Dave is clearly a horrible idiot and it is difficult for me to muster sympathy for him.

Do you recognize that Dave also has a wife and kids? What about them?

I don't think its on OP or her DH to have to swallow Dave's horrific treatment of them and I don't think they owe the daughter and wife going out of their way to deny themselves an honest response.

I think the DH was over the line. I also think he was probably seeing red after Dave said something seemingly DESIGNED to make him see red. And IMO this is a lot of justification to get around to trying to protect Dave from the consequences of his actions.

Horrific treatment? You exaggerate a bit much.

I mean there have CLEARLY been other incidents! OP's wife has long suspected him of BPD! This is obviously not the first offense.

And I guess you think differently about your kids than I do because if someone called my teenage daughter fat in any way shape or form, let alone in a way clearly designed to mock her in a celebratory moment on my public Facebook page I would lose my ever loving sh*t. I would delete the person's post, unfriend them and excoriate them on text and not blow up their life because I wouldn't want that on MY page but I would lose my mind. And talk an incredible amount of crap about them to everyone who would listen. That is absolutely a horrific thing to do.

Deleting the post, unfriending them, and sending a private text are all perfectly acceptable responses. Talking crap about them like telling people about Dave’s affair? That’s going too far. Telling people what they did? Fine, but honestly at a certain point it makes you look crazy and you need to let it go. Dave is clearly a bad guy so his comment shouldn’t mean much.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Have an affair, tell people about it, then treat those people badly you don't get to walk around all wah wah wah when the consequences hit.

For the millionth time - no one is sympathetic to Dave. No one feels bad for Dave that his affair was made public. Dave deserves every bit of what he got. But outing the affair the way OP's husband did hurt more than just Dave. And that's the problem. But if you don't understand that more than 30 pages in there's really nothing more that can be said to you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

Call my daughter fat on Facebook and you should expect a debilitating disproportionate response. Also, if you don’t cheat, you can’t be called out for cheating.

Well is she fat?

Doesn't matter if she is I will blow you up, if she is not I will blow you up.

You are not my friend and I don't care about you or your family at this point.

If you don't care about your family and you make destructive decisions that terribly affect them why would you hold me to a higher standard.

Bye Felicia.

I have so many questions for people like you. I really wonder how you manage to act in social, professional, and emotional situations. I mean, I guess I know, I'm just so glad I'm not surrounded by people like you. Better go get a fresh Mama Bear sticker for your minivan, you wouldn't want the old one to fade.

I'm not the PP, and I'm someone who is VERY measured in all the situations you describe. At work I actually am like, the person people call to deal with difficult people because I have a seemingly never ending well of self control and patience. It is my specialty, taming other emotionally volatile people.

But I have to say if someone called my daughter fat on the internet I too believe I would have a debilitating disproportionate response, regardless of her weight. Girls these days (of every size) need NO help worrying about their bodies. And this type of comment from someone you know can ring in your ears for the rest of your life. I would absolutely lose my sh*t.

Kids deserve parents who will go to the mattresses for them, no one ever fought for me growing up (guess how I got to be so good at dealing with emotionally volatile people?), I'm not going to let my kids down.

How does making the comment more memorable by making a big deal help the kid? OP's parent let their own kid down.

I don't know what to tell you. There are clearly two types of people here. The people for whom such an insult to their kid would cause them to see red and lash out before they could even think properly about it and the people who act like those people are crazy.

I would rather be the former. To an extent of course. Here we have a relationship that has clearly had drama in the past and a dad defending his daughter. I would rather see my parent fight for me than try to sweep it under the rug. To each their own.

And you can't think of a single way to do that other than how it was done? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

Call my daughter fat on Facebook and you should expect a debilitating disproportionate response. Also, if you don’t cheat, you can’t be called out for cheating.

Well is she fat?

Doesn't matter if she is I will blow you up, if she is not I will blow you up.

You are not my friend and I don't care about you or your family at this point.

If you don't care about your family and you make destructive decisions that terribly affect them why would you hold me to a higher standard.

Bye Felicia.

I have so many questions for people like you. I really wonder how you manage to act in social, professional, and emotional situations. I mean, I guess I know, I'm just so glad I'm not surrounded by people like you. Better go get a fresh Mama Bear sticker for your minivan, you wouldn't want the old one to fade.

You should be glad you sound like a Karen who never wants to be called on her sh!t.

I’m extremely successful socially, professionally and emotionally.

But he drunk Karen treating your waitress like crap, I will stand up to you for her.

You bully a family because their kid with Tourette’s is making noise at a restaurant. I’m gonna be there to shut you down.

Sorry Karen!

There's standing up for people and there's "blowing someone's life up" because you're upset about what they said. But I don't expect you to understand the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are so many still ignoring the fact that Dave’s wife and kids did nothing wrong? Are you that dumb or just unwilling to see that there are innocent parties to this shit show and DH should have considered them. JFC. Grow the up. Only super trashy people act like this on social media and in public.

The trash that has found their way to this thread is astounding. I can only imagine what these people's Facebook pages look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

Call my daughter fat on Facebook and you should expect a debilitating disproportionate response. Also, if you don’t cheat, you can’t be called out for cheating.

Well is she fat?

Doesn't matter if she is I will blow you up, if she is not I will blow you up.

You are not my friend and I don't care about you or your family at this point.

If you don't care about your family and you make destructive decisions that terribly affect them why would you hold me to a higher standard.

Bye Felicia.

I have so many questions for people like you. I really wonder how you manage to act in social, professional, and emotional situations. I mean, I guess I know, I'm just so glad I'm not surrounded by people like you. Better go get a fresh Mama Bear sticker for your minivan, you wouldn't want the old one to fade.

I'm not the PP, and I'm someone who is VERY measured in all the situations you describe. At work I actually am like, the person people call to deal with difficult people because I have a seemingly never ending well of self control and patience. It is my specialty, taming other emotionally volatile people.

But I have to say if someone called my daughter fat on the internet I too believe I would have a debilitating disproportionate response, regardless of her weight. Girls these days (of every size) need NO help worrying about their bodies. And this type of comment from someone you know can ring in your ears for the rest of your life. I would absolutely lose my sh*t.

Kids deserve parents who will go to the mattresses for them, no one ever fought for me growing up (guess how I got to be so good at dealing with emotionally volatile people?), I'm not going to let my kids down.

How does making the comment more memorable by making a big deal help the kid? OP's parent let their own kid down.

I don't know what to tell you. There are clearly two types of people here. The people for whom such an insult to their kid would cause them to see red and lash out before they could even think properly about it and the people who act like those people are crazy.

I would rather be the former. To an extent of course. Here we have a relationship that has clearly had drama in the past and a dad defending his daughter. I would rather see my parent fight for me than try to sweep it under the rug. To each their own.

And you can't think of a single way to do that other than how it was done? Really?

Of course I can! But people aren't perfect. Especially when taunted like this. I just don't know what you all want people to say? Like no in fact Dave's family would not be at the forefront of my mind after he did something super jerky to me. It doesn't mean I have no empathy for them or whatever but like what responsibility do any of us have to the families of terrible people? I feel awful for the relatives of school shooters but don't think we're not allowed to talk about it because it hurts their feelings. That is of course a MUCH more extreme example but is that what you're saying? That Dave is entitled to go around treating people like garbage and keeping all his secrets secret because he has a family? Everyone has a family!

Again the question is 'who is most out of bounds'. My answer: Dave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are so many still ignoring the fact that Dave’s wife and kids did nothing wrong? Are you that dumb or just unwilling to see that there are innocent parties to this shit show and DH should have considered them. JFC. Grow the up. Only super trashy people act like this on social media and in public.

I mean you are clearly just dragging this out so I just must be in the mood to argue with trolls about this but again, his family is the victim of HIM. If someone does something awful to me and I react, and my reaction done emotionally and in the moment in response to a completely unexpected and cruel gesture hurts the feelings of someone else, I may feel bad after the fact but the guilt of that does not in fact rest on my shoulders.

We are entitled to have our own human authentic reactions to events and do not have a responsibility to every person who could be impacted by it. I think the DH could have handled it better but I certainly don't blame him and in the context of the question at hand "who is most out of bounds here" it is not the DH! It is, in fact, definitively, Dave.

You're a trash person. You should feel guilty for hurting someone's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m team DH and I love this. I wish my DH would bring that kind of big D energy when it comes to standing up for his kids.

I consider myself to be a pretty polite and chill person but a woman once made a rude comment to me about my child who had just had a seizure in public and she interpreted his behavior as a tantrum. I’m a large woman, and was inches from her face screaming within about 2 seconds. She was terrified and immediately apologized and cried. I’m not proud of what I did exactly, but there’s something primal that gets triggered in us when our kids are attacked.

I love your DH for going all Papa Bear for your DD.

I would have been mortified if my mother had done that when I had a seizure.

Pp here. Yeah i probably shouldn’t have done it. The logical part of my brain was completely offline. My DC thankfully didn’t realize what happened.

My mother stood up for me when I was a child. Even if your child saw it and would've been mortified at the time, I guarantee they will appreciate what you did when they're old enough to understand your Mama Bear instincts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m team DH and I love this. I wish my DH would bring that kind of big D energy when it comes to standing up for his kids.

I consider myself to be a pretty polite and chill person but a woman once made a rude comment to me about my child who had just had a seizure in public and she interpreted his behavior as a tantrum. I’m a large woman, and was inches from her face screaming within about 2 seconds. She was terrified and immediately apologized and cried. I’m not proud of what I did exactly, but there’s something primal that gets triggered in us when our kids are attacked.

I love your DH for going all Papa Bear for your DD.

I would have been mortified if my mother had done that when I had a seizure.

Pp here. Yeah i probably shouldn’t have done it. The logical part of my brain was completely offline. My DC thankfully didn’t realize what happened.

My mother stood up for me when I was a child. Even if your child saw it and would've been mortified at the time, I guarantee they will appreciate what you did when they're old enough to understand your Mama Bear instincts.

Teens will never think their parents picking fights on facebook is anything but cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m team DH and I love this. I wish my DH would bring that kind of big D energy when it comes to standing up for his kids.

I consider myself to be a pretty polite and chill person but a woman once made a rude comment to me about my child who had just had a seizure in public and she interpreted his behavior as a tantrum. I’m a large woman, and was inches from her face screaming within about 2 seconds. She was terrified and immediately apologized and cried. I’m not proud of what I did exactly, but there’s something primal that gets triggered in us when our kids are attacked.

I love your DH for going all Papa Bear for your DD.

I would have been mortified if my mother had done that when I had a seizure.

Pp here. Yeah i probably shouldn’t have done it. The logical part of my brain was completely offline. My DC thankfully didn’t realize what happened.

My mother stood up for me when I was a child. Even if your child saw it and would've been mortified at the time, I guarantee they will appreciate what you did when they're old enough to understand your Mama Bear instincts.

Teens will never think their parents picking fights on facebook is anything but cringe.

Oh, I wasn't talking about social media nonsense. I was referring to in-person confrontation w/ a bully or someone insulting your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m team DH and I love this. I wish my DH would bring that kind of big D energy when it comes to standing up for his kids.

I consider myself to be a pretty polite and chill person but a woman once made a rude comment to me about my child who had just had a seizure in public and she interpreted his behavior as a tantrum. I’m a large woman, and was inches from her face screaming within about 2 seconds. She was terrified and immediately apologized and cried. I’m not proud of what I did exactly, but there’s something primal that gets triggered in us when our kids are attacked.

I love your DH for going all Papa Bear for your DD.

I would have been mortified if my mother had done that when I had a seizure.

Pp here. Yeah i probably shouldn’t have done it. The logical part of my brain was completely offline. My DC thankfully didn’t realize what happened.

My mother stood up for me when I was a child. Even if your child saw it and would've been mortified at the time, I guarantee they will appreciate what you did when they're old enough to understand your Mama Bear instincts.

Teens will never think their parents picking fights on facebook is anything but cringe.

Oh, I wasn't talking about social media nonsense. I was referring to in-person confrontation w/ a bully or someone insulting your child.

It doesn’t matter bc all of this was massively embarrassing to the teen, no thanks to neanderthal dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

Call my daughter fat on Facebook and you should expect a debilitating disproportionate response. Also, if you don’t cheat, you can’t be called out for cheating.

Well is she fat?

Doesn't matter if she is I will blow you up, if she is not I will blow you up.

You are not my friend and I don't care about you or your family at this point.

If you don't care about your family and you make destructive decisions that terribly affect them why would you hold me to a higher standard.

Bye Felicia.

I have so many questions for people like you. I really wonder how you manage to act in social, professional, and emotional situations. I mean, I guess I know, I'm just so glad I'm not surrounded by people like you. Better go get a fresh Mama Bear sticker for your minivan, you wouldn't want the old one to fade.

I'm not the PP, and I'm someone who is VERY measured in all the situations you describe. At work I actually am like, the person people call to deal with difficult people because I have a seemingly never ending well of self control and patience. It is my specialty, taming other emotionally volatile people.

But I have to say if someone called my daughter fat on the internet I too believe I would have a debilitating disproportionate response, regardless of her weight. Girls these days (of every size) need NO help worrying about their bodies. And this type of comment from someone you know can ring in your ears for the rest of your life. I would absolutely lose my sh*t.

Kids deserve parents who will go to the mattresses for them, no one ever fought for me growing up (guess how I got to be so good at dealing with emotionally volatile people?), I'm not going to let my kids down.

How does making the comment more memorable by making a big deal help the kid? OP's parent let their own kid down.

I don't know what to tell you. There are clearly two types of people here. The people for whom such an insult to their kid would cause them to see red and lash out before they could even think properly about it and the people who act like those people are crazy.

I would rather be the former. To an extent of course. Here we have a relationship that has clearly had drama in the past and a dad defending his daughter. I would rather see my parent fight for me than try to sweep it under the rug. To each their own.

And you can't think of a single way to do that other than how it was done? Really?

Of course I can! But people aren't perfect. Especially when taunted like this. I just don't know what you all want people to say? Like no in fact Dave's family would not be at the forefront of my mind after he did something super jerky to me. It doesn't mean I have no empathy for them or whatever but like what responsibility do any of us have to the families of terrible people? I feel awful for the relatives of school shooters but don't think we're not allowed to talk about it because it hurts their feelings. That is of course a MUCH more extreme example but is that what you're saying? That Dave is entitled to go around treating people like garbage and keeping all his secrets secret because he has a family? Everyone has a family!

Again the question is 'who is most out of bounds'. My answer: Dave.

Don't ever call yourself empathetic again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m team DH and I love this. I wish my DH would bring that kind of big D energy when it comes to standing up for his kids.

I consider myself to be a pretty polite and chill person but a woman once made a rude comment to me about my child who had just had a seizure in public and she interpreted his behavior as a tantrum. I’m a large woman, and was inches from her face screaming within about 2 seconds. She was terrified and immediately apologized and cried. I’m not proud of what I did exactly, but there’s something primal that gets triggered in us when our kids are attacked.

I love your DH for going all Papa Bear for your DD.

I would have been mortified if my mother had done that when I had a seizure.

Pp here. Yeah i probably shouldn’t have done it. The logical part of my brain was completely offline. My DC thankfully didn’t realize what happened.

My mother stood up for me when I was a child. Even if your child saw it and would've been mortified at the time, I guarantee they will appreciate what you did when they're old enough to understand your Mama Bear instincts.

Yeah no. You're saying that to justify gross behavior. Calling yourself a Mama Bear doesn't make you any less of a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both were wrong. Your DH was WAY more wrong.

Agree with this. One guy called another guy’s daughter fat, not to her. One guy blew up the other guy’s marriage.

Call my daughter fat on Facebook and you should expect a debilitating disproportionate response. Also, if you don’t cheat, you can’t be called out for cheating.

Well is she fat?

Doesn't matter if she is I will blow you up, if she is not I will blow you up.

You are not my friend and I don't care about you or your family at this point.

If you don't care about your family and you make destructive decisions that terribly affect them why would you hold me to a higher standard.

Bye Felicia.

I have so many questions for people like you. I really wonder how you manage to act in social, professional, and emotional situations. I mean, I guess I know, I'm just so glad I'm not surrounded by people like you. Better go get a fresh Mama Bear sticker for your minivan, you wouldn't want the old one to fade.

I'm not the PP, and I'm someone who is VERY measured in all the situations you describe. At work I actually am like, the person people call to deal with difficult people because I have a seemingly never ending well of self control and patience. It is my specialty, taming other emotionally volatile people.

But I have to say if someone called my daughter fat on the internet I too believe I would have a debilitating disproportionate response, regardless of her weight. Girls these days (of every size) need NO help worrying about their bodies. And this type of comment from someone you know can ring in your ears for the rest of your life. I would absolutely lose my sh*t.

Kids deserve parents who will go to the mattresses for them, no one ever fought for me growing up (guess how I got to be so good at dealing with emotionally volatile people?), I'm not going to let my kids down.

How does making the comment more memorable by making a big deal help the kid? OP's parent let their own kid down.

I don't know what to tell you. There are clearly two types of people here. The people for whom such an insult to their kid would cause them to see red and lash out before they could even think properly about it and the people who act like those people are crazy.

I would rather be the former. To an extent of course. Here we have a relationship that has clearly had drama in the past and a dad defending his daughter. I would rather see my parent fight for me than try to sweep it under the rug. To each their own.

And you can't think of a single way to do that other than how it was done? Really?

Of course I can! But people aren't perfect. Especially when taunted like this. I just don't know what you all want people to say? Like no in fact Dave's family would not be at the forefront of my mind after he did something super jerky to me. It doesn't mean I have no empathy for them or whatever but like what responsibility do any of us have to the families of terrible people? I feel awful for the relatives of school shooters but don't think we're not allowed to talk about it because it hurts their feelings. That is of course a MUCH more extreme example but is that what you're saying? That Dave is entitled to go around treating people like garbage and keeping all his secrets secret because he has a family? Everyone has a family!

Again the question is 'who is most out of bounds'. My answer: Dave.

Don't ever call yourself empathetic again.

People use empathy to imprison others. I’m very empathetic and struggle standing up for myself because I don’t like making other people feel bad. But that’s unhealthy for me, I’m actively trying to be a little less like that for my own mental health. I think this is insidious thinking that is bad for young girls especially to hear.

[Anonymous]

To be clearer, our responsibilities to those families with horrible relatives are to not attack them or hold them responsible for the actions of their relative. But we are not responsible for the feelings they have when they see/are made aware of the behavior of the terrible relative.

That’s on the terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Poor OP’s daughter, she now knows her dad thinks being overweight is at the same level as cheating on a spouse. I would be so proud OP….