Have you been propositioned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need to set some standards here, being hit on propositioned or flirted with is a gigantic gray area.

What isn’t hitting on someone:
A man giving a polite smile while you pass each other in a hallway, street or grocery store aisle is not hitting on you. A man making polite conversation in a waiting room is also not hitting on you. a man holding a door is not hitting on you.

What is hitting on someone:
You are beautiful, are you free for lunch?
I have never been so fascinated by someone so quickly, please God tell me you’re not married?
my flight doesn’t leave for four hours, would you like to come up to my room to relax a while?
That necklace lands in the most perfect spot on your neck, I’m sorry but I can’t concentrate on anything else.


So what’ll ll it be girls, are you being hit on or are these just everyday social situations where people are being polite to you?

That would be very bizarre if anyone thought someone holding the door or smiling at you is a “proposition.” The times I have been it is quite obvious- like a suggestion we go somewhere private with a bottle of wine. Also, when it’s said, it’s said in a way that’s testing the waters, they say it in a kind of joking way to see if you’ll take the bait. I brush those things off and keep it moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need to set some standards here, being hit on propositioned or flirted with is a gigantic gray area.

What isn’t hitting on someone:
A man giving a polite smile while you pass each other in a hallway, street or grocery store aisle is not hitting on you. A man making polite conversation in a waiting room is also not hitting on you. a man holding a door is not hitting on you.

What is hitting on someone:
You are beautiful, are you free for lunch?
I have never been so fascinated by someone so quickly, please God tell me you’re not married?
my flight doesn’t leave for four hours, would you like to come up to my room to relax a while?
That necklace lands in the most perfect spot on your neck, I’m sorry but I can’t concentrate on anything else.


So what’ll ll it be girls, are you being hit on or are these just everyday social situations where people are being polite to you?

Yeah, I agree.

i earlier answered this thread saying as a married male I had never been propositioned, but then reading some of these other comments... sure, I've been out at a bar, and a woman I didn't know will start talking to me, and maybe something complimentary, and I'll smile and say thank you and chat for a minute and then walk away. A couple of times, I've thought, she was nice... and then it dawned on me, she was trying to start a conversation—but that's a far cry from offering me sex. Another time, I was riding my bicycle and a man rolled up next to me while we waited at a light and started chatting and was extremely friendly, complimenting my bike and my interest in bicycling and he very solicitously suggested he would be happy to bicycle with me sometime. I rode away thinking the DC bicycling community REALLY IS a friendly place... and a few blocks away, I remembered it's really not and the dude was flirting. But still not an offer of sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need to set some standards here, being hit on propositioned or flirted with is a gigantic gray area.

What isn’t hitting on someone:
A man giving a polite smile while you pass each other in a hallway, street or grocery store aisle is not hitting on you. A man making polite conversation in a waiting room is also not hitting on you. a man holding a door is not hitting on you.

What is hitting on someone:
You are beautiful, are you free for lunch?
I have never been so fascinated by someone so quickly, please God tell me you’re not married?
my flight doesn’t leave for four hours, would you like to come up to my room to relax a while?
That necklace lands in the most perfect spot on your neck, I’m sorry but I can’t concentrate on anything else.


So what’ll ll it be girls, are you being hit on or are these just everyday social situations where people are being polite to you?

On what planet does a heterosexual adult woman make it to middle age, marriage, motherhood and not know when a man is hitting on her in a hotel bar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need to set some standards here, being hit on propositioned or flirted with is a gigantic gray area.

What isn’t hitting on someone:
A man giving a polite smile while you pass each other in a hallway, street or grocery store aisle is not hitting on you. A man making polite conversation in a waiting room is also not hitting on you. a man holding a door is not hitting on you.

What is hitting on someone:
You are beautiful, are you free for lunch?
I have never been so fascinated by someone so quickly, please God tell me you’re not married?
my flight doesn’t leave for four hours, would you like to come up to my room to relax a while?
That necklace lands in the most perfect spot on your neck, I’m sorry but I can’t concentrate on anything else.


So what’ll ll it be girls, are you being hit on or are these just everyday social situations where people are being polite to you?

The bolded is most definitely a proposition.

[Anonymous]

Male. While in college I spent a summer bumming my way through Europe, often traveling alone. I often traveled by train and meet a girl traveling solo and after a few hours you’d reach the next city and she’d ask if I’d like to share a room to save money. While not a direct proposition it always led to sex. One time it was two girls and that was quite memorable. Since then life has been a bit more boring.

[Anonymous]

Twice, once less than a month after I got married and the second time when I ran into a former coworker at a conference. As a guy it felt nice to be seriously hit on but I politely declined.

[Anonymous]

I"m female, 49 and have never been propositioned. Married x 22 years.
The only thing I can think of is that another dad (from my son's baseball team) and I became friendly and once when both of our spouses were traveling for work he texted me late at night and asked if I wanted to come over and have drinks with him the next evening. I was busy and said no. In retrospect that was a little weird.

Otherwise no. I was attractive in my youth but I never went to a bar/club from age 30 on and I don't travel for work. I almost always had kids with me when I was in public from 30+. I'm also not flirtatious at all and rarely if ever make eye contact with men. In fact I can be fairly awkward around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to set some standards here, being hit on propositioned or flirted with is a gigantic gray area.

What isn’t hitting on someone:
A man giving a polite smile while you pass each other in a hallway, street or grocery store aisle is not hitting on you. A man making polite conversation in a waiting room is also not hitting on you. a man holding a door is not hitting on you.

What is hitting on someone:
You are beautiful, are you free for lunch?
I have never been so fascinated by someone so quickly, please God tell me you’re not married?
my flight doesn’t leave for four hours, would you like to come up to my room to relax a while?
That necklace lands in the most perfect spot on your neck, I’m sorry but I can’t concentrate on anything else.


So what’ll ll it be girls, are you being hit on or are these just everyday social situations where people are being polite to you?

The bolded is most definitely a proposition.

The definition of proposition is pretty clear: the person has to actually propose sexual relations right then and there.

[Anonymous]

I would say 3 times. Once in college, a girl told me she was known for giving great BJs; I let her show me. In grad school, I stopped by a classmate's place to drop something off and she told me to come in and go upstairs to her bedroom; I did. And at a wedding, a couple invited DW and me up to their room at the hotel; we declined (we said we had to get home for the kids). I wish it happened occasionally, even if I didn't accept the invitation--a little more frisson in my life would be nice.

[Anonymous]

M here, 52 - I've had women flirt with me but there are two clear incidents come to mind - both involved business. trips. All of my colleagues know I am not just married but very happily married (and we have 3 kids).

1 - colleague about 8-10 years younger than me had been trying to flirt with me throughout a week long overseas business trip (we were a large group of about 9 people on the trip). toward the end of the week as we were all finishing a team dinner she asked me if we could chat quickly about her part of the report she was drafting. I gave her some general advice and told her to email the draft and I would review it. About 10-15 minutes after I was in my room alone, she knocked on the door and was standing there in a robe and suggested that we could talk 1:1. It took a second to simply process what was happening but I politely told her this was not going to happen and sent her away.

2 - fast forward a few years , another overseas business trip and a different colleague literally jumped into my lap as we were in a cab driving to the hotel from dinner. I told her I'm a happily married man and that I love my wife. As we arrived to the hotel, she offered an apology suggested that perhaps we could talk about this upstairs in her room. Told her I didn't think that was a good idea and said goodnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:M here, 52 - I've had women flirt with me but there are two clear incidents come to mind - both involved business. trips. All of my colleagues know I am not just married but very happily married (and we have 3 kids).

1 - colleague about 8-10 years younger than me had been trying to flirt with me throughout a week long overseas business trip (we were a large group of about 9 people on the trip). toward the end of the week as we were all finishing a team dinner she asked me if we could chat quickly about her part of the report she was drafting. I gave her some general advice and told her to email the draft and I would review it. About 10-15 minutes after I was in my room alone, she knocked on the door and was standing there in a robe and suggested that we could talk 1:1. It took a second to simply process what was happening but I politely told her this was not going to happen and sent her away.

2 - fast forward a few years , another overseas business trip and a different colleague literally jumped into my lap as we were in a cab driving to the hotel from dinner. I told her I'm a happily married man and that I love my wife. As we arrived to the hotel, she offered an apology suggested that perhaps we could talk about this upstairs in her room. Told her I didn't think that was a good idea and said goodnight.

How come these things never happen to me? A certain kind of woman like me, but other than that, nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you hang out in church why do you want to be propositioned?

I don’t necessarily want that, I just want to know where all these married women on DCUM are going that they claim they have had “many opportunities” to be with other men.

I get what you’re saying OP. I think many, many women mistake laugher and small talk as being propositioned. Like at any moment the woman was expecting the man to slip her his room key. I think most of these women have over inflated senses of self. I’ve never understood it. Unless he leans in to whisper in your ear “What are you doing later? My room number is 212,” he’s not actually propositioning you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I"m female, 49 and have never been propositioned. Married x 22 years.
The only thing I can think of is that another dad (from my son's baseball team) and I became friendly and once when both of our spouses were traveling for work he texted me late at night and asked if I wanted to come over and have drinks with him the next evening. I was busy and said no. In retrospect that was a little weird.

Otherwise no. I was attractive in my youth but I never went to a bar/club from age 30 on and I don't travel for work. I almost always had kids with me when I was in public from 30+. I'm also not flirtatious at all and rarely if ever make eye contact with men. In fact I can be fairly awkward around them.

Never

Except that 1 time it happened

Otherwise never

😂

Maybe y’all are just clueless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you hang out in church why do you want to be propositioned?

I don’t necessarily want that, I just want to know where all these married women on DCUM are going that they claim they have had “many opportunities” to be with other men.

I get what you’re saying OP. I think many, many women mistake laugher and small talk as being propositioned. Like at any moment the woman was expecting the man to slip her his room key. I think most of these women have over inflated senses of self. I’ve never understood it. Unless he leans in to whisper in your ear “What are you doing later? My room number is 212,” he’s not actually propositioning you.

This is why people who have affairs say “it just happened “ because all those little steps you had to take to get to the “key to his room” are stage gates that need to be shut down before he’s handing you a key.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I was propositioned multiple times before I got married and after I divorced. First time was actually scary: a much older man in a power position in his 50s openly told "I had to be a good girl with him" to sing off something that my future depended on. I was in my early 20s and had to file a complaint with the company where I worked

And many times on the planes in flight (they would squeeze me even), business trips (offers to follow in hotel rooms); at social events in DC (men would say they booked a room in hotel to extend the night, for example).

However during marriage I was never propositioned, maybe because I was with my child most of the time in public, or just didn't give that "available" vibe.