Morning bike to school has become drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Just tell her to ride with her friend on the back. She doesn't have to dump her group. They are going to dump her for riding with her friend.

Then, there's a teaching moment for you.

OP here-- yeah that's what happened- the group dumped her. And they're good friends of hers, so she's upset since she wants to ride with all of them. They all used to meet at our house, so it's not so simple as all riding together since the group has now just been going on their own. First world problem but it's really upset DD and she doesn't know how to handle.

So that was quick.
When people show you who they are, believe them.

Surprised that boys (this feels more like a mean girls' move) would pull this move--over riding bikes to school.

Ugh i hate this. Boys can be JUST AS MEAN. That is not limited to young girls. We just overlook it when boys do it and hyper examine it when its' girls and call it silly names like "mean girl moves".

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd have her talk to one of the boys alone. Whoever she is closest too, just to express that she is unhappy. She might not get resolution, but I do think having it laid out like "hey you guys are being crappy" is important, even if they don't have their Hollywood Wakeup Moment and start being wonderfully inclusive.

Hopefully she can still stay friends with the boys outside of the bike ride too. But with a little more knowledge of how they might act when push comes to shove.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They all ride together. It's a short bike ride.

BTW, kudos to them for riding bikes!

The boys must be informed they need to be more inclusive.

It is not ok they are excluding people, especially a girl!

+1

Nobody needs to be friend the meddling girl. The boys just want to be friends with each other and this girl is trying to mess with them. Let the boys be, and the girls can ride together and nobody is excluded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

They don’t like her because- and this is such typical MS BS- she tried to play matchmaker with mutual friends and was annoying when it didn’t work out.

The girls can’t ride in the back- the boys aren’t meeting them at our house anymore. Since last week they’ve just been riding on their own. I assume this will all blow over but DD has been good friends with these boys since they were in elementary school and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

Sounds like the boys have good reason not to like the other girl. They don’t need to include someone who messes with their lives. I can’t imagine my son would want anything to do with a girl who is playing matchmaker. He really just wants to play sports. He’s not “in love” yet.

Ridiculous, do you actually know any middle schoolers? They aren't "in love" but all the boys and girls are constantly match making.

No they aren't ALL doing that. But the ones who are can be very aggressive about it. Texting asking over and over again if one person likes another, or if they are going to ask them "out" or do this and that. They are very persistent and annoying about it. Not everyone is obsessed with boys/girls or matchmaking at 12. Only the hyper sexualized ones.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my son. Then, I found out why. The girl was often late. Always waiting for her. She's a slow biker too. And she talks and talk all the way. And worse, she never even say hi to the other boys. Then my son realizes, when she wants something, she'll come to you. At other times, she ignores the boys in school because she's with her groupy girls.

I see her sometime biking to school sometimes, 10 minutes before the bell rings. The ride is 15 minutes for her. She must be late every day unless she speeds up after the initial start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They all ride together. It's a short bike ride.

BTW, kudos to them for riding bikes!

The boys must be informed they need to be more inclusive.

It is not ok they are excluding people, especially a girl!

+1

Nobody needs to be friend the meddling girl. The boys just want to be friends with each other and this girl is trying to mess with them. Let the boys be, and the girls can ride together and nobody is excluded.

Please stop watching reruns of Haply Days and clue into reality that boys and girls are friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

They don’t like her because- and this is such typical MS BS- she tried to play matchmaker with mutual friends and was annoying when it didn’t work out.

The girls can’t ride in the back- the boys aren’t meeting them at our house anymore. Since last week they’ve just been riding on their own. I assume this will all blow over but DD has been good friends with these boys since they were in elementary school and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

Sounds like the boys have good reason not to like the other girl. They don’t need to include someone who messes with their lives. I can’t imagine my son would want anything to do with a girl who is playing matchmaker. He really just wants to play sports. He’s not “in love” yet.

Ridiculous, do you actually know any middle schoolers? They aren't "in love" but all the boys and girls are constantly match making.

No they aren't ALL doing that. But the ones who are can be very aggressive about it. Texting asking over and over again if one person likes another, or if they are going to ask them "out" or do this and that. They are very persistent and annoying about it. Not everyone is obsessed with boys/girls or matchmaking at 12. Only the hyper sexualized ones.

NP. Lots of them (not all of them) talking about dating and no they’re not hyper sexualized. It’s social currency for them. Not a lot of substance to it at that age but yes it’s going on and it’s normal.

If your kid isn’t doing it fine but no need to make it seem weird or creepy. Pretty normal stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They all ride together. It's a short bike ride.

BTW, kudos to them for riding bikes!

The boys must be informed they need to be more inclusive.

It is not ok they are excluding people, especially a girl!

+1

Nobody needs to be friend the meddling girl. The boys just want to be friends with each other and this girl is trying to mess with them. Let the boys be, and the girls can ride together and nobody is excluded.

Please stop watching reruns of Haply Days and clue into reality that boys and girls are friends.

Oh are they? Why are you opposed to natural consequences for this particular girl acting in an off putting way? She needs to read the room. Because these boys are not friends with THAT girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

They don’t like her because- and this is such typical MS BS- she tried to play matchmaker with mutual friends and was annoying when it didn’t work out.

The girls can’t ride in the back- the boys aren’t meeting them at our house anymore. Since last week they’ve just been riding on their own. I assume this will all blow over but DD has been good friends with these boys since they were in elementary school and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

Sounds like the boys have good reason not to like the other girl. They don’t need to include someone who messes with their lives. I can’t imagine my son would want anything to do with a girl who is playing matchmaker. He really just wants to play sports. He’s not “in love” yet.

Ridiculous, do you actually know any middle schoolers? They aren't "in love" but all the boys and girls are constantly match making.

No they aren't ALL doing that. But the ones who are can be very aggressive about it. Texting asking over and over again if one person likes another, or if they are going to ask them "out" or do this and that. They are very persistent and annoying about it. Not everyone is obsessed with boys/girls or matchmaking at 12. Only the hyper sexualized ones.

NP. Lots of them (not all of them) talking about dating and no they’re not hyper sexualized. It’s social currency for them. Not a lot of substance to it at that age but yes it’s going on and it’s normal.

If your kid isn’t doing it fine but no need to make it seem weird or creepy. Pretty normal stuff.

Then why is it a problem we're discussing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

They don’t like her because- and this is such typical MS BS- she tried to play matchmaker with mutual friends and was annoying when it didn’t work out.

The girls can’t ride in the back- the boys aren’t meeting them at our house anymore. Since last week they’ve just been riding on their own. I assume this will all blow over but DD has been good friends with these boys since they were in elementary school and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

Sounds like the boys have good reason not to like the other girl. They don’t need to include someone who messes with their lives. I can’t imagine my son would want anything to do with a girl who is playing matchmaker. He really just wants to play sports. He’s not “in love” yet.

Ridiculous, do you actually know any middle schoolers? They aren't "in love" but all the boys and girls are constantly match making.

No they aren't ALL doing that. But the ones who are can be very aggressive about it. Texting asking over and over again if one person likes another, or if they are going to ask them "out" or do this and that. They are very persistent and annoying about it. Not everyone is obsessed with boys/girls or matchmaking at 12. Only the hyper sexualized ones.

NP. Lots of them (not all of them) talking about dating and no they’re not hyper sexualized. It’s social currency for them. Not a lot of substance to it at that age but yes it’s going on and it’s normal.

If your kid isn’t doing it fine but no need to make it seem weird or creepy. Pretty normal stuff.

Then why is it a problem we're discussing?

It's not. I have zero idea what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They all ride together. It's a short bike ride.

BTW, kudos to them for riding bikes!

The boys must be informed they need to be more inclusive.

It is not ok they are excluding people, especially a girl!

+1

Nobody needs to be friend the meddling girl. The boys just want to be friends with each other and this girl is trying to mess with them. Let the boys be, and the girls can ride together and nobody is excluded.

Please stop watching reruns of Haply Days and clue into reality that boys and girls are friends.

Oh are they? Why are you opposed to natural consequences for this particular girl acting in an off putting way? She needs to read the room. Because these boys are not friends with THAT girl.

Your words:

"The boys just want to be friends with each other"

Wrong.

Your digression is irrelevant. Of course there might be particular girls they don't want to be friends with. No one said otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Just tell her to ride with her friend on the back. She doesn't have to dump her group. They are going to dump her for riding with her friend.

Then, there's a teaching moment for you.

OP here-- yeah that's what happened- the group dumped her. And they're good friends of hers, so she's upset since she wants to ride with all of them. They all used to meet at our house, so it's not so simple as all riding together since the group has now just been going on their own. First world problem but it's really upset DD and she doesn't know how to handle.

Why don’t they like the new girl? Is there some merit based reason like she is really mean? Or do they just not like her because she is a “dork” or not “cool enough” or something shallow?

If it’s the latter then I would 100% discuss with DD that original group is shallow not to mention willing to dump her easily. Maybe they aren’t such good friends.

If the other girl is drama, then my advice may be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

They don’t like her because- and this is such typical MS BS- she tried to play matchmaker with mutual friends and was annoying when it didn’t work out.

The girls can’t ride in the back- the boys aren’t meeting them at our house anymore. Since last week they’ve just been riding on their own. I assume this will all blow over but DD has been good friends with these boys since they were in elementary school and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

Sounds like the boys have good reason not to like the other girl. They don’t need to include someone who messes with their lives. I can’t imagine my son would want anything to do with a girl who is playing matchmaker. He really just wants to play sports. He’s not “in love” yet.

Ridiculous, do you actually know any middle schoolers? They aren't "in love" but all the boys and girls are constantly match making.

No they aren't ALL doing that. But the ones who are can be very aggressive about it. Texting asking over and over again if one person likes another, or if they are going to ask them "out" or do this and that. They are very persistent and annoying about it. Not everyone is obsessed with boys/girls or matchmaking at 12. Only the hyper sexualized ones.

NP. Lots of them (not all of them) talking about dating and no they’re not hyper sexualized. It’s social currency for them. Not a lot of substance to it at that age but yes it’s going on and it’s normal.

If your kid isn’t doing it fine but no need to make it seem weird or creepy. Pretty normal stuff.

Then why is it a problem we're discussing?

It's not. I have zero idea what you're talking about.

Oh I thought we were here to talk about a dramatic morning bike ride where a group of boys don't want to be around a meddlesome girl. I guess you're here for other reasons. We would never force a group of girls to include a boy they didn't like. But carry on with whatever point you're trying to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They all ride together. It's a short bike ride.

BTW, kudos to them for riding bikes!

The boys must be informed they need to be more inclusive.

It is not ok they are excluding people, especially a girl!

+1

Nobody needs to be friend the meddling girl. The boys just want to be friends with each other and this girl is trying to mess with them. Let the boys be, and the girls can ride together and nobody is excluded.

Please stop watching reruns of Haply Days and clue into reality that boys and girls are friends.

Oh are they? Why are you opposed to natural consequences for this particular girl acting in an off putting way? She needs to read the room. Because these boys are not friends with THAT girl.

Your words:

"The boys just want to be friends with each other"

Wrong.

Your digression is irrelevant. Of course there might be particular girls they don't want to be friends with. No one said otherwise.

The boys are quite willing to dump OPs daughter as well to stick together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Just tell her to ride with her friend on the back. She doesn't have to dump her group. They are going to dump her for riding with her friend.

Then, there's a teaching moment for you.

OP here-- yeah that's what happened- the group dumped her. And they're good friends of hers, so she's upset since she wants to ride with all of them. They all used to meet at our house, so it's not so simple as all riding together since the group has now just been going on their own. First world problem but it's really upset DD and she doesn't know how to handle.

These are 12 year olds. They will switch friend groups 300 more times before high school.

+1

And they are a-holes about it.