Morning bike to school has become drama

[Anonymous]

She needs to move on from an all boy friend group anyway. Why can’t she make friends that are girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They all ride together. It's a short bike ride.

BTW, kudos to them for riding bikes!

The boys must be informed they need to be more inclusive.

It is not ok they are excluding people, especially a girl!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They all ride together. It's a short bike ride.

BTW, kudos to them for riding bikes!

The boys must be informed they need to be more inclusive.

It is not ok they are excluding people, especially a girl!

You can't inform middle school kids of anything. What kind of advice of this? If you "inform" them of this, it will just make things worse. This is advice for 1st graders.

In general I agree with you, but we make exceptions for things like carpools, public bus routes, etc. You can choose your friends, but sometimes circumstances make things safer or much more convenient to commute with others you don't care for. They don't need to ever hang out outside of the commute but they can be civil for the ride.

If my kid has his carpool choice it would be with his best friend, but they live across town. So we carpool with the kids on the block. Same thing with the camp they take a public bus to. They'd rather go alone, but at 12 we pair up with the two kids in the same route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

They don’t like her because- and this is such typical MS BS- she tried to play matchmaker with mutual friends and was annoying when it didn’t work out.

The girls can’t ride in the back- the boys aren’t meeting them at our house anymore. Since last week they’ve just been riding on their own. I assume this will all blow over but DD has been good friends with these boys since they were in elementary school and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

Sounds like the boys have good reason not to like the other girl. They don’t need to include someone who messes with their lives. I can’t imagine my son would want anything to do with a girl who is playing matchmaker. He really just wants to play sports. He’s not “in love” yet.

Ridiculous, do you actually know any middle schoolers? They aren't "in love" but all the boys and girls are constantly match making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The group is being ridiculous. Anyone should be able to join the bike train and bike to school with them. I would encourage your DD to drop the boys who are being exclusionary.

+1 DD's group is a horde by the time it reaches school. Not everyone is friends or likes each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They all ride together. It's a short bike ride.

BTW, kudos to them for riding bikes!

The boys must be informed they need to be more inclusive.

It is not ok they are excluding people, especially a girl!

You can't inform middle school kids of anything. What kind of advice of this? If you "inform" them of this, it will just make things worse. This is advice for 1st graders.

In general I agree with you, but we make exceptions for things like carpools, public bus routes, etc. You can choose your friends, but sometimes circumstances make things safer or much more convenient to commute with others you don't care for. They don't need to ever hang out outside of the commute but they can be civil for the ride.

If my kid has his carpool choice it would be with his best friend, but they live across town. So we carpool with the kids on the block. Same thing with the camp they take a public bus to. They'd rather go alone, but at 12 we pair up with the two kids in the same route.

so what's your plan to make these boys ride their bikes with these girls?

[Anonymous]

For safety reasons, include the other girl. If the boys don't want to include her, then that's not very nice of them, but they are biking, not walking together so what does it matter if she's also biking?

[Anonymous]

"My mom won't let me leave someone out. So I'm riding with Larla now."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

They don’t like her because- and this is such typical MS BS- she tried to play matchmaker with mutual friends and was annoying when it didn’t work out.

The girls can’t ride in the back- the boys aren’t meeting them at our house anymore. Since last week they’ve just been riding on their own. I assume this will all blow over but DD has been good friends with these boys since they were in elementary school and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

Sounds like the boys have good reason not to like the other girl. They don’t need to include someone who messes with their lives. I can’t imagine my son would want anything to do with a girl who is playing matchmaker. He really just wants to play sports. He’s not “in love” yet.

Ridiculous, do you actually know any middle schoolers? They aren't "in love" but all the boys and girls are constantly match making.

Definitely not all and surely not most. Some are and that’s fine if it is welcome but absolutely not ok if the matchmaking is not desired and unwelcome.

How many of you would force your daughters to accept an annoying, pushy boy into their friend group?? You cannot force these things at this age and boys have just a right to choose their company as any girl does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The group is being ridiculous. Anyone should be able to join the bike train and bike to school with them. I would encourage your DD to drop the boys who are being exclusionary.

+1 DD's group is a horde by the time it reaches school. Not everyone is friends or likes each other.

+2

[Anonymous]

Does your daughter really like this girl? She sounds like she horned in on the bike routine. Is she annoying or off putting to many? This may not be the best girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

They don’t like her because- and this is such typical MS BS- she tried to play matchmaker with mutual friends and was annoying when it didn’t work out.

The girls can’t ride in the back- the boys aren’t meeting them at our house anymore. Since last week they’ve just been riding on their own. I assume this will all blow over but DD has been good friends with these boys since they were in elementary school and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

Sounds like the boys have good reason not to like the other girl. They don’t need to include someone who messes with their lives. I can’t imagine my son would want anything to do with a girl who is playing matchmaker. He really just wants to play sports. He’s not “in love” yet.

The bully’s mother arrived!

NP and not at all. 12 yo boys don’t want a match maker. They want to ride their bikes to school without talk of dating. Most parents would tell their kids to avoid this girl.

Different post. A girl keeps trying to fix up my 12 yo son with girls and won’t let it go. He isn’t interested in dating and has some friends who are girls, but this person keeps insisting they date. It’s making my son uncomfortable. Do we need to include her in our invite? (DCUM would say to avoid her.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

They don’t like her because- and this is such typical MS BS- she tried to play matchmaker with mutual friends and was annoying when it didn’t work out.

The girls can’t ride in the back- the boys aren’t meeting them at our house anymore. Since last week they’ve just been riding on their own. I assume this will all blow over but DD has been good friends with these boys since they were in elementary school and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

So hang out other times. I’m assuming their friendship goes beyond a bike ride to school. She is probably missing the boy attention from being the only girl in the group

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Just tell her to ride with her friend on the back. She doesn't have to dump her group. They are going to dump her for riding with her friend.

Then, there's a teaching moment for you.

OP here-- yeah that's what happened- the group dumped her. And they're good friends of hers, so she's upset since she wants to ride with all of them. They all used to meet at our house, so it's not so simple as all riding together since the group has now just been going on their own. First world problem but it's really upset DD and she doesn't know how to handle.

A life lesson, which hurts, unfortunately. But those kids apparently don't feel the loyalty to your daughter that she seems to feel for them. I'm a parent to a teen boy, and boys can really suck. I spend a lot of time trying to guide and teach my kid not to be a jerk because of momentary convenience for him.

I'm sorry it hurts, and the hurt is very understandable. But perhaps she might reevaluate and see she may not want to hang with people who so easily ditch her for their own needs.

[Anonymous]

All the advice to re-evaluate friendships and find better friends-- middle school kids seem to just want a place to fit it. They'd rather be treated badly than go off on their own. If it were that easy to just go find new friends we'd all have a million of them.