Morning bike to school has become drama

[Anonymous]

12-year-old DD usually bikes to school with a small group of mostly boys. Last week a girl asked if she could go with them- she used to get a ride from her parents but they're not able to do that anymore. DD agreed- she's friends with the girl, but the others in the group don't like her. Now DD feels she has to choose: bail on her original group, or leave this girl to go alone (they all head in the exact same direction).

She's old enough to decide on her own what to do but I'm actually not sure how to advise her: clearly you don't dump your existing group, but the other girl is a friend too. Anyone BTDT?

[Anonymous]

The group is being ridiculous. Anyone should be able to join the bike train and bike to school with them. I would encourage your DD to drop the boys who are being exclusionary.

[Anonymous]

Just tell the girl to show up and bike with the group. This doesn't need that much planning before - especially if they are all going the same direction.

[Anonymous]

They're on bikes, for Pete's sake. It isn't like a deep conversation is going on while they peddle. Why can't your DD and this girl hang back from the rest of the group by 20-30 feet?

[Anonymous]

^pedal

[Anonymous]

Yup. Just tell her to ride with her friend on the back. She doesn't have to dump her group. They are going to dump her for riding with her friend.

Then, there's a teaching moment for you.

[Anonymous]

They all ride together. It's a short bike ride.

BTW, kudos to them for riding bikes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Just tell her to ride with her friend on the back. She doesn't have to dump her group. They are going to dump her for riding with her friend.

Then, there's a teaching moment for you.

OP here-- yeah that's what happened- the group dumped her. And they're good friends of hers, so she's upset since she wants to ride with all of them. They all used to meet at our house, so it's not so simple as all riding together since the group has now just been going on their own. First world problem but it's really upset DD and she doesn't know how to handle.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the have her tell the girl to join, but ride in back with her. Over time the groups will either naturally split or the boys will realize it does not really matter that someone else has joined.

Also, is there a reason the other girl is not welcome? Is she flakey or always late? Maybe just tell your daughter it’s fine to agree that the group leaves on time regardless of who shows up. I could see kids not wanting to have to risk being late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell the girl to show up and bike with the group. This doesn't need that much planning before - especially if they are all going the same direction.

Yes. Your daughter should not have to choose anything. The sidewalk is public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Just tell her to ride with her friend on the back. She doesn't have to dump her group. They are going to dump her for riding with her friend.

Then, there's a teaching moment for you.

OP here-- yeah that's what happened- the group dumped her. And they're good friends of hers, so she's upset since she wants to ride with all of them. They all used to meet at our house, so it's not so simple as all riding together since the group has now just been going on their own. First world problem but it's really upset DD and she doesn't know how to handle.

So that was quick.
When people show you who they are, believe them.

Surprised that boys (this feels more like a mean girls' move) would pull this move--over riding bikes to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Just tell her to ride with her friend on the back. She doesn't have to dump her group. They are going to dump her for riding with her friend.

Then, there's a teaching moment for you.

OP here-- yeah that's what happened- the group dumped her. And they're good friends of hers, so she's upset since she wants to ride with all of them. They all used to meet at our house, so it's not so simple as all riding together since the group has now just been going on their own. First world problem but it's really upset DD and she doesn't know how to handle.

I guess she found out they aren’t good friends and not all that good people either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup. Just tell her to ride with her friend on the back. She doesn't have to dump her group. They are going to dump her for riding with her friend.

Then, there's a teaching moment for you.

OP here-- yeah that's what happened- the group dumped her. And they're good friends of hers, so she's upset since she wants to ride with all of them. They all used to meet at our house, so it's not so simple as all riding together since the group has now just been going on their own. First world problem but it's really upset DD and she doesn't know how to handle.

These are 12 year olds. They will switch friend groups 300 more times before high school.

[Anonymous]

This is classic middle school crap. It sucks but it’s a learning moment.

The boys are jerks. Now she knows.

[Anonymous]

Why encourage all boy friendships anyway? She needs girls.