Rant: “you look amazing”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just would love for people not to comment on other people’s bodies, positively or negatively, unless they are a medical professional and the comments are related to a health concern. I understand this person was trying to be nice but find something else to say. I too have a similar story of intense PPA meaning that was back to my pre-pregnancy weight at my scar check appointment two weeks post partum. I honestly will never understand why that wasn’t a red flag.

Just wanted to highlight this post. I also dropped my pregnancy weight super fast and in retrospect it was absolutely a red flag. I was exhausted all the time and was struggling to get enough food/water while nursing, plus wound up with mastitis at one point which left me in bed for days but my mom and husband both downplayed it and at one point told me I was "milking it" to get out of doing things. I was 3 weeks postpartum, still bleeding, and nursed right through the mastitis as I was instructed to.

I didn't drop the weight because I was eating great and getting reasonable exercise. I dropped the weight because I was overwhelmed, hungry, struggling to keep up with the demands of nursing, and did not have a good support system around me that could help me with any of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.

Why is it "obvious" to the people surrounding OP that she is struggling? Why do some many women feel the need to pretend they are superwoman and not seek out the help they need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.

Well then if I said "you look great" and the person came back and said "I'm struggling with X, Y and Z" I would say " how can I help?" But, to assume that every comment is meant to sting is wrong. We are all human and going to get things wrong. Why can't we have some grace? This is the reason I don't engage because i don't want to make the wrong move.

Very few people say "how can I help." You might but most people won't. They'll literally just ignore your comment, reiterate how great you look, and leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.

Why is it "obvious" to the people surrounding OP that she is struggling? Why do some many women feel the need to pretend they are superwoman and not seek out the help they need?

The comment was that it was obvious from OP's post that she is struggling. Not that it is obvious to people around her (it may or may not be, we have no idea).

Numerous people have posted in this thread about telling people around them that they were struggling postpartum and being ignored or placated. A lot of people also have the attitude "oh it's hormones, it's not real" and will tell women that postpartum. But PPD is partially hormonal; that does not make it imaginary. The hormonal roller coaster women wind up on when they are postpartum is extremely hard for some women to deal with and dismissing their experience as "just hormones" as though a woman should just be able to get over it because it's "just" a massive flood or drop in various hormonal levels causing massive and sometimes scary mood swings is just nuts.

If men experienced hormonal issues like this, it would be treated as a serious issue and treated appropriately. With women it's just "oh you know, women be crazy."

[Anonymous]

I loved hearing this when I was freshly postpartum. So I guess everyone is different

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved hearing this when I was freshly postpartum. So I guess everyone is different

Did you love it because you felt great and it was just a nice compliment, or did you love it because you were having a hard time and it made you feel better?

I try to assume that someone who just had a baby might be struggling in ways I can't see and be extra sensitive to that. Which doesn't mean I won't pay her a compliment, but I don't automatically assume every woman postpartum wants to be told how thin and amazing she looks (some people might like it but some will hate it, and if I don't know which she is, I'll just say something else).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.

Why is it "obvious" to the people surrounding OP that she is struggling? Why do some many women feel the need to pretend they are superwoman and not seek out the help they need?

The comment was that it was obvious from OP's post that she is struggling. Not that it is obvious to people around her (it may or may not be, we have no idea).

Numerous people have posted in this thread about telling people around them that they were struggling postpartum and being ignored or placated. A lot of people also have the attitude "oh it's hormones, it's not real" and will tell women that postpartum. But PPD is partially hormonal; that does not make it imaginary. The hormonal roller coaster women wind up on when they are postpartum is extremely hard for some women to deal with and dismissing their experience as "just hormones" as though a woman should just be able to get over it because it's "just" a massive flood or drop in various hormonal levels causing massive and sometimes scary mood swings is just nuts.

If men experienced hormonal issues like this, it would be treated as a serious issue and treated appropriately. With women it's just "oh you know, women be crazy."

Agreed, but the villain here is the hormones and the answer is professional help, rather than the legitimization of irrational reactions by reframing perfectly normal comments as misogyny. Many women want to get comments like these, and as a PP pointed out, take offense if you don't make them. The fact that OP does not want these well-meaning compliments is not plastered on her forehead, and no one is out to get her by making them. The pseudo-feminist righteous indignation is a symptom that should be heard for what it is, rather than an excuse to excoriate people who clearly mean well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.

Why is it "obvious" to the people surrounding OP that she is struggling? Why do some many women feel the need to pretend they are superwoman and not seek out the help they need?

The comment was that it was obvious from OP's post that she is struggling. Not that it is obvious to people around her (it may or may not be, we have no idea).

Numerous people have posted in this thread about telling people around them that they were struggling postpartum and being ignored or placated. A lot of people also have the attitude "oh it's hormones, it's not real" and will tell women that postpartum. But PPD is partially hormonal; that does not make it imaginary. The hormonal roller coaster women wind up on when they are postpartum is extremely hard for some women to deal with and dismissing their experience as "just hormones" as though a woman should just be able to get over it because it's "just" a massive flood or drop in various hormonal levels causing massive and sometimes scary mood swings is just nuts.

If men experienced hormonal issues like this, it would be treated as a serious issue and treated appropriately. With women it's just "oh you know, women be crazy."

Many of the people doing the dismissing are women.

[Anonymous]

I suggest that you start to take peoples comments with positive intent instead of looking for ways to be annoyed. Birth hormones are in overdrive and I guarantee you’re gonna look back on this in 10 years and realize how ridiculous you’re being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that in today’s world, every comment on every topic has to be over analyzed to death?

What happened to simply saying thank you. People are probably just trying to say something they thought was kind. Not everyone wants to engage in a lengthy talk about how tired someone is. For those of us who have been there done that, we know you’re tired. Maybe they just wanted to make you feel good since you’re in the throes of newborn life.

Everyone is so uptight.

Agree with this. I am also a few months postpartum with my second. Gained a bunch of weight I have not lost, skin is a mess from hormone changes, but if people say I look great when I know full well I am nowhere near my “most attractive” I take it as a friendly social gesture meant in good faith. If we’re close enough, this comment doesn’t preclude a lengthy rant on my part about how I am exhausted and feel overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy people are defending this. If you are looking for things to say to a new mom, here are some things that have nothing to do with how much weight she has lost or how hot she looks:

1. How are you feeling? How is it going?
2. I'm so thrilled for you, I know you're going to make a great mom.
3. Would you like something to eat?
4. Do you need a break?
5. I'm so happy to see you.

+1

And if you're some random dad at the pool why don’t we add:

1. Hey can I get that bag/stroller/floaty for you?
2. Do you like the new chairs?
3. The new baby is so big/cute/happy/sleepy.
4. What are you drinking?

This isn’t some arcane mystery of the ages this is being a polite adult outdoors ffs.

Dp Yeah no. I'm not doing any of the above.

Found creepy pool dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.

Why is it "obvious" to the people surrounding OP that she is struggling? Why do some many women feel the need to pretend they are superwoman and not seek out the help they need?

The comment was that it was obvious from OP's post that she is struggling. Not that it is obvious to people around her (it may or may not be, we have no idea).

Numerous people have posted in this thread about telling people around them that they were struggling postpartum and being ignored or placated. A lot of people also have the attitude "oh it's hormones, it's not real" and will tell women that postpartum. But PPD is partially hormonal; that does not make it imaginary. The hormonal roller coaster women wind up on when they are postpartum is extremely hard for some women to deal with and dismissing their experience as "just hormones" as though a woman should just be able to get over it because it's "just" a massive flood or drop in various hormonal levels causing massive and sometimes scary mood swings is just nuts.

If men experienced hormonal issues like this, it would be treated as a serious issue and treated appropriately. With women it's just "oh you know, women be crazy."

Agreed, but the villain here is the hormones and the answer is professional help, rather than the legitimization of irrational reactions by reframing perfectly normal comments as misogyny. Many women want to get comments like these, and as a PP pointed out, take offense if you don't make them. The fact that OP does not want these well-meaning compliments is not plastered on her forehead, and no one is out to get her by making them. The pseudo-feminist righteous indignation is a symptom that should be heard for what it is, rather than an excuse to excoriate people who clearly mean well.

No one gets offended if you don’t comment about their body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.

Why is it "obvious" to the people surrounding OP that she is struggling? Why do some many women feel the need to pretend they are superwoman and not seek out the help they need?

The comment was that it was obvious from OP's post that she is struggling. Not that it is obvious to people around her (it may or may not be, we have no idea).

Numerous people have posted in this thread about telling people around them that they were struggling postpartum and being ignored or placated. A lot of people also have the attitude "oh it's hormones, it's not real" and will tell women that postpartum. But PPD is partially hormonal; that does not make it imaginary. The hormonal roller coaster women wind up on when they are postpartum is extremely hard for some women to deal with and dismissing their experience as "just hormones" as though a woman should just be able to get over it because it's "just" a massive flood or drop in various hormonal levels causing massive and sometimes scary mood swings is just nuts.

If men experienced hormonal issues like this, it would be treated as a serious issue and treated appropriately. With women it's just "oh you know, women be crazy."

Agreed, but the villain here is the hormones and the answer is professional help, rather than the legitimization of irrational reactions by reframing perfectly normal comments as misogyny. Many women want to get comments like these, and as a PP pointed out, take offense if you don't make them. The fact that OP does not want these well-meaning compliments is not plastered on her forehead, and no one is out to get her by making them. The pseudo-feminist righteous indignation is a symptom that should be heard for what it is, rather than an excuse to excoriate people who clearly mean well.

I don't think people who say this always mean well. I don't think they mean harm, but I think the idea that people say stuff like this because they are always trying to make you feel good is false.

I had a number of friends and family members make a big deal about how "amazing" (read: thin) I looked postpartum and it honestly had very little to do with me at all. It had to do with their own preoccupation with women's bodies, and was a reflection of their own thoughts and desires. Women would say it because to them, being thin after having a baby was the ultimate victory. Perhaps they had struggled with losing weight post pregnancy and were envious, or perhaps they had not had kids yet but were worried about and were inspired. It really had nothing to do with me.

And the kind of man who makes a big deal of how good a woman looks in the weeks postpartum is the kind of man who is focused on... how a woman looks. Again, it's not about her. It's about the way he perceives her. It's like "I still find you hot, cool."

Now, that doesn't mean these compliments don't feel good (for some). In fact the reason they feel good might be specifically because they know the women are jealous or inspired, or the men are turned on. But the idea that people say this because they are just really focused on making women feel good about themselves postpartum? Uh-uh. People are mostly self-centered. People are responding to their own thoughts and feelings and largely not actin out of empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.

Why is it "obvious" to the people surrounding OP that she is struggling? Why do some many women feel the need to pretend they are superwoman and not seek out the help they need?

The comment was that it was obvious from OP's post that she is struggling. Not that it is obvious to people around her (it may or may not be, we have no idea).

Numerous people have posted in this thread about telling people around them that they were struggling postpartum and being ignored or placated. A lot of people also have the attitude "oh it's hormones, it's not real" and will tell women that postpartum. But PPD is partially hormonal; that does not make it imaginary. The hormonal roller coaster women wind up on when they are postpartum is extremely hard for some women to deal with and dismissing their experience as "just hormones" as though a woman should just be able to get over it because it's "just" a massive flood or drop in various hormonal levels causing massive and sometimes scary mood swings is just nuts.

If men experienced hormonal issues like this, it would be treated as a serious issue and treated appropriately. With women it's just "oh you know, women be crazy."

Agreed, but the villain here is the hormones and the answer is professional help, rather than the legitimization of irrational reactions by reframing perfectly normal comments as misogyny. Many women want to get comments like these, and as a PP pointed out, take offense if you don't make them. The fact that OP does not want these well-meaning compliments is not plastered on her forehead, and no one is out to get her by making them. The pseudo-feminist righteous indignation is a symptom that should be heard for what it is, rather than an excuse to excoriate people who clearly mean well.

No one who thinks like me gets offended if you don’t comment about their body.

Fixed it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.

Why is it "obvious" to the people surrounding OP that she is struggling? Why do some many women feel the need to pretend they are superwoman and not seek out the help they need?

The comment was that it was obvious from OP's post that she is struggling. Not that it is obvious to people around her (it may or may not be, we have no idea).

Numerous people have posted in this thread about telling people around them that they were struggling postpartum and being ignored or placated. A lot of people also have the attitude "oh it's hormones, it's not real" and will tell women that postpartum. But PPD is partially hormonal; that does not make it imaginary. The hormonal roller coaster women wind up on when they are postpartum is extremely hard for some women to deal with and dismissing their experience as "just hormones" as though a woman should just be able to get over it because it's "just" a massive flood or drop in various hormonal levels causing massive and sometimes scary mood swings is just nuts.

If men experienced hormonal issues like this, it would be treated as a serious issue and treated appropriately. With women it's just "oh you know, women be crazy."

Agreed, but the villain here is the hormones and the answer is professional help, rather than the legitimization of irrational reactions by reframing perfectly normal comments as misogyny. Many women want to get comments like these, and as a PP pointed out, take offense if you don't make them. The fact that OP does not want these well-meaning compliments is not plastered on her forehead, and no one is out to get her by making them. The pseudo-feminist righteous indignation is a symptom that should be heard for what it is, rather than an excuse to excoriate people who clearly mean well.

Sure, women need more professional support postpartum. No one will argue with you there.

But saying "oh the villain here is hormones"? Honey, no. The hormones are inevitable. They may impact women in different ways, but the hormone floods/crashes that occur postpartum are just a permanent feature of having a baby.

This is why you should be thoughtful about how you treat and talk to a woman postpartum. She can't help what is going on with her body. She can't just impose external logic on the emotions she might be feeling. She is experiencing a medical condition that causes massive mood swings and high sensitivity. Your job is to be conscious of that and make an effort to be supportive. Which might mean finding things to say that don't fixate on her appearance.