Reply to Rant: “you look amazing”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.[/quote]

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.[/quote]

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.[/quote]

OR we could encourage more people to think about a postpartum mom as someone in a vulnerable position who needs better support than just being told she looks great. OP is obviously struggling emotionally and the people around her are just focusing on her appearance. OP's complaint is that she needs the people around her to look past appearance to something deeper. That's not an unreasonable request, actually. She's asking for what she needs and you're telling her that her needs are unreasonable.[/quote]

Why is it "obvious" to the people surrounding OP that she is struggling?  Why do some many women feel the need to pretend they are superwoman and not seek out the help they need? [/quote]

The comment was that it was obvious from OP's post that she is struggling. Not that it is obvious to people around her (it may or may not be, we have no idea).

Numerous people have posted in this thread about telling people around them that they were struggling postpartum and being ignored or placated. A lot of people also have the attitude "oh it's hormones, it's not real" and will tell women that postpartum. But PPD is partially hormonal; that does not make it imaginary. The hormonal roller coaster women wind up on when they are postpartum is extremely hard for some women to deal with and dismissing their experience as "just hormones" as though a woman should just be able to get over it because it's "just" a massive flood or drop in various hormonal levels causing massive and sometimes scary mood swings is just nuts.

If men experienced hormonal issues like this, it would be treated as a serious issue and treated appropriately. With women it's just "oh you know, women be crazy."[/quote]

Many of the people doing the dismissing are women. [/quote]

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