Canceling plans and disappointing other families’ kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

OP, I think a bit of distance may be in order. Tell her you have a plan with DS now.

I'd work on helping him with social skills and maybe get involved with activities - sports, scouts, church, etc. where he and you can meet others. I had a child with few friends and totally get how you feel but this other situation is not great or stable for you to try to cling onto. The power isn't balanced and it won't work out in the end no matter what you do. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on what the infraction is, personally. If my kid did something minor, I'm not going to affect another kid. I'm going to take screen time or add extra chores or something as a consequence.

If he does something major - for sure, I'm going to keep him home from the special thing.

But there are many other options for consequences that don't involve upsetting another family's plans. Canceling social engagements after plans have been made is incredibly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pissed she's discipling her kid? You think your kid's fun plan and lack of resiliency is her issue?

Seriously. I cannot believe OP is complaining because her child's friend's parent is discipling her child. This is insane and incredibly entitled.

Agree, it's one thing if they forgot, but if the child isn't behaving, it's an appropriate consequence. Take your child or tell them no. Good for the parent for disciplining their child.

[Anonymous]

There is so much self-centeredness in the world nowadays - and on this thread. I was raised to think of others, and thus I never disciplined our kid in a way that would affect other kids. I always found another way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pissed she's discipling her kid? You think your kid's fun plan and lack of resiliency is her issue?

Seriously. I cannot believe OP is complaining because her child's friend's parent is discipling her child. This is insane and incredibly entitled.

Agree, it's one thing if they forgot, but if the child isn't behaving, it's an appropriate consequence. Take your child or tell them no. Good for the parent for disciplining their child.

I cannot imagine a thing an 11 year old could do where the ONLY possible logical punishment would be cancelling pre-made social plans and disappointing another family.

Nor is it logical for the mother to think your spring market plans would be unaffected.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with you OP. I never take away anything social or an outdoor activity from my 11yo. Dessert, screens go first, picking up dog poop in the back yard is another consequence I’ve used lol.
If she cancels her kid and DH golfing I’d cancel the thing you’re doing. I’d probably say as they’re not golfing you decided to do something as a family. Yes it’s passive aggressive but I’d be irked. It’s rude. Find another consequence for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pissed she's discipling her kid? You think your kid's fun plan and lack of resiliency is her issue?

Seriously. I cannot believe OP is complaining because her child's friend's parent is discipling her child. This is insane and incredibly entitled.

Agree, it's one thing if they forgot, but if the child isn't behaving, it's an appropriate consequence. Take your child or tell them no. Good for the parent for disciplining their child.

Its rude AF. No wonder the child is misbehaving with such a boorish and self-centered mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Well it does sound like there are two separate sets of plans here so I get her point. And I think she’s doing the right thing by addressing her child’s unacceptable behavior.

I guess you have to decide whether it’s worth the hit to your friendship and the friendship between your son and hers which is the likely outcome if you cancel. Might not be because sounds like it would hurt your son who has few friends a lot more than anyone else.

This is OP. I guess there is more to this story because I feel like this woman always treats my family like we are an option and not a priority. I will genuinely be upset if these plans cancel. I really won’t feel like spending the day with her. My son has a couple good friends. I’d like him to build more friendships, but not with people who discount him or his feelings. I think we teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate from them.

I have friends whose kids like my kids more than my kids like theirs. I have two boys who have their own friends. I have two friends who I became friends with when our boys were little. They are 100% in when their boys want to do something with mine but my boys don’t really want to hang out with them. I used to force it but I don’t make plans with them anymore. If I try to hang out without the kids, both friends are often busy or don’t make it a priority. One friend in particular never wants to do anything solo with just me but if I bring my husband or boys, she always says yes.

I also have another friend whose daughter is the same age as mine. She only wants to hang out with me, not my kids or family.

I would try to separate adult friendships from kid friendships. It will only get worse as kids age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Well it does sound like there are two separate sets of plans here so I get her point. And I think she’s doing the right thing by addressing her child’s unacceptable behavior.

I guess you have to decide whether it’s worth the hit to your friendship and the friendship between your son and hers which is the likely outcome if you cancel. Might not be because sounds like it would hurt your son who has few friends a lot more than anyone else.

This is OP. I guess there is more to this story because I feel like this woman always treats my family like we are an option and not a priority. I will genuinely be upset if these plans cancel. I really won’t feel like spending the day with her. My son has a couple good friends. I’d like him to build more friendships, but not with people who discount him or his feelings. I think we teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate from them.

I have friends whose kids like my kids more than my kids like theirs. I have two boys who have their own friends. I have two friends who I became friends with when our boys were little. They are 100% in when their boys want to do something with mine but my boys don’t really want to hang out with them. I used to force it but I don’t make plans with them anymore. If I try to hang out without the kids, both friends are often busy or don’t make it a priority. One friend in particular never wants to do anything solo with just me but if I bring my husband or boys, she always says yes.

I also have another friend whose daughter is the same age as mine. She only wants to hang out with me, not my kids or family.

I would try to separate adult friendships from kid friendships. It will only get worse as kids age.

The difference with the situations you describe is that here, the plans have already been made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pissed she's discipling her kid? You think your kid's fun plan and lack of resiliency is her issue?

Seriously. I cannot believe OP is complaining because her child's friend's parent is discipling her child. This is insane and incredibly entitled.

Agree, it's one thing if they forgot, but if the child isn't behaving, it's an appropriate consequence. Take your child or tell them no. Good for the parent for disciplining their child.

Its rude AF. No wonder the child is misbehaving with such a boorish and self-centered mother.

Perfect description. Agree.

[Anonymous]

I get the vibe that the mom wouldn't ta

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get the vibe that the mom wouldn't ta

Take it gracefully if OP did this to her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on what the infraction is, personally. If my kid did something minor, I'm not going to affect another kid. I'm going to take screen time or add extra chores or something as a consequence.

If he does something major - for sure, I'm going to keep him home from the special thing.

But there are many other options for consequences that don't involve upsetting another family's plans. Canceling social engagements after plans have been made is incredibly rude.

It's their choice. Maybe nothing else worked? OP was told in advanced. It's not like it was a last minute thing so she can make other plans. I'd cancel it if my child was behaving badly or grades were bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pissed she's discipling her kid? You think your kid's fun plan and lack of resiliency is her issue?

Seriously. I cannot believe OP is complaining because her child's friend's parent is discipling her child. This is insane and incredibly entitled.

she isn't disciplining, she is "threatening to discipline" Do it or don't but this is BS. OP have her let you know today if he is grounded, and then take your son out.

I don't knwo why people are busting your balls.

[Anonymous]

I don’t cancel things that impact other kids or families. I feel pretty strongly about that as well as my kids following through on their commitments and honoring the first rsvp even if something “better” comes along.