Canceling plans and disappointing other families’ kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on what the infraction is, personally. If my kid did something minor, I'm not going to affect another kid. I'm going to take screen time or add extra chores or something as a consequence.

If he does something major - for sure, I'm going to keep him home from the special thing.

But there are many other options for consequences that don't involve upsetting another family's plans. Canceling social engagements after plans have been made is incredibly rude.

It's their choice. Maybe nothing else worked? OP was told in advanced. It's not like it was a last minute thing so she can make other plans. I'd cancel it if my child was behaving badly or grades were bad.

Its incredibly ill-mannered to cancel social plans once already made for any reason besides illness or emergencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pissed she's discipling her kid? You think your kid's fun plan and lack of resiliency is her issue?

Seriously. I cannot believe OP is complaining because her child's friend's parent is discipling her child. This is insane and incredibly entitled.

Agree, it's one thing if they forgot, but if the child isn't behaving, it's an appropriate consequence. Take your child or tell them no. Good for the parent for disciplining their child.

Its rude AF. No wonder the child is misbehaving with such a boorish and self-centered mother.

Tell it to the kid who is misbehaving. You may not give consequences to your kids as either they are perfect or you refuse to parent but many of us do parent and our kids know our rules and expectations.

[Anonymous]

If the kids are grounded, does that mean her DH must stay home and supervise the grounded kids? My guess is that will not fly with the father.

[Anonymous]

I get the feeling the kid doesn't want to go, or a better offer came up, but the mom still wants to go to the spring shopping thing with OP, so she came up with this "grounding" story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with you OP. I never take away anything social or an outdoor activity from my 11yo. Dessert, screens go first, picking up dog poop in the back yard is another consequence I’ve used lol.
If she cancels her kid and DH golfing I’d cancel the thing you’re doing. I’d probably say as they’re not golfing you decided to do something as a family. Yes it’s passive aggressive but I’d be irked. It’s rude. Find another consequence for your kid.

Wait till your kid is older and then tell us about your perfect parenting. They have easy access to screens at school so that doesn't work anymore and desert... not really a punishment at that point.

[Anonymous]

OP just doesn't want to take her kid and then complaining someone else doesn't want to take them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pissed she's discipling her kid? You think your kid's fun plan and lack of resiliency is her issue?

Seriously. I cannot believe OP is complaining because her child's friend's parent is discipling her child. This is insane and incredibly entitled.

Agree, it's one thing if they forgot, but if the child isn't behaving, it's an appropriate consequence. Take your child or tell them no. Good for the parent for disciplining their child.

Its rude AF. No wonder the child is misbehaving with such a boorish and self-centered mother.

Tell it to the kid who is misbehaving. You may not give consequences to your kids as either they are perfect or you refuse to parent but many of us do parent and our kids know our rules and expectations.

You are raising ill-mannered boors. Parent better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP just doesn't want to take her kid and then complaining someone else doesn't want to take them.

Is English not your first language? That's not the situation at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with you OP. I never take away anything social or an outdoor activity from my 11yo. Dessert, screens go first, picking up dog poop in the back yard is another consequence I’ve used lol.
If she cancels her kid and DH golfing I’d cancel the thing you’re doing. I’d probably say as they’re not golfing you decided to do something as a family. Yes it’s passive aggressive but I’d be irked. It’s rude. Find another consequence for your kid.

Wait till your kid is older and then tell us about your perfect parenting. They have easy access to screens at school so that doesn't work anymore and desert... not really a punishment at that point.

My kids are 18, 16 and 13 and I would never cancel a planned activity with another family as discipline. Its so incredibly tacky. I'm cringing in second hand embarrassment that some of you would even consider doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. If the other son has to stay home does that mean no one goes golfing? Personally I’d be just as happy to have my 2 boys spend the day golfing with their dad (and the friend’s dad if he’s still going). Regardless it sounds like quality time together. If the friend not going means no one goes golfing I’d drop the mom part if the day completely. Also this is Tuesday so the other mom is giving you advanced notice, not like the night before or something. Decide what works best for you and your family in this scenario and just do it.

You say “you’d be just as happy” but it’s clear from her posts that op is thinking about her son and not herself. She mentions specifically that her son doesn’t have many friends and so it sounds like has been particularly looking forward to this outing with a peer, whereas going with just dad won’t be the same.

It’s understandable for op to be annoyed and not be in the mood to spend the day shopping with the other mom who has shown herself to have little regard for op’s son’s feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get the feeling the kid doesn't want to go, or a better offer came up, but the mom still wants to go to the spring shopping thing with OP, so she came up with this "grounding" story.

Quite possibly.

Which is why OP should not be available.

And should help DS find new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your pissed she's discipling her kid? You think your kid's fun plan and lack of resiliency is her issue?

Seriously. I cannot believe OP is complaining because her child's friend's parent is discipling her child. This is insane and incredibly entitled.

Agree, it's one thing if they forgot, but if the child isn't behaving, it's an appropriate consequence. Take your child or tell them no. Good for the parent for disciplining their child.

Its rude AF. No wonder the child is misbehaving with such a boorish and self-centered mother.

Tell it to the kid who is misbehaving. You may not give consequences to your kids as either they are perfect or you refuse to parent but many of us do parent and our kids know our rules and expectations.

You are dense. As has been made clear in this thread over and over, there are plenty of other ways to impose consequences that don’t affect another family.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't cancel because I was mad or to be spiteful, but the reality that if my husband and son are unexpectedly free, I may want to spend my weekend time with them vs at a spring vendor market (which I would only be going to in order to see a friend - not my thing). So I'd probably feel free to tell her that I'll be hanging out with DH and DS, but let's catch up another time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree with you OP. I never take away anything social or an outdoor activity from my 11yo. Dessert, screens go first, picking up dog poop in the back yard is another consequence I’ve used lol.
If she cancels her kid and DH golfing I’d cancel the thing you’re doing. I’d probably say as they’re not golfing you decided to do something as a family. Yes it’s passive aggressive but I’d be irked. It’s rude. Find another consequence for your kid.

Wait till your kid is older and then tell us about your perfect parenting. They have easy access to screens at school so that doesn't work anymore and desert... not really a punishment at that point.

Mine are 19 and 14 and we have never made another family suffer the consequences of my children's misbehavior. We punish at home.

You're crass if you ground your kids from an activity their friends were looking forward to, and that was already confirmed. I can understand an emergency, illness, etc. Come up with different punishments, please. All I've ever had to do with my kids was raise my voice, lecture them and for my son, prohibit gaming time for a while, but I can also take away car keys, payment methods and refuse to drive to or make future fun plans.

[Anonymous]

I'd just be frank: well DS will be disappointed and we may need to change our plans so it's likely I don't be able to go shopping with you.

If she dared to act pissed, then I'd just point out: now imagine how my DS will feel.

And fade on her in the future.