Canceling plans and disappointing other families’ kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

[Anonymous]

It sucks that your kid will be disappointed, but I agree with others that your friend is doing the right thing. Sometimes disappointments happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

100% This sucks and OP is right to just go and do something with her family if it falls apart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

100% This sucks and OP is right to just go and do something with her family if it falls apart

+2

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyed as well. My kids have a lot of friends though and their plans change often. For us, it is usually sports that makes the change of plans. The kids drive the plans.

I personally would punish my kid differently than canceling with family friends. I have seen parents make kids sit out of birthday celebrations (seems like punishing birthday child unnecessarily).

I personally would probably text friend that DS 11 was really looking forward to the golf outing and if she could punish him differently. This has never happened to me so I have never said that to anyone but if she wants to hang out with me and we are friends, I think it is ok to suggest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Let her be angry. Just tell her in advance you wouldn’t come if your kid didn’t either

[Anonymous]

Depends on how much OP’s husband wants to golf with just the two kids…if not so much, may as well cancel now because the friend sounds flaky.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP it sounds like you’re in a bind. If the relationship really is important for your DS I think you just need to accept that your friend doesn’t prioritize nurturing the friendship over whatever is provoking this threat of grounding. Maybe you could ask if there is some other way to get the boys together. But if you want the relationship to continue you’re going to have to accept that she doesn’t place the same value on it.

I get it because I also have an 11yr old with limited friends and I do a LOT of bending over backwards to accomodate and nurture the friendships, and that absolutely takes a priority over a lot of stuff. IOW I would never withold socializing as a punishment because it’s too important for him. But I realize that other parents are not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Golden Rule OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Golden Rule OP.

Well, it’s really up to the other mom if the plans change. If she doesn’t want to change plans, then she shouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Well it does sound like there are two separate sets of plans here so I get her point. And I think she’s doing the right thing by addressing her child’s unacceptable behavior.

I guess you have to decide whether it’s worth the hit to your friendship and the friendship between your son and hers which is the likely outcome if you cancel. Might not be because sounds like it would hurt your son who has few friends a lot more than anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Well it does sound like there are two separate sets of plans here so I get her point. And I think she’s doing the right thing by addressing her child’s unacceptable behavior.

I guess you have to decide whether it’s worth the hit to your friendship and the friendship between your son and hers which is the likely outcome if you cancel. Might not be because sounds like it would hurt your son who has few friends a lot more than anyone else.

This is OP. I guess there is more to this story because I feel like this woman always treats my family like we are an option and not a priority. I will genuinely be upset if these plans cancel. I really won’t feel like spending the day with her. My son has a couple good friends. I’d like him to build more friendships, but not with people who discount him or his feelings. I think we teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Let her be angry. Just tell her in advance you wouldn’t come if your kid didn’t either

Why not just lay it all out and let her know how important this is for the kid and maybe she will rethink the punishment. The easiest and most painful one in my home is loss of screen time privileges. Im not going to take away exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is saying that the ds should be resilient and realize that sometimes plans change. Well, maybe his mom needs to realize that sometimes plans change and OP may want to spend a day with her family if their plans get canceled. Fair is fair

Yes, of course. No one in this thread has said otherwise. And OP has not indicated that her friend would have a problem if she cancelled.

This is OP. She would absolutely be pissed if I canceled.

Golden Rule OP.

Well, it’s really up to the other mom if the plans change. If she doesn’t want to change plans, then she shouldn’t.

+ 1 there is nothing wrong with op telling her friend that her DS was really looking forward to the outing planned with friends’s son and so if friend feels the need to cancel it she’s going opt out of their planned activity as well and instead do something special with son to make up for it.

If friend has the nerve to get pissed at that then op should call her out for the hypocrite that she is.