Gender dysphoria; what age?

[Anonymous]

3 years old seems extremely young to even understand what gender dysphoria is

[Anonymous]

Obviously if you see your 2 year old son pick up a doll it's time to set them on the path of gender transition and being a lifelong medical patient. My 3 year old daughter told me she was the color purple yesterday. I'm not sure if it's possible to transition into a specific wavelength of photons yet but science will have an answer one day.

[Anonymous]

OP if it’s not your kid you don’t really need to understand it. You just need to be kind.
My DD 11 has a trans friend, I don’t totally get it, but I don’t need to. I need to use the correct pronouns and treat this child the same way I treat DDs other friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the 1990s and before, most children with significant dysphoria at a young age had it resolve at puberty, though mostly they turned out same-sex attracted.

Current model in the US is to affirm when young, and stop puberty from taking place. Most of Europe, where this was common, has reversed course and no longer prescribe puberty blockers.

^This. The U.S. is way behind the curve on evidence-based thinking on this. Much to the harm of our children, tragically.

What is the dominant scientific evidence -based info out there?

The Cass review might not be a bad place to start. Released today.

https://cass.independent-review.uk/

Various summaries:

Daily Mail: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13292025/Campaigners-demand-cowboy-clinics-doling-powerful-puberty-blockers-trans-children-banned-wake-bombshell-report-ruled-gender-care-built-shaky-foundations.html

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13291703/Meet-doctors-doled-puberty-blockers-generation-vulnerable-children.html

Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/apr/10/children-are-being-used-as-a-football-hilary-cass-on-her-review-of-gender-identity-services

BBC: https://www.bbc.com/news/health-68770641

Did you actually read the Cass Review? The US has pretty much successfully addressed the main problem she outlines in the report...that there are not enough "hubs" to get to the right diagnosis.

In spite of the fever dreams of some people, we do not just willy nilly say "hey, yep, let's start you on puberty blockers." There is a long psychiatric process which the NHS does not have.

If you actually talked to parents and people who have been through this, you would know this.

That’s not at all what the Cass Report said. Here is what she has said: “ Cass believes that for a minority of young people medical transition will be the right option, but she is clear that there is no solid evidence basis justifying the use of hormones for children and adolescents.”

You are cherry picking. She does absolutely say that because the NHS does not have any or enough care in place to adequately discern who would need what.
And further, again, in spite of people's insane and uninformed beliefs that every child is on puberty blockers, it is already true that in America, it IS a "minority of young people" who medically transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wore boy clothes and had a lot of masculine-coded hobbies, but my parents were so, so good at not commenting (good or bad) on my preferences. It was a non-issue to them that I wore boys’ clothes and eventually I grew out of it and into a personal style that makes me feel confident and pretty. Had my parents made a huge fuss over my gender and atypical preferences, I would have seriously questioned my gender. The best solution to gender dysphoria is allowing children the freedom to enjoy clothes and hobbies without requiring rigid gender labels. Age and maturity takes care of a lot of cases that might otherwise suffer if they make permanent decisions based on impermanent preferences.

Where do people come up with this idea that parents are like, "Whelp, Brian likes dolls. He must be a girl. Let's transgender him now, durf." Most parents do exactly what your parents did--wait it out and see what happens.

Also, you all are catastrophically confusing and conflating real dysphoria with liking "masculine-coded hobbies." It's disheartening no one even wants to try to learn.

Unfortunately, I have seen it up close and personal. Parents who vigilante. Devastating results.

No you haven't. I am sorry, but no, you haven't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Definitely not my kid. A friend...and I am extremely skeptical. Hence this post to gather some anecdata.

Seems like 3 is too young for the concept of gender to be understood. Hence emphatically expressing one is one or the other gender definitively seems outlandish this young. I can see and understand other stories about a kid feeling uncomfortable in their body, etc

It's remarkable how few of the commenters here are parents who have direct experience relevant to your question. I think you're at risk of taking away the wrong takeaway here.

Parents with direct experience provide valuable perspectives but are also very invested in the decisions they made.

Of course.


At 3 my boy loved playing with dolls and fancy hair barrettes. Coincidentally he has an older sister who loves these things. He then moved on to loving trucks and water guns. Would he have done so if I had decided his love of dolls and girls haircuts made him really a girl? Hard to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wore boy clothes and had a lot of masculine-coded hobbies, but my parents were so, so good at not commenting (good or bad) on my preferences. It was a non-issue to them that I wore boys’ clothes and eventually I grew out of it and into a personal style that makes me feel confident and pretty. Had my parents made a huge fuss over my gender and atypical preferences, I would have seriously questioned my gender. The best solution to gender dysphoria is allowing children the freedom to enjoy clothes and hobbies without requiring rigid gender labels. Age and maturity takes care of a lot of cases that might otherwise suffer if they make permanent decisions based on impermanent preferences.

Where do people come up with this idea that parents are like, "Whelp, Brian likes dolls. He must be a girl. Let's transgender him now, durf." Most parents do exactly what your parents did--wait it out and see what happens.

Also, you all are catastrophically confusing and conflating real dysphoria with liking "masculine-coded hobbies." It's disheartening no one even wants to try to learn.

Unfortunately, I have seen it up close and personal. Parents who vigilante. Devastating results.

No you haven't. I am sorry, but no, you haven't.

Yes, I very much have. I wish I hadn’t. But I am step-mother to a child on the spectrum whose newly militant lesbian mother started a gender board every day when the kids were 7 and 9, and made it clear that gay or transgender was better. Horribly confusing for this child, who had never before expressed gender dysphoria. Is now a female appearing AFAB who has had a male boyfriend for 4 years. Identifies as a gay trans male. No desire to transistion. Several psych hospital stays due to the confusion. The pressure was as extreme as to be straight was historically. I honestly don’t care what the child identifies as, but the pressure to be “diverse” in this manner was horrible to watch. The same thing happened to the younger child but he is neurotypical and was able to figure himself a bit better. I still don’t know if he is gay or not, but I couldn’t care less as long as the identity is his own and not due to pressure from his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if it’s not your kid you don’t really need to understand it. You just need to be kind.
My DD 11 has a trans friend, I don’t totally get it, but I don’t need to. I need to use the correct pronouns and treat this child the same way I treat DDs other friends.

Well that's the thing I'm am wondering ...is it appropriate to start using a new pronoun for a 3 yr old because that is the situation presented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wore boy clothes and had a lot of masculine-coded hobbies, but my parents were so, so good at not commenting (good or bad) on my preferences. It was a non-issue to them that I wore boys’ clothes and eventually I grew out of it and into a personal style that makes me feel confident and pretty. Had my parents made a huge fuss over my gender and atypical preferences, I would have seriously questioned my gender. The best solution to gender dysphoria is allowing children the freedom to enjoy clothes and hobbies without requiring rigid gender labels. Age and maturity takes care of a lot of cases that might otherwise suffer if they make permanent decisions based on impermanent preferences.

Where do people come up with this idea that parents are like, "Whelp, Brian likes dolls. He must be a girl. Let's transgender him now, durf." Most parents do exactly what your parents did--wait it out and see what happens.

Also, you all are catastrophically confusing and conflating real dysphoria with liking "masculine-coded hobbies." It's disheartening no one even wants to try to learn.

Unfortunately, I have seen it up close and personal. Parents who vigilante. Devastating results.

No you haven't. I am sorry, but no, you haven't.

Come spend some time in Tacoma park where somehow a uniquely high ratio of kids are trans in every Pre K/K class. What are the legitimate chances of three/four out of 15 kids being trans?

[Anonymous]

*Takoma

yes I know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if it’s not your kid you don’t really need to understand it. You just need to be kind.
My DD 11 has a trans friend, I don’t totally get it, but I don’t need to. I need to use the correct pronouns and treat this child the same way I treat DDs other friends.

Well that's the thing I'm am wondering ...is it appropriate to start using a new pronoun for a 3 yr old because that is the situation presented.

Are you the parent? Because if you aren’t it’s not your choice to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wore boy clothes and had a lot of masculine-coded hobbies, but my parents were so, so good at not commenting (good or bad) on my preferences. It was a non-issue to them that I wore boys’ clothes and eventually I grew out of it and into a personal style that makes me feel confident and pretty. Had my parents made a huge fuss over my gender and atypical preferences, I would have seriously questioned my gender. The best solution to gender dysphoria is allowing children the freedom to enjoy clothes and hobbies without requiring rigid gender labels. Age and maturity takes care of a lot of cases that might otherwise suffer if they make permanent decisions based on impermanent preferences.

Where do people come up with this idea that parents are like, "Whelp, Brian likes dolls. He must be a girl. Let's transgender him now, durf." Most parents do exactly what your parents did--wait it out and see what happens.

Also, you all are catastrophically confusing and conflating real dysphoria with liking "masculine-coded hobbies." It's disheartening no one even wants to try to learn.

Unfortunately, I have seen it up close and personal. Parents who vigilante. Devastating results.

No you haven't. I am sorry, but no, you haven't.

Come spend some time in Tacoma park where somehow a uniquely high ratio of kids are trans in every Pre K/K class. What are the legitimate chances of three/four out of 15 kids being trans?

I am the parent of an older trans kid. My kid definitely had dysphoria at 4, although for my kid we didn’t change pronouns until 11, because that is what was right for my kid.

However, we seek out environments where my kid could be comfortable. That meant that we were more likely to be in situations where there were other trans kids. Unless kids are randomly assigned to neighborhoods and preschools, it wouldn’t surprise me if some schools have more trans kids than others.

[Anonymous]

Pp, would be willing to share examples of how this manifested at 4? Was your child able to articulate that the issue was gender related?

Why did you ultimately decide to change pronouns and why not earlier?

[Anonymous]

I don't really remember when I was 3 or 4 years old but I certainly experienced gender dysphoria at 5. If someone had asked me if I was a boy or a girl at the time, I would have said a boy since that's what I was told I was. If someone asked if I wished I had been born a girl, I would have said yes. I eventually transitioned MtF.

There's a difference between having cross-gender toy preferences and being transgender though. A person can be a boy and like girl's toys and a person can be a girl and like boy's toys. That doesn't make someone trans. There are a lot of cisgender people that are gender nonconforming and they are absolutely fine.

I wouldn't assume a toy preference at the age of 3 indicate that your child is transgender. Even if they are trans, that's something you wait for them to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really remember when I was 3 or 4 years old but I certainly experienced gender dysphoria at 5. If someone had asked me if I was a boy or a girl at the time, I would have said a boy since that's what I was told I was. If someone asked if I wished I had been born a girl, I would have said yes. I eventually transitioned MtF.

There's a difference between having cross-gender toy preferences and being transgender though. A person can be a boy and like girl's toys and a person can be a girl and like boy's toys. That doesn't make someone trans. There are a lot of cisgender people that are gender nonconforming and they are absolutely fine.

I wouldn't assume a toy preference at the age of 3 indicate that your child is transgender. Even if they are trans, that's something you wait for them to tell you.

Thank you so much for your insight.