Gender dysphoria; what age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My then 13 yo suffered gender dyphoria with no previous history. I researched and read everything I coukd find on the topic and concluded that being transgender is extremely rare and truly transgendered peopke show signs at a very young age (like 3). I had a gut feeling about my dc, that they were not transgender. I was correct. My child has ocd, which included identity and existential elements. With ERP and iCBT, my dc is doing great and the ocd is well managed. There is no gender dysphoria whatsoever. They are 17 now.

You are a good parent, who cared enough about your child to do the difficult research.

Your child is lucky to have you as their parent.

Far too many cases are misdiagnosed or misunderstood, and too many parents run right into the whole transgender phenomenon incorrectly. They might mean well, but it is a disaster for the poor kids, who are not actually transgender at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read this book a few months after my first child was born because I am a few degrees separated from the author: https://www.amazon.com/What-We-Will-Become-Transformation/dp/0544965833. In the book she talks about her son's transition and discusses how her son was showing signs of being very distressed about his gender at 2. And it was subtle - around not wanting to wear gendered clothing and wanting to be a dog because he felt uncomfortable with his gender. He wasn't able to fully express himself or even probably on some level totally conceptualize what was distressing him but it was clear he was distressed.

No way to know if this is true. There are so many books by enmeshed moms projecting their own issues or wishes onto their kid's life story, for profit.

Sadly true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not real at any age. If you gently model and reinforce normative gender roles the problem will just evaporate.

uhhh no. I was a tomboy type girl who definitely might be slotted as “trans” these days, and I think the trans stuff goes overboard. but the way to have actually created a psychological problem for me back then would have been if anyone in my life insisted on “normative gender roles.”

I meant normative in a broader sense, I didn't mean narrow gender roles. Tomboy-ish girls (like my 15-year-old) are well within normative gender expression, even if not strictly at the mean.

[Anonymous]

Yes - these a friend of mine had a kid who started making statements about being the opposite gender at that age. They had more vocabulary to express as grew. It stuck.

[Anonymous]

If they're not old enough to spell "gender", they're not old enough to choose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the 1990s and before, most children with significant dysphoria at a young age had it resolve at puberty, though mostly they turned out same-sex attracted.

Current model in the US is to affirm when young, and stop puberty from taking place. Most of Europe, where this was common, has reversed course and no longer prescribe puberty blockers.

^This. The U.S. is way behind the curve on evidence-based thinking on this. Much to the harm of our children, tragically.

What is the dominant scientific evidence -based info out there?

The Cass review might not be a bad place to start. Released today.

https://cass.independent-review.uk/

Various summaries:

Daily Mail: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13292025/Campaigners-demand-cowboy-clinics-doling-powerful-puberty-blockers-trans-children-banned-wake-bombshell-report-ruled-gender-care-built-shaky-foundations.html

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13291703/Meet-doctors-doled-puberty-blockers-generation-vulnerable-children.html

Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/apr/10/children-are-being-used-as-a-football-hilary-cass-on-her-review-of-gender-identity-services

BBC: https://www.bbc.com/news/health-68770641

Did you actually read the Cass Review? The US has pretty much successfully addressed the main problem she outlines in the report...that there are not enough "hubs" to get to the right diagnosis.

In spite of the fever dreams of some people, we do not just willy nilly say "hey, yep, let's start you on puberty blockers." There is a long psychiatric process which the NHS does not have.

If you actually talked to parents and people who have been through this, you would know this.

There's supposed to be a long psychiatric process. In actuality, we're in an affirming world.

Lack of hubs really isn't the main thrust of the report; it's that it's important to deal with the other issues -- as opposed to having specialty clinics -- and that the currently in vogue treatment methodology is backed by very little evidence.

[Anonymous]

My trans child didn't exhibit any of this. Was stereotypical boy. Let us know at 19 and has been living as a woman for several years (30 now) and is happy and successful. In our case there was no talk about this with us or clues as a kid or teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious to hear from parents or adults who have direct experience: is it possible for a kid to experience gender dysphoria as young as 3 years old?

I thought that kids don't typically even understand gender as a concept until slightly older than 3 (like around 5 or 6).

Not trying to stir debate. Just curious from those with direct experience.

At 3? No. Not without someone putting ideas in the child’s head.

If you are talking about your own child OP I would get very curious and involved in what might be presented at preschool or wherever your kid spends time away from you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Definitely not my kid. A friend...and I am extremely skeptical. Hence this post to gather some anecdata.

Seems like 3 is too young for the concept of gender to be understood. Hence emphatically expressing one is one or the other gender definitively seems outlandish this young. I can see and understand other stories about a kid feeling uncomfortable in their body, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Definitely not my kid. A friend...and I am extremely skeptical. Hence this post to gather some anecdata.

Seems like 3 is too young for the concept of gender to be understood. Hence emphatically expressing one is one or the other gender definitively seems outlandish this young. I can see and understand other stories about a kid feeling uncomfortable in their body, etc

It's remarkable how few of the commenters here are parents who have direct experience relevant to your question. I think you're at risk of taking away the wrong takeaway here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they're not old enough to spell "gender", they're not old enough to choose it.

Since you can't be inside anyone else's head, you're in no position to choose it either. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wore boy clothes and had a lot of masculine-coded hobbies, but my parents were so, so good at not commenting (good or bad) on my preferences. It was a non-issue to them that I wore boys’ clothes and eventually I grew out of it and into a personal style that makes me feel confident and pretty. Had my parents made a huge fuss over my gender and atypical preferences, I would have seriously questioned my gender. The best solution to gender dysphoria is allowing children the freedom to enjoy clothes and hobbies without requiring rigid gender labels. Age and maturity takes care of a lot of cases that might otherwise suffer if they make permanent decisions based on impermanent preferences.

Where do people come up with this idea that parents are like, "Whelp, Brian likes dolls. He must be a girl. Let's transgender him now, durf." Most parents do exactly what your parents did--wait it out and see what happens.

Also, you all are catastrophically confusing and conflating real dysphoria with liking "masculine-coded hobbies." It's disheartening no one even wants to try to learn.

Unfortunately, I have seen it up close and personal. Parents who vigilante. Devastating results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the 1990s and before, most children with significant dysphoria at a young age had it resolve at puberty, though mostly they turned out same-sex attracted.

Current model in the US is to affirm when young, and stop puberty from taking place. Most of Europe, where this was common, has reversed course and no longer prescribe puberty blockers.

^This. The U.S. is way behind the curve on evidence-based thinking on this. Much to the harm of our children, tragically.

What is the dominant scientific evidence -based info out there?

The Cass review might not be a bad place to start. Released today.

https://cass.independent-review.uk/

Various summaries:

Daily Mail: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13292025/Campaigners-demand-cowboy-clinics-doling-powerful-puberty-blockers-trans-children-banned-wake-bombshell-report-ruled-gender-care-built-shaky-foundations.html

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13291703/Meet-doctors-doled-puberty-blockers-generation-vulnerable-children.html

Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/apr/10/children-are-being-used-as-a-football-hilary-cass-on-her-review-of-gender-identity-services

BBC: https://www.bbc.com/news/health-68770641

Did you actually read the Cass Review? The US has pretty much successfully addressed the main problem she outlines in the report...that there are not enough "hubs" to get to the right diagnosis.

In spite of the fever dreams of some people, we do not just willy nilly say "hey, yep, let's start you on puberty blockers." There is a long psychiatric process which the NHS does not have.

If you actually talked to parents and people who have been through this, you would know this.

That’s not at all what the Cass Report said. Here is what she has said: “ Cass believes that for a minority of young people medical transition will be the right option, but she is clear that there is no solid evidence basis justifying the use of hormones for children and adolescents.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Definitely not my kid. A friend...and I am extremely skeptical. Hence this post to gather some anecdata.

Seems like 3 is too young for the concept of gender to be understood. Hence emphatically expressing one is one or the other gender definitively seems outlandish this young. I can see and understand other stories about a kid feeling uncomfortable in their body, etc

It's remarkable how few of the commenters here are parents who have direct experience relevant to your question. I think you're at risk of taking away the wrong takeaway here.

Parents with direct experience provide valuable perspectives but are also very invested in the decisions they made.

[Anonymous]

Nonsense at any age. All of Europe has realized it’s child abuse for parents to “affirm” it. Tragic the U.S. is so anti-science on this issue.