Do I need to lower my expectations ( dating)

[Anonymous]

OP here. Me staying at home is also not a given or requirement. It’s just nice to have the option to work less or quit for a couple of years because I know childcare is expensive. My friend decided to stay home because her nanny cost just as much as her salary for two kids. Daycare is also equally as expensive. My sisters daycare costs is equivalent to her mortgage with 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Dont let the resident DCUM incels and nags run you off OP. There's nothing unreasonable about what youre asking for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

You have to know the answer to this. The deal for high-earning men who support their wives financially is that she handles things at home and with the kids. My sister is a public school teacher married to someone who far outearns her, and she's taking care of the kids during the summer, all holidays, weekends when he has to work. Obviously it doesn't always work out that way, but that's why he's entering into that deal. Maybe you found a guy who does all of that stuff as well, but it's a lot more likely when women are the breadwinner that they are also doing most of the work at home. 100% of the risk and cost of childbirth and labor (meaning your family's income is at risk if you have health issue or get laid off during pregnancy), more of the paid work, and more of the domestic work. Of course not a lot of women are signing up for that.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about the guy having roommates. That just makes sense for some people economically at your age.

When I married, my husband and I did not have debt, but it's very common for people now to have student loan debt. If they have been paying that off steadily, I wouldn't make that a deal breaker. It's different if they have 40K in credit card debt from partying and wasting money. Avoid that or a person who wastes money in general.

Looking for someone who is 30 is good. Men will be more mature and want to settle down at that point but they're still young.

You will meet someone. If you really want to get married and make it a life priority, it will happen. But you should both love each other and like the sex you have. Thise are constants over the years. Everything else can change. Think about the vows and know that you will experience every high and low described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

OP here. I’m an ideal world I would work PT or quit to care for my future children until they’re in school. My husband would need to make enough in this economy. Money doesn’t go that far anymore and $100k is the new middle class income. I want a nice home in a good area, private school, and the ability to find an extracurricular activities my kids would want to do. All that takes a certain level of income.

Staying employed is a good strategy. Not just for fiscal security, but for your own sanity. Working outside the house was SO EASY compared to being my my (darling darling) children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

OP here. 118lbs is thin. I have breasts and curves. I’m not a stick.

I’m not tall but that has never been an issue. Lots of men I’ve dated and have spoken to love shorter women.

Oh, and I don’t date men over 6ft. I can’t do that a large level of height difference. Weird..I know.

You are not thin.

Good news is, you're not overweight, either. I'm sure you have an attractive figure but you are not thin.

Here's the problem, not just you either, nobody seems to know what thin is anymore - society is so "plump" these days and almost everyone is out of "calibration".

At 5'2'', you need to down at 105 to be able to call yourself thin.

And 5'2'' is short. Not as big of a deal for a woman as it is for a man, but if you are trying to land a bigger fish, as they say, "tall and thin, for the win!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lower your age requirements. Look for a guy who lives alone and is willing to make a decision on marriage within 1 year. Plus no kids, never married. Older guy pool may be too small.

Roommates shouldn't be a deal breaker. They are economically efficient.

Agree with this. OP’s asks are all very reasonable except the living along part. Successfully living with roommates is actually a good sign of being economically efficient and able to get along with people, which are important traits in a good partner.

She doesn't want economically efficient. She said she wants someone rich so she can be a PTA mom.

OP here. I don’t expect a rich guy either. I make 180k.

Which is moot when you take time off to have kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wouldn't exclude guys with roommates, expand the age up to 39.

I also would try to get your BMI to under 20. You are almost 22 it's too thick for your age - I'm 46 and have 19 BMI while I also have boobs.

Wealthy men look for thin, the wife also plays role of representing him and the family at events etc. I'm telling you that as someone who married one of the wealthiest men at same age.

I will omit the social and moral skills of my now ex husband. Money and career aspirations are very wrong premises for dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? What about ... love?

I have everything you want, I guess. Work PT and spend lots of time with the kids, have a cool house and everyone has a full life. Husband has salary to cover our life needs. I found my husband when I was 28 and he was 26 living in a group house. I dare say that I loved him and that's why I married him.

OP here. Of course I want love and a man who is smart, funny, reliable, faithful, trustworthy, a good communicator, etc., but I’m talking baseline expectations.

I’m guessing by the comments I need to lower it. What’s a realistic salary I should expect?

I just think it's dangerous to be so focused on these traits, and not on compatibility and love. Im older than you, and then women I know who has these expectations are still single in their 40s.

The exception is hot women. They can be picky and men will fall all over themselves to be with them. Harsh but true.

OP here. I’m not hot but I have no problem attracting men.

I am focused on compatibility, attraction level, shared values, etc., but I have been factoring men in based on if they meet my requirements to even go on a date.

What I’m doing obviously isn’t working. Instead of focusing on the things I haven’t discussed, I’m looking for actual feedback of what I should eliminate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

OP here. 118lbs is thin. I have breasts and curves. I’m not a stick.

I’m not tall but that has never been an issue. Lots of men I’ve dated and have spoken to love shorter women.

Oh, and I don’t date men over 6ft. I can’t do that a large level of height difference. Weird..I know.

You are not thin.

Good news is, you're not overweight, either. I'm sure you have an attractive figure but you are not thin.

Here's the problem, not just you either, nobody seems to know what thin is anymore - society is so "plump" these days and almost everyone is out of "calibration".

At 5'2'', you need to down at 105 to be able to call yourself thin.

And 5'2'' is short. Not as big of a deal for a woman as it is for a man, but if you are trying to land a bigger fish, as they say, "tall and thin, for the win!"

Yes, a wealthy 5'6 guy would go for a 5'8 long legged model. He would want taller kids, have her birth the kids and then cheat with short women. Tell me how I know

[Anonymous]

Where are you trying to meet people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

OP here. Shared values and personality traits are equally important. I was putting out the baseline of expectations that a guy would need to hit in order to go on a date or get a second date.

OP, how are you going to determine all this on a first date? Asking about income, savings, etc. is going to come off as very gauche and will likely ensure that no man asks YOU on a second date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about the guy having roommates. That just makes sense for some people economically at your age.

When I married, my husband and I did not have debt, but it's very common for people now to have student loan debt. If they have been paying that off steadily, I wouldn't make that a deal breaker. It's different if they have 40K in credit card debt from partying and wasting money. Avoid that or a person who wastes money in general.

Looking for someone who is 30 is good. Men will be more mature and want to settle down at that point but they're still young.

You will meet someone. If you really want to get married and make it a life priority, it will happen. But you should both love each other and like the sex you have. Thise are constants over the years. Everything else can change. Think about the vows and know that you will experience every high and low described.

OP here. I wasn’t including SL debt in the debt factor. Financial responsibility is important to me and I do not want a man who lives off credit cards or loans that he can’t pay off. I don’t want a guy who spends copious amounts of money on frivolous purchases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

OP here. 118lbs is thin. I have breasts and curves. I’m not a stick.

I’m not tall but that has never been an issue. Lots of men I’ve dated and have spoken to love shorter women.

Oh, and I don’t date men over 6ft. I can’t do that a large level of height difference. Weird..I know.

You are not thin.

Good news is, you're not overweight, either. I'm sure you have an attractive figure but you are not thin.

Here's the problem, not just you either, nobody seems to know what thin is anymore - society is so "plump" these days and almost everyone is out of "calibration".

At 5'2'', you need to down at 105 to be able to call yourself thin.

And 5'2'' is short. Not as big of a deal for a woman as it is for a man, but if you are trying to land a bigger fish, as they say, "tall and thin, for the win!"

What a gross post. I'd love to see your "stats" so we can judge you.

[Anonymous]

Honestly you are still young. Go out, meet a bunch of people and see what happens. Are you in the DC area? If so, plenty of men who make good salaries here.