Wife resents me for not making a higher income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she doesn’t want to have kids and you do. I don’t think that’s something that a lot of people can get past.

I’m reading it as she does want kids but doesn’t feel they can afford it on their current HHI. Which is a valid concern, especially if she’s making the bulk of the money.

I guess I read it that she feels kids are optional, and OP feels that getting a higher paying job is optional. Yes, they both want these things in theory and would have them in perfect circumstances.
Neither of them are willing to bend at all to try to make things work. Both are saying that what the other person wants is impossible.

It’s like a reverse “Gift of the Magi” where both partners are completely self-absorbed.

[Anonymous]

Is it that you don't make enough or that you don't seem to care about making more for the family?

I love my current boyfriend but recently figured out not only is he a low earner (not a deal breaker, he loves what he does and is a hard worker) but that he had zero knowledge of retirement and how much he would need.

So basically if he were my life partner I would be supporting both of us in our retirement, and I only make $100k and have kids from my marriage. In fact, I wouldn't even be able to marry him because I'd even lose money from social security benefits which are nulled if I remarry.

It's not the earnings which are unattractive to me, but the fact that he entered into a relationship with someone with more than him with zero awareness of how he is a potential liability and that I would stay at his minimal level of lifestyle forever.

[Anonymous]

I’m sensing a mortgage broker that doesn’t have a book of realtors, housing inventory is low and refi’s are over so the junior (commission based 1099) associates are the first to starve.

Op: learn a trade, I’m an imbecile and I make more than i and my wife can spend, it takes time though.
I will say your wife doesn’t sound like a very good teammate, the hardest laughs of our lives came when my wife and I were tossing couch cushions to find quarters, think your chick would be the same? If the answer is no you’re in for a life of worry because she will bail the second there’s a better option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it that you don't make enough or that you don't seem to care about making more for the family?

I love my current boyfriend but recently figured out not only is he a low earner (not a deal breaker, he loves what he does and is a hard worker) but that he had zero knowledge of retirement and how much he would need.

So basically if he were my life partner I would be supporting both of us in our retirement, and I only make $100k and have kids from my marriage. In fact, I wouldn't even be able to marry him because I'd even lose money from social security benefits which are nulled if I remarry.

It's not the earnings which are unattractive to me, but the fact that he entered into a relationship with someone with more than him with zero awareness of how he is a potential liability and that I would stay at his minimal level of lifestyle forever.

This is a tough one. I broke up with the love of my life because he did not want more for himself - and he was capable of so much more! He did marry someone who made a lot of money, and they retired early out west. I am happy for him, because he got back from the universe all the positive he sent out.

[Anonymous]

I have a liberal arts degree. I am a woman. I make 200k. I am not a doctor or a lawyer. You can do better than 60k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a liberal arts degree. I am a woman. I make 200k. I am not a doctor or a lawyer. You can do better than 60k.

What do you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it that you don't make enough or that you don't seem to care about making more for the family?

I love my current boyfriend but recently figured out not only is he a low earner (not a deal breaker, he loves what he does and is a hard worker) but that he had zero knowledge of retirement and how much he would need.

So basically if he were my life partner I would be supporting both of us in our retirement, and I only make $100k and have kids from my marriage. In fact, I wouldn't even be able to marry him because I'd even lose money from social security benefits which are nulled if I remarry.

It's not the earnings that are unattractive to me, but the fact that he entered into a relationship with someone with more than him with zero awareness of how he is a potential liability and that I would stay at his minimal level of lifestyle forever.

Is it possible he entered into the relationship with plenty of awareness and sees you as someone who might carry the load?

[Anonymous]

1. I raised 2 kids in Bethesda on less than 100K HHI. So if you guys really want kids, it’s doable.

2. But your loser attitude is not attractive, OP.
Your wife is suffering, because she wants kids with a go-getter, and past 40, infertility is common. She only has a few years to either push you to achieve or find someone else. I sympathize with her frustration.

3. You never say what you want, what your plans are. Why didn’t you reinvent yourself years ago? Are you going to be a stay at home parent who picks up all the slack? Maybe that’s what you guys need…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it that you don't make enough or that you don't seem to care about making more for the family?

I love my current boyfriend but recently figured out not only is he a low earner (not a deal breaker, he loves what he does and is a hard worker) but that he had zero knowledge of retirement and how much he would need.

So basically if he were my life partner I would be supporting both of us in our retirement, and I only make $100k and have kids from my marriage. In fact, I wouldn't even be able to marry him because I'd even lose money from social security benefits which are nulled if I remarry.

It's not the earnings that are unattractive to me, but the fact that he entered into a relationship with someone with more than him with zero awareness of how he is a potential liability and that I would stay at his minimal level of lifestyle forever.

Is it possible he entered into the relationship with plenty of awareness and sees you as someone who might carry the load?

I’ve definitely worried about that but he’s so clueless that he doesn’t even understand my situation. I am pretty low key and drive a super crappy car. I’m sure he loves me for me which is why I feel kinda torn about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a liberal arts degree. I am a woman. I make 200k. I am not a doctor or a lawyer. You can do better than 60k.

What do you do?

Yea tell us your path!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your wife the woman who posts here once a quarter about how she'll never be able to own a home or have kids because her DH doesn't make enough?

These are the worst kind of responses. Pay attention to this Op and not worry about other threads and how would he actually know the answer to your question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have the perfect relationship until it comes to money. She has always had the expectation or hope that I be the primary breadwinner and work to give her the UMC life she feels she deserves. I have worked for 9 years now and my income has gone from 50k to 300k to now 60k again. I have spent most of the past decade in low earning roles and spinning my wheels professionally.

My wife’s income has steadily increased from 40k to $120k now. She feels our incomes combined would not make for a feasible lifestyle for children. She wants me to increase my income but I truly don’t know how. I have a liberal arts education and cannot go back to be a doctor or a lawyer.

I am increasingly fed up of being told I’m not making enough and it’s effecting my marriage.

Leave her before she leaves you for someone else. Set her free so she can find someone who can earn more. I’m sure she has sooooo much to bring the table.

+1

This is how I feel. Who are these "prize" wives who think they "deserve" so much more? And why can't those wives generate more income? My God, did you promise her that you would be rich? Because I don't know any grown men that do so, and I personally think YOU deserve better, OP. "In sickness and in health, for richer and poorer..."

What does she bring to the table, that she "deserves" so much? We all work hard, some are born luckier than others.

According to the women of DCUM, they are all supermodels that carry three kids on one arm, while vacuuming their 20k manse with the other arm, and cleaning top to bottom daily, all while providing fresh cooked home grown meals daily, and year round, regardless of the weather, while tilling acres of soil, all without hiring one bit of help. Pulease. IRL, they sit in bed all day watching last night's late night talk show reruns. GMAFB.

What kind of woman do these men marry, that they think they are "worth" so much? For what? To keep up with the Joneses? Let them try! On their own!

It looks like OPs spouse would not have a problem on her own since she’s bringing in 2x his salary.

But I would turn your worldview on its head.

Who do you think *isn’t* entitled to financial security before having children?

Who *isn’t* entitled to go through the risks of pregnancy without worrying that if she gets HG, needs to be on bedrest, or has other complications that make it impossible to work that she won’t be losing her health insurance?

Who isn’t entitled to recover from the physical rigors of childbirth without worrying their family can’t afford the home they live in?

This isn’t some kind of Princess fantasy— OPs wife looks like she wants the absolute bare minimum of security for herself and her child and I ask you again: who ISN’T entitled to that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have the perfect relationship until it comes to money. She has always had the expectation or hope that I be the primary breadwinner and work to give her the UMC life she feels she deserves. I have worked for 9 years now and my income has gone from 50k to 300k to now 60k again. I have spent most of the past decade in low earning roles and spinning my wheels professionally.

My wife’s income has steadily increased from 40k to $120k now. She feels our incomes combined would not make for a feasible lifestyle for children. She wants me to increase my income but I truly don’t know how. I have a liberal arts education and cannot go back to be a doctor or a lawyer.

I am increasingly fed up of being told I’m not making enough and it’s effecting my marriage.

Leave her before she leaves you for someone else. Set her free so she can find someone who can earn more. I’m sure she has sooooo much to bring the table.

+1

This is how I feel. Who are these "prize" wives who think they "deserve" so much more? And why can't those wives generate more income? My God, did you promise her that you would be rich? Because I don't know any grown men that do so, and I personally think YOU deserve better, OP. "In sickness and in health, for richer and poorer..."

What does she bring to the table, that she "deserves" so much? We all work hard, some are born luckier than others.

According to the women of DCUM, they are all supermodels that carry three kids on one arm, while vacuuming their 20k manse with the other arm, and cleaning top to bottom daily, all while providing fresh cooked home grown meals daily, and year round, regardless of the weather, while tilling acres of soil, all without hiring one bit of help. Pulease. IRL, they sit in bed all day watching last night's late night talk show reruns. GMAFB.

What kind of woman do these men marry, that they think they are "worth" so much? For what? To keep up with the Joneses? Let them try! On their own!

It looks like OPs spouse would not have a problem on her own since she’s bringing in 2x his salary.

But I would turn your worldview on its head.

Who do you think *isn’t* entitled to financial security before having children?

Who *isn’t* entitled to go through the risks of pregnancy without worrying that if she gets HG, needs to be on bedrest, or has other complications that make it impossible to work that she won’t be losing her health insurance?

Who isn’t entitled to recover from the physical rigors of childbirth without worrying their family can’t afford the home they live in?

This isn’t some kind of Princess fantasy— OPs wife looks like she wants the absolute bare minimum of security for herself and her child and I ask you again: who ISN’T entitled to that?

Well said. Get some hustle, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a liberal arts degree. I am a woman. I make 200k. I am not a doctor or a lawyer. You can do better than 60k.

What do you do?

NP. I am the same. I am not a goldigger and my DH makes about the same with more advanced degrees. DCUM makes me think every guy makes over a million, but in my DC world 2 combined incomes around 200k is very, very common. 60k is less than I hire new grads for. Crossing from 200k to 300k+ is actually pretty challenging, but starting at that and ending up at 60k? We're not getting the full story here. That is...very low. If Op is a committed stay at home dad who handles basically everything, nothing wrong with that! Go forth and prosper! I've met a few of these and they are great. Unfortunately, I've also met more who are D+D deadbeats in every way and bscally bring nothing to the table. Pick your path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your wife the woman who posts here once a quarter about how she'll never be able to own a home or have kids because her DH doesn't make enough?

This could be that woman posing as her husband. Sounds a little like her.

I was just going to say I bet this is that same woman.