Wife resents me for not making a higher income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have the perfect relationship until it comes to money. She has always had the expectation or hope that I be the primary breadwinner and work to give her the UMC life she feels she deserves. I have worked for 9 years now and my income has gone from 50k to 300k to now 60k again. I have spent most of the past decade in low earning roles and spinning my wheels professionally.

My wife’s income has steadily increased from 40k to $120k now. She feels our incomes combined would not make for a feasible lifestyle for children. She wants me to increase my income but I truly don’t know how. I have a liberal arts education and cannot go back to be a doctor or a lawyer.

I am increasingly fed up of being told I’m not making enough and it’s effecting my marriage.

Leave her before she leaves you for someone else. Set her free so she can find someone who can earn more. I’m sure she has sooooo much to bring the table.

+1

This is how I feel. Who are these "prize" wives who think they "deserve" so much more? And why can't those wives generate more income? My God, did you promise her that you would be rich? Because I don't know any grown men that do so, and I personally think YOU deserve better, OP. "In sickness and in health, for richer and poorer..."

What does she bring to the table, that she "deserves" so much? We all work hard, some are born luckier than others.

According to the women of DCUM, they are all supermodels that carry three kids on one arm, while vacuuming their 20k manse with the other arm, and cleaning top to bottom daily, all while providing fresh cooked home grown meals daily, and year round, regardless of the weather, while tilling acres of soil, all without hiring one bit of help. Pulease. IRL, they sit in bed all day watching last night's late night talk show reruns. GMAFB.

What kind of woman do these men marry, that they think they are "worth" so much? For what? To keep up with the Joneses? Let them try! On their own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is a first year cop making $98k with a pension. My aunt works at a park district making $85k with a pension. My mom is a secretary for the county that makes $75k with a pension. I pay my nanny $80k. I don't agree with your wife, but if you wanted to be above $60k you could relatively easily.

not to mention that OP won't be getting much in retirement.

OP, I've been a self employed contractor for 20 years. Yes, work can dry up. So, I save save save because I know work can dry up. We can weather the ups/downs. My spouse is also a contractor.

My spouse wanted to retire last year, but we have two kids, one in college and one a sophomore, and we still need to save for college. So, spouse is biting the bullet and still working.

+1

Peopel tend to think that contractors are rich, they don't understand one bit how it works, IRL.

[Anonymous]

It will never be enough.

What role in what field do you currently have?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she doesn’t want to have kids and you do. I don’t think that’s something that a lot of people can get past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she doesn’t want to have kids and you do. I don’t think that’s something that a lot of people can get past.

I’m reading it as she does want kids but doesn’t feel they can afford it on their current HHI. Which is a valid concern, especially if she’s making the bulk of the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your wife the woman who posts here once a quarter about how she'll never be able to own a home or have kids because her DH doesn't make enough?

This could be that woman posing as her husband. Sounds a little like her.

Nice sock puppet Op, throw us off the troll scent with more troll scent.

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

She will always resent you. Go find someone who appreciates you and your efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:leave her now while your income is low.

yes, because living on lower income is so much better. OP is a contractor. I'm assuming he gets health insurance through his wife.

No one said Op is a 1099 contractor in any particular sector or commercial customer base.

For all we know he sits there making and selling pottery online. Biz is slow now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a liberal arts education too, cultural anthropology to be exact. I work for a tech company as an account manager and make over $300k so give me a break. You just aren’t motivated.

Same - anthro major and do marketing, pivoted to digital marketing 10 years ago. $250k plus bonuses and finder fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have the perfect relationship until it comes to money. She has always had the expectation or hope that I be the primary breadwinner and work to give her the UMC life she feels she deserves. I have worked for 9 years now and my income has gone from 50k to 300k to now 60k again. I have spent most of the past decade in low earning roles and spinning my wheels professionally.

My wife’s income has steadily increased from 40k to $120k now. She feels our incomes combined would not make for a feasible lifestyle for children. She wants me to increase my income but I truly don’t know how. I have a liberal arts education and cannot go back to be a doctor or a lawyer.

I am increasingly fed up of being told I’m not making enough and it’s effecting my marriage.

Leave her before she leaves you for someone else. Set her free so she can find someone who can earn more. I’m sure she has sooooo much to bring the table.

+1

This is how I feel. Who are these "prize" wives who think they "deserve" so much more? And why can't those wives generate more income? My God, did you promise her that you would be rich? Because I don't know any grown men that do so, and I personally think YOU deserve better, OP. "In sickness and in health, for richer and poorer..."

What does she bring to the table, that she "deserves" so much? We all work hard, some are born luckier than others.

According to the women of DCUM, they are all supermodels that carry three kids on one arm, while vacuuming their 20k manse with the other arm, and cleaning top to bottom daily, all while providing fresh cooked home grown meals daily, and year round, regardless of the weather, while tilling acres of soil, all without hiring one bit of help. Pulease. IRL, they sit in bed all day watching last night's late night talk show reruns. GMAFB.

What kind of woman do these men marry, that they think they are "worth" so much? For what? To keep up with the Joneses? Let them try! On their own!

You don’t have a very Type A friend group, do you?

Go hang out with some MbA women married w children for a few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have the perfect relationship until it comes to money. She has always had the expectation or hope that I be the primary breadwinner and work to give her the UMC life she feels she deserves. I have worked for 9 years now and my income has gone from 50k to 300k to now 60k again. I have spent most of the past decade in low earning roles and spinning my wheels professionally.

My wife’s income has steadily increased from 40k to $120k now. She feels our incomes combined would not make for a feasible lifestyle for children. She wants me to increase my income but I truly don’t know how. I have a liberal arts education and cannot go back to be a doctor or a lawyer.

I am increasingly fed up of being told I’m not making enough and it’s effecting my marriage.

Sexy, sexy and sexy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your omitting a large part of the story

And what a lame story it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have the perfect relationship until it comes to money. She has always had the expectation or hope that I be the primary breadwinner and work to give her the UMC life she feels she deserves. I have worked for 9 years now and my income has gone from 50k to 300k to now 60k again. I have spent most of the past decade in low earning roles and spinning my wheels professionally.

My wife’s income has steadily increased from 40k to $120k now. She feels our incomes combined would not make for a feasible lifestyle for children. She wants me to increase my income but I truly don’t know how. I have a liberal arts education and cannot go back to be a doctor or a lawyer.

I am increasingly fed up of being told I’m not making enough and it’s effecting my marriage.

Not enough details or facts here.

Lib arts degree people can do many things and make good money.

Unclear what industry or function your work experience or interests are in.

Unclear how you made $300k a year and now feel you “never will again.”

Unclear what YOUR goals are career or income-wise.

Unclear what YOUR financial goals are. Or your family budget and goals.

Unclear if you are a passive, reactive person or a proactive person.


Why don’t you sit down with your wife and your actual accountant and financial planner.

Also consider a career counselor or coach or talking with alums in or in adjacent companies, industries, or functions you want.


Most people DO have career goals and try to take steps towards them. These goals include working hard in one’s 20s, getting great work experience and network, and continually leveraging that for next jobs and promotions. Thus making more income and working less hours but doing higher level work, maybe managing teams, and becoming and expert in one’s area. Every trade or career or job has THAT.

Sounds like None, None, None, None, None, etc.

Def not a Man with a Plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she doesn’t want to have kids and you do. I don’t think that’s something that a lot of people can get past.

I’m reading it as she does want kids but doesn’t feel they can afford it on their current HHI. Which is a valid concern, especially if she’s making the bulk of the money.

This is a big deal.

She will need maternity leave, and that doesn't pay much. Also, she will end up being the primary caregiver for the child for the most part. She would not be able to back off on work so that she can take care of the kids because OP doesn't make it enough, and he's a contractor.

I'm a PP contractor. When I decided to have kids, I saved a lot because I knew I wasn't going to be getting paid. DH is also a contractor. He was making a good amount but not enough to cover all of our expenses. I knew I would have to go back to work.

If OP is not making enough for them to save a lot so that OP's wife can pull back on work once the kids come, then I could see how the wife is not happy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:leave her now while your income is low.

yes, because living on lower income is so much better. OP is a contractor. I'm assuming he gets health insurance through his wife.

No one said Op is a 1099 contractor in any particular sector or commercial customer base.

For all we know he sits there making and selling pottery online. Biz is slow now.

doesn't matter. OP is self employed, not making much and getting his health insurance through the wife.