Anyone personally know a successful man accused of domestic violence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

Yeah, maybe he could also try not beating his wife.

[Anonymous]

My brother in law was also "super sweet" until he killed my sister. But don't worry OP, he got away with it and still has his white collar job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

The dude is abusive and the thing you’re most anxious about is how he will save face amongst his social circle? The most helpful thing you can do right now is be there for the wife/family during this tumultuous time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I’m married to one. We didn’t tell anyone when he was arrested. Didn’t affect his career but it deeply affected the family of course.

+1

He’s only unmasked for me, the kids and my mother & father who traveled with us a few times.

If and when we travel with other families he tries to aggravate me into an argument and call me crazy. That stopped working after two times. He looked like a lunatic having a rage attack for his parents recently on Thanksgiving. But they just acted confused and what was going on with the kids….

Oh his parents know

[Anonymous]

Yes.

A high school classmate of mine. He admitted to it and I heard he stood up in front of his church congregation and asked for forgiveness. I think that marriage ended in divorce, but they might have stayed together.

Anyway, he is a doctor and has three or four kids and everyone seems to be doing well now and as far as I know no further issues with domestic violence.

We (his HS classmates) were all shocked. He did have a history of trauma - found his father's body after his father committed suicide - but he generally seemed like a decent guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I’m married to one. We didn’t tell anyone when he was arrested. Didn’t affect his career but it deeply affected the family of course.

+1

He’s only unmasked for me, the kids and my mother & father who traveled with us a few times.

If and when we travel with other families he tries to aggravate me into an argument and call me crazy. That stopped working after two times. He looked like a lunatic having a rage attack for his parents recently on Thanksgiving. But they just acted confused and what was going on with the kids….

I had to make sure this was written today and not some years ago by me. My husband has never hit any of us, but has an explosive anger problem. Almost no one knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother in law was also "super sweet" until he killed my sister. But don't worry OP, he got away with it and still has his white collar job.

I am so sorry. My BIL's sister was killed by her husband. There's been no investigation or repercussions.

[Anonymous]

And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

That's an astonishing level of misogyny from another woman. Do way, way better OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I know multiple professionals service firm partners.

One was almost certainly falsely accused and prosecutors basically admitted it. Wife was angry at him for other reasons. Their marriage was falling apart and divorce was imminent. She went from demanding full custody because he supposedly was an abuser to actually letting him take care of the kids for weeks at a time.
,

Another was a pretty nice guy at work but, according to prosecutors, had a mean streak when drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's unfathomable to me that this happened to a couple you know and your concern is... him. WTF. He was arrested for domestic violence!! How about his poor wife and children, ie the victims??

With so many people like you out there I'm sure his reputation will be fine in no time. Ugh.

Exactly. Women were bringing my abusive ex dinners after he showed back up after a three week drinking binge where no one knew where he was.

No one offered to help me write my resume when he took all of our money and I became the breadwinner after a decade long career gap- ironically. But dang did he get fed. It was like women knew he was hapless so helped him. I was apparently considered capable and left to fend for myself while I recovered from his abuse and the years of post separation abuse that followed.

[Anonymous]

I only know one loser who beat the he!! out of his wife and mother of his children so that her face was covered in bruises and she could barely talk from being strangled. She posted this on her own Instagram and another social media site. This happened in Bowie and he was in jail for about three weeks but they just cleared him of all charges and he even got the record expunged. I don't know any successful abusers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

Most women do not call the police the first time they are abused..... they are too confused, fall for the apology/explanation, etc. Its a very confusing time for the partner beause their world is truned upside down. Even men who are "super sweet" and "hilarious" to friends can be abusers.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“cleanse that reputation”? Really???

he can “cleanse” his reputation by admitting he needs anger management therapy and medication, attending therapy, and taking medication, and not denying what he did.

I get that. But does a man try to highlight all of that to friends and family? How do you make it known you're working on improving and it was a one-off lapse, you know? Because as some have posted here, some people assume the absolute worst and probably assume you're a crazy monster.

I knew a couple. They separated. She accused him of child abuse. They reconciled. She said she lied and wrote emails apologizing to the parents of the kids' sports teams he coached and I assume did this with family and friends. So people do do this. Also I think of celebrities like Paul Simon and wife who called police then excused him later. So there can be damage control. In saying this, I'm not excusing DV but he can probably strategies to try to save his reputation. But no one really knows the truth but the couple.

They’re not lying they’re afraid of losing their economic stability if the husband is arrested/ostracized/fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a very successful family member who was accused of domestic violence, prostitution and human trafficking. Not even a blip on the radar of his life. It's nice to be rich.

+1 mine left scars on my kids was charged with felony child abuse and it was expunged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unfathomable to me that this happened to a couple you know and your concern is... him. WTF. He was arrested for domestic violence!! How about his poor wife and children, ie the victims??

With so many people like you out there I'm sure his reputation will be fine in no time. Ugh.

Exactly. Women were bringing my abusive ex dinners after he showed back up after a three week drinking binge where no one knew where he was.

No one offered to help me write my resume when he took all of our money and I became the breadwinner after a decade long career gap- ironically. But dang did he get fed. It was like women knew he was hapless so helped him. I was apparently considered capable and left to fend for myself while I recovered from his abuse and the years of post separation abuse that followed.

I’m so sorry. I am shocked at some people’s behaviour. It’s like men that marry literally months after their wives pass away. What is wrong with these men and the women they subsequently marry