Anyone personally know a successful man accused of domestic violence?

[Anonymous]

And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

[Anonymous]

When it comes to successful men, people tend to be very forgiving. I bet he won't worry about it long.

[Anonymous]

If it happened while they're away, it's not like this made it into the local newspaper where they live. If I were him I'd worry more about my wife and kids, and less about busy bodies gossiping about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it happened while they're away, it's not like this made it into the local newspaper where they live. If I were him I'd worry more about my wife and kids, and less about busy bodies gossiping about me.

People in their social circle know. I also think the mugshot is on Google but I haven't checked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

Most women do not call the police the first time they are abused..... they are too confused, fall for the apology/explanation, etc. Its a very confusing time for the partner beause their world is truned upside down. Even men who are "super sweet" and "hilarious" to friends can be abusers.

[Anonymous]

We witnessed a friend yelling and swearing at his wife for a while, over a small accident with a $100 object (ie over nothing) in front of their three young kids and our two small kids. They are both high powered executives (she arguably higher than him but both CXO-level at FAANG companies). It was really hard to watch. We were supposed to have them stay with us on a trip this winter but we haven’t invited them yet.

[Anonymous]

Yes I’m married to one. We didn’t tell anyone when he was arrested. Didn’t affect his career but it deeply affected the family of course.

[Anonymous]

You know so many successful men guilty of domestic violence. You just don’t realize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it happened while they're away, it's not like this made it into the local newspaper where they live. If I were him I'd worry more about my wife and kids, and less about busy bodies gossiping about me.

People in their social circle know. I also think the mugshot is on Google but I haven't checked.

Sure you haven't.

MYOB, and refuse to gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know so many successful men guilty of domestic violence. You just don’t realize it.

This. ^^

"Successful" men have got to be at least as likely as their less-successful counterparts to engage in domestic violence.

My stepfather was a very respected doctor. He was also an abusive drunk who liked to slam women and children against walls. His favorite leisure activity was destroying the self-esteem of family members for sport. He had serious mental problems and no one in the community knew (well, except his ex wife -- she sure did).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:omg myob your excitement about this is grotesque and dripping from your post

Agreed. OP, please take some time to reflect on why you feel the need to seize on someone else’s mistake or misfortune. Have a convo in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

I would be a bit concerned if my husband thought that domestic violence is something that happens when you are a bit stressed and drink a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know so many successful men guilty of domestic violence. You just don’t realize it.

This…

And rape, sexual abuse, sexual harassment etc.

People hate nothing more than “ruining the life” of a promising/successful white man

He’ll be alright

[Anonymous]

Back in the Reagan years, John Fedders, Head of SEC Enforcement and a high-powered Washington attorney, abused his wife Charlotte. She wrote to President Reagan about it. And wrote a book called Shattered Dreams.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/02/19/trump-administrations-domestic-violence-scandal-resonates-abused-ex-reagan-official/326179002/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

As a woman who has experienced domestic violence, the fact that you are so concerned about him, and not at all about his wife and children, is alarming.

Why aren't you worried about how this woman you describe as sweet will keep herself and those lovely children safe, and heal from what must have been a terribly traumatic event for her to call for help?