Anyone personally know a successful man accused of domestic violence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

As a woman who has experienced domestic violence, the fact that you are so concerned about him, and not at all about his wife and children, is alarming.

Why aren't you worried about how this woman you describe as sweet will keep herself and those lovely children safe, and heal from what must have been a terribly traumatic event for her to call for help?

[Anonymous]

Op people like YOU are why beaten women keep their domestic violence and abuse hush hush. You have absolutely zero idea what goes on behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

What difference does it make if he's successful?

It could be a one-off situation or maybe not. You don't really know. They could both be volatile and violent, for that matter. He undoubtedly has a drinking problem or maybe they both do.

I knew a very successful parent of my son's friend. Picture perfect family, etc. His DV charge was just the beginning of a long downhill fall, divorce, DUI, jail time, etc.

If he values his success and, more importantly, his family, this should be a wakeup call to change. Even if it's an odd occurrence, it's not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be a bit concerned if my husband thought that domestic violence is something that happens when you are a bit stressed and drink a little.

yep...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because a person is accused of assault doesn't mean it's true. There are MANY cases of false accusations.

It's far more likely that an assault will go unreported, than that a false accusation will be made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back in the Reagan years, John Fedders, Head of SEC Enforcement and a high-powered Washington attorney, abused his wife Charlotte. She wrote to President Reagan about it. And wrote a book called Shattered Dreams.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/02/19/trump-administrations-domestic-violence-scandal-resonates-abused-ex-reagan-official/326179002/

I remember reading that book !

[Anonymous]

Accused, yes. Brought to justice, no. The victim, a step-child, and my friend, was cut off from the family and really struggled in young adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because a person is accused of assault doesn't mean it's true. There are MANY cases of false accusations.

It's far more likely that an assault will go unreported, than that a false accusation will be made.

Exactly, of course there are a few whack job researchers who like to self describe themselves as "experts on false accusations". They are in Koch's pockets

[Anonymous]

Yes. The impact on the wife ands kids gets overlooked. People want to hang with the funny guy, even if he is a monster behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know so many successful men guilty of domestic violence. You just don’t realize it.

This

[Anonymous]

“cleanse that reputation”? Really???

he can “cleanse” his reputation by admitting he needs anger management therapy and medication, attending therapy, and taking medication, and not denying what he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. The impact on the wife ands kids gets overlooked. People want to hang with the funny guy, even if he is a monster behind closed doors.

Assuming everyone man nicked for this is a crazed monster is a bit hyperbolic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“cleanse that reputation”? Really???

he can “cleanse” his reputation by admitting he needs anger management therapy and medication, attending therapy, and taking medication, and not denying what he did.

I get that. But does a man try to highlight all of that to friends and family? How do you make it known you're working on improving and it was a one-off lapse, you know? Because as some have posted here, some people assume the absolute worst and probably assume you're a crazy monster.

[Anonymous]

Well, first of all, your first conviction in Virginia for DV you get a "free pass" it automatically gets expunged.

So you won't see it on most background checks.

Second, my ex is a brilliant charmer and liar. He'll tell you a story that will somehow convince you that by pulling our son from my car and luring me into a doorway to then slam the door on me and my son was by my doing.

I know many, many successful women that believe whatever he says about it. His current fiance is a partner at one of the big consulting firms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“cleanse that reputation”? Really???

he can “cleanse” his reputation by admitting he needs anger management therapy and medication, attending therapy, and taking medication, and not denying what he did.

I get that. But does a man try to highlight all of that to friends and family? How do you make it known you're working on improving and it was a one-off lapse, you know? Because as some have posted here, some people assume the absolute worst and probably assume you're a crazy monster.

why tf are you concerned about his reputation and not the woman he abused? his only concern now should be doing the therapy he needs to be doing and whether his wife will get a TRO requiring him to move out.