Anyone personally know a successful man accused of domestic violence?

[Anonymous]

She’s getting ready to file for divorce and needs to document some things

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's unfathomable to me that this happened to a couple you know and your concern is... him. WTF. He was arrested for domestic violence!! How about his poor wife and children, ie the victims??

With so many people like you out there I'm sure his reputation will be fine in no time. Ugh.

Exactly. Women were bringing my abusive ex dinners after he showed back up after a three week drinking binge where no one knew where he was.

No one offered to help me write my resume when he took all of our money and I became the breadwinner after a decade long career gap- ironically. But dang did he get fed. It was like women knew he was hapless so helped him. I was apparently considered capable and left to fend for myself while I recovered from his abuse and the years of post separation abuse that followed.

I’m so sorry. I am shocked at some people’s behaviour. It’s like men that marry literally months after their wives pass away. What is wrong with these men and the women they subsequently marry

DP. It's the same mentality, in some women (not all, some), as those who correspond with criminals who are in prison and insist the criminals are just misunderstood and/or are reforming. A craving to rescue someone. Unfortunately they wear rose-colored glasses they cannot take off and don't see that the reformed, misunderstood men are highly likely to repeat the same types of offenses.

For those posting about men who beat wives and children and then got their criminal records or charges expunged -- WTF? How? In the case of the woman whose face was black and blue, how did the man get off that charge? I'm asking seriously. What a lawyer he must have had.

You do realize a husband will be arrested and booked for a mere push or grabbing a wife's wrists or anything along those lines if she calls the 911, right? "Black and blue" is very, very rare and on the extreme end of typical domestic violence calls.

“a mere push” is the prelude to black & blue.

Bullshit.

Not bullshit at all. A man who feels entitled to push his wife has no boundaries against physical violence, and escalation can happen. If you’re the man and you feel unjustly accused here, grow up. The moment you decide to use physical force against the wife is the moment that you begin to deserve everything the legal system has to throw at you.

You are off your rocker.

DP. No, she's not. You, clearly, have a conditioned view of DV and an apologist.

I actually know a white collar guy like this who truly appears to believe that pushing/slapping/shoving his wife is totally justifiable. He cannot even bring himself to pretend in court. So now he has no home, can’t see kids, and will probably end up with much less than 50% of the assets. Truly astonishing.

You realize how much genuine violent crime and larcenies and home burglaries around you is totally ignored by police and DAs? Most inner city law enforcement literally don’t process rape kits. And you think a husband with no criminal record should have his life ruined for pushing his wife or even a one-off slap? You people are nuts.

I think a man who chooses to resolve his problems by slapping around his wife, and doubles down on refusing to apologize in front of a judge, deserves everything he gets.

[Anonymous]

A friend from high school’s father was a successful businessman. He was arrested after he hit his SIL and the SIL told how he abused his wife and children. I don’t know if he recovered financially or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

My ex wife and I were married over 25 years. During that time she got mad at me and hit me 3 times. I was never injured physically. Her hitting me didn't even really hurt. I never would have called the police on her in a million years. She just lost her cool and got physical.

I won't deny that there were some longer term emotional effects. That could be said about many things she did...

I still wouldn't call the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know so many successful men guilty of domestic violence. You just don’t realize it.

This. ^^

"Successful" men have got to be at least as likely as their less-successful counterparts to engage in domestic violence.

My stepfather was a very respected doctor. He was also an abusive drunk who liked to slam women and children against walls. His favorite leisure activity was destroying the self-esteem of family members for sport. He had serious mental problems and no one in the community knew (well, except his ex wife -- she sure did).

You do realize that domestic violence crosses every socioeconomic community? It's not just someone in a trailer wearing a wife beater with a crying kid and barking dog in the background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And was he able to reform? How do you cleanse that reputation once news of your arrest leaks to your social circle, which includes your kids' friends' parents?

My husband's best friend from college was just arrested on a family ski trip. Both very drunk, she called the cops, he was arrested, mug shot and the whole nine. They both have great careers, they are both super sweet, he is especially hilarious, two lovely teen kids, and they are always seem so happy. My husband believes he's stressed about work, which led to too much drinking, and then whatever occurred on their trip.

Of course he has to deal with any fallout from his wife, but what about from the friends and colleagues once people start gossiping about it? I'd be totally mortified to show my face. For starters, make it clear to everyone you're never drinking again and become more devout to whatever religion you are? It gives me anxiety to even think about.

They never change not possible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unfathomable to me that this happened to a couple you know and your concern is... him. WTF. He was arrested for domestic violence!! How about his poor wife and children, ie the victims??

With so many people like you out there I'm sure his reputation will be fine in no time. Ugh.

Exactly. Women were bringing my abusive ex dinners after he showed back up after a three week drinking binge where no one knew where he was.

No one offered to help me write my resume when he took all of our money and I became the breadwinner after a decade long career gap- ironically. But dang did he get fed. It was like women knew he was hapless so helped him. I was apparently considered capable and left to fend for myself while I recovered from his abuse and the years of post separation abuse that followed.

I’m so sorry. I am shocked at some people’s behaviour. It’s like men that marry literally months after their wives pass away. What is wrong with these men and the women they subsequently marry

DP. It's the same mentality, in some women (not all, some), as those who correspond with criminals who are in prison and insist the criminals are just misunderstood and/or are reforming. A craving to rescue someone. Unfortunately they wear rose-colored glasses they cannot take off and don't see that the reformed, misunderstood men are highly likely to repeat the same types of offenses.

For those posting about men who beat wives and children and then got their criminal records or charges expunged -- WTF? How? In the case of the woman whose face was black and blue, how did the man get off that charge? I'm asking seriously. What a lawyer he must have had.

You do realize a husband will be arrested and booked for a mere push or grabbing a wife's wrists or anything along those lines if she calls the 911, right? "Black and blue" is very, very rare and on the extreme end of typical domestic violence calls.

“a mere push” is the prelude to black & blue.

Bullshit.

Not bullshit at all. A man who feels entitled to push his wife has no boundaries against physical violence, and escalation can happen. If you’re the man and you feel unjustly accused here, grow up. The moment you decide to use physical force against the wife is the moment that you begin to deserve everything the legal system has to throw at you.

You are off your rocker.

DP. No, she's not. You, clearly, have a conditioned view of DV and an apologist.

I actually know a white collar guy like this who truly appears to believe that pushing/slapping/shoving his wife is totally justifiable. He cannot even bring himself to pretend in court. So now he has no home, can’t see kids, and will probably end up with much less than 50% of the assets. Truly astonishing.

You realize how much genuine violent crime and larcenies and home burglaries around you is totally ignored by police and DAs? Most inner city law enforcement literally don’t process rape kits. And you think a husband with no criminal record should have his life ruined for pushing his wife or even a one-off slap? You people are nuts.

So you think that beating your wife is not a "genuine" violent crime? You are disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anyone on this thread who thinks they can change an abuser needs brain surgery

Please go to Montgomery County MD district court observe the DV cases they occur every day open to the public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL caught his wife cheating. He decided to go to counseling and forgave her.

He caught her a 2nd time in a parking lot banging some dude at work,

She is a very successful CPA, CFO.

He drove up knocked on the window then drove home.

She came home and he open hand slapped her across the face.

He was charged with DV.

Yes, I think he can he reformed but truthfully I don’t think he is a domestic abuser.

Hopefully they are now divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife and I were married over 25 years. During that time she got mad at me and hit me 3 times. I was never injured physically. Her hitting me didn't even really hurt. I never would have called the police on her in a million years. She just lost her cool and got physical.

I won't deny that there were some longer term emotional effects. That could be said about many things she did...

I still wouldn't call the police.

So not threatening and not going to hurt you.

Now what would you say if you were your daughter and the angry outburst was from her 240# boyfriend or husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife and I were married over 25 years. During that time she got mad at me and hit me 3 times. I was never injured physically. Her hitting me didn't even really hurt. I never would have called the police on her in a million years. She just lost her cool and got physical.

I won't deny that there were some longer term emotional effects. That could be said about many things she did...

I still wouldn't call the police.

So not threatening and not going to hurt you.

Now what would you say if you were your daughter and the angry outburst was from her 240# boyfriend or husband?

I'd freak out. I agree it's different when the answer is male and the abused is female, most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BIL caught his wife cheating. He decided to go to counseling and forgave her.

He caught her a 2nd time in a parking lot banging some dude at work,

She is a very successful CPA, CFO.

He drove up knocked on the window then drove home.

She came home and he open hand slapped her across the face.

He was charged with DV.

Yes, I think he can he reformed but truthfully I don’t think he is a domestic abuser.

Hopefully they are now divorced.

Of course. He was kicked out of the house, arrested for DV, no custody of the kids for months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife and I were married over 25 years. During that time she got mad at me and hit me 3 times. I was never injured physically. Her hitting me didn't even really hurt. I never would have called the police on her in a million years. She just lost her cool and got physical.

I won't deny that there were some longer term emotional effects. That could be said about many things she did...

I still wouldn't call the police.

That’s abusive and of course women can be abusive. But you likely did not fear for your life or serious injury, the way a woman would.