Spouse/kid/weight

[Anonymous]

You don't have to answer but am wondering, do you 2 have a good sex life?

I teach yoga for sexual wellness and I k is that many overweight men have dysfunction because of that. Especially sugar.

Better sex is a great inspiration for men to make healthy lifestyle changes.

If you're interested in my sessions, lmk ☺️🙏

[Anonymous]

I'll armchair analyze here. Maybe your DH is projecting some of his own issues onto your DD. He's frustrated that he is overweight and not in control, so he's taking it out on her. If you are concerned about both of them, maybe make family diet and fitness a goal for all of you. But this won't work if he keeps being an ass about it. I hope you can find a good family counselor, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll armchair analyze here. Maybe your DH is projecting some of his own issues onto your DD. He's frustrated that he is overweight and not in control, so he's taking it out on her. If you are concerned about both of them, maybe make family diet and fitness a goal for all of you. But this won't work if he keeps being an ass about it. I hope you can find a good family counselor, OP.

Well…70 percent of adults are overweight. A lot of them are parents. This isn’t a unique situation. Regardless of your own weight, it is your job to teach your child portion control and eating balanced. Your thin kid is likely to be oberweight as an adult. All kids should be learning to minimize junk food and not gorging on simple carbohydrates

[Anonymous]

I would handle it by commenting on every bite of unhealthy food your overweight spouse eats.

“Stop teaching our kids to be overweight.”

Say this every time. See how he likes his food being monitored and shamed for his weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a big difference between vilifying sweets and harping on what a kid eats versus providing some structure and guidance.

When I tell my kid, “hey let’s hold off on that pop tart, Halloween candy, etc until you have dinner. Once you have a protein, carb, fruit and veg, let’s see how hungry you are”, I don’t think I’m shaming her or setting her up for an eating disorder.

If I was like “OMG, are you really eating a piece of cake right now?!?!!!”, then I am likely creating unnecessary issues.

It sounds like dad doesn’t understand this. Combining this with his hypocrisy, this is a recipe for a bad relationship with his kid — even if the kid avoids an eating disorder.

Eh. When she's an adult, she will blame her parents for her weight, whatever they say or don't say, whatever they do or don't do. OP is on denial.

That doesn't mean they get to abdicate good parenting.

Currently, 70% of American adults and 36% of youth are overweight or obese. There's no good parenting that will make the girl normal weight, now or in the future.

My kids have been in sports since they were little. We model healthy eating at home. This is called parenting and it absolutely does result in kids with healthy weights.

[Anonymous]

Here’s how I take OP’s point: Spouse has been nagging, but child’s behavior hasn’t changed. However, continuing to nag may be damaging the parent-child relationship or child’s self esteem. OP is making the point that it doesn’t make sense to continue the strategy that has no benefit but has significant downside.

There’s something going on here that’s motivating the child’s unhealthy food choices, and it’s not a lack of knowledge about what is and isn’t healthy—because she’s been told that a thousand times. The reasons could be myriad like eating is emotionally soothing, she feels sluggish because she’s not sleeping well, she has poor impulse control, she bored. Until whatever the underlying issue is gets addressed, the weight gain will continue.

OP, therapy is a good plan. But perhaps there are some behavioral self-diagnostics you and your kid could be doing at home to figure out what’s happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen is overweight.

My spouse (who is also overweight) is not dealing with it well; makes frequent remarks about what teen is eating, vilifies sweets, criticizes kid for eating too much sugar, and on and on.

I’ve talked to my spouse about it on numerous occasions and he will. Not. Stop. This has been going on for years and I am losing it.

Please recommend to me some kind of professional that we can go to for counseling so that I can get us on the same page about how to respond to different scenarios, like if my child is eating a large amount of ice cream or something like that.

What I want to do is keep my mouth shut and model healthy eating. I don’t see why that should be so hard but apparently my spouse is not able to do it and I am really becoming very angry and sad and at a loss.

I agree you all need to see a nutritionist / dietician and also look into ADHD impulse eating.

Obviously YOUR route of never saying anything (yet having desserts, sweets, processed foods, juice in the house in ample supply) is NOT working.

And your overweight husband's route of nagging whilst watching the kid overeat sugars is NOT working either.

THere are countless books on the subject too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because sometimes people want a second slice of cake. Sometimes I want a second slice of cake. If there is cake, people can eat cake. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having a second slice of cake.

There is something wrong, however, with someone who is overweight constantly harping on what another overweight person eats. It sure seems to me that my spouse is taking his own anxieties about eating and food and weed and projecting them on to my teen, who is still growing and has an appetite.

I think everybody should get exercise and mind their own food and shut up about everybody else’s. But I am willing to reconsider if I could get professional advice. The problem is right now me and my spouse are arguing about this and we both think we are right. We need someone who is going to help us see the situation differently and help us get on the same page because I am losing my mind.

Most families do NOT have a cake around their house on a daily or weekly basis.

The families that i know had pie, or cake or countless cookies every day had obese teens who became yo yo dieters and eventually obese adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one of you says don’t eat the cake, and one of you says nothing, why not try it with both of you saying don’t eat the cake? Better yet don’t buy the cake to start with.

Eureka!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a big difference between vilifying sweets and harping on what a kid eats versus providing some structure and guidance.

When I tell my kid, “hey let’s hold off on that pop tart, Halloween candy, etc until you have dinner. Once you have a protein, carb, fruit and veg, let’s see how hungry you are”, I don’t think I’m shaming her or setting her up for an eating disorder.

If I was like “OMG, are you really eating a piece of cake right now?!?!!!”, then I am likely creating unnecessary issues.

It sounds like dad doesn’t understand this. Combining this with his hypocrisy, this is a recipe for a bad relationship with his kid — even if the kid avoids an eating disorder.

Eh. When she's an adult, she will blame her parents for her weight, whatever they say or don't say, whatever they do or don't do. OP is on denial.

Dunno about this. My spouse was obese as a teen and has the photos and stretch marks (arms, midsection) to prove it.

He did zero athletics or even rec sports. His dad picked up a 50% off 5pm pie every day from the grocery store and the 4 of them ate it all. The mom also had them eat roasts, veg and salads, but then always the damn dessert and tons of snacks. They eat very quickly, don't talk at dinner meals, and that was that.

He never brought up his parents' parenting though. I need to ask them. Just over Thanksgiving they were commenting on his weight having gone up. I need to ask them "Wasn't he obese as a teen as well? How or why did that happen?"

THe only time he wasn't overweight was when a college and grad student. WIth his ASD / ADHD and working he just cannot structure or organize his time or emails or work, and then works nonstop. eat, work, tv, eat, work tv.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why you buying cake of kid has no control?

THIS

No junk food and sweets in a house with overweight people who have no self control. Just No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a big difference between vilifying sweets and harping on what a kid eats versus providing some structure and guidance.

When I tell my kid, “hey let’s hold off on that pop tart, Halloween candy, etc until you have dinner. Once you have a protein, carb, fruit and veg, let’s see how hungry you are”, I don’t think I’m shaming her or setting her up for an eating disorder.

If I was like “OMG, are you really eating a piece of cake right now?!?!!!”, then I am likely creating unnecessary issues.

It sounds like dad doesn’t understand this. Combining this with his hypocrisy, this is a recipe for a bad relationship with his kid — even if the kid avoids an eating disorder.

Eh. When she's an adult, she will blame her parents for her weight, whatever they say or don't say, whatever they do or don't do. OP is on denial.

That doesn't mean they get to abdicate good parenting.

Currently, 70% of American adults and 36% of youth are overweight or obese. There's no good parenting that will make the girl normal weight, now or in the future.

My kids have been in sports since they were little. We model healthy eating at home. This is called parenting and it absolutely does result in kids with healthy weights.

+1 only snacks here are fruit or veg.

Can't control the froyo at the school cafeteria though or snack packs at friends homes or soda at bday parties. But we can eat healthy proteins and meals at home.

[Anonymous]

Op lots of folks on here giving you straight up bad advice. If the spouse is being insistent and you all can’t come to a suitable solution, please seek counseling. My father did this to me from the age of 10 years old to high school. And my mom let it fly. Well I haven’t talked to my father in 30 years. I spent 30 years being severely overweight out of spite because I wanted to prove to him that my weight didn’t matter. I wanted to have control over what I put in my mouth and by being defiant, only I could control what I ate. I started eating in secret and away from home.

I finally at 50 years old lost 150lbs. I was finally able to let go of his criticism and get him out of my head every time I ate an extra slice of cake. I know a bunch fat shammers are going to chime in with a bunch of yada, yada, yada. Talk to your pediatrician, maybe talk with your child about healthy eating or increasing movement if that is needed.


Nip this in the bud quick. My father was cruel on this, but I think if you asked him about, he would say he was being a good parent. I don’t have the answers, and if you don’t either, get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why you buying cake of kid has no control?

THIS

No junk food and sweets in a house with overweight people who have no self control. Just No.

+1

I don’t see how this is even a question. Why would you even have that stuff in the house? Remove that temptation, at least in the home. There are plenty of sweets and junk available outside the house. Why make it worse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why you buying cake of kid has no control?

THIS

No junk food and sweets in a house with overweight people who have no self control. Just No.

+1

I don’t see how this is even a question. Why would you even have that stuff in the house? Remove that temptation, at least in the home. There are plenty of sweets and junk available outside the house. Why make it worse?

If you have no self control, you are doomed for weight problems regardless. While OP can stop buying “junk” there are surly plenty of carb heavy options for kid to overeat in the house- not just junk food. Learning moderation and controlling impulse eating are key.