Spouse/kid/weight

[Anonymous]

NP, have not read all the other comments. OP have you said already in this thread what YOU SAY to your partner and your child when your partner talks about this stuff to your child? Do you tell your spouse privately that he's not really in a position to call out your kid for being overweight and micromanaging his eating when he himself is overweight? Is your spouse working on losing weight? Does your child see him doing healthy things to try to get in better shape? Or he just does what he does, is content being overweight, but has a lot to say when someone else is?

Very hard to read this situation when you haven't said anything about what conversations you're having with your child in private about all this, and also what you're saying in the moment when your DH makes these comments/micromanages your child's eating.

What are you saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, worry about your own side of the street here. You picked a spouse who gave your kid obese genetics. Now that spouse and kid are both fat, you choose weekly to buy food that creates an obesogenic environment. It is your job as a parent to teach your child to manage the body she has so as to maintain a healthy weight. Pro tip: juice, cake and ice cream ain't it.

You are completely failing your child, OP.

Genetics loads the gun and environment pulls the trigger.

Change the environment, OP, what food is kept in the house, family activity level, screen time and sleep. The number of fat cells is locked in at 18 and you are dooming your child to an unhealthy life and ongoing weight struggles.

Making your kid's health some sort of core marital dispute is really messed up. At least your DH is concerned about her health. You are so self righteous while 2/3 of your household is fat you keep packing in the sweets. You have serious issues and your family dynamics are very dysfunctional.

Perfectly stated, excellent advice. OP you really need to face all this. Yes, family therapy is a good idea, but please understand you have tremendous responsibility in this dynamic along with your overly critical husband.

[Anonymous]

OP, it might be helpful to calculate the child's BMI.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/bmi/calculator.html

If he/she is overweight the goal should be to stabilize weight so they can grow into it. If they are obese the goal should be to slim down.

You seem to discount the child's weight issue yet vilify your DH for being overweight, I'm sure your DC picks up on that too. The child needs and may want help, that you are not giving with your focus on DH and his language. Stop buying sweets and junk. Have cut up veg and cheese sticks for snacks. You need to put the best interests of your kid ahead of your need to control DH.

Join a gym or buy home exercise equipment, a bike or elliptical near the tv would benefit everyone. Encourage DC to do sports, like cross country that can be year round.

[Anonymous]

So you routinely buy ice cream and cake despite at least 2 overweight/obese people in the home, making excuses when your fat child eats it in excess, and knowing it will wind up your DH, who will express concern re: DC's eating and health. Then you play gotcha when he does. And make excuses for how fat your child is and how much sugar they consume?

Uh, wow, OP.

Your kid is functioning as a pawn to you and you don't even acknowledge how you are enabling behavior that will be a struggle for them for life. And may possible SHORTEN it. Meanwhile you virtuously eat in moderation and always choose the perfect words, eh?

If your DC had a drinking problem would you stock the house with booze and make excuses?

Twisted does not even begin to capture how troubling your dynamics are toward DH and DC. I hope you are a troll.

[Anonymous]

Maybe DH should take over meal planning and food shopping or grocery ordering?

OP, do you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it might be helpful to calculate the child's BMI.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/bmi/calculator.html

BMI is trash, so no, it's not helpful to calculate it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it might be helpful to calculate the child's BMI.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/bmi/calculator.html

BMI is trash, so no, it's not helpful to calculate it

For many it's a useful tool. Unless one is a serious weightlifter, but OP has not commented on DC being active or athletic, just scarfing cake and huge bowls of ice cream.

OP's characterization of child being "overweight" may be morbidly obese.