Redshirting a girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold her back. Pretty much anywhere else in the country she wouldn’t be eligible to go. The Ny thing makes no sense - kids going to college at 17

Mine kid will turn 18 a few weeks after starting college. No big deal. Why lose a year of your life being held back?

Omg she would be GAINING a year of life by holding her! Not losing. She gains another year of development — socially, emotionally, academically, physically, in every way — before having to deal with expectations of school. Absolutely give her this GIFT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. No need to rush her through K-12. She will be better prepared and more mature when the times comes for college decisions, career paths, and being successful in college. The youngest people I knew in school growing up were the Nov/Dec birthdays and every one that I can think of took 5 yrs to graduate and had some big bumps along the way- even though they were objectively smart and did well in high school

She wouldn’t be rushing though, she’s going on time..

In today’s school landscape, that is rushing. The only reason NY has a Dec cut off is so the low income people have access to free childcare (kindergarten) sooner. That is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, all of this redshirting everywhere has gotten out of hand. It’s crazy to me that OP has zero concerns about kindergarten readiness but is considering holding her daughter back since she feels as though sending her on time as one of the youngest may, at some future point, make her have some unknown discomfort or adversity not otherwise specified, and she’d rather put her at an advantage over the other children as the oldest. That is, in my opinion, quite weak-sauce and we’ve lost sight of accommodating true outlier kids who are not ready and are instead accommodating anxious parents trying to game-ify their not-struggling children’s successes over others. The fact that OP even feels like she has an existential decision to make is silly to me. The default should be send on time unless there is a compelling reason not to. I’m not seeing one here.

OP here. It is out of hand, but partially so because there are no uniform dates across the country. I don’t want my child going to college at 17 with kids who have just turned 19 or are about to. There’s a big difference. I also know what’s expected of kids in kindergarten now and I just don’t feel it’s developmentally appropriate for a 4 year old. 2/3 of the kids in her class would be turning 6 by March. I don’t care about putting her at an advantage as much as I don’t want her to be at disadvantage. I never said it’s an existential decision, but this is a parenting forum. If we can talk about what to serve at a birthday party I can certainly ask other parents for their experiences on their daughters being the very youngest vs close to the oldest of their grade.

Fwiw I have a March birthday and was on the older side of my grade. In hindsight many of the girls I knew with late fall birthdays were immature and really could not keep up socially. But I was also fairly tall until middle school and that was a little awkward for me. I’m average build- not a tiny petite person and doubt my daughter will be either, so that is also a consideration, however asinine you may find it.

This sort of difference is going to happen regardless though with people going to college from all areas of the country and to different setups at each school. I went at 17 as I was a late fall birthday and it was perfectly fine. I was actually the only freshman who lived on my floor in my dorm. Another of the floors in my dorm was for "non-traditional" students, students older than 23 years old. My parents could have never foreseen at kindergarten age that I'd end up at a college with this arrangement. There are too many variables to plan for. Just send her to kindergarten and if when she's 17 it's too soon for college you deal with that problem then and suggest a gap year or something. Don't plan for a possible problem 12 years in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, all of this redshirting everywhere has gotten out of hand. It’s crazy to me that OP has zero concerns about kindergarten readiness but is considering holding her daughter back since she feels as though sending her on time as one of the youngest may, at some future point, make her have some unknown discomfort or adversity not otherwise specified, and she’d rather put her at an advantage over the other children as the oldest. That is, in my opinion, quite weak-sauce and we’ve lost sight of accommodating true outlier kids who are not ready and are instead accommodating anxious parents trying to game-ify their not-struggling children’s successes over others. The fact that OP even feels like she has an existential decision to make is silly to me. The default should be send on time unless there is a compelling reason not to. I’m not seeing one here.

NY’s cut off dates are outliers. The vast majority of kindergartners with Nov birthdays are starting at 5, not 4. OP is smart to think how this impact her child long term. It sets the trajectory of the rest of her academics and being oldest vs youngest absolutely impacts your character and personality. “Kindergarten readiness” would be the only a small factor in my mind.

[Anonymous]

I am normally very much of the "don't redshirt without specific reasons" crowd. But I live somewhere with a September cut-off, and also a place where parents are sort of intense and very competitive and a lot of the redshirting is done with this vague idea of "advantage."

In OP's case, I would redshirt because I think 4 is really young for kindergarten. That was a huge transition year for my DD, who started K at 5, and there were a lot of growing pains associated with the shift in expectations. I think going through it starting at 4 would have been a LOT.

Separately, I also think that kindergarten has become steadily more academic, with more sitting and worksheets and far less experiential learning (aka play-based learning) than when I was a kid. My kindergarten was half day and was more of a bridge between preschool and 1st grade than what my DD got, which honestly just looked like 1st grade to me. From talking to other parents, I think this is a common observation. I wonder if redshirting would be less common if kindergarten was treated more gently as a time for transitional skill building, retaining more of the quality of preschool.

But in any case, my experience with K for my own 5 year old would make me very reluctant to send a 4 yr old. I would redshirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold her back. Pretty much anywhere else in the country she wouldn’t be eligible to go. The Ny thing makes no sense - kids going to college at 17

Mine kid will turn 18 a few weeks after starting college. No big deal. Why lose a year of your life being held back?

Omg she would be GAINING a year of life by holding her! Not losing. She gains another year of development — socially, emotionally, academically, physically, in every way — before having to deal with expectations of school. Absolutely give her this GIFT

So, OP, if you're the CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! type, these are your people.

(I only have boys -- I guess technically now they're men -- so I am going to be a DCUM outlier and not offer advice based on my inapplicable experience)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. No need to rush her through K-12. She will be better prepared and more mature when the times comes for college decisions, career paths, and being successful in college. The youngest people I knew in school growing up were the Nov/Dec birthdays and every one that I can think of took 5 yrs to graduate and had some big bumps along the way- even though they were objectively smart and did well in high school

She wouldn’t be rushing though, she’s going on time..

In today’s school landscape, that is rushing. The only reason NY has a Dec cut off is so the low income people have access to free childcare (kindergarten) sooner. That is it.

You don’t even know what you are talking about. There is free 3K and pre-K in NYC. Literally they have a pre-K seat for every four year old who would like it, and it’s high quality and used by plenty of middle class and affluent families, not just low income.

[Anonymous]

My DD is oldest girl in her grade (school has a Sep 1 cutoff and she has a Sep birthday). She’s also the biggest in her grade, height and weight. She is very self conscious about it already and she’s only in elementary. Also she’s very smart but doesn’t like to challenge herself or stand out, so she just stays right in the middle of the pack academically rather than keeping up with older kids, which she used to do before she entered this school. Overall I think it’s been bad for her and I wish we had started her in public with an Oct 1 cut off. It’s hard to predict the future OP but thought I’d share another perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is oldest girl in her grade (school has a Sep 1 cutoff and she has a Sep birthday). She’s also the biggest in her grade, height and weight. She is very self conscious about it already and she’s only in elementary. Also she’s very smart but doesn’t like to challenge herself or stand out, so she just stays right in the middle of the pack academically rather than keeping up with older kids, which she used to do before she entered this school. Overall I think it’s been bad for her and I wish we had started her in public with an Oct 1 cut off. It’s hard to predict the future OP but thought I’d share another perspective.

I'll join this opinion as someone who is now an adult but who was always the oldest in the grade who wasn't intentionally held back (NY Dec 1 cut-off, Dec 3rd birthday). I'd never do that to my child if they were anything like I was (mature, tall, academically advanced). It was really difficult socially and academically and I think I would have thrived as the youngest of the grade with peers to look up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. No need to rush her through K-12. She will be better prepared and more mature when the times comes for college decisions, career paths, and being successful in college. The youngest people I knew in school growing up were the Nov/Dec birthdays and every one that I can think of took 5 yrs to graduate and had some big bumps along the way- even though they were objectively smart and did well in high school

She wouldn’t be rushing though, she’s going on time..

In today’s school landscape, that is rushing. The only reason NY has a Dec cut off is so the low income people have access to free childcare (kindergarten) sooner. That is it.

You don’t even know what you are talking about. There is free 3K and pre-K in NYC. Literally they have a pre-K seat for every four year old who would like it, and it’s high quality and used by plenty of middle class and affluent families, not just low income.

No such thing as free “high quality” preschool in US

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is oldest girl in her grade (school has a Sep 1 cutoff and she has a Sep birthday). She’s also the biggest in her grade, height and weight. She is very self conscious about it already and she’s only in elementary. Also she’s very smart but doesn’t like to challenge herself or stand out, so she just stays right in the middle of the pack academically rather than keeping up with older kids, which she used to do before she entered this school. Overall I think it’s been bad for her and I wish we had started her in public with an Oct 1 cut off. It’s hard to predict the future OP but thought I’d share another perspective.

+1, with girls I think the ideal is to be middle of the pack in terms of age and development. Not only do girls who are taller/bigger than the rest of the class get unwanted attention for it, but being the first girl in your grade to go through puberty can be much worse -- being the first to develop breasts or get your period. All girls go through it and it is also stressful being last, but being first can be extremely lonely and can also lead to some very unwelcome interest from not just peers but adults.

Normal redshirting can make a girl an outlier during puberty but in OP's case I think it would help bring her DD in line with others and make that time, which is frankly not very fun for most girls, slightly less embarrassing and miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold her back. Pretty much anywhere else in the country she wouldn’t be eligible to go. The Ny thing makes no sense - kids going to college at 17

Mine kid will turn 18 a few weeks after starting college. No big deal. Why lose a year of your life being held back?

Omg she would be GAINING a year of life by holding her! Not losing. She gains another year of development — socially, emotionally, academically, physically, in every way — before having to deal with expectations of school. Absolutely give her this GIFT

How do you gain a year of life? Your logic makes no sense. You are making her more immature by holding her back and not keeping her with her peers. We all have the same death date regardless of what choice are made for us but an extra year of preschool and avoiding expectations is not a gift, but a detriment and no wonder so many kids are struggling today. And, having an 18 year old all of senior years is a really bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is oldest girl in her grade (school has a Sep 1 cutoff and she has a Sep birthday). She’s also the biggest in her grade, height and weight. She is very self conscious about it already and she’s only in elementary. Also she’s very smart but doesn’t like to challenge herself or stand out, so she just stays right in the middle of the pack academically rather than keeping up with older kids, which she used to do before she entered this school. Overall I think it’s been bad for her and I wish we had started her in public with an Oct 1 cut off. It’s hard to predict the future OP but thought I’d share another perspective.

You really didn't have a choice so it's an entirely different issue except if your school system had flexibility to test in or go private. We had that option and went private to see how it worked out and what was best and the grade above was best. But, our child is already at the highest levels academically so I could not see them being in the grade prior except in your situation with the date cut off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would. No need to rush her through K-12. She will be better prepared and more mature when the times comes for college decisions, career paths, and being successful in college. The youngest people I knew in school growing up were the Nov/Dec birthdays and every one that I can think of took 5 yrs to graduate and had some big bumps along the way- even though they were objectively smart and did well in high school

She wouldn’t be rushing though, she’s going on time..

In today’s school landscape, that is rushing. The only reason NY has a Dec cut off is so the low income people have access to free childcare (kindergarten) sooner. That is it.

You don’t even know what you are talking about. There is free 3K and pre-K in NYC. Literally they have a pre-K seat for every four year old who would like it, and it’s high quality and used by plenty of middle class and affluent families, not just low income.

No such thing as free “high quality” preschool in US

There are some great preschools and the head start program is generally very good. However, at some point the longer you wait to start academics the harder it is on the kids and if there is an issue in reading it's best caught early vs. waiting. So, starting a child at age 6, means they wouldn't get to see a reading specialists till they are 8-9 as generally most schools wait till 2nd or 3rd grade and you've missed a key window for remediation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold her back. Pretty much anywhere else in the country she wouldn’t be eligible to go. The Ny thing makes no sense - kids going to college at 17

Mine kid will turn 18 a few weeks after starting college. No big deal. Why lose a year of your life being held back?

Omg she would be GAINING a year of life by holding her! Not losing. She gains another year of development — socially, emotionally, academically, physically, in every way — before having to deal with expectations of school. Absolutely give her this GIFT

Or you could look at it from the other side of things. If you're child is ready for kindergarten, you may be wasting their time by making them repeat preschool, when they could have been entering the workforce a year earlier, and earning toward their retirement.