Redshirting a girl

[Anonymous]

I agree that in general redshirting kids outside of July and August birthdays is annoying and messing things up for everyone else. However, OP, your situation is different because of the weird school district cutoff. It makes zero sense for you to force your kid to compete nationally with a grade cohort a year older. Hold back, no question. In every Other school district in America yours would go a year later and it wouldn’t even be redshirting. Just a regular old fall birthday. New York is hurting kids by being out of step with the rest of the country on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, all of this redshirting everywhere has gotten out of hand. It’s crazy to me that OP has zero concerns about kindergarten readiness but is considering holding her daughter back since she feels as though sending her on time as one of the youngest may, at some future point, make her have some unknown discomfort or adversity not otherwise specified, and she’d rather put her at an advantage over the other children as the oldest. That is, in my opinion, quite weak-sauce and we’ve lost sight of accommodating true outlier kids who are not ready and are instead accommodating anxious parents trying to game-ify their not-struggling children’s successes over others. The fact that OP even feels like she has an existential decision to make is silly to me. The default should be send on time unless there is a compelling reason not to. I’m not seeing one here.

OP here. It is out of hand, but partially so because there are no uniform dates across the country. I don’t want my child going to college at 17 with kids who have just turned 19 or are about to. There’s a big difference. I also know what’s expected of kids in kindergarten now and I just don’t feel it’s developmentally appropriate for a 4 year old. 2/3 of the kids in her class would be turning 6 by March. I don’t care about putting her at an advantage as much as I don’t want her to be at disadvantage. I never said it’s an existential decision, but this is a parenting forum. If we can talk about what to serve at a birthday party I can certainly ask other parents for their experiences on their daughters being the very youngest vs close to the oldest of their grade.

Fwiw I have a March birthday and was on the older side of my grade. In hindsight many of the girls I knew with late fall birthdays were immature and really could not keep up socially. But I was also fairly tall until middle school and that was a little awkward for me. I’m average build- not a tiny petite person and doubt my daughter will be either, so that is also a consideration, however asinine you may find it.

It is YOUR JOB AS A PARENT to prepare her for this! Are you saying you are not up for the task? or that you are a crap parent who will fail in this regard?

Also, in Europe 4 year olds are expected to read, which is K/1st here, so ‘developmentally appropriate’ is a sliding scale.

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind, OP. So, why ask on this forum if you are going to get so defensive? Just hold her back and deal with he consequences of doing that. It’s not my kid, so I don’t really care. I didn’t hold mine back - she’s in 8th grade and young - just turned 13. She’s thriving! I’ve always been on top of it with being a sounding board for the social scene and she’s navigated this quite well. Now I’m shifting my focus to being a sounding board for the dating/college scene. My role is support, advice, and guidance - DD calls the shots. So far, I’ve been impressed with her choices. Regardless of their relative age in the class, you have to guide them to make good decisions - it is your job!

Huh? In UK and Europe kids start school at 5 and 6. There is preschool before then.

Not in the UK. My kids learned phonics and word recognition in reception at 4 years old. In FR, NL, and Germany it is similar to the US where kids read at 5 or 6.

[Anonymous]

My twins have a spring birthday and went on time to K but there is another set of twins in their class with the same birthday who were red shirted. It never occurs to me that those girls are a full year older than my girls (they do not have any disabilities or anything and are not immature). They're lovely girls and they get along well with everyone. They're in fifth grade now so I suppose time will tell, but I think they're right where they're supposed to be.

[Anonymous]

Send her. It's really hard to be one of the first girls to go through puberty,develop etc.

[Anonymous]

I think OP’s already made her decision, but she realizes she doesn’t really have super compelling reasons so is crowdsourcing here to kind of get enough people’s experiences or blessings that she can feel validated or whatever. The truth is you’ll hear all kids of anecdotes about confidence or height or puberty or awkwardness, but at the end of the day, your child will experience some social or educational adversity or discomfort along the way that you can’t prevent. Just decide and proceed. Whatever you do will have pros and cons that you can’t really accurately predict with a preschooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that in general redshirting kids outside of July and August birthdays is annoying and messing things up for everyone else. However, OP, your situation is different because of the weird school district cutoff. It makes zero sense for you to force your kid to compete nationally with a grade cohort a year older. Hold back, no question. In every Other school district in America yours would go a year later and it wouldn’t even be redshirting. Just a regular old fall birthday. New York is hurting kids by being out of step with the rest of the country on this.

Even in the 90s when red shirting wasn't as big of a thing, the spread of those born between October-December was split 50/50 between being the oldest and the youngest in the class because of people moving from out of state where the cutoff was earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her. It's really hard to be one of the first girls to go through puberty,develop etc.

Especially if she is on the taller/larger size. In that case I would not keep her back.

[Anonymous]

OP I truly believe that those saying send her want you and your daughter to fail in order to decrease competition for their own kids. Competition is national these days so this level of nuttiness is still nuts but makes a bit of sense. You’re not getting honest answers. All of us would hold back our own in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I truly believe that those saying send her want you and your daughter to fail in order to decrease competition for their own kids. Competition is national these days so this level of nuttiness is still nuts but makes a bit of sense. You’re not getting honest answers. All of us would hold back our own in this scenario.

Yes, millions of kids worth of national competition out there for my kid, so I'm trying to winnow the field one-by-one by posting false opinions on an anonymous message board. It may take me and my kind thousands of hours of effort spread out over year to change just enough minds to make a small dent in our DC's cohorts, but it will be worth it, so so very worth it. You've identified our true motives, PP. This all seems far more plausible than some people just legitimately having different opinions than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I truly believe that those saying send her want you and your daughter to fail in order to decrease competition for their own kids. Competition is national these days so this level of nuttiness is still nuts but makes a bit of sense. You’re not getting honest answers. All of us would hold back our own in this scenario.

Yes, millions of kids worth of national competition out there for my kid, so I'm trying to winnow the field one-by-one by posting false opinions on an anonymous message board. It may take me and my kind thousands of hours of effort spread out over year to change just enough minds to make a small dent in our DC's cohorts, but it will be worth it, so so very worth it. You've identified our true motives, PP. This all seems far more plausible than some people just legitimately having different opinions than you.

lol

[Anonymous]

In preschool the teachers usually make a recommendation. I remember my daughter had two best friends, one was November birthday one was December. Mine was a February birthday. Both girls went to kindergarten at 4.

If I had to decide I would base it on her academic abilities so far. If she appeared to be really bright I would send her. If she appeared on the slow side I would wait another year. That’s what really matters. Can she do the work.

[Anonymous]

Hold her back. Pretty much anywhere else in the country she wouldn’t be eligible to go. The Ny thing makes no sense - kids going to college at 17

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hold her back. Pretty much anywhere else in the country she wouldn’t be eligible to go. The Ny thing makes no sense - kids going to college at 17

Mine kid will turn 18 a few weeks after starting college. No big deal. Why lose a year of your life being held back?

[Anonymous]

My mid-October birthday girl started K at age 4. She is in 6th grade now and doing very well. No social or academic issues (quite the opposite!). She is very petite but would be if she were a grade lower as well. Fwiw, I’m a mid-November birthday and started K at 4, although I realize things are somewhat different now.

[Anonymous]

Omg I’m SO GLAD we held our youngest!!! She is 14 now and in 8th, late late summer bday (and still not the absolute oldest in any class), and the difference I see socially between where she is and where the 9th graders are is ENORMOUS. It always has been, every year. Hold her. Let her be one of the oldest.