Redshirting a girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, all of this redshirting everywhere has gotten out of hand. It’s crazy to me that OP has zero concerns about kindergarten readiness but is considering holding her daughter back since she feels as though sending her on time as one of the youngest may, at some future point, make her have some unknown discomfort or adversity not otherwise specified, and she’d rather put her at an advantage over the other children as the oldest. That is, in my opinion, quite weak-sauce and we’ve lost sight of accommodating true outlier kids who are not ready and are instead accommodating anxious parents trying to game-ify their not-struggling children’s successes over others. The fact that OP even feels like she has an existential decision to make is silly to me. The default should be send on time unless there is a compelling reason not to. I’m not seeing one here.

OP here. It is out of hand, but partially so because there are no uniform dates across the country. I don’t want my child going to college at 17 with kids who have just turned 19 or are about to. There’s a big difference. I also know what’s expected of kids in kindergarten now and I just don’t feel it’s developmentally appropriate for a 4 year old. 2/3 of the kids in her class would be turning 6 by March. I don’t care about putting her at an advantage as much as I don’t want her to be at disadvantage. I never said it’s an existential decision, but this is a parenting forum. If we can talk about what to serve at a birthday party I can certainly ask other parents for their experiences on their daughters being the very youngest vs close to the oldest of their grade.

Fwiw I have a March birthday and was on the older side of my grade. In hindsight many of the girls I knew with late fall birthdays were immature and really could not keep up socially. But I was also fairly tall until middle school and that was a little awkward for me. I’m average build- not a tiny petite person and doubt my daughter will be either, so that is also a consideration, however asinine you may find it.

It is YOUR JOB AS A PARENT to prepare her for this! Are you saying you are not up for the task? or that you are a crap parent who will fail in this regard?

Also, in Europe 4 year olds are expected to read, which is K/1st here, so ‘developmentally appropriate’ is a sliding scale.

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind, OP. So, why ask on this forum if you are going to get so defensive? Just hold her back and deal with he consequences of doing that. It’s not my kid, so I don’t really care. I didn’t hold mine back - she’s in 8th grade and young - just turned 13. She’s thriving! I’ve always been on top of it with being a sounding board for the social scene and she’s navigated this quite well. Now I’m shifting my focus to being a sounding board for the dating/college scene. My role is support, advice, and guidance - DD calls the shots. So far, I’ve been impressed with her choices. Regardless of their relative age in the class, you have to guide them to make good decisions - it is your job!

Not in Finland (part of Europe...) 7 years is the norm there.
https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2015/10/the-joyful-illiterate-kindergartners-of-finland/408325/?utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

Also in Germany kids learn reading later as well. https://www.parentmap.com/article/kindergarten-america-germany

I think OP you can do what you think is best for your daughter - she'll probably be fine either way but I think it is reasonable to think that today's US kindergarten is not developmentally appropriate for a 4 year old and ok to wait until your daughter is five. My daughter has a May birthday so I have no skin in this game.

This isn't necessarily best and their school curriculum is very different than ours.

Of course K is developmentally appropriate for a 5 year old or a child just turning 5. Saying it is not developmentally appropriate makes no sense.

Finland's having issues with their school system. https://www.helsinkitimes.fi/finland/finland-news/politics/22366-slide-in-finland-s-education-level-sparks-concerns-among-lawmakers.html

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP I truly believe that those saying send her want you and your daughter to fail in order to decrease competition for their own kids. Competition is national these days so this level of nuttiness is still nuts but makes a bit of sense. You’re not getting honest answers. All of us would hold back our own in this scenario.

Yes, millions of kids worth of national competition out there for my kid, so I'm trying to winnow the field one-by-one by posting false opinions on an anonymous message board. It may take me and my kind thousands of hours of effort spread out over year to change just enough minds to make a small dent in our DC's cohorts, but it will be worth it, so so very worth it. You've identified our true motives, PP. This all seems far more plausible than some people just legitimately having different opinions than you.

You’re trying to change the view that redshirting is favorable to create a cultural shift away from it. That’s what I see on these threads. It wouldn’t make people so angry if it weren’t a threat. Of course one person doesn’t make a difference but I feel the goal is to generally make people feel that redshirting is immoral and unfair so fewer will do it.

Yeah but the flip side is that so many people are so worried about some potential disadvantage that may or may happen as a result of following the cut offs and sending on time that people like OP feel “everyone” is doing it so they must also hold their kids back or they will be doing harm. The truth is that not everyone is holding their kids, and those of us who sent our cusp kids on time and had no ill effects are welcome to share that perspective and contribute to the dialogue to dispel the myth that the youngest kids in the grade are likely to struggle. I do feel it is important to share this point of view because I personally think rampant redshirting has impacted how kindergarten looks today and it has the potential to get even more developmentally inappropriate, which would be a shame for our youngest learners.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hold her back. Pretty much anywhere else in the country she wouldn’t be eligible to go. The Ny thing makes no sense - kids going to college at 17

Mine kid will turn 18 a few weeks after starting college. No big deal. Why lose a year of your life being held back?

Omg she would be GAINING a year of life by holding her! Not losing. She gains another year of development — socially, emotionally, academically, physically, in every way — before having to deal with expectations of school. Absolutely give her this GIFT

Lol. I had this "gift" and was so done and over this "development" I left the country at 16 and didn't look back. I'd be very cautious about holding back a socially mature and academically advanced/on target girl.

Agree. If the child is academically advanced it would be the worst idea. The child would be bored to tears with one more year of pre-k.

It's a lot of time "helping" the teacher by sitting next to the most immature, out of control, behind the curve kids.

My kid winds up doing this and she started on time. I definitely think that older, more mature girls would get it worse.

This is why parents hold back girls so much less than boys. A mature boy who is older and bigger than his classmates is deemed a "leader." A mature girl who is older and bigger than her classmates is deemed a "teacher's aide." Plus will get harassed by all her classmates (boys and girls) when her boobs come in before everyone else's.

But in OP's case, I'd redshirt because of the weird age cutoff and the fact that, as a result, a lot of people redshirt. Sounds like NY just starts kids early for K unless parents choose not to do it. I wouldn't want my kid starting K at 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold her back. Pretty much anywhere else in the country she wouldn’t be eligible to go. The Ny thing makes no sense - kids going to college at 17

Mine kid will turn 18 a few weeks after starting college. No big deal. Why lose a year of your life being held back?

Omg she would be GAINING a year of life by holding her! Not losing. She gains another year of development — socially, emotionally, academically, physically, in every way — before having to deal with expectations of school. Absolutely give her this GIFT

Lol. I had this "gift" and was so done and over this "development" I left the country at 16 and didn't look back. I'd be very cautious about holding back a socially mature and academically advanced/on target girl.

Agree. If the child is academically advanced it would be the worst idea. The child would be bored to tears with one more year of pre-k.

It's a lot of time "helping" the teacher by sitting next to the most immature, out of control, behind the curve kids.

My kid winds up doing this and she started on time. I definitely think that older, more mature girls would get it worse.

This is why parents hold back girls so much less than boys. A mature boy who is older and bigger than his classmates is deemed a "leader." A mature girl who is older and bigger than her classmates is deemed a "teacher's aide." Plus will get harassed by all her classmates (boys and girls) when her boobs come in before everyone else's.

But in OP's case, I'd redshirt because of the weird age cutoff and the fact that, as a result, a lot of people redshirt. Sounds like NY just starts kids early for K unless parents choose not to do it. I wouldn't want my kid starting K at 4.

PP who was old in NY, "push the girls, hold the boys" was a thing even in the 80s and 90s. I tend to agree with that. As a cusper girl? Would not recommend!

[Anonymous]

Would all this be solved by simply starting K later across the board, like 6? Is this a school readiness issue or a competitive advantage issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would all this be solved by simply starting K later across the board, like 6? Is this a school readiness issue or a competitive advantage issue?

I think kids should have to be 5 by the first day of school. Which is how many districts are set already, but not all. Then there are the extreme outliers like NY. There aren’t many kids starting K at 4 anymore.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has a 10/23 birthday in a county with a 9/30 cutoff for kindergarten. She would have been ready for school a year earlier but we didn't try to get around it. It's been fine. At times she was definitely developmentally ahead of the other kids (in elementary) but not to a crazy degree. The only real annoyance was sports, because travel sports go by birth year and rec sports by grade, so she's always off schedule there, and disadvantaged for travel sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would all this be solved by simply starting K later across the board, like 6? Is this a school readiness issue or a competitive advantage issue?

But wouldn’t the redshirters just hold their kids until 7? I thought the concern was comparative maturity not absolute age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would all this be solved by simply starting K later across the board, like 6? Is this a school readiness issue or a competitive advantage issue?

Kindergarten used to be less academic with more playing, music, and focus on SEL over making sure kids learn to read. That's flipped now because of concerns about academics. K is now essentially what 1st was back in the 80s.

I think we just need to respect the developmental stage of the kids. Don't expect 5 yr to olds (and especially not 4 year olds!) to sit at desks doing worksheets all day. Call it Kindergarten or pre-kindergarten, it doesn't matter, but as long as the focus is in play-based learning until 6, it would be more developmentally appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who had enough credits to graduate as a junior in HS but didn’t because she was born in August and didn’t want to go to college at 17 and be 17 for an entire year. Something to think about.

[Anonymous]

Hold her back. Nationally, it’s normal for someone to start senior year as a 17yo and turn 18 during senior year.

[Anonymous]

In the long run it doesn’t matter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would all this be solved by simply starting K later across the board, like 6? Is this a school readiness issue or a competitive advantage issue?

I think kids should have to be 5 by the first day of school. Which is how many districts are set already, but not all. Then there are the extreme outliers like NY. There aren’t many kids starting K at 4 anymore.

If they start they turn five in a few weeks. It is no big deal. I have an older kid who stated at 4 and they are glad we did not hold them back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would all this be solved by simply starting K later across the board, like 6? Is this a school readiness issue or a competitive advantage issue?

Kindergarten used to be less academic with more playing, music, and focus on SEL over making sure kids learn to read. That's flipped now because of concerns about academics. K is now essentially what 1st was back in the 80s.

I think we just need to respect the developmental stage of the kids. Don't expect 5 yr to olds (and especially not 4 year olds!) to sit at desks doing worksheets all day. Call it Kindergarten or pre-kindergarten, it doesn't matter, but as long as the focus is in play-based learning until 6, it would be more developmentally appropriate.

Not around here and ever consider if your child is not ready you failed to prepare them. K is school. They go to learn to read, write and more.

[Anonymous]

I have an Oct girl who started K at 5, turning 6 end of Oct. It has been perfect. I see no downside at all to waiting for a Nov birthday. If academics aren’t challenging enough, work with her at home until she can be tracked into higher level classes- usually middle school. Once they hit middle school, they are able to work several grades ahead if needed.

Even the puberty argument seems weak. Especially if she is in private school, there will be plenty of kids with sept-dec birthdays that started at 5 and are on the older end of class. Probably with some even older. Plus there is such a wide range of when puberty hits.