Predict DW's response when I tell her I would like her to lose some weight

[Anonymous]

DH is obese. I've asked him multiple times to lose weight, and he's always taken it well. But hasn't lost any weight, of course. Before anyone jumps down my throat, DH has gained a lot of weight since I first met him, while I have remained very thin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20% just… isn’t that much? So let’s say she went from 130 to… 156?? Hardly enough to feel like it’s something to bring up to her! Post her actual stats bc if it’s something like 130—>156 and she’s taller than 5 feet even, this is a joke.

I was thinking the same thing. And is this weight gain since they started dating?

So, what, she weighs 25lbs more at 40 than she did at 20, and she gained a lot of it during pregnancy with your kids?
Is this really that big of a deal?

You apparently didn't read the post. The weight gain he's talking about is just in the past couple years, long after the babies.

Ok so she is menopausal (9 years after the last kid could easily be late 40s) and gained a little weight. Extremely common. Many many women say they need to eat only 1200 calories a day post menopause to not gain any weight. Which is very very little. Again if it’s something like 130 to 156 in someone approaching 50, I do not see any issue.

This is my story. The calorie reduction/low carb/higher protein plans I’ve used before are not working on my peri-menopausal 50 year old body. It’s so frustrating b/c I can’t live off of 1200 calories a day and be a mentally healthy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20% just… isn’t that much? So let’s say she went from 130 to… 156?? Hardly enough to feel like it’s something to bring up to her! Post her actual stats bc if it’s something like 130—>156 and she’s taller than 5 feet even, this is a joke.

I was thinking the same thing. And is this weight gain since they started dating?

So, what, she weighs 25lbs more at 40 than she did at 20, and she gained a lot of it during pregnancy with your kids?
Is this really that big of a deal?

You apparently didn't read the post. The weight gain he's talking about is just in the past couple years, long after the babies.

Ok so she is menopausal (9 years after the last kid could easily be late 40s) and gained a little weight. Extremely common. Many many women say they need to eat only 1200 calories a day post menopause to not gain any weight. Which is very very little. Again if it’s something like 130 to 156 in someone approaching 50, I do not see any issue.

This is my story. The calorie reduction/low carb/higher protein plans I’ve used before are not working on my peri-menopausal 50 year old body. It’s so frustrating b/c I can’t live off of 1200 calories a day and be a mentally healthy person.

I don't get that. When you gain weight, that's your body telling you it does not need all the energy you're giving it. If your body's needs decline as you age, you have a choice. Eat the same and gain weight, or eat less in response to those declining needs. This isn't some social construct. It is biology: the fat is the storage of excess energy extracted from food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope she tells you to STFU. If she has any self-respect.

Just dump her!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Let's see ...

I did not post about this previously

My BMI is 21.

Other than around pregnancy, hers was always around 23-24, but it incrased in the past couple years to 27-28. that's official overweight.

To the people who said things like "it's her body", get a grip. I didn't say I was going to try to force her to lose weight, and I'm not trying to "control" her body, just that I would tell her that's what I would like.

To the people who think looks don't matter, stop projecting, or examine your own preferences more closely. They matter to many people. Maybe not weight to everyone, maybe other aspects of appearance to some people. But they matter. And I don't see anything wrong with that. I try to stay attractive to her, and I want her to try for me.

Yes, she knows she's gained weight. Of course she knows. But she's not trying to lose it. If I tell her I would like her to, maybe that would help motivate her.

Do I have a plan? Sure, I have ideas, but I doubt she'd listen to me. Again, I'm mainly hoping this could motivate her.

I've never said this sort of thing to her before. Never needed to. After the pregnancies, she lost the weight. And beyond that, she generally maintained it.

I don't think time is a barrier. She has enough time to lose weight.

If she's actively working on it and progressing, okay. I wouldn't encourage a fast weight loss anyway; that would lead her to put it right back on.

I don't have droopy balls, but that would be out of my control, just like her wrinkles are out of her control and I would not say anything aobut that. But weight is controllable.

[Anonymous]

With your BMI over 20, you are also overweight. Stop feeling so smug about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let's see ...

I did not post about this previously

My BMI is 21.

Other than around pregnancy, hers was always around 23-24, but it incrased in the past couple years to 27-28. that's official overweight.

To the people who said things like "it's her body", get a grip. I didn't say I was going to try to force her to lose weight, and I'm not trying to "control" her body, just that I would tell her that's what I would like.

To the people who think looks don't matter, stop projecting, or examine your own preferences more closely. They matter to many people. Maybe not weight to everyone, maybe other aspects of appearance to some people. But they matter. And I don't see anything wrong with that. I try to stay attractive to her, and I want her to try for me.

Yes, she knows she's gained weight. Of course she knows. But she's not trying to lose it. If I tell her I would like her to, maybe that would help motivate her.

Do I have a plan? Sure, I have ideas, but I doubt she'd listen to me. Again, I'm mainly hoping this could motivate her.

I've never said this sort of thing to her before. Never needed to. After the pregnancies, she lost the weight. And beyond that, she generally maintained it.

I don't think time is a barrier. She has enough time to lose weight.

If she's actively working on it and progressing, okay. I wouldn't encourage a fast weight loss anyway; that would lead her to put it right back on.

I don't have droopy balls, but that would be out of my control, just like her wrinkles are out of her control and I would not say anything aobut that. But weight is controllable.

I think it may not motivate her if it turns out she doesn’t like you.

[Anonymous]

OP - her weight gain could be a deliberate or unconscious way of keeping you away from her physically. A literal barrier. Not all woman / people do that, but I can see that my weight gain was totally about feeling shit off from my body and pleasure and not wanting to have sex with XH anymore.

And / or she may be drepressed etc.

Your “simple request” may be helpful to her in forcing clarity around her true feelings for you and your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - her weight gain could be a deliberate or unconscious way of keeping you away from her physically. A literal barrier. Not all woman / people do that, but I can see that my weight gain was totally about feeling shit off from my body and pleasure and not wanting to have sex with XH anymore.

And / or she may be drepressed etc.

Your “simple request” may be helpful to her in forcing clarity around her true feelings for you and your relationship.

*shut off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With your BMI over 20, you are also overweight. Stop feeling so smug about yourself.

Wrong he’s not overweight. BMI over 24 is overweight ; 21 is pretty thin

[Anonymous]

You say she has time. I bet she doesn’t.

You may measure time so much more differently than her. You’re thinking “we all have the same 24 hours.”

I don’t know her or you. You need to actively give her lots more time, lots more positive energy. Negative energy will result in needing more rest.

Everybody needs rest, so you may see her sitting on her butt, but she absolutely needs it to survive. Like I said, positive energy. Connection. That will go further than “time.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let's see ...

I did not post about this previously

My BMI is 21.

Other than around pregnancy, hers was always around 23-24, but it incrased in the past couple years to 27-28. that's official overweight.

To the people who said things like "it's her body", get a grip. I didn't say I was going to try to force her to lose weight, and I'm not trying to "control" her body, just that I would tell her that's what I would like.

To the people who think looks don't matter, stop projecting, or examine your own preferences more closely. They matter to many people. Maybe not weight to everyone, maybe other aspects of appearance to some people. But they matter. And I don't see anything wrong with that. I try to stay attractive to her, and I want her to try for me.

Yes, she knows she's gained weight. Of course she knows. But she's not trying to lose it. If I tell her I would like her to, maybe that would help motivate her.

Do I have a plan? Sure, I have ideas, but I doubt she'd listen to me. Again, I'm mainly hoping this could motivate her.

I've never said this sort of thing to her before. Never needed to. After the pregnancies, she lost the weight. And beyond that, she generally maintained it.

I don't think time is a barrier. She has enough time to lose weight.

If she's actively working on it and progressing, okay. I wouldn't encourage a fast weight loss anyway; that would lead her to put it right back on.

I don't have droopy balls, but that would be out of my control, just like her wrinkles are out of her control and I would not say anything aobut that. But weight is controllable.

Ok so this is exactly the situation I guessed. She went from 130 at 5’4” (bmi 22.3) to 156 (bmi 26.8). This is not a morbidly obese person. This is a middle aged menopausal woman. I’m not arguing you need to find her attractive (I certainly would not find you attractive as a man with a bmi of 21) but I do think you need to reframe that this is not a health emergency and it is truly for your own sexual preference that you would potentially devastate your life partner and mother of your children by bringing this up.

[Anonymous]

Op how is her diet? Can you frame it as all making better choices by cutting sugar and processed snack crap? And has she ever had an eating disorder? Do not say anything if she has but if she brings up fatigue, low energy etc it’s the moment to encourage her to get full blood work done ore to explore whether she is heading to j sucking resistance etc. For many women after 40 or so keeping weight down require significant discipline. I eat two modest meals a day, no snacks unless I absolutely need to (and that’s usually a function of fatigue. cutting way way down on sugar in all its forms had helped. Exercise etc helps (but not too much cardio) but it’s really individual metabolism (genetics and microbiome and blood sugar/insulin) but my daily burn is sub 1400 cal so not lots of wiggle room).

[Anonymous]

As a European fit woman I don’t see how it would devastate me if my partner told he wanted me to become my former self. American women are full of s..t and self-justifying their poor eating habits.

[Anonymous]

As a woman w
It’s a
BMI pushing 26, if you did this to me my sexual desire for you would plummet because I would not want you to see me naked.

It’s important that women feel you find them attractive if you want her to want to have sex with you