How to handle? Tough-to-coach kid with a family tragedy

[Anonymous]

I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cut her and sleep like a baby. Everyone has stuff they are going through. If there is a standard and she doesn't meet it then she should be cut. If there is some discretion then you can be kind. But it's fine if the kid gets cut. Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.

Yeah. It's not ok to make everyone suffer to make one person who sounds toxic and disruptive, to avoid facing reality. Cutting her from the team is not killing her. So coach should do what is best for the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

What sort of monster are you raising? If you have a kid who ends up maybe not making team because the coaches accommodated a girl whose mother died, I would hope that you would put that into perspective. There are worse reasons for not making a team that people accept all the time--like the kid being the child of a coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

Read this twice, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread makes me vomit. Kids sports are out of control and the parents that contribute to this are horrible people.

+1 sickening some of these responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long ago did the parent die?? If it was over the summer, I'd say cut her. If it was within the month, keep her for one more season but make her the team manager or something random so an actual player can play.

So,
Summer ended like 2 weeks ago. So if her mom died suddenly 5 weeks ago, cut her, but not if she died suddenly 2 weeks ago. By 5 weeks, an 11 year old should have moved on.

[Anonymous]

This child has been through a trauma. Please encourage your DH to learn about ACEs and trauma-sensitive/trauma-informed coaching. Here’s one resource.

https://eptoolkit.uscenterforsafesport.org/preventing/trauma-sensitive-coaching/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

Read this twice, OP.

Agree, that was a good response.

[Anonymous]

Worse than getting cut, is going the entire year with only a few minutes of playing time and zero points scored.

The kind and appropriate thing to do is to help her land on a team that is appropriate for her skill level

[Anonymous]

DON’T DO IT! My mother passed away when I was in my thirties and it was a shock to the system, this girl is in a very vulnerable state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

Read this twice, OP.

Read it three times and realize that, by cutting this girl, you would be like this poster. And you would have to look her widowed father in the eye and yourself in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long ago did the parent die?? If it was over the summer, I'd say cut her. If it was within the month, keep her for one more season but make her the team manager or something random so an actual player can play.

So,
Summer ended like 2 weeks ago. So if her mom died suddenly 5 weeks ago, cut her, but not if she died suddenly 2 weeks ago. By 5 weeks, an 11 year old should have moved on.

You people are out of touch. It will take this girl 2-3 years just to get her bearings and process a boatload of grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

Read this twice, OP.

Read it three times and realize that, by cutting this girl, you would be like this poster. And you would have to look her widowed father in the eye and yourself in the mirror.

Nothing happens in a vacuum.

First, there is a girl that should have made the team on merit. She is collateral damage.

Second, there are the other girls on the team that will have to deal with the uncoachable and/or unruly behavior. Potentially disrupting practices, games, and the entire season.

Third, the girl who lost her mother will have a challenging season playing with and against athletes who are superior to her. There is an opportunity cost to her playing at this level, where she will not improve as much compared to if she played as the appropriate skill-level. Additionally, a year where you are clearly the worst player on the team will often result in the person leaving the sport. It happens ALL THE TIME at the middle school level.

You think adding her to the team is a kindness; it is not. It's not kind to anyone, including the poor girl who lost her mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long ago did the parent die?? If it was over the summer, I'd say cut her. If it was within the month, keep her for one more season but make her the team manager or something random so an actual player can play.

So, Summer ended like 2 weeks ago. So if her mom died suddenly 5 weeks ago, cut her, but not if she died suddenly 2 weeks ago. By 5 weeks, an 11 year old should have moved on.

For kids, summer ended when school started. And, it's not that she's moved on, but she's seen that life CARRIES on. I speak from experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would only keep her if you can have an extra spot on the team to keep her. Devastating some other kid and cutting them is not the right answer either.

Or agree you make her the manager. Or you personally transition her to another team and environment that's more appropriate for you. Time to get creative. There is a solution that does not involve F-ing over some other kid.

By the way, if she is less skilled and makes the team anyway the other kids all know it and they will know she got kept on the team because of her personal situation and they likely won't be kind about it. Not sure you're doing her any favors.

Read this twice, OP.

Read it three times and realize that, by cutting this girl, you would be like this poster. And you would have to look her widowed father in the eye and yourself in the mirror.

Nothing happens in a vacuum.

First, there is a girl that should have made the team on merit. She is collateral damage.

Second, there are the other girls on the team that will have to deal with the uncoachable and/or unruly behavior. Potentially disrupting practices, games, and the entire season.

Third, the girl who lost her mother will have a challenging season playing with and against athletes who are superior to her. There is an opportunity cost to her playing at this level, where she will not improve as much compared to if she played as the appropriate skill-level. Additionally, a year where you are clearly the worst player on the team will often result in the person leaving the sport. It happens ALL THE TIME at the middle school level.

You think adding her to the team is a kindness; it is not. It's not kind to anyone, including the poor girl who lost her mother

These are all your insensitive projections. You want to cut out a kid who has been on this team for years lest your snowflake misses a spot. It’s kids sports, it’s not the national team. Continuing this activity is critical for this girls mental health. Cut her next season if you must.