Is this petty to tell costs to a date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

I find that most grown ups split the costs from the get go. It doesn't matter who asked. It doesn't have to be a Venmo type situation. One time he pays the next time you pay. I find this princess type behavior from women very strange and immature. I'm a woman BTW.

By your own admission you probably make more than he does so why not pay? I like to set the tone early on that we will be equal in everything. He isn't courting me. We are dating.

OP here. I did reciprocate -cooked a really nice dinner with expensive wine for him; took him to my club on a guest pass which is about same cost as his suggested venue. I never even told him I paid for the pass, just uncomfortable. All dates were low cost for him (couple drinks and us sharing an appetizer). No I don’t expect to be treated like a princess but at the same time I don’t want to read texts that drinks cost $15 whenever he invites me. Yes, it’s a huge romantic turn off for me. When he’s around I still feel sexual but when not, I don’t miss him romantically as much as before sex.

He sounds totally reasonable to me. It's still early on and he is not investing a ton of money on dates. That's reasonable when you're dating several people. Did he actually text you "drinks cost $15" or did he just text about the expensive concert? One is cheap, I agree, if you reciprocated in kind with a nice dinner at your club. But concerts can be extremely expensive. You could just say no to the concert and leave it at that.

And I did say no to a concert, and will say no to a concert he suggests this weekend. But it will be a month in soon we see each other several times a week, talk on the phone daily which all takes my time and emotions. I would rather spend weekends with my loved ones and family not being consumed by thoughts about a cheap guy, or thinking what he or I did wrong to forego an interesting activity. Yes he actually texted “drinks are $15”.

I’m leaning towards just telling him I have no bandwidth for a relationship at this time and suggest to meet for sex once a week at my place without sleepover. I do need sex and his good in it. Don’t see why we can’t sleep once in a while safely, until one of us meets a better match.

Lady, that's what dating is. It takes time and emotions. Are you new at this?

If you'd rather be with friends and family then do that. You owe him nothing. A month of dating (or screwing around) is nothing. He isn't being cheap. He is being smart. Next time maybe be smart too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man I started dating would text me tickets prices for a show we consider. Casually, like “tickets chat $X and $Y for drinks, so give it a thought”. First, I would split but not that early in a relationship as we are not exclusive. I see him active on OLD and so I am. Second, it’s a turn off for me romantically as I’m at point of my career and life where this price is very low and not worthy discussing. I just pay when I invite my girlfriends. I probably make more than him, but he’s high level in his career as well and certainly has better pension and medical insurance. I work longer hours.

Sexual attraction is there, he’s very handsome. But Im not feeling romantic about him, it’s just a mental turn off that doesn’t allow relationship to grow. Shall I offer him to be a FWB, and both keep looking ? Explain why or just say I’m not feeling that ?

I think its petty of women to expect men to pay. Its 2023, pay for yourself.

I think it’s petty that people assume because a man pays he wants something else.

Which is another reason to go Dutch, don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a huge turn off for me when the interaction is so heavily transactional right off the bat, does not allow for reciprocity and intimacy to develop.

I get that dating is expensive, but i don't enjoy these kinds of relationships or friendships for that matter.

I really don't understand this kind of thinking. You want to date. You would like those dates to cost money. But you don't want to pay. Why do you think a man is always responsible for paying?

This^. Both are dating and it's consensual sex then both pay. If someone is hiring a hooker, they pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a huge turn off for me when the interaction is so heavily transactional right off the bat, does not allow for reciprocity and intimacy to develop.

I get that dating is expensive, but i don't enjoy these kinds of relationships or friendships for that matter.

I really don't understand this kind of thinking. You want to date. You would like those dates to cost money. But you don't want to pay. Why do you think a man is always responsible for paying?

This^. Both are dating and it's consensual sex then both pay. If someone is hiring a hooker, they pay.

Fine, but for many women skipping the courting stage is not helping to develop a romantic relationship. He didn’t give me a single rose and it cost $3 at Trader Joe. I don’t want to invest my time in him or get attached. If it’s all 50/50 let’s talk salaries, joint financial goals from date one and see where it goes. It’s highly transactional and then I would expect a man to be an absolute equal earner or higher. If a guy is making less he will benefit long term from investing early in a LTR. If he allowed me to fall into him, we would move into a nicer house than he has, he would drive a better car, will have much higher joint income with me being a higher contributor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

I find that most grown ups split the costs from the get go. It doesn't matter who asked. It doesn't have to be a Venmo type situation. One time he pays the next time you pay. I find this princess type behavior from women very strange and immature. I'm a woman BTW.

By your own admission you probably make more than he does so why not pay? I like to set the tone early on that we will be equal in everything. He isn't courting me. We are dating.

OP here. I did reciprocate -cooked a really nice dinner with expensive wine for him; took him to my club on a guest pass which is about same cost as his suggested venue. I never even told him I paid for the pass, just uncomfortable. All dates were low cost for him (couple drinks and us sharing an appetizer). No I don’t expect to be treated like a princess but at the same time I don’t want to read texts that drinks cost $15 whenever he invites me. Yes, it’s a huge romantic turn off for me. When he’s around I still feel sexual but when not, I don’t miss him romantically as much as before sex.

He sounds totally reasonable to me. It's still early on and he is not investing a ton of money on dates. That's reasonable when you're dating several people. Did he actually text you "drinks cost $15" or did he just text about the expensive concert? One is cheap, I agree, if you reciprocated in kind with a nice dinner at your club. But concerts can be extremely expensive. You could just say no to the concert and leave it at that.

And I did say no to a concert, and will say no to a concert he suggests this weekend. But it will be a month in soon we see each other several times a week, talk on the phone daily which all takes my time and emotions. I would rather spend weekends with my loved ones and family not being consumed by thoughts about a cheap guy, or thinking what he or I did wrong to forego an interesting activity. Yes he actually texted “drinks are $15”.

I’m leaning towards just telling him I have no bandwidth for a relationship at this time and suggest to meet for sex once a week at my place without sleepover. I do need sex and his good in it. Don’t see why we can’t sleep once in a while safely, until one of us meets a better match.

Lady, that's what dating is. It takes time and emotions. Are you new at this?

If you'd rather be with friends and family then do that. You owe him nothing. A month of dating (or screwing around) is nothing. He isn't being cheap. He is being smart. Next time maybe be smart too.

If he was that much of a smart catch (and he is very educated and handsome), he would be already taken. He said he had multiple short relationships post divorce and only two that lasted couple years or so. That’s not a good statistics. I suspect he’s not able to bring much to table - people who are cheap are also short on emotional side

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the nutty Eastern European woman who posts frequently about her dating life. She is divorced, in her 40s, with a son, and apparently is worth millions, speaks 5 languages, is thin and beautiful, but her dating life is a dumpster fire because she likes to bang and does so quite quickly, but also wants to be treated like an old-fashioned lady. Her actions and her expectations don't match up, so she is perpetually frustrated.

+1 every one of her replies confirm that it is the same woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

I find that most grown ups split the costs from the get go. It doesn't matter who asked. It doesn't have to be a Venmo type situation. One time he pays the next time you pay. I find this princess type behavior from women very strange and immature. I'm a woman BTW.

By your own admission you probably make more than he does so why not pay? I like to set the tone early on that we will be equal in everything. He isn't courting me. We are dating.

OP here. I did reciprocate -cooked a really nice dinner with expensive wine for him; took him to my club on a guest pass which is about same cost as his suggested venue. I never even told him I paid for the pass, just uncomfortable. All dates were low cost for him (couple drinks and us sharing an appetizer). No I don’t expect to be treated like a princess but at the same time I don’t want to read texts that drinks cost $15 whenever he invites me. Yes, it’s a huge romantic turn off for me. When he’s around I still feel sexual but when not, I don’t miss him romantically as much as before sex.

He sounds totally reasonable to me. It's still early on and he is not investing a ton of money on dates. That's reasonable when you're dating several people. Did he actually text you "drinks cost $15" or did he just text about the expensive concert? One is cheap, I agree, if you reciprocated in kind with a nice dinner at your club. But concerts can be extremely expensive. You could just say no to the concert and leave it at that.

And I did say no to a concert, and will say no to a concert he suggests this weekend. But it will be a month in soon we see each other several times a week, talk on the phone daily which all takes my time and emotions. I would rather spend weekends with my loved ones and family not being consumed by thoughts about a cheap guy, or thinking what he or I did wrong to forego an interesting activity. Yes he actually texted “drinks are $15”.

I’m leaning towards just telling him I have no bandwidth for a relationship at this time and suggest to meet for sex once a week at my place without sleepover. I do need sex and his good in it. Don’t see why we can’t sleep once in a while safely, until one of us meets a better match.

Lady, that's what dating is. It takes time and emotions. Are you new at this?

If you'd rather be with friends and family then do that. You owe him nothing. A month of dating (or screwing around) is nothing. He isn't being cheap. He is being smart. Next time maybe be smart too.

If he was that much of a smart catch (and he is very educated and handsome), he would be already taken. He said he had multiple short relationships post divorce and only two that lasted couple years or so. That’s not a good statistics. I suspect he’s not able to bring much to table - people who are cheap are also short on emotional side

I suspect the irony of your comments will completely escape you. So, what makes you such a great catch. Why hasn't anyone snatched up such a desirable woman as yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the nutty Eastern European woman who posts frequently about her dating life. She is divorced, in her 40s, with a son, and apparently is worth millions, speaks 5 languages, is thin and beautiful, but her dating life is a dumpster fire because she likes to bang and does so quite quickly, but also wants to be treated like an old-fashioned lady. Her actions and her expectations don't match up, so she is perpetually frustrated.

+1 every one of her replies confirm that it is the same woman.

I'm not the OP but I am also EE and can tell she is too. The attitude plus the way she translates her thoughts into English "he is good in sex." It's how most Slavic languages work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a huge turn off for me when the interaction is so heavily transactional right off the bat, does not allow for reciprocity and intimacy to develop.

I get that dating is expensive, but i don't enjoy these kinds of relationships or friendships for that matter.

I really don't understand this kind of thinking. You want to date. You would like those dates to cost money. But you don't want to pay. Why do you think a man is always responsible for paying?

This^. Both are dating and it's consensual sex then both pay. If someone is hiring a hooker, they pay.

Fine, but for many women skipping the courting stage is not helping to develop a romantic relationship. He didn’t give me a single rose and it cost $3 at Trader Joe. I don’t want to invest my time in him or get attached. If it’s all 50/50 let’s talk salaries, joint financial goals from date one and see where it goes. It’s highly transactional and then I would expect a man to be an absolute equal earner or higher. If a guy is making less he will benefit long term from investing early in a LTR. If he allowed me to fall into him, we would move into a nicer house than he has, he would drive a better car, will have much higher joint income with me being a higher contributor.

So, you want him to court you like you're in 1953 but you also want to jump into bed with him right away and forgo any actual romance. You're an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a huge turn off for me when the interaction is so heavily transactional right off the bat, does not allow for reciprocity and intimacy to develop.

I get that dating is expensive, but i don't enjoy these kinds of relationships or friendships for that matter.

I really don't understand this kind of thinking. You want to date. You would like those dates to cost money. But you don't want to pay. Why do you think a man is always responsible for paying?

This^. Both are dating and it's consensual sex then both pay. If someone is hiring a hooker, they pay.

I treat my family, friends, colleagues all the time. They are not hookers and I am not paying for a service. People who see giving as paying operate on a purely transactional basis. It’s fine, but not appealing to everyone.

[Anonymous]

As a side note, as a man, I don’t mind paying for some things. But, the instant I sense the woman is one of those who believes the man should pay for everything always, I’m immediately out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

I find that most grown ups split the costs from the get go. It doesn't matter who asked. It doesn't have to be a Venmo type situation. One time he pays the next time you pay. I find this princess type behavior from women very strange and immature. I'm a woman BTW.

By your own admission you probably make more than he does so why not pay? I like to set the tone early on that we will be equal in everything. He isn't courting me. We are dating.

OP here. I did reciprocate -cooked a really nice dinner with expensive wine for him; took him to my club on a guest pass which is about same cost as his suggested venue. I never even told him I paid for the pass, just uncomfortable. All dates were low cost for him (couple drinks and us sharing an appetizer). No I don’t expect to be treated like a princess but at the same time I don’t want to read texts that drinks cost $15 whenever he invites me. Yes, it’s a huge romantic turn off for me. When he’s around I still feel sexual but when not, I don’t miss him romantically as much as before sex.

He sounds totally reasonable to me. It's still early on and he is not investing a ton of money on dates. That's reasonable when you're dating several people. Did he actually text you "drinks cost $15" or did he just text about the expensive concert? One is cheap, I agree, if you reciprocated in kind with a nice dinner at your club. But concerts can be extremely expensive. You could just say no to the concert and leave it at that.

And I did say no to a concert, and will say no to a concert he suggests this weekend. But it will be a month in soon we see each other several times a week, talk on the phone daily which all takes my time and emotions. I would rather spend weekends with my loved ones and family not being consumed by thoughts about a cheap guy, or thinking what he or I did wrong to forego an interesting activity. Yes he actually texted “drinks are $15”.

I’m leaning towards just telling him I have no bandwidth for a relationship at this time and suggest to meet for sex once a week at my place without sleepover. I do need sex and his good in it. Don’t see why we can’t sleep once in a while safely, until one of us meets a better match.

Lady, that's what dating is. It takes time and emotions. Are you new at this?

If you'd rather be with friends and family then do that. You owe him nothing. A month of dating (or screwing around) is nothing. He isn't being cheap. He is being smart. Next time maybe be smart too.

If he was that much of a smart catch (and he is very educated and handsome), he would be already taken. He said he had multiple short relationships post divorce and only two that lasted couple years or so. That’s not a good statistics. I suspect he’s not able to bring much to table - people who are cheap are also short on emotional side

I suspect the irony of your comments will completely escape you. So, what makes you such a great catch. Why hasn't anyone snatched up such a desirable woman as yourself?

Op, please answer this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the nutty Eastern European woman who posts frequently about her dating life. She is divorced, in her 40s, with a son, and apparently is worth millions, speaks 5 languages, is thin and beautiful, but her dating life is a dumpster fire because she likes to bang and does so quite quickly, but also wants to be treated like an old-fashioned lady. Her actions and her expectations don't match up, so she is perpetually frustrated.

100 percent. I have to say I kind of enjoy the posts and they have a "reality dating show" quality that is entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man I started dating would text me tickets prices for a show we consider. Casually, like “tickets chat $X and $Y for drinks, so give it a thought”. First, I would split but not that early in a relationship as we are not exclusive. I see him active on OLD and so I am. Second, it’s a turn off for me romantically as I’m at point of my career and life where this price is very low and not worthy discussing. I just pay when I invite my girlfriends. I probably make more than him, but he’s high level in his career as well and certainly has better pension and medical insurance. I work longer hours.

Sexual attraction is there, he’s very handsome. But Im not feeling romantic about him, it’s just a mental turn off that doesn’t allow relationship to grow. Shall I offer him to be a FWB, and both keep looking ? Explain why or just say I’m not feeling that ?

I think its petty of women to expect men to pay. Its 2023, pay for yourself.

I think it’s petty that people assume because a man pays he wants something else.

Which is another reason to go Dutch, don't you think?

Or people can just be kind a pay out of genuine generosity without people getting upset.

[Anonymous]

Man here. OP is nuts. The man is being up-front about costs. That seems courteous to me.