Is this petty to tell costs to a date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man I started dating would text me tickets prices for a show we consider. Casually, like “tickets chat $X and $Y for drinks, so give it a thought”. First, I would split but not that early in a relationship as we are not exclusive. I see him active on OLD and so I am. Second, it’s a turn off for me romantically as I’m at point of my career and life where this price is very low and not worthy discussing. I just pay when I invite my girlfriends. I probably make more than him, but he’s high level in his career as well and certainly has better pension and medical insurance. I work longer hours.

Sexual attraction is there, he’s very handsome. But Im not feeling romantic about him, it’s just a mental turn off that doesn’t allow relationship to grow. Shall I offer him to be a FWB, and both keep looking ? Explain why or just say I’m not feeling that ?

Why on earth would you have sex with a cheap-o who you don’t even like? You may make a lot of money but your self-worth seems to be in the dumps.

Because she's sexually attracted to him. I think this is a good option. If both parties are on board a FWB situation can be great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man I started dating would text me tickets prices for a show we consider. Casually, like “tickets chat $X and $Y for drinks, so give it a thought”. First, I would split but not that early in a relationship as we are not exclusive. I see him active on OLD and so I am. Second, it’s a turn off for me romantically as I’m at point of my career and life where this price is very low and not worthy discussing. I just pay when I invite my girlfriends. I probably make more than him, but he’s high level in his career as well and certainly has better pension and medical insurance. I work longer hours.

Sexual attraction is there, he’s very handsome. But Im not feeling romantic about him, it’s just a mental turn off that doesn’t allow relationship to grow. Shall I offer him to be a FWB, and both keep looking ? Explain why or just say I’m not feeling that ?

Why on earth would you have sex with a cheap-o who you don’t even like? You may make a lot of money but your self-worth seems to be in the dumps.

Because she's sexually attracted to him. I think this is a good option. If both parties are on board a FWB situation can be great.

Not sure why she would be on board with FWB since she voices suspicions he's seeing younger women, she says she knows he's still active on OLD, and she herself isn't having sex with anyone else. She wants more even though she says she doesn't have romantic feelings. She is eventually going to be jealous in ways that do not make FWB work for long. Needs to move on from this guy and find an actual relationship instead of giving him FWB when that's all it'll be for him but not for her, based on the fact she's already insecure about other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a huge turn off for me when the interaction is so heavily transactional right off the bat, does not allow for reciprocity and intimacy to develop.

I get that dating is expensive, but i don't enjoy these kinds of relationships or friendships for that matter.

I really don't understand this kind of thinking. You want to date. You would like those dates to cost money. But you don't want to pay. Why do you think a man is always responsible for paying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man I started dating would text me tickets prices for a show we consider. Casually, like “tickets chat $X and $Y for drinks, so give it a thought”. First, I would split but not that early in a relationship as we are not exclusive. I see him active on OLD and so I am. Second, it’s a turn off for me romantically as I’m at point of my career and life where this price is very low and not worthy discussing. I just pay when I invite my girlfriends. I probably make more than him, but he’s high level in his career as well and certainly has better pension and medical insurance. I work longer hours.

Sexual attraction is there, he’s very handsome. But Im not feeling romantic about him, it’s just a mental turn off that doesn’t allow relationship to grow. Shall I offer him to be a FWB, and both keep looking ? Explain why or just say I’m not feeling that ?

I think its petty of women to expect men to pay. Its 2023, pay for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the nutty Eastern European woman who posts frequently about her dating life. She is divorced, in her 40s, with a son, and apparently is worth millions, speaks 5 languages, is thin and beautiful, but her dating life is a dumpster fire because she likes to bang and does so quite quickly, but also wants to be treated like an old-fashioned lady. Her actions and her expectations don't match up, so she is perpetually frustrated.

I wonder if she’s the same lady who got p*mped and d*mped by a similarly cheap date loser in a parked car on the mall outside of the Washington Monument?

I think so.

[Anonymous]

He's respectfully telling you to either put down your shovel and pickaxe, or take it elsewhere. Your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the nutty Eastern European woman who posts frequently about her dating life. She is divorced, in her 40s, with a son, and apparently is worth millions, speaks 5 languages, is thin and beautiful, but her dating life is a dumpster fire because she likes to bang and does so quite quickly, but also wants to be treated like an old-fashioned lady. Her actions and her expectations don't match up, so she is perpetually frustrated.

What's her number?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

I find that most grown ups split the costs from the get go. It doesn't matter who asked. It doesn't have to be a Venmo type situation. One time he pays the next time you pay. I find this princess type behavior from women very strange and immature. I'm a woman BTW.

By your own admission you probably make more than he does so why not pay? I like to set the tone early on that we will be equal in everything. He isn't courting me. We are dating.

OP here. I did reciprocate -cooked a really nice dinner with expensive wine for him; took him to my club on a guest pass which is about same cost as his suggested venue. I never even told him I paid for the pass, just uncomfortable. All dates were low cost for him (couple drinks and us sharing an appetizer). No I don’t expect to be treated like a princess but at the same time I don’t want to read texts that drinks cost $15 whenever he invites me. Yes, it’s a huge romantic turn off for me. When he’s around I still feel sexual but when not, I don’t miss him romantically as much as before sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a huge turn off for me when the interaction is so heavily transactional right off the bat, does not allow for reciprocity and intimacy to develop.

I get that dating is expensive, but i don't enjoy these kinds of relationships or friendships for that matter.

I really don't understand this kind of thinking. You want to date. You would like those dates to cost money. But you don't want to pay. Why do you think a man is always responsible for paying?

But that's not what i said. I would enjoy very much organizing and paying for a date in return. I don't like Venmo-ing, splitting costs for a date or getting a text message with a date cost estimates - it's transactional, like i am interacting with a contractor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

I find that most grown ups split the costs from the get go. It doesn't matter who asked. It doesn't have to be a Venmo type situation. One time he pays the next time you pay. I find this princess type behavior from women very strange and immature. I'm a woman BTW.

By your own admission you probably make more than he does so why not pay? I like to set the tone early on that we will be equal in everything. He isn't courting me. We are dating.

OP here. I did reciprocate -cooked a really nice dinner with expensive wine for him; took him to my club on a guest pass which is about same cost as his suggested venue. I never even told him I paid for the pass, just uncomfortable. All dates were low cost for him (couple drinks and us sharing an appetizer). No I don’t expect to be treated like a princess but at the same time I don’t want to read texts that drinks cost $15 whenever he invites me. Yes, it’s a huge romantic turn off for me. When he’s around I still feel sexual but when not, I don’t miss him romantically as much as before sex.

You should share costs. You are making him pay for expensive things and you are cheaping out and complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

I find that most grown ups split the costs from the get go. It doesn't matter who asked. It doesn't have to be a Venmo type situation. One time he pays the next time you pay. I find this princess type behavior from women very strange and immature. I'm a woman BTW.

By your own admission you probably make more than he does so why not pay? I like to set the tone early on that we will be equal in everything. He isn't courting me. We are dating.

OP here. I did reciprocate -cooked a really nice dinner with expensive wine for him; took him to my club on a guest pass which is about same cost as his suggested venue. I never even told him I paid for the pass, just uncomfortable. All dates were low cost for him (couple drinks and us sharing an appetizer). No I don’t expect to be treated like a princess but at the same time I don’t want to read texts that drinks cost $15 whenever he invites me. Yes, it’s a huge romantic turn off for me. When he’s around I still feel sexual but when not, I don’t miss him romantically as much as before sex.

He sounds totally reasonable to me. It's still early on and he is not investing a ton of money on dates. That's reasonable when you're dating several people. Did he actually text you "drinks cost $15" or did he just text about the expensive concert? One is cheap, I agree, if you reciprocated in kind with a nice dinner at your club. But concerts can be extremely expensive. You could just say no to the concert and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t make a big deal of this personally. People have different habits about going Dutch. In the early stages I don’t care either way. You can ask about it, but only if you’re not coming from a place of judgment or convincing him he’s wrong. It’s not a bad way to find out how you communicate together about something a little touchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t make a big deal of this personally. People have different habits about going Dutch. In the early stages I don’t care either way. You can ask about it, but only if you’re not coming from a place of judgment or convincing him he’s wrong. It’s not a bad way to find out how you communicate together about something a little touchy.

His actions have communicated enough, there is nothing to discuss, you just move on if you don't like this type of person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

I find that most grown ups split the costs from the get go. It doesn't matter who asked. It doesn't have to be a Venmo type situation. One time he pays the next time you pay. I find this princess type behavior from women very strange and immature. I'm a woman BTW.

By your own admission you probably make more than he does so why not pay? I like to set the tone early on that we will be equal in everything. He isn't courting me. We are dating.

OP here. I did reciprocate -cooked a really nice dinner with expensive wine for him; took him to my club on a guest pass which is about same cost as his suggested venue. I never even told him I paid for the pass, just uncomfortable. All dates were low cost for him (couple drinks and us sharing an appetizer). No I don’t expect to be treated like a princess but at the same time I don’t want to read texts that drinks cost $15 whenever he invites me. Yes, it’s a huge romantic turn off for me. When he’s around I still feel sexual but when not, I don’t miss him romantically as much as before sex.

He sounds totally reasonable to me. It's still early on and he is not investing a ton of money on dates. That's reasonable when you're dating several people. Did he actually text you "drinks cost $15" or did he just text about the expensive concert? One is cheap, I agree, if you reciprocated in kind with a nice dinner at your club. But concerts can be extremely expensive. You could just say no to the concert and leave it at that.

And I did say no to a concert, and will say no to a concert he suggests this weekend. But it will be a month in soon we see each other several times a week, talk on the phone daily which all takes my time and emotions. I would rather spend weekends with my loved ones and family not being consumed by thoughts about a cheap guy, or thinking what he or I did wrong to forego an interesting activity. Yes he actually texted “drinks are $15”.

I’m leaning towards just telling him I have no bandwidth for a relationship at this time and suggest to meet for sex once a week at my place without sleepover. I do need sex and his good in it. Don’t see why we can’t sleep once in a while safely, until one of us meets a better match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man I started dating would text me tickets prices for a show we consider. Casually, like “tickets chat $X and $Y for drinks, so give it a thought”. First, I would split but not that early in a relationship as we are not exclusive. I see him active on OLD and so I am. Second, it’s a turn off for me romantically as I’m at point of my career and life where this price is very low and not worthy discussing. I just pay when I invite my girlfriends. I probably make more than him, but he’s high level in his career as well and certainly has better pension and medical insurance. I work longer hours.

Sexual attraction is there, he’s very handsome. But Im not feeling romantic about him, it’s just a mental turn off that doesn’t allow relationship to grow. Shall I offer him to be a FWB, and both keep looking ? Explain why or just say I’m not feeling that ?

I think its petty of women to expect men to pay. Its 2023, pay for yourself.

I think it’s petty that people assume because a man pays he wants something else.