Is this petty to tell costs to a date?

[Anonymous]

You’ll never like him. Don’t sleep with him (talk about cheap!). Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

It's a no for me, dawg.

Seriously, I make great money but if a guy isn't paying for me in the dating phase either he's just not that into me or he's cheap. Both of those are a nonstarter. Bye.

[Anonymous]

Move on. He’s not the guy for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man I started dating would text me tickets prices for a show we consider. Casually, like “tickets chat $X and $Y for drinks, so give it a thought”. First, I would split but not that early in a relationship as we are not exclusive. I see him active on OLD and so I am. Second, it’s a turn off for me romantically as I’m at point of my career and life where this price is very low and not worthy discussing. I just pay when I invite my girlfriends. I probably make more than him, but he’s high level in his career as well and certainly has better pension and medical insurance. I work longer hours.

Sexual attraction is there, he’s very handsome. But Im not feeling romantic about him, it’s just a mental turn off that doesn’t allow relationship to grow. Shall I offer him to be a FWB, and both keep looking ? Explain why or just say I’m not feeling that ?

Why on earth would you have sex with a cheap-o who you don’t even like? You may make a lot of money but your self-worth seems to be in the dumps.

NP and that jumped out at me too -- OP writing, "Shall I offer him to be a FWB" because, I guess?, "sexual attraction is there," she says. OP, heed the PP above. Why have sex with this guy? The mere existence of attraction doesn't mean you need to act on it, and the idea of making an "offer" is as transactional-sounding as his own nickel-and-diming over tickets. Not very natural-sounding. Time you spend with him for sex is time you could instead spend on finding actual dates with men who know HOW to date and how to communicate better. Are you really so eager for sex for sex's sake that you'd just tell him, "I don't want to date your cheap self but yeah, I'll get in bed with you, no strings"? Why be even that level of involved with him? Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

Don't want to because he meets your needs or what? Why be, effectively, exclusive with him on your side, when you know he's likely screwing other women at the same time?This isn't just about who pays for what. You seem to want the sex and also the traditional dating setup, but now that he's had the former, he shows zero interest in the latter. The fact you posted about the lack of romantic interest yet also think he should be paying for dates seems a bit contradictory. He's not truly dating you, so he's not even thinking of paying for dates; he knows he can have sex with you again, or thinks he can, so he's got no interest in dating or wooing you, OP. But you seem to want both things. Not sure why you went to bed so fast or why you're sticking around now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

Don't want to because he meets your needs or what? Why be, effectively, exclusive with him on your side, when you know he's likely screwing other women at the same time?This isn't just about who pays for what. You seem to want the sex and also the traditional dating setup, but now that he's had the former, he shows zero interest in the latter. The fact you posted about the lack of romantic interest yet also think he should be paying for dates seems a bit contradictory. He's not truly dating you, so he's not even thinking of paying for dates; he knows he can have sex with you again, or thinks he can, so he's got no interest in dating or wooing you, OP. But you seem to want both things. Not sure why you went to bed so fast or why you're sticking around now.

It did seem to me that we had a deep connection and I was feeling romantic at time sex happened. Until a few days ago when the text about drinks costs came in. He says he wants to be exclusive and is falling into me. I don’t trust him I guess, due to a combination of all these.

[Anonymous]

Your grammar is a turn off.

[Anonymous]

He’s dating and doesn’t want to keep shelling out every time he invites a woman somewhere. He wants to see you again but it’s an issue to him to keep paying.
I’d be ok splitting it if I liked him.

[Anonymous]

This is the nutty Eastern European woman who posts frequently about her dating life. She is divorced, in her 40s, with a son, and apparently is worth millions, speaks 5 languages, is thin and beautiful, but her dating life is a dumpster fire because she likes to bang and does so quite quickly, but also wants to be treated like an old-fashioned lady. Her actions and her expectations don't match up, so she is perpetually frustrated.

[Anonymous]

That sounds great to me.

I have no interest in an old traditional relationship where he pays for everything and my role is to look pretty and meet his every need.

I like a man who sees women as an eaul and not just as a sex object / domestic woman / attractive face.

Any guy who wants to pay for everything is clearly looking for a woman who is going to give everything in return. Relationships are give and take so if you are taking all the money, then you better be giving in another way. I would say any woman who lets a guy pay for everything is also a traditional women who think the man is provider and protector and she is the carer, cleaner, and meeter of needs.

I don't have much respect at all for guys how insist on paying or women who think the guy should pay for everything. Old fashioned gender roles should be long gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

I find that most grown ups split the costs from the get go. It doesn't matter who asked. It doesn't have to be a Venmo type situation. One time he pays the next time you pay. I find this princess type behavior from women very strange and immature. I'm a woman BTW.

By your own admission you probably make more than he does so why not pay? I like to set the tone early on that we will be equal in everything. He isn't courting me. We are dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have the money and you are going to enjoy the show, why wouldn’t you pay? Why does he need to pay all the time?

OP here: my approach is that the asker pays during dating. Same with my friends and family. I find it a huge turn off each paying own way, Venmo costs etc. particular since both of us can easily afford the costs.

If in a committed relationship I don’t mind splitting all costs pro-rata incomes.

He might be dating younger women and paying for them, I won’t be the one who splits the check that early on. We’ve only seeing each other 3 weeks; had sex already so not playing him. But he’s on OLD obviously chatting with other women. I’m not going out with other guys after we slept but I didn’t tell him. Just don’t want to.

Don't want to because he meets your needs or what? Why be, effectively, exclusive with him on your side, when you know he's likely screwing other women at the same time?This isn't just about who pays for what. You seem to want the sex and also the traditional dating setup, but now that he's had the former, he shows zero interest in the latter. The fact you posted about the lack of romantic interest yet also think he should be paying for dates seems a bit contradictory. He's not truly dating you, so he's not even thinking of paying for dates; he knows he can have sex with you again, or thinks he can, so he's got no interest in dating or wooing you, OP. But you seem to want both things. Not sure why you went to bed so fast or why you're sticking around now.

It did seem to me that we had a deep connection and I was feeling romantic at time sex happened. Until a few days ago when the text about drinks costs came in. He says he wants to be exclusive and is falling into me. I don’t trust him I guess, due to a combination of all these.

I'm the PP to whom you're responding and thanks for these details. OP, if he says he wants to be exclusive, but you (as you posted earlier) know he's still on OLD and you suspect he's dating younger women--then you and he need to have a serious talk. Just saying he wants to be exclusive is not the same as actually looking you in the face and saying, "I have deleted all my profiles on all dating apps and am not seeing anyone else. I am asking you to be exclusive and for us to be a couple." That is what you need from him. And he needs to hear that you are suspicious about other women at this point. If he's serious about being exclusive, that is something you and he articulate clearly, and both of you drop all dating apps and show each other you've done so. Tell him too how you felt about his texting you re: costs. Say that it threw you off and made you feel as if he isn't dating you. See if maybe he's just bad at dating. Talk about it frankly and bluntly. If you can't talk to him and say, "Hey, when you texted X, that was offputting to me and here's why," then you have zero hope as a couple.

Also, re: above -- you said you were feeling romantic when you had sex "UNTIL a few days ago when the text" about money came. So are you saying that that one text killed off your romantic feelings about him? Not clear to me. If that was the case -- one text shouldn't have that kind of power over you. If the text really did end any romantic feelings, to be honest, your feelings were never really there to begin with. Might have been the happy fog of having sex that made you deceive yourself into thinking you felt romantically toward him. OP, sit with your own feelings for a while, be tough on yourself, and then you need to decide if you're going to drop him and move on to find a better match for both romance and sex and commitment, or if you do have enough feelings for him to ask for the exclusivity he claims he wants.

[Anonymous]

It's a huge turn off for me when the interaction is so heavily transactional right off the bat, does not allow for reciprocity and intimacy to develop.

I get that dating is expensive, but i don't enjoy these kinds of relationships or friendships for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the nutty Eastern European woman who posts frequently about her dating life. She is divorced, in her 40s, with a son, and apparently is worth millions, speaks 5 languages, is thin and beautiful, but her dating life is a dumpster fire because she likes to bang and does so quite quickly, but also wants to be treated like an old-fashioned lady. Her actions and her expectations don't match up, so she is perpetually frustrated.

I wonder if she’s the same lady who got p*mped and d*mped by a similarly cheap date loser in a parked car on the mall outside of the Washington Monument?