You are always invisible as a minority woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. I thought brown skinned minority women were routinely trailed around retail stores by clerks and security watching to catch them shoplifting?

Invisible? Or profiled?

Exactly. What’s the beef today?

Sorry, OP. You’re probably just not very attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to put things in perspective for some of you: I’m a white woman who has also been assumed to work in stores occasionally. It’s not always about race. And for some reason, I am completely invisible to bartenders and have been my whole life.

No, it’s not always about race. But when it was assumed that you might work in a store, were you wearing a heavy coat and carrying bags? Just curious- genuine question. I get that if I’m putting something back on a shelf, it might be an honest mistake. Wearing a down coat in a department store? Harder to justify.

About stores - I have learned one should never wear a red top (shirt, blouse, whatever) to Target. Lol

LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to put things in perspective for some of you: I’m a white woman who has also been assumed to work in stores occasionally. It’s not always about race. And for some reason, I am completely invisible to bartenders and have been my whole life.

No, it’s not always about race. But when it was assumed that you might work in a store, were you wearing a heavy coat and carrying bags? Just curious- genuine question. I get that if I’m putting something back on a shelf, it might be an honest mistake. Wearing a down coat in a department store? Harder to justify.

About stores - I have learned one should never wear a red top (shirt, blouse, whatever) to Target. Lol

Lol! I will def keep that in mind!

[Anonymous]

I'm impressed if you get offered help. I usually get ignored and am white. Guess my clothing is not fancy enough nor is my hair and other things. When I went car shopping to pay cash for a $50-60K car, multiple places insisted the sales guy come with me in the car which was uncomfortable but when I was with my husband they'd give us the car. The sales guys sucked and couldn't answer basic questions about the vehicle. I learned to bring my kid and when they annoyed me to much the kid would complain they had to throw up or something else gross to make them super uncomfortable.

It probably has more to do with how you present. I don't wear fancy clothes or purses or jewelry despite being ok financially and can buy what I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to put things in perspective for some of you: I’m a white woman who has also been assumed to work in stores occasionally. It’s not always about race. And for some reason, I am completely invisible to bartenders and have been my whole life.

No, it’s not always about race. But when it was assumed that you might work in a store, were you wearing a heavy coat and carrying bags? Just curious- genuine question. I get that if I’m putting something back on a shelf, it might be an honest mistake. Wearing a down coat in a department store? Harder to justify.

About stores - I have learned one should never wear a red top (shirt, blouse, whatever) to Target. Lol

Or blue to CVS. I have made the mistake, but that blue shirt woman came from another business. Giant maybe. She even had a name tag on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to put things in perspective for some of you: I’m a white woman who has also been assumed to work in stores occasionally. It’s not always about race. And for some reason, I am completely invisible to bartenders and have been my whole life.

No, it’s not always about race. But when it was assumed that you might work in a store, were you wearing a heavy coat and carrying bags? Just curious- genuine question. I get that if I’m putting something back on a shelf, it might be an honest mistake. Wearing a down coat in a department store? Harder to justify.

About stores - I have learned one should never wear a red top (shirt, blouse, whatever) to Target. Lol

Or blue to CVS. I have made the mistake, but that blue shirt woman came from another business. Giant maybe. She even had a name tag on.

Or a black polo in a restaurant or cafe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a minority woman ( Latina), I am pretty and dress up well, I also treat people very well. Everywhere I go, I am catered to and people are nice to me, no complaints.

Sometimes, it comes down to how WE treat people and what sort of vibes they get from us.

TRUE but that also just includes a lack of confidence. Some of my minority friends go into a retail encounter with fear they will be ignored and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Latina PP here, totally agree. I go everywhere expecting fair treatment, not with a chip on my shoulder but with a silent confidence. FWIW, I am wealthy and customer service people can perceive that?

Rich and pretty privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a minority woman ( Latina), I am pretty and dress up well, I also treat people very well. Everywhere I go, I am catered to and people are nice to me, no complaints.

Sometimes, it comes down to how WE treat people and what sort of vibes they get from us.

TRUE but that also just includes a lack of confidence. Some of my minority friends go into a retail encounter with fear they will be ignored and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Latina PP here, totally agree. I go everywhere expecting fair treatment, not with a chip on my shoulder but with a silent confidence. FWIW, I am wealthy and customer service people can perceive that?

Sure…..

[Anonymous]

"I'm the victim, no I'M THE VICTIM, no I'm the victim...."

Seriously, is service at blue mercury your end goal here? Aim higher.

[Anonymous]

I think most people are misunderstanding OP's woes. She is clearly suggesting that the becoming-invisible-as-a-woman-ages narrative does not apply equally to women of color, even if you are young, slim, and somewhat attractive.

I'm Asian and have also noticed that when I'm with my white friends, they receive better treatment from sales associates and authority figures...and they get much more attention from (white) men, despite my being more well-dressed and groomed.

[Anonymous]

I have to disagree. When I was young and pretty, I got attention constantly. The only people who treated me like I was invisible were bartenders. I wondered if that’s because I am very petite and didn’t look like a big drinker. I noticed short men also have trouble getting attention from bartenders.

Now that I’m middle aged and frumpy I’m invisible to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been thin for most of my life but I am petite and short. I have always been invisible even when I was in my twenties. I recall walking into a Blue Mercury store with my blonde white friend this one time and the sales associate completely ignored me and started talking to my friend. She was recommending products and also did her makeup while I stood by and looked on. She didn’t even acknowledge me or ask if I wanted my makeup done or what makeup I was interested in.

In groups of women the white women are noticed by men, even if they are chubbier than me.

Unless you are a young white woman, being a minority woman means living in invisibility.

I have also dealt with malicious hypervisibility. Recently, I had a much anticipated meet up with an old classmate at a restaurant in DC. My Uber dropped me off much earlier than I anticipate so I decided to slip into a store just to look around. As soon as I entered, the employees laser-locked onto me and began following me around and asking did I need help. I said “No, thanks. I’m just looking.” each time, but they persisted. I was the only POC in the store and the only customers followed. Two more women entered and they were White. They were not followed. What should have been a pleasant way to spend 20 min became too stressful and I left. I might have tried on a dress and bought it, but they made me feel so unwelcome. Cost the owner profits and one of them a commission.

You should call the store and let the manager know about the incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not true, but if you need to believe that go for it.

Thank you for your input, random white person (yes, you are a white person. Don’t lie because it’s an anonymous message board). Your input is noted and given the level of consideration it deserves.

DP

[Anonymous]

Its funny, I’m a white guy and have felt invisible for most of my life. And some of the rude things even store workers would say to me. Being a tall, scrawny, poor and unattractive white dude with some amount of social anxiety.

What’s funny, is I’m probably the most visible I’ve been in my late 40’s-early 50’s. Really’ the only thing I can think of that changed is me having spent lots of time in the gym and Pedro Pascal becoming a popular actor. I look loke him and all of a sudden its in style for dudes to look okder with busted faces. Go figure. All of a sudden even my jokes are funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its funny, I’m a white guy and have felt invisible for most of my life. And some of the rude things even store workers would say to me. Being a tall, scrawny, poor and unattractive white dude with some amount of social anxiety.

What’s funny, is I’m probably the most visible I’ve been in my late 40’s-early 50’s. Really’ the only thing I can think of that changed is me having spent lots of time in the gym and Pedro Pascal becoming a popular actor. I look loke him and all of a sudden its in style for dudes to look okder with busted faces. Go figure. All of a sudden even my jokes are funny.

Geez - sorry about all of the typos there, but you get my point.