You are always invisible as a minority woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's so great about being visible? I've loved finally disappearing into the crowd as I age.

Me, too. I love observing so it acctually feels more natural to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the question is to whom she is invisible. I'm betting that's her pang.

This is insightful.

[Anonymous]

You were invisible in blue mercury for the same reasons we are followed in other stores or given poor service at restaurants. People are acting on their racism or implicit bias. She probably determined you were not going to buy anything.

[Anonymous]

WOC often look better, more refined and sophisticated with age, as opposed to peaking at age 25. If you come across a WOC in her 30s/40s that looks frumpy and frazzled, there’s usually some trauma involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WOC often look better, more refined and sophisticated with age, as opposed to peaking at age 25. If you come across a WOC in her 30s/40s that looks frumpy and frazzled, there’s usually some trauma involved.

All (wealthy) women look more refined and sophisticated with age. Despite being middle aged, when I look rich, I am catered to. If I look sloppy, I am ignored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a white woman who has been invisible since I became a minivan driving mom.

I am fairly confident I could knock over a liquor store and get away with it since nobody would notice me.

“What did the robber look like?”

“Um…not sure…sorta like a mom I guess? You know, like the mom who brings orange slices for after the soccer game?”

Lol, I know a woman who works in the field for a 3 letter agency and I always thought she must be their most effective agent because she has such non threatening middle aged soccer mom vibes that she could probably stroll unnoticed into a nuclear missile silo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*except when:

you're on speakerphone at the grocery store

you're beating your kid at the playground

youre cutting in line at every single vehicle merge

you're sending back food at a restaurant after you've eaten 85% of it

....

Stuff I've seen white folks do as well, but we get it you hate non-whites

[Anonymous]

Just to put things in perspective for some of you: I’m a white woman who has also been assumed to work in stores occasionally. It’s not always about race. And for some reason, I am completely invisible to bartenders and have been my whole life.

[Anonymous]

I am a minority woman ( Latina), I am pretty and dress up well, I also treat people very well. Everywhere I go, I am catered to and people are nice to me, no complaints.

Sometimes, it comes down to how WE treat people and what sort of vibes they get from us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a minority woman ( Latina), I am pretty and dress up well, I also treat people very well. Everywhere I go, I am catered to and people are nice to me, no complaints.

Sometimes, it comes down to how WE treat people and what sort of vibes they get from us.

TRUE but that also just includes a lack of confidence. Some of my minority friends go into a retail encounter with fear they will be ignored and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a white woman who has been invisible since I became a minivan driving mom.

I am fairly confident I could knock over a liquor store and get away with it since nobody would notice me.

“What did the robber look like?”

“Um…not sure…sorta like a mom I guess? You know, like the mom who brings orange slices for after the soccer game?”

Lol, I know a woman who works in the field for a 3 letter agency and I always thought she must be their most effective agent because she has such non threatening middle aged soccer mom vibes that she could probably stroll unnoticed into a nuclear missile silo

I know one of these, too. She is a midwestern mom of multiple kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the question is to whom she is invisible. I'm betting that's her pang.

Excellent point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*except when:

you're on speakerphone at the grocery store

you're beating your kid at the playground

youre cutting in line at every single vehicle merge

you're sending back food at a restaurant after you've eaten 85% of it

....

Wtf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to put things in perspective for some of you: I’m a white woman who has also been assumed to work in stores occasionally. It’s not always about race. And for some reason, I am completely invisible to bartenders and have been my whole life.

No, it’s not always about race. But when it was assumed that you might work in a store, were you wearing a heavy coat and carrying bags? Just curious- genuine question. I get that if I’m putting something back on a shelf, it might be an honest mistake. Wearing a down coat in a department store? Harder to justify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a minority woman ( Latina), I am pretty and dress up well, I also treat people very well. Everywhere I go, I am catered to and people are nice to me, no complaints.

Sometimes, it comes down to how WE treat people and what sort of vibes they get from us.

TRUE but that also just includes a lack of confidence. Some of my minority friends go into a retail encounter with fear they will be ignored and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And GUESS why they might do that? One person’s “self-fulfilling prophecy” is another person’s history of bearing the brunt of other people’s racism. Which, I grant you, can take a toll on one’s confidence.