You are always invisible as a minority woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to put things in perspective for some of you: I’m a white woman who has also been assumed to work in stores occasionally. It’s not always about race. And for some reason, I am completely invisible to bartenders and have been my whole life.

have you had a hard life? I swear (and research has shown) you can tell how hard people's life by looking at their face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a minority woman ( Latina), I am pretty and dress up well, I also treat people very well. Everywhere I go, I am catered to and people are nice to me, no complaints.

Sometimes, it comes down to how WE treat people and what sort of vibes they get from us.

TRUE but that also just includes a lack of confidence. Some of my minority friends go into a retail encounter with fear they will be ignored and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And GUESS why they might do that? One person’s “self-fulfilling prophecy” is another person’s history of bearing the brunt of other people’s racism. Which, I grant you, can take a toll on one’s confidence.

Sure, I don't disagree with that.

I had a black boss whose confidence going forward was always hindered by her past experiences. Tough cycle to break out of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been thin for most of my life but I am petite and short. I have always been invisible even when I was in my twenties. I recall walking into a Blue Mercury store with my blonde white friend this one time and the sales associate completely ignored me and started talking to my friend. She was recommending products and also did her makeup while I stood by and looked on. She didn’t even acknowledge me or ask if I wanted my makeup done or what makeup I was interested in.

In groups of women the white women are noticed by men, even if they are chubbier than me.

Unless you are a young white woman, being a minority woman means living in invisibility.

Chubby=not worthy of being noticed? How are you changing anything if you are just as judgemental as the men you are judging?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been thin for most of my life but I am petite and short. I have always been invisible even when I was in my twenties. I recall walking into a Blue Mercury store with my blonde white friend this one time and the sales associate completely ignored me and started talking to my friend. She was recommending products and also did her makeup while I stood by and looked on. She didn’t even acknowledge me or ask if I wanted my makeup done or what makeup I was interested in.

In groups of women the white women are noticed by men, even if they are chubbier than me.

Unless you are a young white woman, being a minority woman means living in invisibility.

I have also dealt with malicious hypervisibility. Recently, I had a much anticipated meet up with an old classmate at a restaurant in DC. My Uber dropped me off much earlier than I anticipate so I decided to slip into a store just to look around. As soon as I entered, the employees laser-locked onto me and began following me around and asking did I need help. I said “No, thanks. I’m just looking.” each time, but they persisted. I was the only POC in the store and the only customers followed. Two more women entered and they were White. They were not followed. What should have been a pleasant way to spend 20 min became too stressful and I left. I might have tried on a dress and bought it, but they made me feel so unwelcome. Cost the owner profits and one of them a commission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a white woman who has been invisible since I became a minivan driving mom.

I am fairly confident I could knock over a liquor store and get away with it since nobody would notice me.

“What did the robber look like?”

“Um…not sure…sorta like a mom I guess? You know, like the mom who brings orange slices for after the soccer game?”

Lol, I know a woman who works in the field for a 3 letter agency and I always thought she must be their most effective agent because she has such non threatening middle aged soccer mom vibes that she could probably stroll unnoticed into a nuclear missile silo

I know one of these, too. She is a midwestern mom of multiple kids.

Ha I wonder if we know the same one. Either that or there’s a whole intelligence recruiting pipeline of unassuming midwestern moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a minority woman ( Latina), I am pretty and dress up well, I also treat people very well. Everywhere I go, I am catered to and people are nice to me, no complaints.

Sometimes, it comes down to how WE treat people and what sort of vibes they get from us.

TRUE but that also just includes a lack of confidence. Some of my minority friends go into a retail encounter with fear they will be ignored and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Latina PP here, totally agree. I go everywhere expecting fair treatment, not with a chip on my shoulder but with a silent confidence. FWIW, I am wealthy and customer service people can perceive that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been thin for most of my life but I am petite and short. I have always been invisible even when I was in my twenties. I recall walking into a Blue Mercury store with my blonde white friend this one time and the sales associate completely ignored me and started talking to my friend. She was recommending products and also did her makeup while I stood by and looked on. She didn’t even acknowledge me or ask if I wanted my makeup done or what makeup I was interested in.

In groups of women the white women are noticed by men, even if they are chubbier than me.

Unless you are a young white woman, being a minority woman means living in invisibility.

Lol good one

[Anonymous]

I’m brown skinned and have honestly never felt this way. My college bf was tall and blond and she got her share of attention. I’m petite and brown and I got my fair share too.

I half a narcissist though so I do walk around expecting people to notice me.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you saying that it's unfair that white people get more attention as opposed to thin people getting more attention?

Also, I don't know where you live but in DMV it seems at least half of staff in retail and restaurants are POC. Are you claiming they treat you as 'invisible' because of your race?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you saying that it's unfair that white people get more attention as opposed to thin people getting more attention?

Also, I don't know where you live but in DMV it seems at least half of staff in retail and restaurants are POC. Are you claiming they treat you as 'invisible' because of your race?

I think the original post is a mess on many levels. Having said that, the OP did, specifically mention Blue Mercury. The small number of Blue Mercury stores that I’ve been to had zero staff who appeared to be POC — at least when I was there. The attention that I received— as a WOC — has always been fine, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not true, but if you need to believe that go for it.

Np, +100. Black woman here, and this post is annoyingly inaccurate, offensive, and likely a troll, but I will bite. Op, if you feel like you are on a sinking ship, by all means, sink, but don't assume all our experiences are the same. Many of us are quite cute and quite seen-- FOH.

[Anonymous]

Op here again. Actually there is something racist about Blue Mercury staff. I went into the one in Bethesda earlier this year and a white sales associate approached me. I told her I was looking for a good moisturizer and if she had any recommendations. She told me, “they’re expensive though.” I said, “ yes, I shop here often, I know!”

Why was she implying I am unaware of the prices or I wouldn’t be able to afford them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again. Actually there is something racist about Blue Mercury staff. I went into the one in Bethesda earlier this year and a white sales associate approached me. I told her I was looking for a good moisturizer and if she had any recommendations. She told me, “they’re expensive though.” I said, “ yes, I shop here often, I know!”

Why was she implying I am unaware of the prices or I wouldn’t be able to afford them?

So now the sales people ARE approaching you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again. Actually there is something racist about Blue Mercury staff. I went into the one in Bethesda earlier this year and a white sales associate approached me. I told her I was looking for a good moisturizer and if she had any recommendations. She told me, “they’re expensive though.” I said, “ yes, I shop here often, I know!”

Why was she implying I am unaware of the prices or I wouldn’t be able to afford them?

I posted before, but you drew my attention to something I’d forgotten. I did meet a strangely antagonistic salesperson at the Bethesda location some years ago, in my mid-30s. I’m white-asian, and probably looked a little clueless there, since I usually get my products in Paris. The salesperson was definitely giving off condescending vibes. I didn’t buy anything, which probably reinforced the erroneous impression she had… It’s funny that salespeople in the cosmetics stores I go to in Paris are way nicer than this Bethesda Blue Mercury employee!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to put things in perspective for some of you: I’m a white woman who has also been assumed to work in stores occasionally. It’s not always about race. And for some reason, I am completely invisible to bartenders and have been my whole life.

No, it’s not always about race. But when it was assumed that you might work in a store, were you wearing a heavy coat and carrying bags? Just curious- genuine question. I get that if I’m putting something back on a shelf, it might be an honest mistake. Wearing a down coat in a department store? Harder to justify.

About stores - I have learned one should never wear a red top (shirt, blouse, whatever) to Target. Lol